paranoid dependence

When Shen Nian arrived at the hospital, Gu Zhi had already woken up and was clamoring to be discharged from the hospital. Teacher Cheng almost couldn't stop him, but he calmed down when he saw Shen Nian appearing at the door, like a primary school student who made a mistake. Sit down obediently like the teacher, and called out 'Nian Nian' softly.

He wanted to say don't worry, I fell down because I didn't stand up properly, but just as the words came to his lips, he saw Ning Jia coming in behind Shen Nian.

This time Teacher Cheng couldn't stop Gu Zhi either, he didn't even care about the IV needle, his conditioned reflex was like a red-eyed wolf, he quickly got out of bed, ran in front of Ning Jia and pushed her hard, throwing Shen Nian behind him:

"What are you doing here? What are you doing with Niannian? Why are you with Niannian! Who told you to go find him! I never told you not to bother him! Can't you understand people? You What do you want to do? What are you going to do?!"

Gu Zhi lost his mind, and Ning Jia was his enemy in previous lives.

Ning Jia didn't expect that Gu Zhi would do this, so he slammed into the door unexpectedly. Teacher Cheng was taken aback and hurried over to support Ning Jia. Shen Nian at the side was misplaced and blocked his sight:

"Mr. Cheng, every family has their own hard-to-read scriptures. You don't understand what Gu Zhi has experienced before. Please don't ask him to be polite to this person. It's not fair."

Teacher Cheng was stunned for a moment and didn't speak, but Shen Nian turned around and took Gu Zhi's hand. There was a wound on the back of his hand due to the tearing of the IV needle, blood dripped down his fingers and fell on the floor After adding two drops, Shen Nian looked at him and asked:

"Does it hurt?"

Gu Zhi's ferocious gaze slowly focused on Shen Nian's face from Ning Jia's body, gradually softened, and shook his head.

"What's the matter with you?" Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi: "Why did you fall and faint?"

"I was just not careful." Gu Zhi laughed when he heard this, and looked at Shen Nian: "Nian Nian, don't worry, I'm fine."

Gu Zhi's acting skills have always been very good, even Shen Nian would not find out when he wanted to cover up something, but this time I don't know if his mood changed too quickly, or he was too flustered, he didn't perform well, Not to mention Shen Nian, even Ning Jia could see what he was covering up.

"Teacher Cheng." Ning Jia asked eagerly, regardless of the pain in his body, "What's wrong with Xiao Zhi?"

Ning Jia's question made Gu Zhi subconsciously disgusted and wanted to stop him, but Shen Nian grabbed his wrist to stop him first. Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian and carefully explained: "Nian Nian, Can you trust me, I'm really fine..."

Shen Nian ignored him, and looked at Teacher Cheng without even glancing at him. Teacher Cheng was also a little confused about the situation in front of him, but no matter what, he still had to explain Gu Zhi's situation to his parents, and told him the truth. sued:

"I've done all the checkups, and nothing major happened. The doctor said that the recent study pressure may be too much and I didn't have a good rest. The dizziness caused by lack of sleep for a long time, and just in time for the inter-class activities, I fell down the stairs, and my feet hurt. I sprained a bit, but I didn't hurt my bones, and I'll be fine after a few days of rest, and it won't affect the senior high school entrance examination."

Not having a good rest, lack of sleep for a long time, dizziness... These few words are like a heavy hammer that precisely hit Shen Nian's already precarious place, and the idea that he was dragging down his stubbornness exploded beyond measure at this moment.

He stood there quietly without saying a word, even breathing lightly.

"Nian Nian..." Gu Zhi seemed to know why Shen Nian had such a reaction, but held his hand instead: "Nian Nian, I'm fine, don't worry, okay?"

Gu Zhi was the victim, it really didn't make sense for Gu Zhi to worry about himself at this time, Shen Nian quickly calmed down and smiled at him: "It's fine."

Shen Nian was able to see through the truth and falsehood of Gu Zhi's emotions at a glance, and Gu Zhi could naturally see through Shen Nian's, but before he could say the words of relief and reassurance, Shen Nian spoke out first, saying:

"I know you don't want to see her now, so I'll take care of it. Brother Zhi, don't talk or do anything now, okay?"

"Nian Nian..." Gu Zhi was very worried about him.

"Be obedient." Shen Nian said softly.

With just two words, Gu Zhi's whole body's defense dropped by a notch. Shen Nian felt his obedience, stroked his hair as if rewarding him, and turned to look at Ning Jia.

When we rented out the house before, Shen Nian had full confidence no matter how he looked at her or what he said, but at this moment he was a bit afraid to look into Ning Jia's eyes, although Shen Nian felt that he had nothing to do with Ning Jia. Yes, but somehow he felt that he was not qualified either.

"You have also seen that Gu Zhi's mood is not stable." Shen Nian said: "If you are worried about his health, you can ask the doctor. If you want to talk about other things at this time, I advise you not to, he is crazy. You can't bear it when you get up."

Ning Jia saw the intimacy between Shen Nian and Gu Zhi, she could clearly see how different Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, she felt a void in her heart, she couldn't stand it anymore, But she gritted her teeth and didn't let herself refute anything at this time.

She clearly saw Shen Nian's changes, he was shaking, this was an opportunity for herself.

She still can't wait to take Gu Zhi out of this place immediately, especially after seeing them sleeping on the same bed, seeing Gu Zhi listen to Shen Nian's words like this, and look at him with such eyes, but Shen Nian has something to say. That's right, Gu Zhi's mood is not stable, and his body also has problems. Even if Ning Jia doesn't want to, he can't be in a hurry.

She is not a fool, she knew that doing so would only backfire, so she suppressed the panic and fear in her heart, and left.

Teacher Cheng saw that they didn't know what to say, so Shen Nian took the initiative to ask Teacher Cheng to go back. There are other things in the school, and she doesn't need to worry about it here. He left after calling her.

There were only two people left in the ward, and Gu Zhi couldn't hide his worry for Shen Nian anymore: "Nian Nian, don't think about it, okay? It's not because of you that this happened to me, it's because of my own carelessness."

Shen Nian didn't say anything, supported Gu Zhi's arm and carefully led him to the side of the hospital bed, but Gu Zhi didn't move, his eyes fixed on Shen Nian, and he grabbed his hand:

"Nian Nian, talk to me, I'm a little flustered when you're like this."

Only then did Shen Nian slowly look at Gu Zhi, and smiled wryly: "Brother Zhi, do you know how panicked I was when I heard you fainted?"

"I'm really fine, I'm just..."

"Whether you have something wrong or not, whether you admit it's my fault or not, I can't shirk the blame." Shen Nian looked at him, not wanting to continue: "Let's deal with the wound on your hand first, it looks a little scary. "

Shen Nian obviously didn't want to continue this topic, so Gu Zhi didn't dare to say anything. With Shen Nian's support, he went back to the hospital bed step by step and sat down. Shen Nian knelt down and lifted Gu Zhi's injured arm. Looking at his feet, he didn't know if it was just like this or if he just recklessly walked like flying and stopped in front of him and got hurt again, swollen like a steamed bun.

"Does it hurt? Do you want the doctor to come over again?"

"It doesn't hurt." Gu Zhi's eyes fell on Shen Nian's face: "It really doesn't hurt."

"Okay, then wait a minute, I'll ask the nurse for something, and treat the wound on my hand." After finishing speaking, Shen Nian was about to get up and leave, but Gu Zhi grabbed his hand, Shen Nian seemed to know what he was worried about Same, smiled slightly: "I won't go, I'll be back soon."

Gu Zhi was still worried, but he still let go of Shen Nian slowly.

When Shen Nian was waiting for the nurse at the nurse's station to get him the disinfection tools, he could hear Ning Jia's voice in the next office asking the doctor about Gu Zhi's body. He stood quietly and listened to a few words. He, Shen Nian thanked him and returned to the ward.

Gu Zhi was still in the same posture before he left, Shen Nian walked over and sat down on the chair opposite him:

"I just told the nurse that after the wound on your hand is treated, you still have to get the drip."

"Okay." Gu Zhi obediently responded, Shen Nian looked at him and smiled, then lowered his head to deal with the bloodstains on his hands.

"Brother Zhi." Shen Nian cleaned up and said, "When you get back, you can record a sound on your phone for me, and record all the words you said to coax me to sleep. I will listen to the recording to sleep at night, okay?"

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, but didn't speak.

"You are so smart, you should have already guessed that I am a little uneasy about relying on you to sleep, and even feel that it is a drag on you? Otherwise, you would not be so afraid of Mr. Cheng telling the reason for your fainting just now Yes." Shen Nian's voice was very soft, even with a smile: "Recording is the best way I can think of so far, I have to try it, maybe it will have the same effect as when you are by my side, so You can also rest well, and I can stop having nightmares."

In fact, Gu Zhi still wanted to do it by himself, he was worried about recording, but he also knew that before Shen Nian let go of these so-called dragging emotions, it was not suitable for him to add pressure to him, he couldn't bear it.

So he nodded obediently: "Okay."

Shen Nian laughed and didn't say anything else, after calmly handling his hands, he went to call the nurse to help put on the drip, and then sat by the side to accompany him.

The matter of sleeping was solved by Shen Nian with a recording, but the question of why Ning Jia and Shen Nian appeared here together was still lingering in Gu Zhi's heart. Shen Nian also knew about it, so before he took the initiative to speak, he took the first step said:

"She went to look for me at home." Shen Nian did not hide Gu Zhi.

Just as Shen Nian's words fell, Gu Zhi wanted to get up excitedly, but Shen Nian immediately pressed him down: "Do you think this hand is also injured?"

Gu Zhi sat down obediently, but he looked at Shen Nian in a panic: "What did she tell you?"

"Let me persuade you to go with her." Even if you don't tell Ningjia about some things, you will still say it. Instead of letting Gu Zhi know from Ningjia, it's better to tell him frankly: "It's impossible for me to refuse. If you do that, you can rest assured."

Gu Zhi couldn't rest assured, he looked at Shen Nian:

"Niannian refused just now without knowing that I fainted, what about now? Will she also reject her?"

It has to be said that Gu Zhi really saw Shen Nian through, he even knew what he was thinking, he believed that Shen Nian had already rejected Ning Jia, but that was before he fainted, but after fainting Even Gu Zhi can only guess what kind of impact this incident had on Shen Nian.

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, but didn't speak immediately, Gu Zhi couldn't wait for a moment to grab Shen Nian's hand, the freshly healed wound started to bleed out again due to force, Shen Nian looked down and sighed helplessly. Take a breath:

"I'll say no too."

"Really?"

Shen Nian nodded, and wiped off the blood with a cotton swab: "Really, I'm not lying to you. If I persuade you, will you leave? How can you be so talkative?"

Gu Zhi was relieved after hearing this.

Because the dizziness was caused by poor rest, Gu Zhi added sleeping pills to his drip, and Shen Nian made a promise to reassure him that he would stay by his side all the time. It didn't take long for Gu Zhi to fall asleep in a daze After it passed, Shen Nian called him twice but he didn't respond, he was completely asleep.

Shen Nian sat on the chair and looked at him, smiled slowly, her eyes turned red when she smiled.

When will I be better?When will those nightmares stop coming to me?Is recording useful?Shen Nian didn't even know that he wasn't sure, the only thing he was sure of was that Gu Zhi was being dragged down by himself.

How long has it been?He had already fainted from lack of sleep, and he had far less sleep than he thought.

This time I was at school, with classmates and teachers around me, if I was still dragged down by myself, what about next time?where will it beWill it be an examination room?Could it be the way home from school?This time I just sprained my foot, what about next time?Will you miss your exam effort so that it goes to waste?Or more serious injuries?There is even a risk of death?

He didn't scare himself, but if he couldn't get better and relied on Gu Zhi so much, these things might happen.

There is also the matter of going to Shanghai with me. When I am still relying on Gu Zhi, can I really have the ability to guide him to complete high school and pass the college entrance examination?Will he waste his studies because of taking care of himself?Will it end up delaying his own life?

Shen Nian doesn't regret the impulsive decision he made at that time, he still wants to go to Shanghai with Gu Zhi.

However, he doubted his ability, he was not sure that he could shoulder Gu Zhi's life, he couldn't even shoulder his own, so what could he give Gu Zhi?

He has never paid anything for Gu Zhi.All along, it was Gu Zhi who gave him more.

When Shen Nian returned from the IV drip, he insisted on carrying Gu Zhi out of the hospital to take a taxi. Gu Zhi was a bit reluctant, but Shen Nian had already knelt down in front of him: "Brother Zhi, let me do something for you? Feel better."

After Shen Nian said so, it was impossible for Gu Zhi to refuse, even if it was just to comfort Shen Nian.

Gu Zhi climbed onto Shen Nian's back, and Shen Nian carried him on his back.

"Is it heavy?" Gu Zhi asked him with his back.

"Not heavy." Shen Nian turned him upside down: "You can eat more."

Shen Nian walked very steadily. When encountering many people, he was worried that Gu Zhi's feet would be touched and would take the initiative to avoid him. He didn't move forward until there were fewer people. Therefore, he walked for a longer time on this section of the road. When he put Gu Zhi on the side of the road, there was a thin layer of sweat on Shen Nian's forehead and the tip of his nose, Gu Zhi raised his hand to help him wipe it off, Shen Nian just smiled.

Back at the rental house, Shen Nian handed the phone to Gu Zhi before cooking: "Brother Zhi, help me record."

Gu Zhi took the phone and looked at Shen Nian: "Okay."

Shen Nian didn't let Gu Zhi sleep on the same bed with him this night, for his feet, and also for him to have a good rest, Gu Zhi only insisted once and didn't say anything more.

Before the fainting happened, everything still had a superficial coat, they could not pierce it, they could pretend that the years were quiet, Gu Zhi could guess that he did not put so much pressure on Shen Nian and continued to put him to sleep in an attempt to heal him Shen Nian could also imagine that perhaps Gu Zhi was not as tired as he thought, and continued to accept this security.

But now, everything has become invisible, Shen Nian can't accept it, and Gu Zhi can't turn a blind eye.

Turning off the lights, lying on the bed, Shen Nian calculated the days before the senior high school entrance examination: "It's less than a week, you should rest at home these few days, I'll go to school tomorrow to get all your things back, no It’s only a few days away, take good care of your feet.”

Gu Zhi listened to Shen Nian: "Okay."

"You can ask me if there is anything you don't know." Shen Nian said, "I can help you."

Gu Zhi turned his head to look at Shen Nian, the light was dim, he could only see the outline of Shen Nian: "Not only now, when you arrive in Shanghai, you still have to teach me high school courses."

Shen Nian didn't say anything immediately, Gu Zhi became a little nervous in such silence, he sat up:

"Nian Nian, I don't allow you to have other thoughts, otherwise I won't let you go!"

Gu Zhi's words were a little fierce, causing Shen Nian to turn his face to look at him, and smiled lightly: "I don't have any ideas, go to sleep, I'm listening to the recording."

Gu Zhi saw that he had put on the earphones, and then there was no sound. Gu Zhi watched him quietly for a while and then lay down, but he never fell asleep. Although he finally gave him the answer he wanted, Gu Zhi was still uneasy.

Unprecedented uneasiness.

What exists between them is not only the question of procrastination, but also Ningja.

No one slept well, the recording was useless, and I had nightmares, and when I woke up, my clothes were soaked.But Gu Zhi didn't know whether it was to relieve his pressure or because he was really tired, he didn't get up, and he didn't even make any movements. Shen Nian sat for a long time and then lay back down, keeping his eyes open until dawn.

The next day when Shen Nian went to school to pick up his things, he saw Ning Jia at the school gate again. She was driving, and when she saw Shen Nian coming from the school gate with her things, she got out of the car and looked at Shen Nian:

"Is Xiao Zhi okay?"

"It's good." After Shen Nian finished speaking, he walked towards his bicycle, without any desire to talk, but Ning Jia seemed not to feel it, and followed: "We haven't finished talking about what happened yesterday."

"No matter how many times you tell me, I will still give the same answer." Shen Nian said, "I will not push Gu Zhi away."

"Of course you won't push him away." Ning Jia looked at Shen Nian and chuckled lightly, "Because it's Xiaozhi who is pushing you forward, how can you be willing?"

Shen Nian seemed to have been poked at the most painful part of his heart, his hands curled up unconsciously, and the things he was carrying almost fell to the ground, he could hardly maintain the confidence he deliberately showed.

"Let's talk about it." Ningjia said, "If you also want Xiaozhi to be nice."

Ning Jia thought that Shen Nian would agree, he was already on the verge of self-doubt, but Shen Nian still walked away, which surprised Ning Jia, she took two steps to stop Shen Nian: "Are you really going to delay him for the rest of his life?" ?”

What exactly happened between Shen Nian and Gu Zhi, and what is Shen Nian's current situation, Ning Jia actually didn't know, but the state of the two of them in the ward yesterday, Shen Nian heard that Gu Zhi was due to lack of rest As for the reaction when he fainted, Ning Jia could see clearly.

She was sure that Gu Zhi's accident was due to Shen Nian, and Shen Nian's expression that didn't even dare to look at her at this time made Ning Jia sure.

"I haven't." Shen Nian said, "I will get better."

"When?" Ning Jia asked him forcefully, "Can I get better before Xiaozhi faints for you next time? If not, can you be sure that he will be as lucky as this time to stand up after the next fall? "

Shen Nian didn't speak, but his hands began to tremble uncontrollably.He didn't want to show timidity, and he hated himself for being so careless, but he couldn't control it either.

Ninga seemed pleased with what he saw:

"You just lost your father, when you were at your lowest mood. I think I understand you to a certain extent, but this is not the reason for you to continue to drag your little clings."

"Can I ask you how much money Shen Chongshan left for you? How much are you going to spend on Xiao Zhi?" Ning Jia asked him.

"You are only 17 now, and you are going to go to college for at least four years. At this age, you can take good care of yourself, which is considered pretty good. How do you take on the responsibility? Do you want him to give up his studies to accompany you? Be you The nanny, the little follower, has been paying for you?"

"I didn't!" Shen Nian said, "It's impossible for me to do that."

"He's already doing this." Ning Jia did not give up any chance to suppress his already precarious emotions: "Isn't this fainting just for you?"

Shen Nian has nothing to say.

"To be honest, I don't really understand why your relationship is so good, but Shen Nian, Xiao Zhi is not yet 16 years old this year, and many thoughts and ideas are impulsive and immature. , are you sure he will still be like this when he is 16 years old? What if he regrets it? Obviously he has a better choice, but he gave up for you, can you bear his complaints at that time?"

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds: "Gu Zhi is far more mature than you think."

"No matter how mature you are, if you haven't experienced some things, it's just the maturity you think at this stage." Ning Jia looked at Shen Nian: "How cruel the adult world is, you have never tasted it, I admire your courage, but how much is it? Is a person with a lonely heart still unable to hold his head up when he is beaten by reality? Isn’t Shen Chongshan a living example?”

"Xiao Zhi can only follow you to take care of you through hard work. This is an indisputable fact. If you do anything for his own good, I beg you not to do so."

"What about you?" Shen Nian looked at her with red eyes: "How do you count the damage you caused to Gu Zhi? Do you know that he is still afraid to crawl under the bed whenever he encounters a thunderstorm? He handed it to you? Have you seen him trembling all over and soaked in cold sweat? I have seen it countless times."

"I may indeed not be able to give him a good life, but Gu Zhi needs me, and I need him too. I promised him that I would never leave him, and I don't want to break my promise."

"You're going to college, and you'll still leave him," Ningja said.

Shen Nian looked at her silently, but Ning Jia seemed to understand something, and frowned slightly: "Is it because you don't go to college anymore? Or Gu Zhi doesn't go to high school anymore?"

"Me." Shen Nian said, "I don't want to go to college anymore. My father didn't leave much money, but I'm not dead. I will do my best to give Gu Zhi a good environment and life. I won't let him The one who has been taking care of me, I am an older brother, and I can take care of him too."

This was a decision Shen Nian made after thinking about it all night.

Since I wasn't sure that Gu Zhi would not waste his studies while studying at university, why did he have to let Gu Zhi make sacrifices for himself?Why can't I?So he didn't plan to go to university anymore, so he stayed here and left together after Gu Zhi finished his college entrance examination.

The future is indeed important, but so is stubbornness.

Ning Jia didn't say anything for a long time, she probably didn't expect Shen Nian to do this for Gu Zhi, but it was because of this that she was even more worried.Almost in a panic, she took out a stack of documents from her handbag and handed it to Shen Nian:

"This is all the records of my medical treatment abroad. It records in detail the process of my medical treatment. It is also confirmed that I have recovered and will no longer have mental problems. It is impossible for me to hurt him like before."

Shen Nian didn't answer, nor looked at it.

"I have a company. I will give Gu Zhi the best education and the best living conditions. Ordinary people can't achieve it through hard work. He can get it at his fingertips. When he comes back to me, he will live a completely different life from now. " Ning Jia looked at Shen Nian: "If you really want to take care of him and take care of him, then let him come back. I worked so hard to find him, not to hurt him."

Shen Nian seemed not to hear.

"He has no blood relationship with you. You need him more than he needs you. Don't drag him, okay? Let him go." Ning Jia grabbed Shen Nian's hand, almost begging: "I beg You. Shen Chongshan has harmed me all my life, and let me indirectly hurt my son. Now that he is dead, I can't settle the score with him. As his son, don't you want to hurt me again and grab my son? Let it go?"

I don't know if Ning Jia's hand is too hot or his own is too cold, Shen Nian just felt that Ning Jia's temperature was about to burn him, he pulled back his hand, but he dared not look at her more than before:

"You don't need to tell me these words. If Gu Zhi wants to go with you, I won't stop him."

"He listens to you very much." Ning Jia thought that Shen Nian had let go, and was eager to strike while the iron was hot: "Just help me persuade me, okay? Auntie, please."

"I should go back." Shen Nian said, "If I don't go back again, Gu Zhi should be in a hurry."

Shen Nian stepped onto the bicycle while speaking, but Ning Jia stopped him again:

"You like Xiaozhi?"

Shen Nian frowned in disgust, he didn't know how many times he had to explain this issue to many people:

"I don't. No matter how many times you ask me to say it, it's the same. I don't like men. Gu Zhi is my younger brother to me."

"What about Gu Zhi?" Ning Jia asked him, "Doesn't Gu Zhi like you too?"

"Of course he doesn't like it."

"How are you sure?" Ning Jia looked at him, forcing him: "He looks at you very differently."

Shen Nian resents others' misunderstanding that she likes the same sex, and she also resents others' misunderstanding of obsession.

"He's my son, and I don't want to think about him that way." Ning Jia said before Shen Nian opened his mouth, "But what if? What if? The way he looks at you and obeys you scares me. Don't dare to take the risk, I will not let my son become gay, absolutely not!"

The look is different?What kind of eyes does Gu Zhi look at himself?Why have I never felt different?Why both Shen Chongshan and Ning Jia in front of him felt that there was something wrong with them?

"Why do you all think I have a problem with Gu Zhi? I'm under 18, and Gu Zhi is under 16. We don't even know what we like. Why do you put gay hats on us? Just Because my dad likes men?" Shen Nian finally couldn't bear it.

"Us?" Ning Jia accurately grasped the loopholes in Shen Nian's words: "Aside from me, does anyone else think so?"

Shen Nian didn't speak, Ning Jia seemed to understand something after the silence, and smiled self-deprecatingly: "No wonder..."

Shen Nian couldn't understand the so-called "no wonder" in Ning Jia's mouth, so he could only remain silent.

"How do you think I know that Gu Zhi is at Shen's house?" Ning Jia looked at Shen Nian and smiled: "It was Shen Chongshan who told You Xiaoyue that if he died, he would find a way to contact me and ask me to take Gu Zhi away. At first I thought he was just worried that Gu Zhi would suffer if left unattended, but now it seems that he must have seen something, so he didn't want to make the same mistake again and again."

Shen Nian was almost frozen in place, he never thought that Ning Jia's appearance here was Shen Chongshan's intention.

Shen Nian regretted it, regretted that he shouldn't have stayed until now, after hearing what Ning Jia said.He wanted to leave, but Ning Jia was holding onto his car tightly: "Shen Nian, maybe I believe you don't like men, but what if, what if Xiaozhi likes you? What are you going to do?"

"He won't." Shen Nian said every word, holding back until he was about to get angry.

"What if?" Ninga said, "Are you going to violate your father's last wish?"