winter suicide plan

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I try my best to behave well, control my emotions and not get angry or impulsive with anyone.Calm down and think about the consequences of doing this. I can't be discharged from the hospital, and I can't spend New Year's Eve with Tang Fengxing.

The doctor’s consultation will answer all questions. Although I will feel more depressed after talking to this annoying doctor, at least there is still some help. It relieves my emotions and makes my thoughts less vicious.

I did it several times without convulsions, although it was painful and accompanied by vomiting.This kind of physical therapy is a double-edged sword. I have to admit that its force is also reasonable. I am indeed more emotionally stable, and my heart is like a calm lake without any waves.And it is fast to do it without smoking, but the accompanying shadow on the other side, in addition to various physical discomforts, is the influence on the shaping of human character.

Humans are more advanced than animals because they are more like a piece of plasticine after birth, while animals cannot undergo major changes after birth.The acquired invisible hand repeatedly stretches us into various shapes.

Wuchao is more like a knife, cutting out the extra things in my mind and other people, cutting them off completely, like restoring a machine to factory settings.I was pressed into a mould, and I would look the same as the people who did not smoke here.

From then on, I began to resist, but after several courses of treatment, I gradually accepted it. This is the fastest way to leave the hospital and see Tang Fengxing the fastest.

As I expected, I was picked up by him on the night of New Year's Eve.But not because I was doing well, but because the treatment session was over and I needed to vacate the ward.After nearly 20 days of treatment, I couldn't hold on anymore.No convulsions are too painful, I have been so painful that my brain is numb. When Tang Fengxing called me after the first trip, I staggered and struggled to answer his questions, and would be silent for a long time, dizzy and dizzy. It's completely wrong.

But I'm no longer on suicide prevention watch for being emotionally unstable.Because I can't think of a plan in my head,

I can't deny that I'm afraid of pain just because I'm a man.

Tang Fengxing was dressed neatly today. He put on the blue-black windbreaker I bought for him, with my turtleneck sweater under it, and some hairspray on his hair. He didn’t seem to come to the hospital to pick me up, but is to pick me up for a date.

I was also wearing that blue and black windbreaker, hugging the storage box with some winter clothes, trying to smile and make the atmosphere better.He borrowed a car from his friend to pick me up. After putting away his luggage, before he got in the car, he grabbed my hand on the trunk of the car, pressed my waist and kissed against the trunk of the car.

He touched my face, carefully sketched it, from eyebrow arch to nose, to ear bone, my thumb touched his earlobe, it was still soft.

The tongue slides in, the long-lost lingering, like opening a bottle of red wine, full of the sweet fragrance of grapes, with intoxicating alcohol, falling in love.

We are like people fleeing from this world, disappearing from this world, abandoning this world, fleeing to a place where there is no one, wanton kissing, no pain, only the intimacy between the flesh and the collision and fusion between the hearts.

After kissing for an indeterminate amount of time, he hugged me with weak legs and entered the passenger seat, touched my face and said, "Why did I lose so much weight in 18 days?"

It's not a question, it's that he expected the pain of the treatment, but the unexpected thing is that my change of shape frightened him.Generally, taking medicine has hormones, some people will gain weight, some will lose weight, each is different.

He covered me with a blanket, let me sleep for a while, and took me home for New Year's Eve dinner.He returned the mp3 and earphones that he dropped in the bathroom to me, and watched me without speaking for a long time.

When I was about to fall asleep in silence, he said softly, "When you committed suicide, why did you listen to the song "Insects Fly" that I sang to you a cappella?"

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Chen Shuning's perspective