East Berlin's June Boat Song

=============================

I dreamed that blood poured down my head like a waterfall, turning my vision into a bright red, and the exposed joints rubbed against the cold ground, as if the bones were being polished by a file.What else is being torn apart? The body, or the soul that is holding on, seems complete, but it is already fragmented.

But it wasn't me who was broken.

My consciousness seemed to seep into another person's body, peeping into his restless, bewildered, trembling soul.Burned by the flames of anger, this soul was like a frozen glass bursting in the intense heat, and the glass shards scattered all over the ground, under the light of the fire, looked like drops of tears.

The painful sobs never stopped, and the tender fingertips passed over his forehead, and every inch of his body, there was a slight tremor.I wanted to hold these hands, but I couldn't.

What remains of consciousness tells me that he needs me.

I can't continue to sink in my sleep, I want to soothe his grief-stricken heart in a waking state.

So I woke up, opened my eyes, and a tear fell on my face.I smiled and stretched out my hand to caress his cheek, the corners of his red eyes, the wet eyelashes, and said hoarsely, "Don't cry."

"Don't cry, don't cry for me, because I don't hurt anymore."

"Why doesn't it hurt?" He touched my face and held me in his arms: "I feel pain."

"Because you said you love me, so I don't hurt anymore." I curled up happily in his arms, savoring his voice when he said he loves me, he loves me, yes, I know he loves me, but I can say Coming out is another feeling, a different meaning.

The wallpaper is battered and cracked, with gaps that reveal a horrible truth every moment.In this era, no one is entitled to have a secret. If you want to keep from being known by others, it is best never to say it.He was bugged, and he, a Soviet general, commander in chief, was bugged.

And he knew everything.

I just feel sad, terrible, and distressed.

He read the emotions from my eyes and said softly, "It's okay, everything is over."

"Evgeny died at the hands of the Americans, and the video was intercepted by me halfway, and it was not sent to Lubyanka. Everything will be fine. I will not leave you, and I will love you forever."

His voice trembled.

"But do you believe me? I hope you believe me, but you are not qualified. I said that I would not let anyone hurt you, but I always let you get hurt. I brought you into such a world and ruined your life. I regret it, I regret it so much... I hate myself, I wish I could give you my life..."

"No, don't say that." I hugged him heartbroken: "I believe in you, I believe in everything about you, believe that you love me, believe that we will always belong to each other..."

"If I have to be in this world to fall in love with you, I am willing to stay in this world forever."

I kissed him impatiently, wanting to prove my trust in him, the tip of his tongue penetrated into my lips, slowly and meticulously grazing every inch, very emotional, as if searching, his breath was hot , our tears are sticky between the cheeks that are close to each other, very painful, but very happy.

Deep in love, we were entangled in bed, and he touched me like fragile porcelain, but I was ashamed.The dodging eyes once again exposed the indelible shadows that those things had caused to me. After he keenly sensed it, he hugged me tightly, stopped moving, and wept silently, but he couldn't bear to let me see it.

"I'll be fine." I reassured him, "Both physically and mentally, I'll be fine."

He choked up imperceptibly, turned his head away, and said softly: "When I was treating your wound, I couldn't restrain my hand shaking at all. I can't imagine... I can't imagine..."

I smiled sadly, thinking in my heart, it was really painful, life would be worse than death.But compared to those, what scares me more is your sadness and panic.

But I shook my head anyway and said, "They gave me a potion so I can't feel anything, really."

He caringly did not expose my clumsy lies, we cling to each other like two innocent children, kissing in deep affection, but it has nothing to do with desire.

He just hugged me like that, half leaning on the bed, his eyes staring blankly at other places.

My wounds have been healed and it's been three days since I woke up.During my coma, he was by my side all the time except for dealing with the aftermath.Comrade Ansolov would send the food to the piano room on the third floor every day, but he had no choice but to serve it intact.He couldn't eat, said the old comrade, the general couldn't eat anything at all until I woke up.

"That's not okay." After the freshly delivered lunch, he feeds me a bowl of soup.

"If you don't want to eat it, I won't eat it either."

He pursed his lips and smiled, put the spoon into his mouth helplessly, and looked at me dotingly: "It's all right now."

I smiled happily: "Then let's eat all of these together, shall we?"

He nodded with a smile, so gentle that it was about to melt into a puddle of water, the white and slender fingers holding the spoon seemed boneless, no one would think of these hands... these hands...

A terrible memory hit me, and I was stunned for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Seeing me stunned, he picked up a handkerchief and wiped the soup stains from the corner of my mouth.

I hurriedly held his hand, begged and said, "Promise me, never do that again."

"What kind?" His pupils trembled.

I bowed my head sadly, not knowing what to say.Don't kill with an ax?Don't be so cruel?

Finally, I whispered out a sentence: "Stop destroying yourself."

Yes, don't destroy your remaining conscience and kindness, don't throw yourself into hell, don't sink into killing, and don't let the thorny thorns grow in your heart.

He smiled knowingly, squeezed my face, and said softly: "Okay, I promise you."

I raised my eyes in surprise, the sun fell on him from outside the window, the white clothes and silver hair shrouded in a hazy brilliance, faintly blurred outwards, the sincerity in the blue eyes made me believe that he really understood what I was doing Whatever you say, you have indeed made a promise to me that you will never break.

I want his brokenness to reunite, and I will do my best to repair the rift in the soul with unbreakable love.

I raised my hand to smooth the hair on his forehead, and looked at him affectionately. His thinness recently made my heart ache. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against his face. His silver eyelashes drooped and slowly closed Eye.

It seemed that everything was the same and nothing happened. During the day, after Julian went to the headquarters building, I was recuperating in the white mansion. Comrade Ansolov took good care of me, and Sonia never appeared again.

The sun was pouring into the yard, and Ansolov and I sat quietly, our eyes falling leisurely into the distance.

The sycamore trees sway in the wind, the summer lawns and boxwoods all present a vibrant green, and the cornflowers and lily-of-the-valleys do not hesitate to pour sweet floral fragrances, forming a sharp contrast with our silence.

The old comrade didn't ask me what happened. His cloudy eyes were very sad. I have rarely seen him show such an expression.He didn't speak, just took one of my hands and put it on his lap, as if I would disappear.

I didn't think about anything but Julian, who was eight hours a day at headquarters, and I missed him for eight hours.Let the brain be completely empty, only the voice of him saying he loves me is left.

I heard that Yevgeny's death was suppressed by high-level officials. It coincided with the meeting between Kennedy and Khrushchev. Both sides hoped to hold talks in a peaceful and friendly manner.

On July [-], the first summit meeting was held at the home of the American ambassador. To show fairness, the second meeting was held at the home of the Soviet ambassador.In the second meeting, when it came to the Berlin issue, the atmosphere turned cold in an instant.

Khrushchev expressed his plan to sign a peace agreement with the GDR, even unilaterally if necessary.After signing the agreement, "because there is no longer a state of war, all rights to enter Berlin will be terminated." When Kennedy asked "whether this peace agreement will block access to Berlin", Khrushchev's answer was "Yes, because the Soviet Union considers the whole of Berlin to be part of Berlin territory."

Khrushchev issued another six-month ultimatum. After the transitional arrangements in December, West Berlin will no longer be open, and all Western troops must withdraw from West Berlin.But he added that in order to save face, these armies can still retain a small part of the army as representatives, which will be combined with the Soviet army and be controlled by the GDR.If the United States did not agree to this transitional arrangement, the Soviet Union would have signed a peace agreement with the GDR in December anyway.

And Kennedy ended the meeting with a sentence-"This will be a severe winter."

I read this in the Pravda newspaper that Ansolov brought me, and even the most politically insensitive could realize the seriousness of the problem.When Julian hugged me to sleep at night, he would carefully analyze the situation with me.

But I still feel uneasy about Evgeni in my heart. The US-Soviet meeting has ended, so a detailed investigation into the cause of Evgeni's death will also be put on the agenda.

"The central government will definitely take measures to avoid the loss of refugees. This is the top priority. As long as I complete this task well, let him win this round, and then put some pressure on Shelepin, their investigation will not go smoothly."

"Is it really okay?" I couldn't restrain the anxiety in my heart and hugged him tightly.

"Really, I've had enough." He kissed my forehead. "For years no matter what they did, people tried to pull me down. They discriminated against my origin, they ignored my beliefs, they couldn't overcome their fear of me. You can only frame me with ulterior motives, but I have come to this day, and I have passed countless difficulties, and this time is the same."

"Besides, I have you by my side."

He smiled softly and bit my lip: "I will do my best."

I retracted into his arms with tears in my eyes, wishing I could melt myself into his body.I prayed to Jehovah a thousand times and ten thousand times in my heart, don’t let me be separated from this person. My life and his life are already tightly entwined, and no matter what, I can’t let go easily.I will also do my best. If he wants to fight, I will fight with him. No matter what kind of difficulties we face, I will not back down.

As if declaring war, he and I both had piercing eyes, we looked at each other affectionately, kissed heartily in the night, entangled each other's bodies in high passion and fighting spirit, comforted each other, were extremely gentle and tireless, until dawn.