East Berlin's June Boat Song

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When Julian found me, I was hiding under the stairs of the abandoned building, curled up and shaking like a dog.Not far from me, Sonia's fragmented body was oozing blood endlessly under the huge impact. Julian staggered and fell to the ground when he saw it for the first time, and then rushed to the building to hug me , covered my eyes and stuffed me into the car.

When the car drove out of Karlshorst, it was broad daylight, his driving hands were shaking, and I was already out of control and about to faint. He could only feed me water and slap my face again and again, forcing me to wake up.

"Rhine, Rhine..."

I tried my best to focus my eyes, and the moment I saw him clearly, I screamed and cried hoarsely.

"I want to catch! I want to catch her! But I can't catch her! My hands touch her clothes... Oh God! Julian, why, why is this world so cruel! I ..."

I coughed violently, Julian parked the car by the secluded river and hugged me tightly.

"I know, I know you tried your best. Don't cry..."

He tried his best to wipe away my tears, but his own tears poured down violently.

No amount of comfort is in vain, what is lost can never come back, and our future is completely plunged into darkness.

There was no turning point, no room for redemption, I desperately sucked his warmth in his arms in pain, hugged him and kissed him insatiably, my fiery panting was full of lust, but the cold reality made us tremble all over.

"Julian..." I stroked his wet face and asked, "Do you already know everything?"

The moment he bowed his head, hot tears fell down, sinking to the bottom of the valley with my heart.

"The command has received a warrant from... the KGB Committee..."

My eyes widened, and I actually laughed out loud: "So, have you made up your mind too?"

He raised his eyes, his jaw trembled, tried hard to suppress his crying, held my face in his hands, and squeezed out a smile that was uglier than crying.

"I will... personally send you away..."

"No!" I shook my head in pain, "I won't go! I won't go, Julian! I want to be with you! I won't go!"

"Line... Rhine..." He restrained my struggling hands and held me tightly in his arms.

"Be obedient, be obedient to Rhine! You go to West Berlin, and I will block the KGBs here for you. They will try their best to chase and kill you, but believe me, I will not let their actions go smoothly... This is what you can do The only way to survive... the matter is, it is irreparable!"

I took a big breath in horror, and then completely collapsed, paralyzed in his arms, more desperate than ever before.

I looked up at him feebly, those beautiful green eyes couldn't give me any more strength, because the flame of hope was burning into embers of despair in his eyes too.There's nothing we can do about it, and neither can he.

Sonia has already sent us to a dead end, and the only thing before us is that I bear all the charges and be forced to defect.

I burst out laughing at all that has happened over the years.I don't understand, I don't understand too much, is it my fault, or the world's fault?

But until the last minute, no one gave me an answer.I only remember that I slept in his arms for more than an hour that day, and when I woke up again, it seemed that some power had penetrated into my heart.

I asked him, "It's going to be all right, isn't it?"

He smiled innocently as before, and his wet eyes gave me certainty: "Everything will be fine."

In the afternoon, he drove the car to my house and said, "Go up and pack up, and only bring what you need most."

I nodded and turned to go upstairs.I didn't have much to take with me on the road, Sasha's scarf and notebook, Ellen's cross necklace, the overcoat Julian bought for me in Leningrad years ago, and his picture of him sniffing flowers under the wisteria ...For the last time, I looked at this apartment, and tears came down again.

I just hope this isn't the last time I see it.

When I went downstairs, I stood on the stairs for a while, because I saw Julian lying on the steering wheel, heaving and shaking in pain, his silver hair could no longer shine, he looked so sad and desperate, I couldn't bear to pierce him he.

So I went upstairs again, ran down the stairs again, deliberately amplified the sound of my footsteps, and when I stood on the side of the street, he was already sitting in the car looking at me with a smile, his eyes were so red that it was about to break my heart.

"Just a suitcase?" After I sat in the co-pilot, he asked pretending not to care.

"Yeah." I nodded, "Anyway, it won't be long before I come back."

"Yes, it won't take long. You can go over there and find out about George. He seems to be caught by the British. He is in a very bad situation. Go and rescue him."

"Is this the task you gave me?"

He glanced at me and nodded with a smile: "Yes, the task for you is to rescue our Diomede, our mole."

"Maybe after I rescue him and everything is over, I will come back and meet you again. Then you don't want to have a new love."

"There will be no new love. No matter how long it takes, I only have you in my heart, and I will always only love you. One of the things I regret the most is saying I love you too late, too little."

He turned the steering wheel, and the night gradually invaded, and the lights on the Brandenburg Gate began to come on.The car was parked not far from the border, and the Stasi could be seen from a distance driving to the border checkpoint.

"Then tell me more, Julian, that you love me."

"I love you, Rhine, I love you."

"I love you too, I will always love you, Julian, my Julian."

I still remember that we embraced each other, kissed each other deeply, our lips and tongues were entangled, our love was strong, and we refused to let go for a long time.We didn't end that lingering kiss until the sound of barbed wire dragging on the ground was heard in the distance.

He stroked my head and touched my forehead.

"Don't be afraid, I will do my best to block you here, you just run away, just save George, remember everything that Sasha gave you, the people who chased you are from the Second Bureau, you have to see You can’t hide, go find Richard and ask him to give you asylum. Don’t worry about your position, don’t worry that I will be sad here, as long as you have your love, as long as you are alive, the world is the world to me The greatest happiness and luck in the world."

"Believe that we will meet again, definitely."

In the end, he pressed a kiss on my lips lightly, and hot tears dripped down my cheeks.

"Get out of the car, go forward, don't look back."

"Remember, don't look back."

I gritted my teeth, kissed him with all my strength, jumped out of the car, and walked straight towards the fence where the barbed wire was being pulled up.

Under the puzzled gazes of the Stasi who knew my identity well, I carried my suitcase and walked through the checkpoint with life-bearing steps. No one asked me, let alone stopped me.

At 1961:8 p.m. on August 12, 11, I crossed the border between East and West Berlin and embarked on the road of defection to be hunted down.I still remember the sound of the barbed wire being pulled up behind me that day, the empty guns the Stasi fired into the sky to scare the refugees, and the puzzled shouts of Du En and other subordinates behind me, my cries echoed in the wind, But I didn't look back.

In the end, there was no turning back.

No, turn back.

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PS: it will end tomorrow