Black Powder Monologue Diary

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2020. 4, 25

It has been more than a month since I last wrote a diary.I am completely unmotivated.

The reason for writing the diary was simply because of Tan Ling.But now, seeing such a thing with my own eyes, it's really ironic.

I have always thought that I only like Tan Ling's face, and everything else about her has nothing to do with me.But when I experienced it firsthand and heard her words, it was hard for me not to care.

I don't actually mind her throwing my gift.It's understandable that she doesn't like the gift, I have nothing to say.What I mind is that the appearance behind her is completely different from what I imagined, and it is completely different from the gentle and pure image in TV dramas.She must be hiding a lot.

The way she spoke to her agent also made me uncomfortable.There are a lot more.In fact, seeing her in private that day made me very uncomfortable in many ways.

I didn't say anything online.Because, just thinking about that day, I feel tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing.Once, it took half an hour to slow down while holding on to the railing beside me.I will never put these things into words, post them online, let others judge, and then aggravate my discomfort.

How Tan Ling is doing has nothing to do with me.No matter how wicked she is, let others find out and pay attention to her.

I didn't work as a make-up artist on the production team anymore. On the one hand, it was because there were more things in school, and on the other hand, I naturally didn't want to go.I was originally a part-time job, and the agency didn't say anything, and asked another makeup artist to fill it in for me.And I went to the mountain to collect specimens with my instructor.

In the middle, I went to the school's consulting room once and told the psychiatrist about it, but I didn't mention Tan Ling's name.A psychiatrist advised me to continue journaling.She said that no matter what the original intention of writing a diary is, she must stick to it.

I thought about it and continued writing.Just jot down something.

During this month, a lot of things actually happened.Let's start with the things that matter the least to me.

That day, a few days after I came back, I saw the photo of Ji Shanye visiting the crew at night.The gossip media captured a picture of him talking to Tan Ling, and the title of the news was "Ji Shanye visits Tan Ling's new drama, breaking the rumors of emotional change!"

The following comments, on the one hand, Kuaji Shanye's beauty is irresistible to the camera. He has rarely filmed in the past two years, and rarely showed his face in public. It is not easy for the gossip media to photograph him once.

On the other hand, of course, is his high-profile romance.Many people asked when Ji Shanye and Tan Ling got married. After all, it has been almost two years since they announced their relationship.However, there are also a large number of people who are still not optimistic about the relationship between Ji Shanye and Tan Ling.

None of this has anything to do with me.But I can't help but wonder why Ji Shanye would fall in love with Tan Ling who has such a personality in private.Even if you like it, you don't like it to that extent.I can't figure it out, but maybe Ji Shanye just happens to like her like that, anyway, don't celebrities like to be different?

One more little thing.When working on a project with the classmates in the group, we went to a restaurant for dinner.When I entered, I smelled a very familiar smell as soon as I was seated.

I thought about it and realized that it was the woody fragrance I smelled from Ji Shanye that day, but it was slightly stronger than his body.

The scent was from the classmate opposite me. I don't have much contact with him, and I can't remember his name.But I suddenly wondered what the name of that perfume was.

A few classmates around me were chatting, but I didn't know why I spoke.I asked the classmate opposite: "What is the name of the perfume you wear?"

Several people who were chatting looked at me, and the classmate didn't seem to expect that I would ask this question, but he still replied: "It seems to be called RAIN, it's a brand with a pretty name, I brought it here when I traveled to Paris. "

"Oh." I stopped talking.

Meng Tianhe, who was sitting beside me, asked me in a low voice, "Since when did you pay so much attention to perfume?"

Meng Tianhe is one of the few classmates in my undergraduate and graduate students who have a good relationship.He is naturally optimistic, warm and playful, and friendly to everyone.There are a lot of good friends, and I can hardly be regarded as one of them.

"No, I'll just ask by the way." I have already begun to regret why I asked that sentence just now.

"Lin Yu, you usually don't say a word for a long time, but you actually ask what kind of perfume you want." He laughed and said, "You are so flamboyant, you don't usually wear perfume."

After eating, we settled the bill.A few other students walked faster than us, and Meng Tianhe and I were a little behind.He put his shoulders on my shoulders, looked at the back in front of me, and said to me: "Look at Wu Feng, there are famous brands all over his body. When he went up the mountain with his instructor, he was dressed so handsomely, and he didn't get any stains on his hands. Soil. It’s like us, doing a research, farming and weeding, covered in soil, just like a farmer.”

I remembered, Wu Feng was the classmate I asked him the name of the perfume.

"He came to graduate school to cross Phnom Penh. Don't worry about anything. You can see that he has been here several times during the supervisor's meeting. He can't recognize all the names in the plant history book. If you don't report it as it is, you can pass it all."

"This is the difference between people." He sighed.

Of course I know the gap between us.Just like I checked the name of that bottle of perfume on my phone just now, the price of nearly four digits is indeed not affordable for ordinary people.

I thought of Ji Shanye.A big star is always a big star, and there is a gap between ordinary people.