don't like me

At six or seven in the morning, I was in the bar.

The bar hadn't opened yet, and the figures of several night shift workers were hovering.

I was lying on a couch in the ballroom when they found me, misunderstood.

"Brother Xing, you... slept here all night?" The girl selling wine stood behind the sofa with her freshly changed clothes in her hand, looking out at me.

I covered my head with the clothes, heard the sound, pulled the clothes off, revealed a drowsy face, looked at her and said, "Are you off work?"

"Well, get off work right away." She weighed the clothes on her arms and smoothed out a loose strand of hair.

I put my clothes back on, covered my head, and said boringly: "It's raining outside, get an umbrella from the back, don't take mine away, it's on the table."

She glanced at the table, smiled, didn't take it, and said, "I took it away, what do you use? I'll take a taxi back, and I don't need it."

I didn't respond, and I'm so sleepy now.

She left, and there was no sound for a while, or maybe I fell asleep and didn't hear her.I'm not here all night, I came at five in the morning, you ask me why I came so early?I can't stay at home.

I didn't have a good sleep all night. I was tortured by half-dream and half-awake. I was exhausted. I ran to the bar early to catch up. The strange thing is that I can't sleep well in the quiet place at home, but I can sleep in this messy environment.

I may be used to the noise. I used to take a lunch break in the company, and the environment was so noisy that I could fall asleep, and I slept very deeply. Accompanied by the light music in the bar, I couldn’t hear their voices, and it was quite comfortable to sleep.

When I woke up, the cleaning aunts came and were clearing away the wine glasses of the guests. Seeing that I woke up and smiled at me, I took off my clothes and sat up, saying, "Auntie, it's so early."

"I always come at this time, I don't usually see you at this time, don't you usually come in the afternoon?" Auntie comes in both morning and evening, she can only see me at night.

"I will come earlier when I have something to do." I am fine, but this reason is less troublesome. After waking up, I looked at the wine table blankly.

The aunt laughed and said, "The business is still good. Another colleague cleaned it up yesterday, but there is still so much rubbish."

"There are quite a lot of people in the second half of the night." The business has been good all the time, Gu Ming didn't lose money, it's better for him to invest in the place.

Here I was talking to my aunt, and there were a few people gathered together talking about something, the language became more and more intense, and the gestures were large-scale, as if there was something wrong.

I stood up, took out the empty wine bottle that some customer threw in the corner of the sofa, and put it on the table. My aunt thanked me. I smiled, patted her on the shoulder, and told her to hurry up after cleaning. going for breakfast.

I walked towards the few people who were arguing.

"What's wrong?" Seeing that something happened to them, they were arguing fiercely, but seeing that I restrained myself a little, I don't know when I was here, and now is not the time to ask.

A few people look at me, I look at you, and finally came out from among them in charge, and told me about the situation, "Brother, I'm sorry, a few people came last night and forgot to collect the money..."

"It's not that they forgot to collect it, it's that they didn't give it at all," another added.

I was stupefied, raised my hand to stop them, and said, "One person said it."

The person in charge didn't speak, and asked the person in charge of hospitality below to say, "Just a group of people came over and asked for a box. When they came, they asked us not to go in and disturb them. We will check later, and the people disappeared."

"Did you order a drink?" I asked.

"Yes." He replied.

"There is no charge when ordering wine?" When guests come, order wine, open a booth or go to a private room, all are settled once and for all. I don’t know anyone, who should I ask for the bill?

He explained: "I mentioned it and gave the bill to one of them. It should be easy to talk, but he gave me a blank stare and told me that it will be settled later. I dare not offend anyone. After all, the customer is God. ..."

"And then the people disappeared?" I guessed the follow-up.

He nodded.

The matter is very simple, if you go later, the people will disappear immediately, but the matter is not simple, I asked: "How many people?"

He said, "Five or six, maybe."

"Which box?"

"number 9."

Five or six people, but no one paid the bill?Even if it's a gathering of people who don't have a deep friendship, it's not like this. It's strange that so many people disappear together.

I was thinking about something, but my phone rang, I patted the man on the shoulder, and said sorry, it's Sloan's call.

"What?" My first sentence.

"Not much, see if you are busy, can you come see me off." He said.

"you are leaving?"

"Are you happy?"

"Where did you hear it?" I said, "Now? It's only after eight o'clock."

Sloan said he had a ticket after nine o'clock, and it was getting late, and asked me if I would go, I would definitely go, hung up the phone, asked him for a seat, and I looked back at the helpless people.

"Let's talk about it when I come back. Go to work first, don't ask about this matter." I was going to the airport, so I couldn't waste too much time with them. I walked to the sofa, picked up my windbreaker, and suddenly remembered that it was raining today. Maybe the plane would return delay.

I slowed down, the umbrella was still on the table, I held it in my hand, and drove to the airport.

The rain is not heavy, so the flight will not be delayed.

There were quite a lot of people at the airport, so I called Sloanan, and after finding him, I took time to sit in a convenience store near the airport for a while.

There were a lot of people sheltering from the rain, and the chairs in the convenience store were full. The young man ordered oden, baked milk, sat on the chair with a bun, watched dramas, and chatted.

Sloann and I stood behind the door and waited for a while. Someone arrived on the flight and left with a bag, and only then did we make room for us.

Sloanan and I sat down in the high-backed chair facing the window.

"I thought you would leave in two days." At least tomorrow, I'll count his four-day vacation for him.

Sloan said helplessly: "The company urged me to come back as soon as possible to participate in the activities if I have a schedule tomorrow."

"Still busy." The particularity of the profession.

Sloan looked at me, and I saw that others were ordering something to eat. I asked him if he wanted some, so let’s cook it. The girl next to me was so delicious that I was also hungry. I haven’t eaten this food for a long time.

"Here." I said, "Try."

"What is this?" Sloanan took a paper cup I pushed to him, smelled it and said, "It smells so good."

"Have you tried Oden?" I said, "It's a classic."

Slonan said: "I haven't tried it. The company doesn't eat these, and I haven't tasted them in private."

"It's a blessing." I took a skewer of meatballs and let it dry for a while, it was too hot.

"Hmm... delicious." Sloanen was already gobbling.

This kind of unscrupulous eating should be rare, right?Seeing him eating deliciously, I was also very happy in my heart, and said: "This time is not in vain, is it?"

"It's not in vain," Sloanan looked at me while biting the skewers, embarrassing him for taking care of both. "China is so wonderful."

"Two meals bought you." I said.

Sloann denied that it was not. He said that Chinese people are very kind. Just now at the airport, many people asked him if he wanted help, saying that everyone saw that he was a foreigner and was willing to take care of him.

"It's for the sake of your handsomeness, do you know?" I ruined his feeling of kindness.

"I'm just... so-so." Sloan touched his face. He wasn't joking. He didn't think he was good-looking. He only relied on his body for food, not his face.

"By the way, I want to say sorry to you." Sloan took out his phone, flipped through it, moved a little closer to me, and then showed me the interface of the phone. It was a photo of the two of us, which was sent by the media Yes, he said: "I promised you not to send it out, but it was uploaded anyway. I don't know when someone else posted it. I haven't surfed the Internet very much in the past two days, and it turned out...that's it."

He said guiltily and aggrievedly, how important a promise is to him, if he can’t do what he promised me, or if it’s not his problem, but someone else broke his promise indirectly, he will feel very guilty for me.

I haven't met him for many years, a guy who treats people sincerely. How can he be so nice?There is no evil intention, so sincere to the person I met by accident.

"There were other people there that day. They probably asked the photographer for it. Or something, the photos were leaked. I'll go back and ask about the situation. Can you forgive me? Do you think..."

He chatters a lot of nonsense. After only two days of getting along, I'm going to get used to him, but I'm going to see him again soon.

It was raining lightly outside, and I was lost in thought, recalling the years I had been tossing about.

For what?

Isn't it always for this sincere feeling?

I hope that the person I love loves me as much as I love him, and I hope we can be honest with each other, but I have been lying for ten years, and I will continue to lie to the person I love the most, play with him, resist him, and satirize him , are those really what I want?

Never.

I love him so much, I loved him so much back then.

But I am not reconciled, I will always be a contradictory body, Gu Ming is right, am I sick?Am I mentally ill?Why do I love others but always hurt others?I knew he was right.

I just don't want to forgive, I feel unwilling, but I have no reason, and I dare not tell him, why do I hate you?That's not why he should be hated by me, it's an excuse that I'm too preoccupied and unwilling to let go.

"I forgive you." I said suddenly.

Sloan was very happy, he hugged me, thanked me, said I was so kind, said he won't do it next time, etc...

Will he?What would he say?I forgive him, will he say thank you to me?Say never again next time, say I'm so nice, don't blame me for hating him for no reason.

"Hurry up and eat." I said, "It will be cold soon."

I was in a trance, the oden at hand was already cold.

Outside the window, a boy was holding an umbrella for a girl, while his other arm was around her, protecting her tightly in his arms.

They looked only 20 years old.

If there is no accident, just go on like this, how good it is.

There is not much time left, and it will be here soon. In the convenience store, Sloanan told me a lot about his future plans, as well as his rich experience when he was with his aunt when he was a child, just as I thought, To be able to cultivate such an innocent and harmless guy, the protection of parents must be in place.

Slonan's parents loved him since he was a child, and his mother was a teacher. The whole family followed his mother in education. He was naughty with his aunt, but he was "broken" by his mother later, and he was well-behaved and well-behaved. sensible.

When he was sharing those family moments, he suggested several times that he wanted me to meet his parents. His parents would definitely like me. I said how could he have the confidence that a second elder who taught his children so well would like me. A scum full of lies?

Sloann is really naive, he always thinks of things on the bright side, it should be said that he is optimistic.

In my twenties, I always look like a child who can't grow up.

When the time came, I sent him back to the airport. The rain continued outside, and everyone lined up. Sloan took a step and looked back at me. He was alone, so tall, standing in the crowd, I can still see it from afar.

I've never seen anyone off in my life.

No one saw me off.

I don't know what it's like to be separated, all the people who left me, the people I left, have always been absolute, just like today, looking at Sloanan's figure, I also believe that we will never meet again.

What does it feel like to be sad?I have lost so much that I am almost numb. The best lesson I have learned in life is to no longer look forward to it.

Where have all the things that I should have, those that I had by chance, that belonged to me, and that were bestowed on me disappeared?

I have been in the dark and cloudy these years, in a dilemma, falling in the mud for too long, and I am used to being trampled by everyone.

Instead, I am afraid of other people's sincerity. If someone wants to treat me sincerely, I don't know what to do, so I can only send him away, just like now.

Slonan called me a few times, but I didn't respond. I was in a daze. When I recovered, he had already walked back. I asked him what was wrong.

Sloann whispered, "I don't know... when will we meet next time."

next time?No more.There are many reasons why we can't see each other next time, such as his work, such as the new emotions he may have, such as being too far apart and taking too long, we will forget this not deep encounter.

I knew there would be no next time, but when I saw his expectant eyes, I didn't tell him the truth. I raised my head, smiled at him, and said, "Anytime."

He showed a happy expression, and then wondered: "However, it is possible that my schedule is quite full..."

"Then wait until the work is over." While comforting him, I raised my hand and straightened the scattered scarves for him. After aligning them, my eyes were a little hazy, staring at his clothes buttons, and I asked abruptly: "How is China?" ?”

Sloan's thinking was not as jumpy as mine, so he slowed down a bit before saying yes.

"Huh, what is it?" I looked up at him: "Is it okay?"

"Okay," he blinked, took my hand to straighten his scarf, and added, "Chinese are better."

I didn't pull it back quickly, and let him grab it for a while. During this time, I was silent and didn't want to say anything, so he persisted for a while. When the time came, he and I couldn't delay .

"I actually..."

"The time is up," I interrupted him, with serious eyes, reminding him again, "The time is up."

Sloan looked back.

When he turned back, I had already stepped away from him. Sloanan didn't grab me, and he didn't have a chance to say what he wanted to say. He called my name.

"Wen Zhixing..."

I didn't look back, as if I didn't hear his voice, I continued to walk in the direction I came from, and there were several calls from behind, I couldn't pretend I didn't hear him anymore, I raised my hand and waved to him, saying "Goodbye by fate. "

Goodbye by fate, this thing of fate has never been rare.

You don't have to be so entangled in saying goodbye, the more you look at it, the more reluctant you become, the more unwilling you become, the reason I am unwilling is because... I like him quite a bit.

In fact, I can keep him, but pushing him away is my purpose, what I should do, and to stop losses for him in time.

He's not right for me, I'm not good enough for him.

I used to say that I am not worthy of anyone, it can be a lie, but this time it is not, I am too dirty, body and mind, ten years later, anyone who approaches me is too pure, I am very disgusted.

I'm just very contradictory, I have problems, I admit it, admit that I hate those little white sheep who are protected, admit that I like Sloanan's cleanliness and simplicity, and I hate the self-pity and compassion he brings to me.

I'm used to being sarcastic and talking to bad guys. At that time, I can comfort myself, everyone is the same, but Sloanan, he made me feel that I shouldn't be like this, but I have to be like this.

I remember someone said that I am noble, how can I not be noble?I have stood on the altar, looked up to, chased, the goal and expectation of others, when I have to go with the kind of people I don't like the most, and force myself to be like them, I have to be like that, I want to How much temper do you have to endure?I have experienced right and wrong in the past ten years, how many chapters can I write?

It's not easy to change a person, completely change the appearance, become another person from the inside out, the lesson overnight is really not enough.

However, fortunately, these countless dark days and nights have come, and I have a bit of the nobility of a scholar in my bones, so let's take it with me, so many things have been worn away, so it is understandable to keep a little bit.

The rain is getting heavier, and the weight of the umbrella is also increasing unconsciously. The sky above the head is as dark as the night, and the cold wind is blowing. The weather is really terrible.

I stood at the place where I parked, no one was there, the people who came to drop off the plane all left where they should have left, the weather was bad, and no one would stay longer.

Unless your brain is as sick as mine.

I have an appointment, but I can't leave so easily.

A call came from the cell phone, from the hospital, from Tong Jin.

The weather is bad, and it seems that I can't hold my umbrella. I just sent someone away here, and there are still things waiting for me to deal with at work, but today it adds to my workload.

Tong Jin said, my mother is dead.

Her voice trembled, and she was more like my mother's own daughter than mine. She hadn't been with my mother for a year, and her relationship was deeper than mine.Look at my mother, she can get along well with others, but not with her own daughter.

When Tong Jin told me about this, I was quite surprised. Although my mother was going to die sooner or later, it was sooner than I thought.

I knew that this heavy rain would never come so peacefully.

When I got this news, I only said one sentence: "I see."

Then I hung up the phone and tried to hold on to the umbrella in my hand. It was precariously falling, as if it was not strong.

It's really embarrassing for her to hold on for so many years. Although she has revealed to me that she wants to die, I have never agreed to it.

Why should I agree?Going against her wishes and not satisfying her is what I, who hate her, should do.

I did, although in the end she got her wish.

It's pretty annoying though, I thought I'd be happy, maybe jumping with excitement?The result was different from what I thought. I was too numb to jump, and I was too numb to move.

Just then, the person I was waiting for came.

He raised his umbrella high and saw a person who was struggling with me standing in front of my car.

He should not be going to work today, and he is dressed more casually, but he is still good-looking, so good-looking, and that face is unforgettable, even though it has been so many years.

I smiled at him.

"Look at what weather I chose," I said distressedly, then stepped forward, stepped on puddles, the flying water droplets splashed my trouser legs, I walked past Yang Xiao, came to the front of the car, I brushed away the water stains with my palms, then wiped them with my sleeves, leaned back on the car hood, watched him slowly turn around, and said, "But it's not nothing. In such bad weather, would you still Come grab me, I'm flattered."

Yang Xiao looked at me without saying a word, the umbrella he was holding could not cover his handsome face and deep eyes.

He knows it all, like he does it, and I know it too.

Last night, I asked Wen Zhixu to call him and told him that I fell in love with Sloan and planned to leave with him today.

It's actually ridiculous, I'm leaving, what will Wen Zhixu do?You know it when you think about it, but the two of us are the same, we don’t want to think about it, when we meet each other, we always get emotional first, and then think about the reasons behind it. When he thinks about it, it’s too late, just like now, He had appeared in time, came to my side, and prevented me from leaving.

He didn't have a chance to think about it. Wen Zhixu called him an hour ago. He only had one hour. It was not easy to get here from home.

"You know?" he asked.

"What don't I know?" I replied.

What do I not know?During his ten-year vacancy period, tell me that his novelty towards me has not gone away?He is crazier than me.

Then, he talked about my family affairs, which was really full of loopholes.

Yang Xiao didn't speak any more.

But I have a lot to say, and today will definitely not be easy or peaceful.

He is the person Wen Zhixu and Gu Ming both lean towards and support, how can he dismiss him with a few words.

"Yang Xiao," I lowered my head and looked at my loose shoelaces. I called his name and said, "My shoelaces are untied. Tie them up for me."

He loves me, to what extent?

That's what he said.

I left him, abandoned him, ten years later, when we meet again, he still has to shamelessly propose to me to get back together, tell me how much he misses, and express his love, because he loves me.

I can't live without him in this life, I think it's enjoyable, I have questioned his feelings for me a lot in the past ten years, until today, at this moment, I am finally absolutely sure how much he loves me.

Yang Xiao came over and didn't say much, yesterday he was still high above him, he said that he could embarrass me, but today he will kneel down, bow his head, and tie my shoelaces for me.

He put down the umbrella, the rain wet his back, my umbrella never leaned to him, he didn't mind, he just concentrated on tying my shoelaces.

I looked at him, just like ten years ago, he always liked to kneel on one knee when he tied my shoelaces.

He said it was a lot like a marriage proposal, it was a submission.

He knew that he was not good enough for me back then, so in every detail, he also revealed his sincerity and care for me.

I like it when he kneels like he's still above him.

When he was fastened, I didn't let him get up, but raised his legs, lifted his chin with the tip of his shoe, and asked him to look up at me, yes, that's the look in his eyes, it's so beautiful and enjoyable, wolf cubs are also willing to bow down like this gaze.

He is the one I raised and has never changed. I thought he would become picky, realistic, and seek novelty when he grew up, instead of just wanting to be with me.

Naive and dreamy.

He has always been the same in loving me.

"I really can't do anything about you," I looked down at him, mostly helpless towards him.The rain slipped from my umbrella and dripped on his shoulders. I finally turned the umbrella a little towards him. It was because of my bending over, not intentionally. Promise a little bit, and grow up."