Unspeakable

Zhang Yang was a little numb, he trembled uncontrollably, and after a while he said, "You...you want to go?"

"No." Mu Chen turned over in the hammock, ready to sleep.

Zhang Yang climbed up to Mu Chen's hammock, lay in Mu Chen's ear and said, "If you ignore me or leave by yourself, I will be depressed."

Mu Chen didn't speak, but lay down quietly.Zhang Yang sighed quietly, went back to his hammock and lay down.Why everything goes wrong, just because I like the same sex?

But the days passed by without incident, the only "big event" was that Mu Chen dropped out of school.

The teachers all feel sorry, but what is the use of regret.The road is chosen by Mu Chen himself, he is a man of his own mind, he doesn't need anyone to help him decide the path of life.Once he has made his choice, no one can stop him.

In the early morning of this day, Zhang Yang went around to the back of the building to say goodbye to Mu Chen, and saw that Mu Chen was still as calm as ever.

"The high school entrance exam is coming soon, so listen carefully."

Zhang Yang smiled and kicked off on the main road.There seemed to be a magical power encouraging him, Zhang Yang turned his head involuntarily to look, and found that Mu Chen was also looking at him with complicated eyes.After the eyes of the two intersected, Mu Chen immediately turned his head away.

It's so strange, I always feel...something is wrong, which makes people feel uneasy for no reason.

Back home after school, Zhang Yang saw the note on the table at a glance, his heart sank to the bottom of the valley, as if the last thing he wanted to see had happened.

He picked up the note and looked at it, it was indeed left by Mu Chen.I’m going on a trip, don’t worry, I’ll be back when you finish the high school entrance exam Zhang Yang hurried to the calendar to check, it’s too bad, the high school entrance examination is still a month away.

He picked up the phone, and although he knew there was no hope, he still dialed it.Unsurprisingly, the female robot cheerfully told him that Mu Chen was dead or alive.

He turned on the computer in every possible way, and entered Mu Chen's novel column. Sure enough, "Unspeakable" indicated that it was suspended, and Mu Chen also specially marked "Continue to update after the high school entrance examination".The comment area below has become a scolding area, which is horrible.

Without Mu Chen, Zhang Yang had no choice but to go to school, review, eat, and sleep in a regular manner every day, but it was no fun.Only then did he realize that the thin figure frozen in the rising sun was the driving force for him to move forward throughout the day.

"What do you think?" Zhang Yang was copying the questions drowsily. Zhang Haichuan sat down beside him and handed him a piece of chocolate.

Zhang Yang glanced at it: "You still eat this thing."

"I don't like food either, but there's nothing I can do about it. You Da Chuan brother is growing up, and you'll always be hungry no matter how much you eat, so you can't make up for it. You're not small, why aren't you hungry?"

Only then did Zhang Yang feel a little hungry, so he took the chocolate and put it in his mouth.Zhang Haichuan is getting taller and taller. He has reached more than 1.8 meters and is still growing.

Zhang Yang said with some hesitation: "Tell me, you hardly see Yang Xiaojia all day, aren't you in a hurry?"

"Of course I'm not in a hurry," Zhang Haichuan laughed and patted Zhang Yang hard, "What's the matter, are you in a hurry?"

Zhang Yang was unprepared, so startled that he almost choked: "You have a convulsion! What about your previous medicine, take two pills to calm down!"

Zhang Haichuan laughed aloud: "Actually, I can't say I'm anxious. Sometimes I just... well, how should I put it, miss her. It feels like my heart has been hollowed out by thinking about it, and it hurts so much."

Zhang Yang didn't say "so hypocritical" as usual, but listened quietly.This feeling is too familiar, if you don't say "it's like hollowing out your heart", you really can't accurately express the emotion when you miss it.

Zhang Haichuan continued: "But later, Yang Xiaojia said to me, look, we have been together for so many years, we all know each other well, when you miss me, you think 'Yang Xiaojia must be thinking of me now', I feel much better in my heart. I tried it, and it is indeed much better.”

Zhang Yang thought silently in his heart: "Mu Chen, Mu Chen, what are you doing? No matter what you are doing, you must be thinking of me in your heart? I am thinking of you too..." Sure enough, the pain in my heart seemed to be faded.

Zhang Yang jumped up in surprise: "It really works!"

Zhang Haichuan was stunned for a moment and immediately shouted: "No wonder you ask me such a question, who do you miss? Which beauty is not here? Zhang Yang, you have finally enlightened after living for 15 years!"

Only then did Zhang Yang realize that he had slipped his tongue, and quickly said, "No."

"It's okay," Zhang Haichuan said softly, "You know all my secrets, so just tell me? I'm sure I won't tell them!"

"I can't say it now, maybe it's not the time yet, maybe I can't say it in my life..."

at the same time.

Mu Chen sat by a lake in the suburbs and sneezed several times.

"Zhang Yang misses me?"

There are chattering people in front of me, this is a studio, and the crew are too busy to find their way.Mu Chen never liked to show his face in public, and he was even unwilling to go to crowded places.But this time he took the initiative to ask for help in the crew, free of charge.

The people in the production team were very surprised. There are usually some children who come to the set. Although there are some who help out and do not get paid, they are just playing and joining in the fun.But this frail and frail boy on crutches didn't seem to be here to play.

His eyes are different from others, filled with complex emotions.Let others feel that he must have experienced something to make him mature beyond his age.

Mu Chen didn't do anything else, just because this movie is a gay movie, and it's a tragedy, it's the director's personal experience.Many feelings can find resonance here.

He came here alone just to make Zhang Yangjing quiet.There were too many things going on recently, and both of them were a little overwhelmed.There are many things that require people to carefully measure and speculate.Feelings have nothing to do with pros and cons, but everyone can't afford to be wrong.

Although he missed Zhang Yang very much, he didn't want to delay the major events in Zhang Yang's life, because he also knew that he might not be able to hold on soon.In the past few days, he often coughed violently, and there was a fishy smell of blood in his throat.

That morning he stared at Zhang Yang, just wanting to engrave every bit of the one he loves in his heart. He couldn't think about it. He watched it like a CD to relieve the pain in his heart.

In the evening, my aunt came to Zhang Yang's house. Zhang Yang was a little surprised because his aunt looked very ugly.

The aunt sat down on the sofa and cut directly to the topic: "Zhang Yang, did you go to your school's post bar to see?"

Zhang Yang's heart sank, did his aunt see it?

"Looked."

"Please explain to your aunt what it means on your school's post bar."

"Auntie, you...have you posted in our school too?"

"Well, I saw a classmate who sent a lot of photos of you and another boy, and said you... what, if I'm not mistaken, it's the boy downstairs, you have been together since childhood Play together and go to school together all the time."

"Ah."

"Tell aunt, what does this mean?" Aunt's expression was a little painful. "Is that a rumor, or is it true? Those words?"

Zhang Yang spoke with some difficulty: "Rumors."

The aunt breathed a sigh of relief: "I think it's just a rumor."

Zhang Yang gritted his teeth and said: "We have always been together, because we have been friends since we were young, and he is very nice and needs help. But we are just friends. I usually ride him to and from school, which is perfectly normal. Yes. Recently a girl started pestering me. I hate her, so she sends some inexplicable photos. I really don’t understand what he means.”

It was as if my aunt had heard that she had been acquitted in court.

"That's good. Auntie is really worried. It seems that this is just a misunderstanding. That's great..."

Zhang Yang also seemed to hear that he was acquitted.

Aunt: "However, what does that girl think? The influence is too bad. Anyway, you can handle these things yourself. Aunt hopes that you will grow up to be an independent person."

"I will."

After my aunt found out about this, she was about to leave. Before she left, she said as usual: "How tall are you now?"

"A few millimeters to 1.8 meters."

"Very good. You are about to take the senior high school entrance examination. Study hard. Which volunteer do you want to apply for?"

"Physical high school." Zhang Yang said without hesitation.

"Continue to play basketball?"

"...It's playing volleyball."

"Oh, that's right, it's volleyball. That's right, it's useful for you to win so many awards in the city and province in elementary and junior high schools, but you have to study hard in culture."

"it is good."

Zhang Yang lay on the window and saw his aunt walking away, so he picked up his mobile phone and dialed Zhang Haichuan's number.As soon as Zhang Haichuan picked up and said to feed the sheep, he said in an unquestionable tone: "Zhang Haichuan, now I can tell you, I like Mu Chen."

Zhang Haichuan didn't seem to react, Zhang Yang went on to say: "Did you hear that? I'm Zhang Yang, what Tian Jingsi said is right, I like Mu Chen, we've been together since childhood, I like him, and he likes me too, I It's Zhang Yang."

"Damn! Zhang Yang, your brain is convulsed! You are too powerful, tell me this is not true! Wait, are you playing truth or dare..."

"No!" Zhang Yang shouted loudly.

"You...you really like Mu Chen?"

"Yes!"

"What the hell are you shouting? I really admire you. Why is it so sudden? Did someone bully you and you were stimulated?"

"No, do you need me to say it again..."

"Who are you proving to? You calm down first!"

"I'm just proving... I like Mu Chen for a long time, why is it so difficult to like people of the same sex..." Zhang Yang laughed a few times, his voice gradually trailing off.He leaned his back against the wall, squatted down slowly, and tears rolled down his cheeks immediately, "Why is it so difficult? You have to hide it, like holding stolen goods, so you don't dare to be discovered by others. Why is it so hard to even love someone?" Wrong? I can't face my abnormality calmly, it's not my fault..."

Zhang Haichuan had never seen Zhang Yang cry, and was a little anxious: "Zhang Yang, are you listening? Listen to me, it's not your fault. There is no right or wrong for liking someone. Who stipulates that liking the opposite sex is right and liking the same sex is wrong? Ya likes the same sex, can you control it?"

"Well, it doesn't matter," Zhang Yang wiped away tears, "Da Chuan just likes the same sex, so we don't care."

Seeing that Zhang Yang was fine, Zhang Haichuan began to interrogate: "Did you break up with Mu Chen?"

"No, we won't break up, he's gone on a trip."

"Oh, then do you want me to go to your house to coax you?"

"No, Okawa, thank you very much."

After hanging up the phone, Zhang Yang downloaded Mu Chen's unfinished novel, copied it to MP4, and read it over and over again, crying involuntarily while reading it.

After lying to my aunt, I feel uneasy, and I really want to find someone to prove it.

The author has something to say:

The gay film director's story is told in the next short story.I feel like saying "gay movie" is an insult to that sentiment.In love, who is right and who is wrong...