paranoid dependence

Get ill?What's wrong?Liang Qiu was so nervous that he was dying, but after Shen Nian finished speaking, his voice fell silent. Liang Qiu and the others were very anxious, and just about to ask him, Shen Nian slid down from Liang Qiu's shoulders as if weightless, holding on continuously. After a few days, Shen Nian finally failed to survive until the end of Gu Zhi's high school entrance examination, and lost consciousness.

Liang Qiu called 120. While waiting for the ambulance to arrive, Liang Qiu was trembling all over. He confirmed that Shen Nian was breathing and his heart was beating, but he was still extremely uneasy. This was the first time he encountered such a thing, and he even started to feel a little nervous. Regret, regret that he shouldn't call 120, it might be faster for him to go directly behind Shen Nian's back.

Just as he was about to do this, the door was slammed shut. Liang Qiu thought it was 120, and hurried to open the door, but outside the door was Gu Zhi who should have been in the examination room. Liang Qiu was stunned for a moment and immediately realized:

"Aren't you fucking supposed to be taking an exam?"

"Where's Nian Nian?" Gu Zhi was sweating profusely, he didn't need to ask to know that he ran all the way back, Liang Qiu was so angry, why didn't Shen Nian hold on like this, why didn't he understand?Wanting to drive him away, the 120 ambulance personnel came out of the elevator at this moment and saw Liang Qiu:

"Did you call the ambulance?"

"Yes." Liang Qiu ignored his concerns and said, "The patient is in the room..."

Before he finished speaking, Gu Zhi jumped past him like a rabbit.

In the hospital, after a series of examinations, they got the same conclusion as the last time Gu Zhi fainted. The fainting caused by lack of sleep for a long time and high mental stress, the doctor put Shen Nian on a drip, maybe it was more serious than Gu Zhi. Maybe the medicine was more effective than Gu Zhi, Shen Nian fell into a deep sleep and never woke up.

Gu Zhi stood by, looking at Shen Nian without blinking, as if Shen Nian would disappear as long as he didn't look at him.

Liang Qiu observed Shen Nian for a while, maybe he stayed on for too long before, so this time he fell asleep without any trace of nightmare, even though his brows were slightly frowned, it was not serious.

But Shen Nian's side is not serious anymore, there is still a problem with Gu Zhi, Liang Qiu's eyes slowly fell on Gu Zhi:

"Why did you run back? Do you know that Xiao Nian's persistence these days is to let you take the exam well? You will only make him more stressed."

Gu Zhi didn't seem to hear Liang Qiu's words, and didn't react at all. Liang Qiu couldn't help but clicked his tongue and kicked the chair under his buttocks: "I'm talking to you."

Gu Zhi still didn't respond, but somehow he replied:

"I know, but if something happens to Niannian, what's the point of my exam?"

He knew that Shen Nian was persevering and persevering, and Gu Zhi also knew that he should take the exam well, just like Shen Nian still insisted on finishing the exam even though Shen Chongshan was seriously ill, but he was uneasy and panicked, and he Zhong couldn't even sit down in the examination room, he just felt that something would happen to Nian Nian and he would abandon himself.

Nian Nian had already blamed himself so much for Shen Chongshan's matter, regretted it so much, Gu Zhi didn't want to make himself regret it too, so he gave up the exam and chose Nian Nian.

Besides, this exam is meaningless, he is going to Shanghai, and he wants to go to Shanghai with Nian Nian.

Liang Qiu had nothing to say, and it was too late to say anything, so he sighed and asked Gu Zhi:

"Since when did Shen Nian have hallucinations?"

Liang Qiu's question caused Gu Zhi to have a big reaction, he stood up and looked at him, the shock on his face was not less than when Liang Qiu saw Shen Nian and Air talking to himself, Liang Qiu frowned slightly:

"You do not know?"

"What hallucination?" Gu Zhi nervously stepped closer to Liang Qiu: "Nianan, what hallucination did he have?"

Liang Qiu realized that he seemed to have said something he shouldn't have said, and wanted to confuse it, but Gu Zhi was so easy to fool, especially the question about Shen Nian was impossible, he grabbed Liang Qiu's arm, The force was so strong that it almost crushed Liang Qiu's bones. Liang Qiu even tried in vain to break free, so he had no choice but to compromise:

"Before coming to the hospital, Xiao Nian took a nap. In my bedroom, I heard him talking inside. I thought it was a phone call. I went in and took a look, and found that he was talking to the air. It seemed to be Uncle Shen."

Just talking about what he experienced just now, Liang Qiu felt a little chills down his spine, Gu Zhi was silent for a few seconds and slowly let go of Liang Qiu, and then thought about all the abnormalities of Shen Nian in the past few days.

Shen Nian's pale expression in the bathroom in the afternoon as if he had seen a ghost, that evening when they were hiding from the rain when they pushed away mercilessly, and today in the examination room where he panicked and avoided holding his hand, that's it. ?Shen Nian had hallucinations?

For a long time, even Gu Zhi felt that Shen Nian was just troubled by nightmares. He thought that the nightmare was the limit, but he didn't expect it was not at all. Nian Nian became more and more serious, and even had hallucinations?

Is he afraid?It should be because of fear, his expression and complexion can't deceive anyone, and it's also true that he hasn't slept for two consecutive nights.

It turned out to be like this.He actually insisted on not telling himself so stubbornly.

"I didn't realize it." Gu Zhi blamed himself, "I always thought he was just...just a nightmare."

Anyone can feel Gu Zhi's annoyance and self-responsibility, and Liang Qiu didn't want him to think too much, so he patted him on the shoulder:

"Okay, don't think about it too much. Fortunately, I found out now. I also contacted the psychiatrist. When Xiao Nian is discharged from the hospital, I will take him to see him. I can't delay any longer. He will be trapped to death. "

Gu Zhi didn't speak, and after a while he remembered something, grabbed the schoolbag next to him and wanted to leave, but Liang Qiu held him back: "Now you can't take the exam when you go back, where are you going?"

"I can't let Nian Nian know that I didn't take the exam." Gu Zhi said, "He will put all the responsibility on himself. I can't put any pressure on him until he recovers."

After Gu Zhi said this, he cast a reluctant glance at Shen Nian, and then walked away.

Liang Qiu stood there looking at the direction of the door and at Shen Nian lying on the bed, and sighed helplessly, it was nothing.

Facts have proved that Gu Zhi really understands Shen Nian better than Liang Qiu. Shen Nian asked Gu Zhi the first question after waking up in a daze in the afternoon: "Where is Gu Zhi? Does he know?"

"I don't know." Liang Qiu said, "I said you rarely slept for a while, so I won't let him bother you. He is obedient."

Shen Nian always felt that something was weird, it seemed that being so obedient didn't seem like Gu Zhi's style, but thinking that it was normal for him not to know when he fainted, he breathed a sigh of relief: "That's good."

Liang Qiu got up from the sofa, walked over and pulled the chair to sit on the edge of the hospital bed, staring at Shen Nian without blinking:

"Shen Xiaonian, now you should be able to tell me what happened?"

Shen Nian knew that it was impossible to hide it anymore, and didn't want Liang Qiu to follow him in a hurry, so he told Liang Qiu everything that happened in the past few days, Ning Jia's, his own, Gu Zhi's, Shen Chongshan's, there was nothing wrong with it Concealment, he had hidden too many things in his heart, Liang Qiu gave him an outlet to vent, and he couldn't wait to say it all, including Gu Zhi's feelings for him and the matter of kissing himself.

He knew that even if he said these questions, there was still no answer, but at least Shen Nian felt a little more relaxed.

Shen Nian thought that Liang Qiu would be surprised, at least he would be surprised by Gu Zhi's feelings towards him, but he didn't, Liang Qiu's face was calm without a trace of turmoil, so Shen Nian knew something, stunned for a moment, then laughed again:

"So, so you can see it too, right?"

Liang Qiu didn't speak, but it was tantamount to acquiescing.

Shen Nian finally realized how wrong he was. He was the last one to know what everyone knew.

"I didn't know it for a long time." Liang Qiu was also a little helpless: "During Uncle Shen's funeral, I found out that Gu Zhi was very kind to you. I knew it before, but I didn't know it could be so good. At that time, I was just skeptical, not too sure, so I never told you, but now that you tell me this, I know I read it right."

Shen Nian didn't speak, she seemed to be empty, as if she didn't hear Liang Qiu's words.

Liang Qiu waited quietly for a while, and finally An couldn't help but ask him: "Xiao Nian, you treat Gu Zhi...do you like Gu Zhi?"

Shen Nian didn't speak immediately, Liang Qiu was a little nervous, and he didn't know what he was nervous about, it seemed that neither his admission nor his denial was the answer Liang Qiu wanted to hear.

"If it's my brother's liking for my younger brother, if it's the liking of being with each other, then I like him." After a long time, Shen Nian finally spoke, and he slowly raised his head to look at Liang Qiu: "It's never Gu Zhi's kind of liking." .”

"Brother, I don't like men." Shen Nian said.

Although there is no girl he likes, Shen Nian is sure that he is not gay and doesn't like men.

Liang Qiu patted his shoulder and rubbed his arm: "I know, I know..."

"What should I do?" Shen Nian's voice didn't choke, but he was very confused, as if he couldn't see the way forward, as if he was stuck in place.

He really has nothing to do.

After Shen Chongshan passed away, there was a disparity between him and Gu Zhi. Shen Nian became the one who was always taken care of. Gu Zhi even fainted and was hospitalized for him. At that time, even though Shen Nian felt that he was dragging him down, he believed There is always a solution, he will see a therapist, he will be fine, and he will sleep well one day.

Later, when Ning Jia appeared, the resistance between Shen Nian and Gu Zhi increased. Ning Jia used Shen Chongshan's last wish to suppress Shen Nian and forced Shen Nian to compromise, but Shen Nian persisted and refused. I can't bear it, as long as Gu Zhi doesn't like boys and him, and I don't like him, then it's not a violation of Shen Chongshan's last wish. As long as I get better and refuse Gu Zhi to sacrifice for myself, Ning Jia will not be able to separate them.

These are all external problems that can be solved, but now that Gu Zhi likes him, and Gu Zhi actually likes him, Shen Nian doesn't know how to solve it all at once.

Everything Shen Chongshan was worried about turned out to be real, and he even got bored with Shen Chongshan because of this worry, thinking that he was thinking too much and his thinking was problematic.

He was already guilty of Shen Chongshan, but he couldn't get past the hurdle in his heart. Now he found that he added another layer to the original guilt, and the trump card of his last wish, layer after layer, so that Shen Nian's endurance reached the limit. The limit, hallucinations appeared.

Maybe he used to think that he would get better one day, but now he is not so sure, because as long as he and Gu Zhi are still together, this last wish will always be stuck in his heart, reminding him all the time , so that he could not let go.

If he can't get better all the time, will Gu Zhi be dragged down by himself for the rest of his life?

Even if Gu Zhi is willing, what about Gu Zhi's feelings?If I don't like men, I will never respond to him in my life.It doesn't matter if you don't know, but now that you know, do you want to continue to drag his feelings while dragging his body?

Shen Nian had the idea of ​​leaving.

"Do you want to separate?" Liang Qiu seemed to know what Shen Nian was thinking, and asked him: "I can think of all your worries, leaving is the best way, and you don't have to bear the debt and drag on Gu Zhi anymore. Gu Zhi can also relax a bit, although he cannot leave you, but if you are destined not to be able to respond to his feelings, then there is no harm in breaking up early."

If Shen Nian's idea of ​​leaving was just a gap, then Liang Qiu's words were like someone inserting a knife in the gap, as long as he pinched it a little, the whole thing would be shattered.

But Shen Nian still didn't make up his mind.

"I understand." Liang Qiu said: "There is an agreement between you, no one will leave the other, your leaving is breaking his promise to him, leaving him again, but Xiao Nian, Gu Zhi is not taken care of now. , you didn’t simply abandon him, but also for his own good, whether it’s physically or emotionally.”

"As for whether Gu Zhi can accept Ning Jia, I don't think it's a big problem. Isn't the little lunatic a person who can accept whoever treats him well? Uncle Shen was like this back then, and you were like this, so why can't Ning Jia? Then It's his mother, it's true that he was hurt before, but as long as he treats Gu Zhi sincerely in the future, I don't think he will resist too much, right?"

Shen Nian couldn't refute Liang Qiu's words. He also had such doubts before. If it wasn't him who let Gu Zhi stay behind, if it was another person who gave him the promise of being with each other, would he have treated him like this? to others.

He didn't have an answer, because he was the one who left Gu Zhi behind, but Liang Qiu's words were not unreasonable. It was because he was kind to Gu Zhi that he was able to make him change a little bit. If he can, others should be able to, too. .

Liang Qiu could see that Shen Nian was still hesitating, although he didn't know what Shen Nian was hesitating about, but Liang Qiu wanted to break his hesitation, he couldn't continue watching Shen Nian go on like this.

Dragging down his obsessions made him stressed, and he would have nightmares when he was under pressure. This was just the state of Shen Nian before.

Now he feels that Shen Chongshan's last wish is being dragged down while Gu Zhi is being dragged down, so when Gu Zhi is by his side, Shen Nian will feel that he is dragging down Gu Zhi and at the same time being ashamed of Shen Chongshan, he will never be able to break this curse , he will never be able to get out, this is an endless loop.

"Why are you still hesitating?" Liang Qiu said, "Are you reluctant to part with Gu Zhi? But Gu Zhi has already given up the high school entrance examination for you."

Shen Nian raised her head to look at Liang Qiu upon hearing this, her eyes were full of shock: "Didn't you just say..."

"I didn't know you were so serious just now. I didn't know that the root of the problem was Gu Zhi." Liang Qiu stood up: "Gu Zhi seemed to have a feeling that something would happen to you. He ran back halfway through the exam. Before you woke up, he Not long after he left, please tell me not to let me tell you that he missed the exam, I don't want to make you more stressed."

Shen Nian was speechless, but Liang Qiu hadn't finished:

"If you don't separate, your drag on Gu Zhi will continue. Now that Gu Zhi can give up the high school entrance examination for you, he will also give up the college entrance examination, university, and life for you in the future."

"Shen Nian." Liang Qiu seldom called his name by name, but now he was serious: "Can you bear it?"

Shen Nian looked at Liang Qiu for a long time, until the shock in his eyes slowly turned into calmness, he lowered his head and smiled self-deprecatingly:

"Yeah, what am I still hesitating about?"

All is not a problem.

It may be uncomfortable for Gu Zhi to leave him, but if he continues to be by his side, he will only lose more.

He can't be so selfish.

"When are you going back to Shanghai?" Shen Nian's voice was muffled, but he finally made this decision: "Book a plane ticket for me too, I haven't been on a plane yet."

Liang Qiu looked at him, knowing how difficult his decision was, but still nodded without hesitation:

"it is good."