don't like me

Our family is not poor, but we are not rich either. We live a well-to-do life. My father is an architect and my mother is a factory accountant. They were introduced by someone.

My mother is good-looking, and many people chased after her in the factory, but she never made a choice. At that time, the girl already had someone in her heart.

My mother had a crush on a classmate of hers for many years. She used to dare not confess her love at school, but it was too late to think about it later. Her classmate got married early, which made my mother completely stop thinking about it.

Later, someone introduced me to my dad. The two of us didn't get along for long. My dad was in good condition in all aspects. They got married within a year.

My mother was only 22 years old when she gave birth to me. The two of them only wanted one child, and Wen Zhixu was born unexpectedly.

Our family’s conditions are not bad. Before I was 15 years old, I was praised by everyone I met. My family is good. My dad had many friends. At that time, he was still a small leader in the company. With a small amount of money, ordinary things will be done.

At that time, the family was harmonious, and the neighbors and neighbors were all good. The only thing that was not good was Wen Zhixu. She was born unexpectedly and was not in my parents' plan to have a baby.After my mother gave birth to me, my body was not as strong as before. The doctor did not recommend abortion. After discussing it with me, I decided to give it away after I was born.

But at that time, they still loved me, and they couldn't stand my soft and hard times, so they kept my sister, saying that the pair of chopsticks were not bad at home.

Compared with Wen Zhixu, they doted on me a little more. I only realized after I grew up that it was patriarchal.

My mother always said that girls are born for others, and they can only count on me when they are old, let me study hard, buy a big house in the future, and honor them.

My dad also agreed.

I didn't let them down either. My grades have been top-notch since I was a child, and my teachers praised me for being smart, saying that I will be promising in the future. In school, my mother is the most glamorous mother. Parents will show off, and even the teachers ask her how to raise children. , my mother said that I was fighting for my own strength, and others praised her for being modest, but she was actually telling the truth.

My grades have nothing to do with her training.

Some people are not made for studying, while others are born for studying, and I really have no other talents.When I was young, I liked to listen to stories, and I especially liked my dad’s study room. I often stole books in it to read, including obscure ancient Chinese, history, science, and some miscellaneous books. At that time, my dad’s room hid many books. It's quite tall, and half of it is due to his genes that I was able to get enlightened so early.

I seldom mentioned my dad. It was because he didn’t care much about his family. It was because of his work. My sister and I rarely saw him. He didn’t seem to care about us very much. This discovery became more and more obvious after junior high school. .

Later, my dad was promoted step by step, and more and more people came to give money. There were often a bunch of people sitting at home. Every time they came to deliver various things, they took my dad out, and it was like this for several months. I thought something important was going on at home. At that time, my sister was afraid of people and didn't dare to go out. I stayed with her and listened to them in the room.

Once, my father came back in the middle of the night and told my mother about the way to get rich. From the crack of the door, I saw a pile of red RMB that fell on the table. My mother’s eyes widened and she hurriedly asked him where it came from. , That bag of red banknotes is quite scary, at least 5 yuan.

My dad said that this is just a small beginning, and there will be more in the future. Those friends introduced him to a man, Brother Hu, who engages in gambling in the underground. He tried it today and won a lot of money. This bag of money is the result of today's battle.

My mother said it was against the law, and my father said that no one knew, and everyone kept their mouths tight. The money he paid in one night was countless times the little money he earned through hard work.

Once people find a shortcut, they will be out of control.

My dad has this way, saying that in the future he doesn't have to work, my mother doesn't have to go to work, I don't even have to work hard, and I won't be short of food and clothing in my life.

"Have you seen the house of Gu Ming's house? We will have one in the future." This is what he often said to me, and my mother looked at him expectantly.

I didn’t feel this way when they forced me to study, but now that life is getting better, I feel more and more uneasy, and the feeling of uneasiness I felt was confirmed within a month.

My mother supported him to gamble, and was even more addicted than my father. He won more and lost more. Gradually, his old money was returned. My mother was not reconciled, so she asked someone to teach my father. Sure enough, an expert has two Brush, my dad turned defeat into victory, and after this time, he not only brought back the winning cheats from the expert, but also brought back something truly addictive.

The first person to use it was not my dad. He always knew it was not good, so he never used it, but my mother touched it. She said that this thing can relieve pain and make the pain disappear. She has always had pain in her body after giving birth to us. The problem is that the root cause of the disease was left during confinement, and it started to fall ill when it was rainy. I couldn't tell where the pain was, and the whole person was listless, paralyzed on the bed and unable to move.

This thing gave her a pleasant surprise. Once she used it, she couldn't stop, and she was still in good spirits. It was used for pain relief at first, but later she couldn't do without it. My mother's spirit became more and more excited every day, and she pushed it to us. Let's try it too, we've all seen her look like a ghost, talking nonsense alone in the living room, and convulsing, my sister was frightened by her a few times, and she hid in the room every time. Dare to go out, or not go home outside, wait for me to come back.

I was an adult at that time and knew what my mother was doing, but I didn't dare to say it. When I got home, I just closed the door of the room.

Wen Zhixu and I slept together, and there were two ghosts outside, dancing together, messing up the living room every night, and I would clean it up the next day when I woke up.

I don’t know when there were not so many guests at home. It must have been since my dad was fired. He and my mom got infected with that thing and got sick from time to time. Who would want them?Then everyone will think that they have mental problems, and no one will approach them.

I finally understand what it feels like to be in the middle of nowhere.The addiction to gambling is magnified by drugs. If you want to get goods from that expert, you have to ask for money. My dad’s cheats are no longer working. He still wants to ask the expert to teach him two more tricks. Can’t he see it when he is delirious? , so the high talent is the problem?

He still believed him.

Sell ​​what you can sell at home, and grab what you can grab, what should I do if there is really nothing?

Don't have children?

They planned to sell Wen Zhixu's child, who was born by accident.My mother really doted on Wen Zhixu those few days, coaxing her, buying her new clothes, and dressing her up beautifully.

My dad was in charge of contacting people and negotiating the price. I was not included in their plan. I'm not seven or eight years old, so it's not that I don't know what's going on with their unusual behavior.

When the police came that day, Wen Zhixu was not taken away, but my parents were shocked.

The person was not sold, the money did not come, the two were tortured by drug addiction and became more and more crazy, and my mother was even more delirious.

One day when I came back from school, it was very late, and I heard Wen Zhixu's screaming outside the door. When I entered the door, I saw a scene that I will never forget in my life.

My mother held the needle in her hand, and my father hugged Wen Zhixu. Both of them had excited eyes. Wen Zhixu's arm was exposed, and her small body was controlled by her biological parents. The needle had already been buried in her arm. She was screaming, and the demon thought it was wailing with excitement.

My mother was still chanting words, it was the voice that would reappear in my dreams every night.

"Knowledge is not afraid, it doesn't hurt, you will go to heaven with your mother in a while, it will be comfortable there..." She hugged Wen Zhixu and kissed her on the head, "Mom loves you the most..."

She loves me the most.

Indeed, so the person she wants to take away is me.

That night, I don't know how I got out of that house, I snatched Wen Zhixu from them, the needle just hurt Wen Zhixu, made her bleed, there was no more goods, I couldn't supply Wen Zhixu Go crazy with them.

I pushed the two of them away, and dragged Wen Zhixu back into my arms from their hands. She kept screaming and screaming piercingly. In my panic, I couldn't care too much about her. My dad rushed towards me .

He called me the messenger of hell, and wanted to take away their reliance in this life. The mentally deranged, he was much stronger than before. He pressed me under him, with both hands on my neck, like a The poisonous insect, the viciousness in its eyes is undoubtedly exposed, and it only repeats the word "go to death".

I was not strong, and he was a patient with a lot of energy. He was overexcited and wanted to kill me, the evil spirit who appeared halfway and disrupted their plan.

I couldn't utter a word, I was about to lose my breath, his hands were like a giant python, possessing powerful strangling power, my hands were shaking, my eyes gradually blurred, and I couldn't see clearly these bloodshot eyes.

"Wen Zhixu..." I uttered with difficulty, in the state of being on the verge of defeat, relying on the will to survive, I held on.

How old is Wen Zhixu, she can't help me, I just want her to give me a weapon, I know, without external help, I will definitely not be able to get out of this hell tonight.

When Wen Zhixu was frightened, it was my life that supported her regain consciousness. She picked up a wine bottle that had been stored for many days, walked to my side, looked at me, but dared not make a move. His hands shook more than mine, and blood flowed from my neck, which was the result of nails digging into the flesh.

"Hit him..."

She listens to me and will never disobey me in this life.

Wen Zhixu has no one she can trust, and the only thing she can rely on is me.

Struggling in fear, she is like an ant rolling in the soil. Her parents do not love her, and she has only one family member, which is her brother.

What will happen to her if I die?

I didn't know, I didn't even dare to think about it, so she wouldn't let me leave like this, even though she was afraid, she still used all her strength to swing the wine bottle on his father's head.

The strength of the five or six-year-old girl only fluctuated him, and it was not fatal. My dad was attacked and looked at Wen Zhixu suddenly. The strong murderous intent shifted, and he swore a dirty word and pounced on Wen Zhixu.

I didn't have a chance to breathe. I picked up the empty wine bottle that rolled down and stood up. Potential. In terms of my life, the conditions for mobilization were harsh, and I was close to being out of strength. The infinite power inspired by the potential was all on my wrist. I picked up the wine bottle, but I didn't stop it, and I didn't control it. That's why I was able to kill me with one blow.

The room fell silent for a long time.

I haven't felt this deathly silence for a long time.

There was a lot of blood on the floor.

The man was lying in a pool of blood.

A woman muttering to herself, with empty eyes, holding a piece of clothing, and saying "Zhi Xing, Heaven" sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa, ignoring everything in front of her eyes.

I know, it's over.

I didn't feel like Mount Tai was overwhelmed, but I felt... relieved.

That night, it rained heavily outside.

I sat on the stone at the door, wiping my phone over and over again. Wen Zhixu lay in my arms, holding my waist, motionless. The rain wet the screen, making me unable to see the number.

I just want to make one call, one, one.

God is against me, time is urgent, I just can't press it, I finally clicked on that interface, and I still have to wait, okay, I'll wait, three seconds, five seconds, ten seconds.

No one heard.

I called again, over and over again, I don't know how many times I called, but every time the result was the same, no one answered, no one answered, only this mechanical female voice remained in my ear.

A sound of thunder fell, illuminating my pale face, and the blood stains on my pants were washed by the rain and smeared in the puddles on the ground.

How could he answer my phone?He hasn't forgiven me yet.

In his eyes, I was still an adulterous person who had an affair with the teacher and was disgusting as hell.

what am i doingLet him come to see me who just killed someone?

On the last side, I want to leave him with an even worse image?

But... I want to see him.

I want to tell him, I don’t know how to fall in love, the first time, I don’t know what to do, I can’t tell whose fault it is, maybe it’s my problem, please tell me, I apologize to you, I also want to Finally, let him know that there is no one else, and there is no one else in this relationship.

Only our own problem.

what?The problem of teenagers, two people who can't fall in love and don't know how to express their emotions, their own problems.

I have a lot to explain now, where do I start?

Will my sister express it in the future? When asked by others, what should I say about my family?

How did daddy die?Why does mom take drugs?How did my brother go to jail?And... why did I become a mute?

By the way, this is not something she should think about, it should be something I have to worry about, she is dumb, she can't speak a word, she coughed up blood just now, it's great, she can never have to answer this way, what about me ?

I should think about how to beautify my family.

Hmm...why is my sister dumb?Because my mother wanted to take her to die in order to protect her.

Why did my dad die?

I accidentally smashed it to death.

Why am I doing this?

Of course it was because he got sick and wanted to kill me, so I was careless.

Okay, so be it, it sounds like it still has some humanity and can be understood, manslaughter, it's just an accident, let's tell Gu Ming like this.

"Hey, go find Gu Ming later, do you know what to do?" I kissed Wen Zhixu's forehead, and put my chin against the tip of her hair. This expression, kid, your brother is going to go to jail soon, I don’t want to remember this sad face, I rubbed her face, a little smile appeared in the corner of her eyes: “Don’t put on this little face, be happy Come on, little girl, we're free forever."

I raised my head, looked at the black night, and the thunder billowed, proclaiming my crime.

It's over, everything, including this naive, boring and low-level, young love.

The author has something to say:

Saying too much will involve spoilers, so I will give you a reassurance.

He, it won't be very cruel, and... that dog is not simple.