paranoid dependence

It wasn't until the snowman's belly was fat that Gu Zhi calmed down his emotions. His hands were already numb like wood. He glanced down at the red fingers and ignored them. He went back to the Westinghouse kitchen and started cooking.

The ingredients I just bought at noon are not going to go out and buy again, but what does Shen Nian like to eat?Gu Zhi didn't know yet, he had planned well, to learn two dishes a week, and then he would gradually discover what Shen Nian liked to eat, but before he could figure it out, Shen Nian already knew that he was doing it on purpose. So I still don't know what he likes to eat.

Do whatever you want, you don't know much by yourself.

Gu Zhi cooked porridge and fried potato chips. When the food was brought to the table, he stood in front of the table and hesitated. He should have called Shen Nian to tell him that the meal was ready and invited him to eat, but Gu Zhi There are times when this little lunatic doesn't dare, like now, he doesn't like Shen Nian's attitude just now, he managed to hold back his emotions, what if Shen Nian still treats him like that, what if he can't hold back?

If he didn't hold back, he might go crazy and say something even more irreparable, then the relationship between him and Shen Nian would be even more irreparable?

But there is always something to eat, Gu Zhi curled his lips and went to the north room and knocked on the door of Shen Nian's room.

no respond.This was within Gu Zhi's expectation, so he didn't have any special feelings. He knocked again, and this time he opened his mouth:

"Nian Nian, I've prepared a meal, let's eat."

Still no response.

Gu Zhi stared at the door in front of him, feeling that it was really an eyesore, he didn't understand why there was such a door in the same house, in the same house?If there was no such door, would he be able to directly see what Shen Nian was doing?

Yes, what is Shen Nian doing?It's not Saturday or Sunday, and it's not a holiday. Why did he come back?He also said that he would live at home for a while, did he make a mistake at school?But what could Shen Nian do wrong with such a temper?Is it sick?But the way he spoke to himself just now was so powerful that it didn't look like it at all.

What the hell is going on?

Let's go in and have a look. If he is angry, he can just apologize. Anyway, I can't count the number of apologies I've apologized recently, and I don't care if it happens again.

But Shen Nian seemed to know what he was thinking, the moment his hand was on the doorknob, Shen Nian who was inside the door spoke first: "I won't eat it, you can eat it yourself."

It's not that Gu Zhi didn't think about this answer, after all Shen Nian even said the words 'I don't want to see you' just now, it seems reasonable to not want to eat the food I cooked.

But these words did not succeed in appeasing Gu Zhi, his urge to push the door in still did not slow down in any way, he didn't like the way he got along with Shen Nian now, he liked the past, the two of them could talk well even if they guessed each other, even at night While sleeping in a bed.

But these are all lost by himself, no wonder Shen Nian.Therefore, as the party at fault, he must follow Shen Nian's pace, no matter how far the road is, or how difficult it is to walk, he must admit it.

Gu Zhi withdrew his hand and didn't go in, but he didn't let Shen Nian go hungry either. After returning to the kitchen, he filled half of the food and brought it to the door of Shen Nian's room:

"Nian Nian, eat a little bit, if you don't want to see me, I'll leave it at the door, remember to come out and eat."

Gu Zhi left after finishing speaking, worried that Shen Nian knew that he would not come out outside the door, but he was still a little worried halfway, so he turned back and said: "Nian Nian, eat quickly, the temperature is too low, It will be cold later."

After finishing talking this time, I felt that there was nothing to tell me, so I went back to Westinghouse to eat alone.

Gu Zhi hates eating alone, in fact it's not just eating, he hates doing everything by himself, he doesn't like being alone at all, he doesn't know where his patience came from, he actually endured so much for Shen Nian For a long time, this has never happened before.

Maybe he also wants to try it. Some things have to be tried to know whether it is worth it, such as what it feels like to be regarded as the whole world by one person, and what it feels like to be loved by one person.

Gu Zhi finished his meal, washed the dishes, and when he went back to the north room, he found that Shen Nian had brought all the food placed at the door into the room. After forgetting about it, he happily walked over to Shen Nian's door and knocked, even his tone was cheerful:

"Nian Nian, is the food delicious?"

Shen Nian didn't respond, Gu Zhi's cheerfulness started to go downhill, but he still didn't give up and asked, "Is it salty? Is it light? Does it suit your taste?"

This time he waited longer, but there was still no sound from inside the room. Gu Zhi lowered his head in this silence, not wanting to talk anymore. He stood at the door and let out an inaudible sigh. I was still a little uneasy when I started to walk, and I turned around and asked the door again:

"Just put it by the door after eating. I'll wash it up when I see it."

Shen Nian still didn't speak, as if there was no such person in the room.Gu Zhi didn't wait any longer and went back to his room.

The room is very cold, without any heating facilities, you should have to get under the quilt, although there is no electric blanket, the quilt is also cold, but it will always be warmed up, but Gu Zhi did not, he sat at the desk and started read a book.

He has nothing to do during this time, except for making snowmen when he is going crazy, he spends the rest of the time reading. Shen Nian hopes that he will learn to make up for the missed homework, then he will be obedient and will not let him down , This may be the only thing he can now prove that he will be obedient.

If you can read the book, the time will pass quickly. Gu Zhi realized that it was a little late when his hands and feet became numb from the cold. There was no sound coming from Shen Nian's room, so he must have fallen asleep.

Gu Zhi didn't wait any longer, went to the bathroom to wash up, then went back to the room to turn off the light and went to sleep. The bed was so cold that people couldn't help shivering. Gu Zhi didn't get warm after crawling in for a long time, but he was used to it and didn't Feeling uncomfortable, on the contrary, he kept thinking about Shen Nian, what happened to him, that he turned into this appearance that he had never seen before?

When Shen Chongshan made him suffer that way back then, he didn't react like that, why did he lose his temper when he came to him?

Gu Zhi couldn't figure it out.

When the bed gradually warmed up, Gu Zhi also felt a little drowsy. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in a daze. He didn't know how long he had slept. Suddenly he heard the sound of the door opening. He was worried that something happened to Shen Nian. Things, so he didn't close the door at all when he was sleeping, and therefore this almost negligible sound could be heard by him.

Is it going to the toilet?Gu Zhi lay on the bed thinking.But it didn't seem to be there, Gu Zhi heard another door opening, it seemed to be the main entrance of the North House, what time is it, what is Shen Nian going out for?

Gu Zhi didn't understand, but he couldn't lie down either. Even though getting out of the newly warmed bed was really tormenting, Gu Zhi still got down without hesitation. He didn't even wear any pants, so he just put on his padded jacket and went out.

Standing under the porch of the north house, Gu Zhi looked at the light on in the kitchen, his teeth chattered from the cold, he trembled a bit and walked over, Gu Zhi only saw Shen Nian's back through the window, he couldn't see him What to do, Gu Zhi hesitated and entered the house.

Shen Nian probably didn't expect it to be this hour, and Gu Zhi was still awake. He deliberately waited for Gu Zhi to wash up before leaving the room, but when he saw that Gu Zhi wasn't even wearing cotton trousers, Shen Nian would I understand, this is already asleep, and I got up from the bed again when I heard the sound.

Shen Nian only glanced at him and then withdrew his gaze.

Gu Zhi saw Shen Nian washing the dishes, he was about to say just don't move, he'll be fine, but before he could say it, Gu Zhi found something, and walked over to grab it without thinking. Grabbing Shen Nian's wrist, the speed was so fast that Shen Nian didn't even have time to dodge.

"What is this?" Gu Zhi stared at the chickenpox on Shen Nian's hand.

Shen Nian frowned, and quickly withdrew his hand: "Stay away from me."

Before Shen Nian finished speaking, he did not wait for Gu Zhi to distance himself from him obediently, but subconsciously took a big step back, and said to him with Gu Zhi's puzzled eyes:

"Don't touch me, don't touch the bowls and chopsticks I have used, I will put them away separately."

After saying this, Shen Nian was about to leave, but Gu Zhi seemed to understand something, blocked Shen Nian's way, and looked at him:

"Are you sick? Are you afraid of infecting me?"

Chickenpox is spread by direct contact and droplets, so close and face to face, Shen Nian didn't want to speak, and didn't dare to tear Gu Zhi away directly, but the only exit was blocked by Gu Zhi, and Shen Nian had no choice. He could only step back a little, distance himself, and look at Gu Zhi:

"You're thinking too much. Get out of the way, I'm going to rest."

Shen Nian's complexion was very bad, and his tone was unpleasant, but Gu Zhi didn't move away, and still looked at him: "Is it chickenpox?"

He has seen others get up, but he has no impression of whether he got up or not.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Shen Nian didn't know if it was sick or in a bad mood, Shen Nian's tone was very impatient: "I want to go back to my room to rest, get out of the way."

Perhaps it was because Shen Nian's displeasure was so obvious that Gu Zhi didn't stop him any more, and after a few seconds of silence, he took a few steps back to make room for the door. Shen Nian left almost immediately, and Gu Zhi kept his eyes on Looking at Shen Nian, after he entered the north room, Gu Zhi thought of something, went back to the kitchen to get the thermos, and followed him back to the north room.

The door of Shen Nian's room was closed, Gu Zhi walked over and knocked, this time he opened the door and walked in without waiting for Shen Nian to speak. , his eyes were full of dissatisfaction with his behavior, but Gu Zhi didn't give him a chance to reprimand him, and directly seized the opportunity:

"It's too cold. It's better to turn on the air conditioner if you're sick."

Gu Zhi put the thermos on the desk, and turned on the air conditioner, "If you want to drink water in the middle of the night, don't go out. I'll put the water in your room."

Shen Nian kept looking at him, perhaps because he was too tired, he couldn't even exert his strength to lose his temper:

"Gu Zhi, I told you, don't come to my room."

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi turned his head and looked at him as if he didn't hear his words: "You know that I won't leave you alone when I find out that you are sick, that's why I lost my temper with me and wanted me to leave you away?"

Shen Nian didn't expect him to say this, and was silent for a moment: "Gu Zhi, I don't need you to take care of me, I can take care of myself."

"You are still thinking about me even when you are sick, how can I ignore you?" Gu Zhi stepped towards Shen Nian, stood by the bed, when Shen Nian was frowning and wanted to chase him away, Gu Zhi took another step forward: " Nian Nian, I don't care how you took care of yourself when you were sick, but now that you have me, you don't need to hold on anymore."

"Didn't you keep me here just to have someone to accompany you? If you don't need me now, what are you keeping me for?" Gu Zhi looked at him: "Or, are you going to drive me away now? As long as If you say it, I'll leave right away."

Shen Nian opened his mouth to follow his words to ask him to leave, but he couldn't say what he said, what if the person who was with him in the end really left?

He really doesn't need Gu Zhi to take care of him, and he really doesn't trust Gu Zhi, but he still wants Gu Zhi to stay in this house, even if he doesn't say a word, but the occasional noise is enough to make him feel at ease, especially now, when he is sick.

Shen Nian was too afraid of being alone.

Gu Zhi saw Shen Nian's hesitation, and laughed, as if the unhappiness between the two before did not exist at all, looking at him brightly:

"Nian Nian is also reluctant, right?"

Shen Nian didn't speak, but Gu Zhi was very happy. He wanted to get closer to Shen Nian, hold his hand like before, shake it lightly, and act coquettishly. He didn't want to gain anything by acting coquettishly. It's just subconsciously wanting to get close to Shen Nian, he hasn't done this for a long time.

But Shen Nian rejected him: "Stay away from me."

The tone was still not very good, but Gu Zhi was obedient, and just curled his lips slightly to express his dissatisfaction.

Shen Nian saw it, but inexplicably felt that this was Gu Zhi's real emotion, but he didn't dare to speak out when he was dissatisfied.

Shen Nian didn't pay attention to his emotions, and didn't want to continue arguing with Gu Zhi:

"Go back to sleep, I'm sleepy."

His complexion was really bad, and it was indeed getting late, Gu Zhi didn't want to stay any longer: "Then go to bed early, and call me if you have something to do, I'm a light sleeper, I can hear you just by calling out. "

Shen Nian didn't respond, Gu Zhi reluctantly left the room, the moment the door was closed, Shen Nian slowly let out a breath of relief.

What Gu Zhi said was correct, he was indeed indifferent to him because he was afraid that Gu Zhi would find out that he was sick and take care of him. Although his attitude towards Gu Zhi had not eased, it was two different things.

How to resolve the relationship between the two is a matter for later, but there is no need to be sick together.

Shen Nian didn't want to involve anyone because of herself.

Maybe it was because he slept too much in the afternoon. Even though he was a little uncomfortable, he was still in good spirits. He lay under the covers and looked at the air conditioner at work and thought about a lot of messy things. When I came home once, I thought about Liang Qiu, Grandma Qin, and the final exam. I thought about it a lot.

His thoughts were confused, and sleepiness also came. When he fell asleep, he vaguely heard the sound of the door opening. He was unconscious, but he could sense the surroundings, but he couldn't open his eyes. He heard footsteps and noticed someone standing there. Beside the bed, I also felt a hand on my forehead, and seemed to murmur:

"It's so hot."

After the murmuring, Shen Nian became quiet again. Shen Nian started to panic. He wanted to wake up and see if he was alone again. He wanted to make sure that there was still someone with him. The murmuring just now was not his illusion. , but he couldn't wake up, he couldn't even open his eyes.

He seemed to be suppressed by something, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't break free from this situation. He wanted to call, Liang Qiu, Grandma Qin, and Gu Zhi, but he couldn't make a sound. Opening your mouth is a luxury.

Why can't I move?why?Are they all gone?Can you not go?Don't think so much about yourself, you're ignorant, okay... Wake up, wake up and keep them... What should I do when they leave?

Shen Nian desperately wanted to get rid of it, but he couldn't move no matter what, he was about to collapse in this emotion, when he was about to be unable to suppress it, a burst of cold touch fell on his forehead, all his restlessness and uneasiness, They seemed to be miraculously suppressed, and slowly quieted down.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian and wondered in a low voice, "Did you have a nightmare?"

I don't know if it's a nightmare or discomfort, Shen Nian kept frowning, his body seemed to be struggling with something, his whole body was tense, Gu Zhi was still hesitating whether to wake him up, but he saw The moment the towel was placed on his forehead, he gradually calmed down and dismissed the idea.

It's good for a sick person to get a good night's sleep.

Shen Nian's forehead was very hot, and the cold towel became warm within a few minutes. Gu Zhi felt that this was not an option, and wanted to go to the living room to check his temperature in the medicine cabinet, although he didn't know much about illness. , but also knew that continuous high temperature would be very dangerous, but Gu Zhi just got up, Shen Nian grabbed his hand as if he had a sense.

His mouth moved, as if he was saying something, but the voice was so low that Gu Zhi could hardly hear it.

Gu Zhi thought that something was wrong with him, so he approached Shen Nian worriedly: "What does Nian Nian want to say?"

Shen Nian moved his mouth again, although the voice was still very small, but Gu Zhi could hear him clearly, heard his words, he heard Shen Nian say:

"Don't go..."

Gu Zhi was stunned for a moment, and could hardly believe that this was what Shen Nian would say, but after thinking about it carefully, it was what Shen Nian would say, but he hadn't said it all the time.

Seeing Shen Nianshao in a daze but still holding his hand tightly, Gu Zhi felt a little distressed, he rarely felt this way, he didn't even feel distressed for himself, let alone for others , but he just fell in love with Shen Nian, even he himself didn't quite understand why.

Perhaps looking at Shen Nian like this made Gu Zhi think of himself in the past. When he was sick before, he was the same as Shen Nian now, with no one to accompany him.

He and Shen Nian are actually the same kind of person in essence, but with different personalities, they have completely different ways of dealing with things.

Gu Zhi held Shen Nian's hand instead, but he was careful not to use too much force, he already had chicken pox on the back of his hand, and Gu Zhi was afraid that it would break if he squeezed it, so he just held him in a vain manner:

"I won't go, Nian Nian, I won't go, I'll get the thermometer and take my temperature, okay?"

Shen Nian still frowned, but didn't respond to his words. Gu Zhi tried to let go of his hand, but once he let go, Shen Nian hummed uncomfortably, just like a child, Gu Zhi didn't want Shen Nian to feel uncomfortable, his body was already uncomfortable No matter how uncomfortable he felt, he might collapse, so he didn't leave immediately, but comforted Shen Nian by the side:

"Don't go, don't go, I won't go, Nian Nian go to sleep, I will accompany Nian Nian, Nian Nian will be fine, just wake up..."

After saying these words back and forth countless times, and changing the towel on his forehead countless times, Shen Nian finally calmed down a bit. When Gu Xie let go of his hand, he accepted it calmly, but Gu Zhi I didn't feel relieved, so I went to get the thermometer and came back.

The mercury ones need to be tucked under the armpits. Gu Zhi lifted the quilt, opened Shen Nian's arms, and carefully pulled Shen Nian's collar, only to find that he also had a lot of chickenpox, some of which popped out, but everyone Some are just like rashes.

Gu Zhi felt a little uncomfortable, although he knew that Shen Nian's illness was a good thing and a turning point for their current relationship, but he was unwilling to use this method.

Even if it wasn't in this way, he still had the confidence to make Shen Nian believe in him again.

But whether he wanted it or not, Shen Nian was already like this. Gu Zhi didn't let himself think too much, and sent the thermometer in. The thermometer was very cold, and when he put it under Shen Nian's armpit, he frowned again. Frowning, Gu Zhi hurriedly comforted him with a few words, Shen Nian gradually became still and fell asleep again.

Gu Zhi glanced at the time, sat down beside the bed, and looked at Shen Nian without blinking.

He has seen Shen Nian in many ways, cold, forbearing, aggrieved, angry, and vulnerable, but he has never seen him rely on someone like this now.

Most of Shen Nian is cold and cheerless, as if he doesn't care about anything, he can be indifferent to any unfair treatment, once Gu Zhi thought he didn't need those things, but later Gu Zhi understood him, he and himself The same, I need both, but I dare to say and do, but Shen Nian only dares to bury it in the bottom of my heart.

What he wants is no less than himself.

What exactly did Shen Nian go through to make him have such a temper?

Not good at all, too easy to be bullied.

There is almost no risk in surrendering his sincerity to such a person, to a certain extent he doesn't want it more than himself, because he can bear it, if Shen Nian does it again, it may not be so.

When the time was almost up, Gu Zhi carefully took out the thermometer again, looked at the temperature and frowned immediately, it was 39 degrees.

Gu Zhi didn't wait any longer. He had been changing the towels for more than an hour and still had the same body temperature. It could be seen that it had no effect at all. After putting on his clothes, he left the small courtyard and ran to the clinic on the street in the dark.

The doctor was sleepy and was called up by Gu Zhi. After walking outside, he woke up from the cold when he arrived at Shen's small courtyard. He checked Shen Nian's body for chickenpox and took his temperature again. Prescribe some antipyretics:

"Give him antipyretics when the temperature is above 38.5, and don't use it below. Most chickenpox will have a fever. This is a normal phenomenon."

Gu Zhi responded, and said dryly: "Okay."

"Chickenpox is itchy, don't let him scratch it, there is a risk of infection, and it will leave scars, especially on the face, it's not good to have scars if he looks so handsome."

The doctor just praised Shen Nian for being handsome, Gu Zhi frowned, and told him rationally that it was nothing, but he just felt uncomfortable, as if Shen Nian was good-looking and didn't need others to know.

Gu Zhi was patient with Shen Nian, could bear it, and could persuade himself about anything, but he didn't think about it at all for other people.

"I see, you can go."

The doctor has a carefree temperament, he didn't hear the emotion in Gu Zhi's words at all, he just thought he was worried about Shen Nian, so he raised his hand and patted him on the shoulder:

"It's the same with chickenpox. Don't worry too much. You should pay attention to it yourself. This disease is highly contagious. While taking care of patients, you should also take good care of yourself. You should change your clothes and sheets frequently. Don't wait for him to recover before you fall down again."

After saying this, the doctor left, because what he said just now made Gu Zhi unhappy, so he didn't go to deliver it, anyway, he paid for it himself.

Gu Zhi fed Shen Nian the medicine, and at almost three o'clock in the morning, Shen Nian's high fever subsided to 37 degrees 4. Although he still had a fever, his complexion looked better. Shen Nian started to move around, maybe it was because the high fever no longer bothered him and made him uncomfortable, so the feeling of itching was magnified, even when he fell asleep, he subconsciously wanted to scratch.

Gu Zhi just held Shen Nian's hand like this, while holding him to prevent him from scratching, he softly comforted him:

"It doesn't itch, can I blow it to Niannian? It won't itch..."

Gu Zhi moved to the back of Shen Nian's hand, and gently blew on the chickenpox on it, over and over again, wondering if it really worked, Shen Nian actually calmed down a little, and soon fell asleep again.

But Gu Zhi didn't dare to sleep. He was worried that Shen Nian would burn again, and he was also worried that he would scratch him. After all, although he didn't like what the doctor said, he still agreed. Gu Zhi didn't want to see what was on it, or in his hand, so he could only be a little more careful, and a little more careful.

In this way, Gu Zhi held Shen Nian's hand and guarded it all night, and when the sky was slightly bright in the morning, he couldn't hold back and fell asleep lying on the bedside.

When Shen Nian woke up, he subconsciously wanted to rub his forehead. It might be because of the burning all night. He had a headache, but when he raised his hand, he found that he couldn't lift it. He lowered his eyes and saw that his hand had been touched by someone. Grabbing, following the man's hand, he looked towards the position beside the bed.

Gu Zhi fell asleep, lying on the side of the bed with his arms pillowed, as if he was extremely tired.

Shen Nian couldn't react for a moment, even though he knew that he should get Gu Zhi up quickly, the risk of being infected by him being so close to him was too great, but Shen Nian didn't move.

The basin, towel, water cup and medicine next to him reminded him what Gu Zhi did last night when he was burning himself in a daze. It's been a night, and it seems too late to drive him away now.

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, unable to figure out whether his actions were sincere or acting, but anything was fine, anything was fine, Shen Nian didn't want to get a clear answer at this moment, he only knew that at this moment he was watching The scenes I saw and the nightmares of my childhood seemed to overlap.

Perhaps it was because Gu Zhi was too strong, so that those nightmares were turned into fragments, and he began to leave the scene unwillingly. In the end, he couldn't remember every detail of being locked in this room, and replaced it with this night of waiting.