stray

The hug lasted a long time.

It seems that silence is the background color of this night. How excited he was to celebrate the New Year before coming here, how enthusiastic he was when he confessed, how quiet he is now.

Yan Ruizhi heard the slight sound of breathing, but he didn't dare to look back at He Nian's expression, as if escaping was the only solution he could give.

But a voice whispered in my heart, no, it's not like this.

It shouldn't be like this.

Yan Ruizhi has never been tempted by others, and he doesn't even know what kind of emotion it should be.

It's not that he didn't imagine that one day he and He Nianhui would not be able to maintain the original "funding" relationship, but when this day came, he chose to refuse as he imagined, but he didn't expect that he would be so sad.

"Okay, okay." He heard He Nian clear his throat, his voice rose again, he stroked Yan Ruizhi's back up and down as if soothing, and moved away slowly.

His tone sounded quite relaxed: "I might not be able to hold it any longer."

"Shall I take you back?" He said to Yan Ruizhi.

Yan Ruizhi actually wanted to say no, since he had already rejected him, He Nian didn't have to take care of himself like this anymore.

It's just that getting along during this period of time seems to have become a habit. His car keys are still on He Nian, and when he raised his head, the other party had sat in the driver's seat with ease and was quietly waiting for him.

There will be no progress if the stalemate continues, Yan Ruizhi sighed in his heart, and followed him into the car.

There was no traffic jam on the way back, but the restless New Year greetings also calmed down, no longer humming unknown tunes while driving, no longer waiting for the traffic lights to turn around, and making a harmless joke or two.

When he stopped at the downstairs of Yan Ruizhi's apartment, He Nian returned the key to Yan Ruizhi: "Mr. Yan, then shall I go up with you to pack something?"

Yan Ruizhi nodded.

When the two returned home, bright yellow lights enveloped them, adding an untimely warmth to the silent and gloomy atmosphere.

He thought of the old and dilapidated family building in the New Year. It has rained recently, and maybe it is still seeping water every day.

"You..." He looked at He Nian and wanted him not to go back there. He was already used to having one more person at home.

It's just that I don't have such a position now.

"I want to stay here too, Mr. Yan." He Nian seemed to have sensed his thoughts.

And He Nian has always been very straightforward, so he continued without shyness: "But, I can no longer live with you."

"You know what's on my mind. I can't go back to how I was before." He Nian exhaled lightly, pursed his lips and raised his head.

He smiled: "To be honest, I regret it a little, but not particularly."

"When I was driving just now, I thought, if I didn't confess to you today, we might have sex again after we come back tonight, and then I will take you to work tomorrow, have dinner together at noon, and drive you to school in the afternoon. In the first row, we will prepare courseware and multimedia for you, and when you finish class, we will go back to the company together."

He spoke very calmly, these words are hardly hypothetical, they are very likely to happen.

"However," He Nian's words quickly turned around, "It's not the way to always be like this."

Even though he was so sad when he was rejected just now, the enthusiasm in the New Year's tone has not been dissipated: "As long as I don't explain it to you for a day, I will always think about it. If I keep thinking about it, this kind of emotion will always be piled up in my heart." , can't find the source."

"At least I tried to prepare for it today," He Nian stood in front of him, "If one day I really can't help it, maybe my head will get too hot and I won't pick the time or the place. That would be bad."

"I still want to be a little more romantic."

Every word of New Year's greetings carries unrelenting love, and he called his name for the third time on this day: "Yan Ruizhi."

"And today is so meaningful, I really don't want to just treat it as an ordinary day." Obviously, every word of New Year's greetings is decent and reasonable, but Yan Ruizhi only feels that he is cornered, "I know you just want to be with me I maintain the physical relationship, I tried to think about whether I really want to continue like this with you, but now I am sure, it is difficult for me to do it. "

"You don't know how many nights I want to kiss your lips, but in the end I can only end up somewhere else."

"Hi Nian, you..." Yan Ruizhi could hardly listen.

He wants to say that you are too young, there will always be someone better waiting for you, but he is just a cowardly, inferior, timid and sensitive person who dare not even confess his confession, such a bad object.

"And I don't believe you don't feel anything for me."

When Yan Ruizhi said that, he even felt a little scared.

"You obviously pampered me so much, otherwise I wouldn't have succeeded again and again. I don't believe you would do this to every student like me," He Nian looked into his eyes, "but it doesn't seem to make sense to say that now. "

He laughed again, Yan Ruizhi felt panic for the first time, as if all the things he was trying to hide were inevitable and he had to face them.

But He Nian no longer forced him.

The corners of his eyes were bent, and there were still sporadic lights in the valley of the amusement park, and he said to him again: "Happy Children's Day, happy birthday, whether you promise me or not, you must always be happy."

Yan Ruizhi was slightly stunned for two seconds this time, and then smiled back at He Nian.

Because of family and various reasons, it seems that he hasn't heard such a blessing for a long time.

Everyone has made him mature early since he was a child—including himself, who always pushes himself. June [-]st is just an insignificant birthday to him, but now there is a person who is much younger than himself Sincerely say to him, Happy Children's Day.

For a moment, Yan Ruizhi felt that he could choose not to grow up so fast, or try to be a child once in this day.

"Thank you," he said.

"However, Mr. Yan," He Nian said, "I still want to keep chasing you."

"You said it all, I'm still young," He Nian looked at him, "Then give me a few more chances to hit the wall."

"I won't be as abrupt as this time. If I make you uncomfortable, I will stop. If you don't want to see me, I won't show up. If you really hate me..." He Nian's voice dropped for a moment, "I will resign, Never appear in front of you again."

After He Nian finished speaking, he didn't ask if it was okay, and he didn't say anything like give me some time.

Yan Ruizhi thought, since he rejected them all, he should be firmer.

If he said he hated it now, then New Year may really not stay in his life from now on.

But he couldn't lie to himself, it was true that he wanted to reject the straightforward courtship, and it was true that he couldn't say that he hated it.

Once again he felt really mean and swayed.

But the New Year's greetings are still in his ears. After so long and so many years, the phrase "Happy Children's Day" finally fell into his heart.

Yan Ruizhi didn't turn his eyes away this time, he looked at He Nian, his eyes were even slightly red, but he answered irrelevantly: "If... I could meet you earlier."

In all the past haunted by nightmares, in all the times full of indifference and deceit, if you were here, would it be completely different?

He was thinking like this, but when he closed his eyes just now, he suddenly felt a warmth on his face.

He Nian's fingertips passed by, and he was startled to realize his gaffe.

"I know I was wrong." He Nian smiled wryly, finally there was a look of helplessness in his eyes, "I won't force you anymore, Mr. Yan."

He tried his best to make the atmosphere a little more relaxed. He Nian's thumb and forefinger twirled the bit of saltiness, and hid his hands behind his back: "Okay, I'll go and pack my things."

When he walked to his guest room, although he had lived with Yan Ruizhi for a while, there really wasn't much to clean up. He Nian quickly put the clothes into his bag and walked out.

"I won't take the toiletries home." He Nian said briskly, "What if one day..."

As if he was afraid of Yan Ruizhi's other reactions, he still didn't finish.

Yan Ruizhi stood quietly in the porch, watching He Nian take away the traces of his life one by one.

He stood there blankly, watching, thinking nothing, doing nothing.

Maybe in another 10 minutes, He Nian will walk out of this room, and this somewhat ridiculous relationship might be completely over from now on.

A voice said to itself, it is a good thing.

But another voice timidly said in a very low voice, wait, wait, wait.

maybe a little more time...

However, He Nian received it quickly, and came back to him: "President Yan, I'm leaving."

Yan Ruizhi just looked at him and didn't speak.

"What's the matter." He Nian was taller than him, tentatively reaching out to touch his face, smiling, "Don't look at me like that."

Seeing that Yan Ruizhi still didn't answer, He Nian could only jokingly say: "If you look at me like that again—I'm a young man, it would be embarrassing if I couldn't help it."

He Nian sighed, and went to get the bag beside him: "Then I—"

"If you want to do it," Yan Ruizhi looked at him and said mysteriously, "then stay here again this time."

As he spoke, he actively touched He Nian's shirt, and even put his hand in it implyingly.

He Nian froze instantly, and the bag he had just picked up fell back to the ground.

Yan Ruizhi actually knew what he was doing, his eyes were dim, but his movements didn't stop.

"the last time."

he heard himself say.

Anyway, that's how he and He Nian started.

Yan Ruizhi's eyelashes trembled slightly for a moment, thinking silently.

This night was more silent than any other night. The two hardly spoke, but they lived together for too long, and they always fit together, blending silently with the night.

Yan Ruizhi didn't deliberately suppress his voice, didn't cover his face with his arms, didn't pretend not to watch the New Year greetings, closed his eyes when he felt tired, and raised his brows lightly when he was happy.

Probably because of that sentence, even if He Nian is silent, he is more serious than ever, wanting to vent all his feelings, like tireless, not so gentle for the first time, and not so restrained for the first time.

And at a certain moment, he suddenly closed his eyes and leaned over, and lightly touched Yan Ruizhi's lips.

Yan Ruizhi also knew that he would not refuse.

The night is too long, enough to vent too many emotions that have no place to rest.

He saw that He Nian's eyelashes and the broken hair on his forehead were wet, but he was still so handsome that people were addicted.

Although the other party was a little fierce when he came forward, his lips and tongue were gentle enough.

He Nian raised his upper body slightly to look at him, his eyes were focused and affectionate, his wheat-colored arms were propped on the bed, his tone was different from the first time he was acting cute and begging for a kiss, it was not intentional, but full of love.

He touched him with his soft lips, and then apologized word by word: "I'm sorry, Mr. Yan, I couldn't hold back."

Yan Ruizhi had no way to blame him at all, and had no time to say anything else, so he could only whisper: "It's nothing."

Before this night, Yan Ruizhi always thought that the pure sponsorship relationship between the two was the simplest, and a momentary physical feeling would not be deceiving.

It can make people forget the thoughts they shouldn't have, only obey the instinct, and only indulge in the present moment.

But today he realized that even if he doesn't think about it, it can be so sour and bitter. Even if his instinct can make him escape, his deep emotions can't be hidden.

He Nian leaned over to look at him, a drop of sweat ran down his chin, and fell on Yan Ruizhi while lowering his head.

He stretched out his hand to hook the wet back of the other party's neck, pulled him towards him, and closed his eyes slightly as if catering to him.

He attains bliss while sinking into sorrow.