Morbid domestication

In the kitchen, a man in a blue apron gurgled softly from the ceramic pot on the gas, and the fragrance of coconut wafted through his nose.

Holding a sharp knife in Feng Jue's well-articulated hand, he cut open the cherry tomatoes on the chopping board neatly but gracefully. The glass bowl beside him was already filled with fresh green vegetables.

I leaned against the kitchen door, watching Feng Jue put the bright red cherry tomatoes into the glass bowl.

Everything in front of me makes me feel like I am dreaming. A week ago, I warned myself to treat this person in front of me as a stranger, but now because of his busy back, I feel like I am in a dream. It is good to continue like this idea.

But in fact it won't, I know that Feng Jue won't live in this small house of mine forever.

I looked away from him, took out my phone to check the time, and turned to the balcony of the bedroom.

Xu Tangyi quickly answered the phone, he only said "A Nian" and refused to say more.

I knew he was angry, presumably Zhang Lu had reported to him the news that I followed Feng Jue back to City C, but he didn't call me right away to question me, presumably he was waiting for my explanation.

I'd rather he scolded me all over the face than this, but I did the thing, so I have to give him a reasonable explanation.

I asked, "Brother, has the matter in City A been resolved?"

"Well, it's not a big problem." Xu Tangyi replied in an inaudible tone.

"How many days are you going to stay in City A?"

"Two days."

"I read the weather forecast that the temperature in City A will drop tomorrow, so please keep warm."

"understood."

After a few words back and forth, I really couldn't find what to say.

After a few seconds, I let out a light breath and decided not to go around the corner: "Brother."

In the weather of November, the temperature at night is already very low. I watched the white air exhaled from my mouth slowly dissipate in the cold air.

In the distance upstairs, there are dots of lights on. I don’t know if there is someone in the kitchen, patiently cooking dinner for another person.

I looked into the distance and said slowly: "I know what I'm doing, and I know what I'm going to face, but I still want to try."

"You don't know what you're doing, Anian." Xu Tangyi's tone suddenly became more serious, "Have you forgotten what he did to you before?"

"Even without those things in the past, this person is not your good match. How can you be sure that he is not a whim?"

Xu Tang seemed to be really pissed off by me, and he spoke faster and faster: "Even if he really likes you, so what? Can he admit that he likes a man regardless of his status in the Feng family? "

"Even if you really like the same sex, I won't stop you, but that person must not be Feng Jue. I have worked with him for a while, and I know better than you what kind of person he is."

"He is showing weakness in front of you now, saying that he has amnesia, and pretending to be innocent, but you also know in your heart that it is impossible for a wolf to become a sheep, and human nature will not change easily. The inner part of Feng Jue will always be a lunatic. "

After a pause, Xu Tangyi slowed down his tone a bit: "A Nian, I found you with great difficulty. I swear that I will never let you be hurt again, and I will not allow anyone to treat my brother as a plaything."

I knew Xu Tangyi's kindness and his concern for me, but I still said softly, "I'm sorry, brother."

"A Nian!"

Regardless of Xu Tangyi's angry voice, I continued: "Brother, I am 27 years old, the same age as you, and I have experienced a lot during the years you were not around. Although I did not become as outstanding and dazzling as you, I It’s not that I don’t know everything, I have my own judgment.”

"I'm not throwing all my eggs in one basket and I know exactly what I might be facing."

"I know that Feng Jue is not a kind person, and I also know that he will eventually return to the Feng family, but I still want to try it once. I haven't longed for anything for a long, long time..."

Xu Tangyi interrupted me sharply: "Ah Nian, you are not clear-headed now. I will go to you immediately after I finish my work here. This time I will watch you go to the doctor. You are just sick."

"maybe..."

I smiled self-deprecatingly: "If this longing is really a disease, I don't want to be cured until my attempts fail."

Xu Tangyi on the other side of the phone didn't speak for a moment, wondering if he was disappointed by my "self-defeating" speech, but I still didn't stop talking.

"Brother, actually I haven't told you. Since my mother left, these years I often feel that I am living like a walking dead. I have nothing to want and nothing to worry about."

"Sometimes I even feel that even if I'm gone one day, I won't have any impact on the world."

"A Nian, it's not what you think!" Xu Tangyi suddenly raised her voice, her tone was eager.

"Brother, listen to me, this is what I finally mustered up the courage to say."

I continued: "You asked me why I didn't go to you before. It's not that I couldn't find you, but I didn't want to go at all. I'm not as good as you think."

"Do you know? During those days in Yuncheng, I hated many people, hated Xu Sheng's weakness, hated my mother's innocence, and of course, I also hated you."

As I spoke word by word, those words turned into a sharp bayonet, cutting me open, revealing the most secret dark side of my heart in front of Xu Tangyi, which was the negative emotions I had accumulated and suppressed for more than ten years.

I am not a saint.

"I have hated your excellence for a long time, you know, I have not been as smart as you since I was a child, many things you can easily do, I can't do it ten times;"

"When my mother was still there, she mentioned you every day, but she always said that I couldn't do anything better than you. All she thought about was you, but I was the one who worked every day to support the family. It’s me who runs back and forth, me, but she never sees it, she just thinks I’m not good enough.”

"Because of your excellence, I have suffered too much."

My voice is very soft and calm, but I know that when I say these words, there is still pain spreading deep in my heart. No one wants to live forever under the light of another person.

"You know what I was thinking when I saw you for the first time? I thought, as long as I reveal to you a little bit about my hatred for Feng Jue, you will stand up for me. The picture I want to see the most.”

"Look, I'm not that good. I'm not the same as the innocent and kind brother you remember..."

Xu Tangyi's voice seemed a little sad: "Ah Nian, I don't blame you. It's not your fault. You should have hatred in your heart. Besides, you didn't do that, did you? You didn't ask me to take revenge on Feng Jue. Everything was my fault. voluntary."

"No, I don't need you to do this, I wanted to, and when you handed me that square apple, I wanted to."

I remembered the scene where Xu Tangyi clumsily peeled an apple for me when I was in the hospital. That scene still touched me many times when I thought about it later.

I couldn't help but smiled: "Brother, you are very good, really good, I am glad that I have a brother like you. You are also the most inseparable existence in this world, and there is no one who is as close to me as you are." The blood and spinal cord are connected, and I know you think so too."

"A Nian..."

"But you have a father, a younger sister, and the Xu family. Yueyue is very good, and that aunt is also very good. I know you get along very well. I don't mean to blame you by saying this. I know you love me, but I am not the only one in your world, and everyone has their own life, and I have my own path to go."

"So," I raised my head and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling unprecedentedly relaxed, as if the stones that weighed on my heart in those days had disappeared.

"I want to try it once for myself, and I want to selfishly have someone who belongs only to me."

"Feng Jue is that person. He is paranoid and has a strong desire to control. He is arbitrary. He has too many actions that ordinary people cannot accept, but everything he does is just to keep me by his side."

I looked at the dots of lights in the distance, and said slowly and firmly.

"I thought about it for a long time, and even hesitated and struggled the day before, but at a certain moment today, I suddenly figured it out. I should face my desire directly."

"I like him, not because I like men, not because I long to be loved."

"I just like him."

Xu Tangyi was silent for a long time, and finally left a sentence of "Let me think about it", and hung up the phone.

I took a deep breath, and before I could digest my emotions, I heard the sound of the glass door opening behind me, I turned around, and my body froze involuntarily.

Feng Jue is standing behind me right now, holding the glass door and looking at me from afar.

His face was calm, but the eyes he looked at me seemed to be ignited with a hot flame, almost trying to burn me to death.

Did he hear my call and hear those again.

I was a little overwhelmed, I lowered my eyes to avoid his eyes, and wanted to say something, but I opened my mouth, and finally I could only say something dry.

"Dinner, is the meal ready?"

What responded to me was Feng Jue's figure striding towards me.

"Yu Nian."

His tone was a little rushed, but if you listen carefully, his breathing is chaotic.

I was pushed into a corner by him, and his aura that couldn't be ignored tightly locked me in this small world.

"I heard." He held my arm, stared into my eyes and repeated word by word: "You don't like men, you just like me?"

My face instantly turned hot, and I didn't feel anything when I talked to Xu Tangyi on the phone just now. This will be repeated by Feng Jue, and I just feel that the degree of shame is going to explode.

I coughed lightly, pretending not to understand, and tried to change the subject: "Is the meal ready? I'm a little hungry..."

"Sorry, my little prince."

Feng Jue suddenly said: "You may eat the rice later..."

Before I understood what he meant, I was pressed against the wall beside me by Feng Jue, followed by his kiss with burning hot breath.

This is the first time I have felt the urgency of Feng Jue. I have kissed before, but every time he is easy to handle, like a lion carefully tasting the fruit, elegant and gentleman.

But this time he was almost rude, asserting his possession with every movement.

The tongue that invaded the mouth carried a fiery temperature, tumbling wantonly in my mouth, and a few times I could even feel the tip of his tongue touch my soft palate, causing physiological tears to flow from my eyes.

My head was firmly fixed, and I had no possibility of escape, so I could only open my mouth obediently and let him get whatever he wanted.

His slightly cold fingers slid into my clothes, kept moving down my spine, and finally stopped at my waist, and I was aroused to shudder.

I was forcefully taken into the bedroom by him, and then pushed into the soft bed...

The two things I bought in the supermarket were quickly used on my body. Feng Jue's body was pressed against me like mountains and peaks. My hands touched his shoulders, chest, and finally hugged his sweaty back tightly. , I arched my body, and put myself as close to the other person's body as possible, and I was telling the other person with my body movements.

I long for him too.

While my thoughts were blurred, my eyes drifted to the cabinet next to the bed, where a bunch of white tulips were in full bloom in a vase that had been put in at some time.

The author says:

The flower language of white tulips - pure love.