Shen Ning didn't wait for Monday, and rolled back to school overnight.

Ah, how embarrassing.

It was really embarrassing for his grandfather. The most embarrassing thing was that Xie Yin deliberately said before going to bed after watching his flustered and bewildered "performance" that day:

"You won't, you won't attack me in the middle of the night..."

Shen Ning gritted her teeth and said, "I really don't like men!"

Xie Yin said with a hint of caution: "I believe in you."

"..."

......

......

Because of the heavy blows for two consecutive weeks, after returning to school, Shen Ning was also listless, with a look of lovelessness on his face.His loss of consciousness was so obvious that even his classmates who often went to the library with him couldn't help asking him what happened.

Shen Ning: "No...it's nothing, it's very common, it happens often."

There will always be one, two, three or four things like social death in everyone's life.

classmate:"......"

So what is it?

But coming back on weekends is also good. For example, Shen Ning met a man at the library gate at noon.

"Hey, Shen Ning, are you at school this week? I asked your classmates, and they all said that you weren't at school on weekends, and they still thought it was a pity."

What Shen Ning met was Xu Qiang who had helped him and asked him to help before. The girl was wearing a leather jacket, so she didn't feel cold, she had long legs and boots, and she was dressed in a cool outfit.

Shen Ning asked her: "Is there something wrong?"

The girl livelyly proposed the invitation: "Our oil painting club is going to collect folk songs. It's actually just for fun. Do you want to go together?"

"Collecting wind?"

Now Shen Ning does not refuse anything that can help his brain forget that embarrassing scene, and immediately said:

"I go."

He remembered something again: "But I don't have oil painting tools."

"It's okay, I can borrow you, then we will meet at the south gate of the school at 1:30 in the afternoon."

"it is good."

"Then say so!"

The two of them made an appointment so simply.Anyone who is engaged in art has more or less experienced in collecting folk songs, and sometimes it is simply a matter of going out, blowing some wind, and changing the mood.

This time they went to a well-known open park not far from the school. This park is not very big, and the green forests and vegetation are far inferior to the botanical gardens in the suburbs.But it has a huge hibiscus garden. When the flowers bloom, the hibiscus flowers may be delicate or shy, and the charm and purity are presented in the same flower tree, which makes people shake their hearts.

The Hibiscus Garden and the lawn above form a gently curving slope. I don’t know whether the slope is man-made or planted on purpose. Whenever spring is full of green grass, even in late autumn, there are also vigorous and tenacious weeds still swaying half-yellow branches and leaves. Trembling in the evening wind, it is very touching to watch, and it is also very suitable for sitting down to draw a picture and sing a song or something.

As the president, Chen Jiayue turned around and greeted everyone: "Everyone can do whatever they want, draw whatever they like."

"Oh." The crowd dispersed, and everyone in a club knew each other very well, chatting and laughing together as a pair, and began to set up easels.

Because Shen Ning was a non-staff member, Xu Qiang was worried that he would feel left out, so she deliberately sat next to him.Shen Ning glanced at her and accepted the girl's kindness.It didn't take long for him to put on airs, and the brush started to move quickly on the paper like a writer with a burst of inspiration.

Xu Qiang was just conceiving the whole picture in his head, and was shocked to see him like this.

"So fast?"

She leaned over to see that Shen Ning didn't draw any oil painting at all, but quickly sketched on white paper with a pencil.Each hibiscus flower blooms under his brush, even the spots on the stamens and petals are the same, as precise as a camera with tens of millions of pixels.

The painting is very good, but didn't you come here to paint oil paintings?

"You are..."

Shen Ning kept his eyes on the painting and devoted himself to painting.

In short, first of all, first, let his brain wake up from the boundless shame.

This plan of immersing the brain in another matter had an obvious effect, and soon, Shen Ning couldn't think of anything else.For him, sketching is just leisurely, without the joy of challenge.After calming down, he finally laid out the canvas and slowly adjusted the color palette like everyone else.

The blue is applied in large chunks on the pure cotton canvas, and the color is painted casually, without minding the use of pigments.Layers of blue in different shades are blurred with the brush, occupying most of the canvas in an instant.

As the president, Chen Jiayue is still very responsible. He stopped and walked slowly to the other members to help the club members answer their questions.When he walked to Shen Ning's side, he still had a smile on his face.

Shen Ning is not a member of their club, and he doesn't seem to paint often, and he doesn't even have his own oil painting tools.So before he came here, he didn't have any expectations for him, until he saw the canvas in front of him, he suddenly let out a "huh".

"Shen Ning, have you studied oil painting?" After he finished speaking, he felt that his words were ambiguous, and corrected:

"Have you ever studied oil painting?"

"Yes." Shen Ning replied, "I have studied for a few years."

"No wonder."

Xu Qiang, who was closest, came up and said, "Is Shen Ning a good painter?"

When she saw the painting in front of Shen Ning, she exclaimed "Ah", "Shen Ning, what did you draw?"

The canvas on Shen Ning's shelf was clearly not the scene they saw at this moment.The sky is stacked into several colors of blue, orange, brown, and gray, each color is thick or light, scattered in the white cloud pile wantonly, just like a child knocked over the paint bucket.However, it is so abrupt, and each transition color is extremely natural. When the light penetrates the color, even the light spots gradually change into subtle differences.

Staring at such a gorgeous sky, Xu Qiang couldn't help but think that perhaps there was a moment when the sky had this color, but she just happened to never see it.

Shen Ning looked at his own painting, wrinkled his nose, and said uncertainly:

"Feeling?"

Xu Qiang: "Huh?"

Instead, it was Chen Jiayue who explained for Shen Ning: "Many mature painters are not suitable for painting what they see in their eyes, but their own mood, so painting has become the expression of the artist's soul. Shen Ning is probably in a messy mood now. , so the colors of the sky are stacked, creating a messy picture, but—”

He looked at Shen Ning again:

"Although a lot of color is used, the picture is not dirty at all, and it is very... very magnificent."

He didn't even know that Shen Ning calmed down with sketches first, and then started oil painting, otherwise he might be surprised by Shen Ning's quick deployment of several paints.

Being praised so much, Shen Ning also became shy, but Xu Qiang clapped her hands again and again, proudly saying that the non-staff members she picked up at random are just so talented, and she really has "wisdom eyes"!

Shen Ning smiled helplessly at her.

The Chen family said seriously: "Can I ask you out next time?"

"Okay, as long as I have time."

After the Chen family left, Shen Ning picked up the paintbrush again. Suddenly, the girl next to her said "ah", and Shen Ning looked at her.

Holding the paintbrush, Xu Qiang said with pain on her face, "I didn't keep it properly when I used it up last time, it broke..."

"It's okay, you can use mine." Shen Ning handed her his pen, but strictly speaking, it was also hers.He is not a member of the oil painting club.

"Is it okay?" Xu Qiang apologized, "You don't have a pen, are you okay?"

"It's okay, I'll just use a spatula."

Xu Qiang has heard that skilled painters can directly paint with a scraper. After what happened just now, she was full of confidence in Shen Ning, took the pen in his hand, and said:

"thank you."

"fine."

......

As time passed, most people in the club had put down their paintbrushes, and they were either eating snacks or lying on the grass doing stretching exercises. The atmosphere was very leisurely, with clouds drifting overhead, casting a cotton candy-like shadow.

"Hey, President, are you going to study abroad after graduation?"

The Chen family smiled shyly and nodded.

"It's great, I can study abroad." A group of people began to envy, and expressed their desire to go abroad for a few years.

"What are you talking about?" The girl next to him slapped him and said, "The president finally persuaded his parents to agree to him going abroad to study oil painting. It was not easy."

"I know, I know, really, congratulations to the president for his wishes and dreams come true!"

A group of people chattered overjoyed, Chen Jiayue was originally not good at words, and now his face turned even redder.Usually at this time Xu Qiang would stand up and speak for him, but at this time she would lower her head, as if she was very attentively adjusting the paint in the color palette, so focused that she could not even take care of the excitement around her.

Shen Ning glanced at her and sighed from the bottom of his heart.He is considered a person who is different from ordinary affairs, but the Chen family is more unreliable than him. A girl who is not very interested in oil painting runs in the club every day and tries her best to help him attract people. There is no need to delve into the reason.

"Would you like to change places with me?"

The girl raised her head, and Shen Ning looked down at her. There was a kind of tenderness that was almost compassionate in his eyes, and the care leaked from his eyes, which made the girl who was originally strong suddenly feel sour.

She bit her lip hard to keep herself from crying.

Under the gentle sunshine, the girl's face was almost pale.After all, Shen Ning still couldn't bear it, and gently touched her head.

"Huh?" Not far away, the man who had a picnic with two or three beautiful young ladies gently put down the binoculars in his hands, and after a while, he picked them up again to have a look. His eyes widened suddenly, and he picked up the binoculars excitedly. The camera on the focus.

The girl beside him made trouble with him: "Young Master Liu, what are you doing?"

"Don't quarrel, brother, I'll leave evidence. Wow, Xie Yin's little lover is still having an affair with a woman, how bold is it to give Xie Yin a cuckold!"

This young master surnamed Liu is also in Chen Yu's circle. He was there when Xie Yin "saved the beauty" last time. Rubbing her fingers, she didn't expect to see the beauty behind President Xie's back and the girl flirting with each other in the blink of an eye.

It's so explosive!

After Liu Shao took the photo, he immediately forwarded it to the group, and in the group, he talked about the exaggerated remarks of the UC shock department.At first, few people in the group responded to him, but after hearing him say that this was Xie Yin's lover, the diving group members went online one after another, gossiping one by one.

Liu Shao bragged triumphantly, and finally someone taught him to be a man.

[The exhibitionist is stupid:: delete. 】

[Zhanjia stupid:: Delete immediately, brother Xie's stuff, don't spread it randomly. 】

So domineering?Liu Shao let out a cold snort from his nostrils, tapped his finger on the screen, and smiled apologetically, "Master Zhan, it's been 2 minutes, I can't undo this, but I swear, I won't spread it indiscriminately again."

Zhan Bai frowned and looked at the green dialog box on the screen.How long has it been since he sent out this photo, and everyone who should have saved it has saved it, so maybe he sent it to someone secretly.Brother Xie was perfect before he got to know Shen Ning. All the noble men in the wealthy circle of Haicheng were treated as a joke topic because of this Shen Ning.

He felt extremely uncomfortable, couldn't help but click on the picture to forward, and complained casually:

[Xiaobai: Brother, look, what is your little lover doing! 】

Xie Yin has been busy for the past few weeks, and it is rare to rest at home this weekend. No one disturbs him at home. For example, he howled in the study that economics is so difficult, he can't memorize management, and he really wants to make money...

When the news of Zhan Bai came, he was moving his office computer to the roof balcony, tasting the treasures in the wine cellar while reviewing the marketing department's budget for the coming year.

The man was only wearing a thin plush sweater, his tight and slender thighs were wrapped in dark slacks, revealing his unique and good figure.He was lying gracefully on the walnut shell recliner, bathed in a comfortable laziness.Occasionally, I raised my face and looked down from the balcony railing, and I could see the greenery far and near.

If Shen Ning had paid attention, he would have found that the villa he was in had the highest geography in the entire villa area, that is, the one with the widest view.Whether it is the courtyard trees that stand upright in the entire villa manor like guards, or the corner of the villa looming among the cypresses, you can see everything at a glance.

In the leisurely afternoon, lie on the leather chair and watch the distant view. The greenery is endless at a glance, and the dense green plants are wrapped with delicate and young flowers, and the noisy farce of the city is isolated from the horizon.The phone vibrated on the table, and he clicked on it.

In the photo with clear pixels, the boy stared down at the girl in front of him with helplessness in his eyes, such a patient and gentle expression, under the photographer's deliberate guidance, it is easy to think of words such as pampering.

Xie Yin's eyes quickly scanned Zhan Bai's next text, and he wanted to ignore it, but after thinking about it, he replied:

[Brother Xie: I see. 】

Hitting send, he threw the phone aside.The fact that Shen Ning is heterosexual doesn't need photos to prove it.He is a person who will not hide himself, and his thoughts are almost transparent to Xie Yin.

He has a careless and defenseless attitude towards the same sex, and never looks at the body of the same sex from the perspective of appreciation; he will not have any thoughts when staying in the same room, or even sleeping on the same bed; he can express "love" to himself anytime, anywhere, and withdraw When the acting skills were not good enough, I was faintly worried that he would reveal his secrets.

Even touching his belly that day was just an instinctive desire of men to admire their abdominal muscles. How could such a person be gay.

Xie Yin picked up the report and quickly focused his eyes on those cumbersome figures - but next time, he should be reminded not to get too close to other people.

After all, now he is his own.

......

......

Shen Ning went back to school first, because he received a message from Aunt Li that she had brought him soup.

Standing at the gate of the school, Aunt Li looked uneasy and said worriedly:

"Why does Mr. Shen go back to school on weekends, what's wrong with being at home?"

Shen Ning's face froze, his eyes wandered.How could he tell her those stupid things, so he could only force himself to comfort her:

"I'm fine, I just have homework that I have to go back to school to finish."

"Is that so..."

Aunt Li handed over the thermos cup in her hand, and said: "After the doctor came last time, we discussed how to replenish my husband's body. It didn't work too much at the moment, so we slowly replenished it. Here are some things added Supplements, I asked the doctor, they are all you can take.”

Shen Ning actually used food supplements in his previous life, so it's better than nothing.Most importantly, he couldn't waste Aunt Li's heart.

He took the cup and said obediently, "Thank you, Aunt Li."

"Hey, Mr. Shen, I'll go back first. You don't like drinking, or tell me what you want to drink. I will come here every day from now on."

Shen Ning said gratefully: "I know everything, thank you Aunt Li."

"Okay, then I'll go back."

Shen Ning watched Aunt Li leave before returning to the dormitory holding the cup.On weekend afternoons, there is only one roommate in the dormitory who has neither girlfriend nor social activities, and is obsessed with games.This deplorable spirit of dedicating everything to the game is also very admirable, at least Shen Ning himself can't do it.

When Shen Ning opened the thermos, his roommate swallowed forcefully, and unconsciously looked at him... the thermos on the table.

"What is so fragrant?"

"tonic."

"tonic?"

"Yeah." Because he often eats in the dormitory, Shen Ning has a few small bowls, he scalded the small bowls with hot water, divided two mouthfuls, and gave him two mouthfuls.

"I'll give you a taste."

The roommate finished drinking in one gulp, and howled: "I still want it, I still want it!"

Shen Ning: "Oh."

He slowly poured the soup into the porcelain bowl, tightened the lid, and drank it slowly.Aunt Li's craftsmanship is as usual, there is no doubt about it, Shen Ning's body is weak, these supplements have an obvious effect on him, after a while he feels his body heats up, his stomach is warm and swollen, which makes him very eager to sleep.

Shen Ning never resisted his body's instinctive reaction, he yawned and shrank into the quilt, and fell asleep within a few minutes.

When I woke up, it was already sunset.

The roommate didn't turn on the lights, and there was only one laptop computer screen in the dimly lit room, which was constantly flashing blue and white fluorescent light.There were occasional sounds of fighting and cheering from roommates, and Shen Ning lay blankly under the covers for a few minutes. After a few minutes, his brain gradually woke up, and he woke up with some kind of impulse that he had been away for a long time.

Although his body is relatively weak, he is still a man after all, and he still has needs in that regard, but he usually just fools around on his own.But for some reason, today's impulse was stronger, that anxious impulse made him feel hot all over, his hands and feet were weak, and his body even had a dull pain.

Shen Ning lay under the quilt, facing the wall, listened carefully to the movement of the roommates outside, and after confirming that there was no danger, he slowly put his hands into his pants.

With the skilled movements, the familiar hot numbness surged up, and Shen Ning's cheeks unconsciously rubbed against the pillow underneath.Unable to vent for a long time, the agitation continued to accumulate, gradually forming a kind of torture.

Come out soon, he thought irritably, he didn't want his roommates to find out that he was doing such a thing.

If found out, it would be as embarrassing as——

Suddenly, a picture flashed in his mind.

As that picture continued to appear clearly, the man's scorching breath, slightly thorny hair, and low, magnetic voice all erupted in his head.

The man's scorn, the man's arrogance, the man's innocence, and his hot palm on his waist.That palm carries a power different from his, if he controls himself at this moment——

The reason wants to try its best to control itself not to think, but the brain makes its own decisions.

The evening that I tried my best to forget returned again, and that night in the hotel, when the man lay on his lap, the gentle and delicate touch was like the screen window lifted by the wind outside the window.

The wind blew on his face, Shen Ning buried his face deeply in the pillow, gritted his teeth and tensed up.

"Ugh-"

After a moment:

"..."

"..."

"???"

Accompanied by bursts of nothingness, Shen Ning fell on his back on the bed and entered the sage mode.

The author has something to say:

what am i writingIs this all right?

Xiao Shen: Trapped in self-doubt

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