three feet away

Sitting in the co-pilot, Xu Nuo turned his head slightly to look at Yan Ruyi's side face. She was driving, and her gaze was set in front of her seriously. From Xu Nuo's perspective, she could see her bright eyes, neon flickering, light and shadow from her The fundus of the eyes slides over, reappears, and slides over again.

The air conditioner was turned on in the car, and the faint sound of the hot wind blowing from the front combined with the sound of the car engine. Xu Nuo felt a little relieved when he listened to it.

She looked at Yan Ruyi without blinking, with satisfied and happy eyes as if she owned the whole world.She still remembers that the last time she took Yan Ruyi's car was in midsummer seven years ago. At that time, she was still an extremely sensitive and sharp teenager. Not long after Yan Ruyi got her driver's license, she took her for a long-distance drive because of her words. short journey.

At that time, she made the request to Yan Ruyi capriciously through alcoholism. In fact, until now, she still hopes that she can fully fulfill it. It's just that when she was young, she wanted to escape to a distant place, but now, she came back from a distant foreign country, What she wants becomes simple, that is, to have a home where there is Yan Ruyi.

Thinking of the way Yan Ruyi was driving the car carefully by his side back then, Xu Nuo couldn't help but raise the corners of his lips. For some reason, those past events that he seldom recalled in the past became vivid and active after meeting Yan Ruyi again this time when he returned to China When she woke up, she kept jumping in her mind frequently, and what surprised Xu Nuo even more was that she still remembered those little things that could be regarded as the dust of history. She even remembered what clothes Yan Ruyi was wearing at that time. What does a backpack look like.Those good memories seem to be a jar of good wine sealed with wax and dusty underground. When it is dug out from the ground and opened again, people are surprised to find that time seems to be just a catalyst blindly. The long-term precipitation and waiting make it more beautiful. Mellow and dry, not beyond recognition.

Although Yan Ruyi was driving the car, but Xu Nuo was sitting beside her, her peripheral vision always drifted towards her unconsciously, being so stared at by Xu Nuo's naked eyes all the way, no matter how steady she was, she felt a little panicked.She turned her head at the intersection where traffic lights were blocked, and looked at Xu Nuo pretending to be natural, and then she saw the clean emotion in her eyes that was exactly the same as her eyes for many years without any impurities.Such an affectionate color makes Yan Ruyi's heart move, but at the same time it hurts her heart.

The promise is still the promise, she has grown up, like she once expected.Her mind has always been more mature than other students, but at that time, she was always a little melancholy.Now she has become more mature and wise, calm and confident. She has a smell of books and distant places, which makes people more fascinated, but the way she looks at herself has never changed.This kind of look made Yan Ruyi, who was also young and immature, shy many years ago, and after many years, it made Yan Ruyi, who was also baptized by the years, obsessed.

"What are you looking at?"

After the red light skipped, Yan Ruyi turned her head, before the car slid out of the zebra crossing, she asked softly.

Xu Nuo raised his eyebrows slightly, moved his body leaning on the back of the chair half a minute, cleared his throat, smiled, hesitated for a moment, and then slowly said: "Look at you."

"Look at me?" Yan Ruyi raised her eyebrows, the calm expression on her face couldn't cover up her throat rolling twice in a row.

"Yeah." Xu Nuo nodded, his eyes moved away from Yan Ruyi's face reluctantly, turned to the front, and after a few seconds, he turned back unconsciously and landed on Yan Ruyi's face again: "Yan Ruyi, you don't seem to be doing well at all. It hasn’t changed, but it seems to have changed a lot.”

"..."

Yan Ruyi didn't answer, Xu Nuo paused for a moment, then continued:

"After going abroad, I actually seldom think of you. Before I met you again, I never thought that we would meet again, nor...I never thought that it would happen to you...Those things, let alone, I will sit in your car like this now, and watch you drive quietly."

"But, no matter what the past is. Yan Ruyi." After pausing again for a moment, Xu Nuo turned his head and shifted his gaze to the rearview mirror outside the car window, taking advantage of the neon lights and street lights flickering past the window. Looking at myself inside, I seriously smiled at the mirror and said, "I'm very happy, happy to meet you again."

"Just now, in the concert hall, I opened my eyes and saw your face. I thought I was having a very real dream. It was so real that I could almost feel your breathing and heartbeat. At that moment, I didn't hate you. , I don’t blame you, I don’t blame you, I love you.”

"I looked at you and suddenly remembered that you are a seed, a seed of a lotus flower that once bloomed in my heart, and I never really forgot you. I loved you when you bloomed, and you were buried as a seed I am waiting for you in the bottom of my heart, and when you wake up and bloom in my heart again, I will continue to love you."

"...." Yan Ruyi was silent, her breathing became deep and moist.

"When you just left, I still had extravagant hopes. I thought you would come back to me, and you promised to be with me forever."

"I spend all the time I miss you studying hard, because I remember your wish, you want me to become a talent, I promise, I will not let you down."

"I never thought of betraying you, Yan Ruyi. But you were so decisive..."

Having said that, Xu Nuo finally turned her head. She calmly looked at Yan Ruyi's side face, saw the traces of wetness on her face, stretched out her hand, and gently hooked away the crumbling crystal of her jaw with her fingertips. The cold water dripped on her face. It slipped between her fingers and wet her fingers, bringing her a jerky pain. She knew that bringing up the past would make the two of them open the wound and hurt again, but she wanted to be with her. She had to, had to take the boy The wounds of the times are boiled into a glass of wine to accompany the story, and only then can we truly accept and enjoy it.

Closing his eyes, rubbing his fingers with Yan Ruyi's tears in the darkness, Xu Nuo continued: "I know you saw me, and I know you heard me calling you. You didn't look back, that scene seemed like It once appeared in the broken dreams I miss, and it seems like it didn't, but you didn't turn around and leave resolutely, so I don't think it's too difficult to accept."

"For a long time, I didn't feel that much pain. That back view didn't even hurt me as much as when I knew you went to teach without saying a word. I just simply started to reject everything about you, and I still Study hard like that, but, it seems that later, it is no longer for you, but for whom, I don't know..."

"Promise..." Xu Nuo's voice was calm, and she told Yan Ruyi how she felt at that time in an extremely indifferent tone, as if she was telling a story that had nothing to do with her, the sense of lifelessness and lack of vitality. The emotional emotions made Yan Ruyi's heart ache so much that she finally couldn't help it, parked the car on the side of the road, buried her head on the steering wheel and cried bitterly.

Xu Nuo looked at her violently twitching shoulders, took a deep breath, and turned his head to try to sort out his emotions, but the green belt on the roadside outside the window had become blurred.She raised her hand to wipe her eyes quickly, and grinned at herself in the rearview mirror, forcing herself to smile so as not to make her muscles so stiff.Then, she turned around, stretched out her hand, and put her palm on the top of Yan Ruyi's head, stroking her soft long hair, gently stroking her out of control emotions.Still speaking slowly:

"I met a girl, she likes to be around me, she never looks at me with prying and mocking eyes like any other, she doesn't even ask me much about my past, I like to be with her Don't think about who I am, and then, when I graduated, at the last class reunion, I asked her if she could stay with me...”

"I thought we could be very happy, but it turns out we can't..."

"I hurt her, Yan Ruyi, she is very kind, but I hurt her heart hard." When Zhou Qingming said that she would never owe her anything again, a despairing face appeared in her eyes, and she promised to close her eyes and let her go. heart.

"I don't love her, I can't love her... I didn't understand the difference between love and liking. I thought I just liked you fiercely, and I also thought I could fall in love with her deeply, but The fact is just the opposite. After I went to college, time became relatively free. At that time, I had the opportunity to discover the difference between love and liking in the slow process of getting along with her. Love should not be heartache, and liking to pretend to be love is heartache. I like her very much, but I love you dearly."

"At that time, I found out sadly that I still love you, but you are the sunshine of the past..."

After Xu Nuo let out a deep and suppressed sob, Yan Ruyi suddenly sat up and hugged Xu Nuo tightly, and when she buried her head in her neck, she shook her head desperately: "I'm not...I'm not...Xuan, I'm not. ..”

"I have too much pain that you can't share with me, promise, you were still so young at that time, you still had to go to high school, you still had to go to college, and you still had such a long way to go...I am Your teacher, but I love you more, how can I gamble with your future? You are so smart, I would rather... would rather we were nothing..."

Xu Nuo didn't even remember how long Yan Ruyi cried in her arms that night, she only remembered that the thick down jacket on her shoulders was wet a lot, Yan Ruyi's tears were scalding hot, almost scalding her flesh, she was crying so terribly, Xu Nuo could not bear it. Couldn't bear to let her shed even a single tear.At that moment, she almost didn't care about anything, as long as Yan Ruyi stopped crying, she was afraid that she would cry, because the pain would make her want to stop breathing.

Later, Xu Nuo drove the rest of the journey, but Yan Ruyi didn't go home that night.She curled up on Xu Nuo's bed, hugged Xu Nuo's waist, buried herself in the quilt, and refused Xu Nuo to go in to accompany her. She talked slowly for almost two hours in the dark and closed environment, telling the past seven years. I told the promise exactly.After that, she fell asleep sobbing.

It wasn't until Yan Ruyi's voice stopped for a long time that Xu Nuo raised her face buried in the pillow. Without saying a word, she gently pulled back a corner of the quilt, trying to hug Yan Ruyi and put her on the pillow, but just as soon as she moved, she saw She frowned as if she was about to wake up. She held her breath and didn't dare to move any more. She just folded the corners of the quilt to reveal Yan Ruyi's face, allowing her to breathe naturally.

Later, she used a hot towel to repeatedly compress Yan Ruyi's red and swollen eyes for a long time, and then went downstairs to take a shower. When the scalding hot water angrily washed over her body from the shower head, she squatted on the ground and cried hard. She tried her best to yell, to yell, to yell out all the emotions that had been suppressed in the bottom of her heart for so many years that seemed to no longer exist, until her eyes were dry and there were no more tears, she got up and quickly Wipe off the water on my body, wrap my body in pajamas that hurts every piece of skin that was washed by the hot water, go upstairs, as if nothing happened, there is not enough corner left after being occupied by Yan Ruyi She found a place in the corner of the bed where she could stretch her body well, and lifted the quilt to lie down. Before going to bed, she leaned forward and kissed Yan Ruyi's eyes, found her hand that had not been relaxed after crying bitterly under the quilt, and opened her fingers Holding it in the palm of my hand, I gently rubbed and comforted her knuckles with my thumb until I fell asleep without letting go.

It turned out that none of them was wrong, what was wrong was this society full of discrimination against homosexuals.