inferior possession

That is to say, Lu has never known why his name is different from others since he was a child.

The children he knew in the streets and alleys all had surnames, Zhao Qian, Sun Li, Zhou Wu, King Zheng, none of them had names like his.

He didn't even know what his name meant.

Ask my mother, my mother is not well-educated, and she is even more impatient with wasting time on his inexplicable questions.

Until that day, a woman came to the Qingai Orphanage. She was cleanly dressed, graceful and generous, and well educated.

She told him that the word deer means "to chase a deer".

She told Ji Lu that his name comes from an idiom, that is, Lu Wuyu, which means going into the mountains to fight deer. Without the help of Yu Guan, who is familiar with the nature of deer, it would be a waste of effort and he could only return empty-handed.

Ji Lu lay on the bed, looked at her with wide eyes, frowned and thought for a long time before slowly shaking his head, "This name is not good."

The woman laughed, "Why do you say that?"

Ji Lu thought about it, and said seriously, "Chasing a deer will frighten the deer; hunting deer in the mountains, the deer is the prey." He shook his head and licked his dry lips, "This name has a bad meaning."

The woman looked at him, as if a little surprised by his thinking, and fondled his head lovingly. Before she could speak, the boy standing next to her spoke first.

"I think the moral is good," he said.

Ji Lu was slightly taken aback, his eyes wandered, and he fell on the slender young man, looking at his delicate and handsome face, his face became hot, and he asked in a low voice, "Where is the best?"

Duan Congzhen looked down at him, his eyes were as cold and bottomless as ever.

"That is to say, it means to get close to, to touch, that is, a deer. It can also be understood as the desire to get close to a deer, so you chase it, and hope to play with it. Don't you think it is very similar to courtship?"

The dry and cold voice was as deep as water, and he spoke ambiguous words, but they were extraordinarily serious, falling into Ji Lu's ears, adding a different layer of laziness.

The tips of the ears became hot, that is, the deer's chin shrank under the quilt, and the eyes staring at the boy also inadvertently became infatuated and hot.

From that day on, Jilu fell in love with his own name.

A unique name given special meaning by Duan Congzhen.

Namely deer.

Chase a deer.

·

He went back to the small rented house.

The house is leaking and dripping, and the sound insulation is not good. Dust falls from the roof from time to time, and mice scurry through it.

The smell of dust and decay in the house that has not been lived in for a long time spreads into the nostrils, making people sick.

That is, the deer curled up on the bed, shivering like a chill.

He didn't go back to Duan Congzhen's house, he felt a kind of fear from the bottom of his heart, that house was cold, dark and full of people.

He can no longer feel safe.

He went back to his dilapidated house where he was lingering in the city.

Outside the door, the couple next door were still arguing and beating their children. The sound of shaking the bed board upstairs and the high-pitched panting could be heard clearly. in pain.

He tensed up and waited anxiously.

He felt as if he was going to have an illness, but he didn't, but he was more afraid of the illness itself than he was when he really had an illness.

That sense of uncertainty, not sure whether he will get sick, not sure when he will get sick, and not sure how much it can torture him.

Just like gambling, the only thing that is certain is that he will never have a good time.

The body began to tremble, and the breathing gradually became difficult. That is, the deer was panting hard, the pupils were dilated, the body temperature dropped, and the feeling of dying had already climbed into the mind.

He should take medicine.

But all his medicines are in Duan Congzhen's house.

During this period of time, he always forgot to take the medicine on time, and every night he would wake up from a dream, quietly climbed out of bed, went to the living room to swallow the medicine, standing in the dark house, he just felt powerless.

Later, when Duan Congzhen found out, he would supervise him to take medicine.

"Bambi." Duan Congzhen pushed his hair back from his forehead, "Did you take your medicine on time today?"

Ji Lu shook his head feebly, he didn't care about it anymore.

"That's not okay. How can you get better if you don't take medicine?"

Duan Congzhen smiled, hugged him to comfort him gently, lifted his face from his arms, squeezed the pill and stuffed it into his mouth, and then held a cup to feed him water.

Even when the deer leaned against his arms, he could feel Duan Congzhen's powerful heartbeat in the back of his chest, swallowing the glass of water in a hurry, but felt a chill down his back.

It was as if Duan Congzhen fed him a cup of paraquat instead of Wen Baikai.

He felt as if he was really crazy, and he became more and more persecuted and delusional, and he didn't trust anyone more and more.

Duan Congzhen's hug, his kiss, can bring less and less sense of security, that is, the deer needs more, more sense of reality, he wants to be sure that he is still alive in the pain and suffocation.

He looks more and more like a monster.

Maybe the moment he came out of Dongqingshan, maybe the moment he forced the male nurse to death, he was already a monster.

The night was surprisingly cold, as if it was not in the same season as the day, that is, the deer was lying on the bed as if dead, with his eyes closed, he was not asleep, his consciousness was awake, but his body seemed to be dead.

I don't know how long it has been like this, but in a half-dream and half-awake state, Ji Lu heard the sound of the door lock being opened, rustling, stealthily, the sound of a man's breathing.

It was already quiet outside the house, and the young lovers upstairs who had been awake all night also died down. Ji Lu thought he was dreaming, frowned and moved his body, but he couldn't move a bit.

The feeling of being shrouded by the nightmare was uncomfortable, and what surprised him even more was that the sound of the man's breathing and footsteps were getting closer and closer, and did not follow his own struggle, but disappeared with the nightmare.

After a while, the footsteps stopped beside the bed.

A hand gently caressed the top of his hair.

"Bambi."

He heard someone shouting that.

With a sudden start, cold sweat broke out from the deer's back, and he suddenly woke up. He subconsciously wanted to open his eyes, but he couldn't move.

The warm and dry fingertips were pressed against the forehead, the quilt was lifted, and the cool and alcohol-smelling body was pressed against it, that is, the deer shuddered, and his lips were pale.

"Why don't you go home?"

Duan Congzhen's voice was a little tranced, as if he was slightly drunk, with the smell of wine and the damp and cold atmosphere outside, it made Lu's heart tremble slightly.

He couldn't speak, his mind was clear, but he couldn't control his body.

He didn't know how Duan Congzhen found here, but he began to be afraid, the consequences of making Duan Congzhen angry were too serious, he didn't even dare to think about it.

That is to say, the deer is curled up, his limbs and bones are cold, and he maintains the posture when he fell asleep. He feels extremely insecure. Even if Duan Congzhen hugs him now, he can't change it at all.

He thought of the crossroads, the fragments that came to mind, the car accident, the fire, the woman who died in the explosion.

He didn't dare to tell Duan Congzhen that those memories that appeared in his mind, he didn't even dare to think about how Duan Congzhen would treat himself if he knew about this.

That is to say, the deer's heart was beating fast, but his breathing was still constant. Under the internal and external imbalance, he felt that he was about to die.

Duan Congzhen's chest was pressed against his back, holding him tightly, as if he was going to hang him, strangling him out of breath.

"Why don't you go home?" Duan Congzhen asked again, his dry palm slowly slid up, along Jilu's chest, stroked his collarbone, stuck to his neck, and slowly tightened, he kissed Jilu earlobe, "I didn't see you when I went home, so disappointed."

"Bambi, why are you disobedient?" Duan Congzhen pinched him and forced him to look up.

The Adam's apple was held down, and it was extremely difficult to breathe and swallow. That is, the deer's heart rate soared, and he only felt that his brain was congested, his eye sockets were tingling, and his limbs gradually became cold.

Duan Congzhen didn't intend to let go, he was getting more and more forceful, the jaws of a tiger clamped him like pliers, trying to break his neck.

His eyes began to turn black, and there was a whimper in his throat. Ji Lu felt a vague retching, and physiological tears rolled down the corners of his eyes. Suddenly, he opened his eyes suddenly, struggling to push away Duan Congzhen's hand.

The fierce desire to survive filled his mind, that is, the deer couldn't think about anything, his legs were kicked on the bed in vain, and his fingertips inserted into Duan Congzhen's arm, drawing bloodstains.

"Brother Duan...Brother Duan!" he shouted hoarsely.

He couldn't see the faces of the people behind him, he could only hear the calm and steady breathing that sprayed against his ears.

Duan Congzhen didn't speak, still holding him.

"let me go!"

The smell of blood welled up in his throat, and the deer grabbed his hand in a panic, but couldn't pull it away.

"let me go……"

That is to say, the deer couldn't make a sentence, retched under pressure, his face was livid, his lips were pale, his face was full of abnormal light blue, and the blue veins on his forehead were clearly visible.

Duan Congzhen looked at him, quietly listening to his begging and crying, and then let go of his hand suddenly.

Suddenly fell from the sky, the deer was breathing heavily, crawled sideways on hands and feet, his eyes were bloodshot and frightened, his ankle was grabbed violently, his body shook, and he was pulled back again.

Duan Congzhen pressed him, grabbed his hands and pressed them to the top of his head, panting heavily, his palms went down his waistline, touched the side of his legs, and suddenly smiled.

"Bambi." The man leaned over and lowered his voice viciously next to the deer's ear, his voice became more pleasant due to the infusion of wine, with a strange pleasure.He said, "You're hard."

That is to say, the deer's body was stiff and was about to struggle when it was firmly pressed down again.

"Why, did the pain excite you?" Duan Congzhen laughed sullenly, his every breath was filled with the smell of wine.

Ji Lu looked at him, shook his head slightly, stared at the man's eyes that were blurry and didn't know whether he was awake or not, and there was only fear on his face.

"Just right." Duan Congzhen sneered, lowered his head and bit his lips, "Seeing you in such pain can also make me excited."

That night, the deer never had a chance to fall asleep again, and Duan Congzhen acted like he was crazy, insatiable, punished and tortured like venting, even if the deer crawled to the edge of the bed, he would be caught back soon and start a new round of sex/love.

Duan Congzhen entered him deeply, leaving his own breath in his body.

"Bambi." Duan Congzhen left teeth marks on the side of his neck, panting, "Why are you disobedient?"

"Do I have to set fire to this place?"

That is to say, the deer was lying on the bed, his body was stiff, as if it was not his own.The corners of his lips were chapped and bleeding, his eyes were staring blankly at the ceiling, and he was at his mercy like a marionette.

"Bambi." Duan Congzhen sighed softly, kissing the side of his ear like nostalgia, "Do you think you can escape..."

"...I have been waiting for you for seven years."