time for sysyphus

The matter of Tao Die's mother and son still happened.

After that day, Lin Si and Ji Zhongnian's peaceful life for three years seemed to change.

This change is not earth-shaking, it is like a needle hidden in the stormy sea, so it cannot be found, but it may suddenly bring a tingling sensation at any time.

Ji Zhongnian is a person who is used to wearing a steel shell, even if he is hit hard, he will just pretend that nothing happened.

He immersed himself in his work every day, trying to make himself look unaffected by this incident. Only Lin Si could see that he was trying to numb himself in the heavy work to deal with these negative emotions.

Two full weeks had passed since this incident. One night, in the middle of the night, Lin Si waited alone on the bed for a long time, but he still couldn't wait for Ji Zhongnian to go back to bed.

The lamp on the bedside table was emitting a dim light. He was lying on the bed alone, but he still couldn't fall asleep at ease. Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore, got out of bed and left the room, and walked to the study next door.

Gently pushing the door open and entering, the light in the study was still on.

Lin Si saw that Ji Zhongnian was still working under the lamp, wearing a coat, with a computer and a pile of company materials beside him.

These days, Mr. Ji seems to be tireless, day and night upside down, never thinking of letting himself stop.

Sensing that the door was pushed open, Ji Zhongnian raised his head, seeing that it was Lin Si, he was slightly taken aback, and the tensed corners of his eyes and brows instantly softened.

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

Lin Si didn't answer, but asked, "What about you, aren't you sleeping? It's almost three o'clock."

"There's still a little left to finish, so go to sleep after finishing it." Ji Zhongnian forcedly said to Lin Si, "Don't worry about me, go to sleep by yourself."

After hearing this, Lin Si stood on the spot and opened his mouth, hesitant to speak, but seeing Ji Zhongnian's heavy face, he nodded silently, turned around and prepared to leave the study.

Step by step, Lin Si walked very slowly, he was twisting in his heart, he knew better than anyone else what Ji Zhongnian was feeling during this time——

Sadness, shock, regret, self-blame, pain.

Let it go?How can it be.

When Lin Si walked to the door of the room, he suddenly stopped and asked in a low voice: "What do you mean don't care about you?"

Ji Zhongnian raised his head again and looked at Lin Si whose back was facing him, his thin shoulders wrapped in pajamas seemed to be shaking.

"I want to finish the work first, so—" Ji Zhongnian couldn't continue speaking. Facing Lin Si like this, it seemed difficult for him to say perfunctory words.

So he lowered his head and continued to write on the document with a pen.

After being silent for a while, Lin Si took a deep breath, turned around, walked in front of Ji Zhongnian again, and said sullenly: "Okay, that's enough! You haven't slept well for a few days, if you continue like this, your body will be exhausted. Can't stop, I beg you, take a break, okay?"

Ji Zhongnian stopped holding the pen.

In his memory, Lin Si almost never got angry with him, so at this moment, he was really stunned.

"I know, what happened to Tao Die makes you feel very uncomfortable, but do you think that you will get better after tossing yourself like this? I...I love you very much, do you know that?"

The worries and depressions accumulated for many days were finally spoken out by Lin Si at this moment, so frankly and without scruples.

His eyes were red, his thin body was faintly outlined by the light of the desk lamp, and he was even trembling because of his excitement.

It's not just Ji Zhongnian who is suffering these days, Lin Si is also on the verge of collapse, Tao Die's death is like a herald of death to him, he knows that he has come to the juncture of fate again.

But he no longer makes himself as vulnerable as before, because he has to take care of Ji Zhongnian's emotions, watching Ji Zhongnian keep spinning around without rest, constantly consuming his body and spirit, this makes him more sad than knowing that he is doomed .

"Looking at you like this, my heart is very uncomfortable," Lin Si patted his chest and choked up, "Even if you tell me...you blame yourself and feel uncomfortable, instead of surrounding yourself like you are now , push me aside and make me think you're fine and you're fine."

Ji Zhongnian looked at him without saying a word, and there was a faint wave of light trembling in his deep eyes.

Lin Si went around the table and walked in front of him, raised his hand, and caressed his slightly tired face, "Why do you have to digest everything by yourself...Ji Zhongnian, you still have me."

No matter what life it was, after what happened to Tao Die, Lin Si never complained that Ji Zhongnian did not listen to his dissuasion, nor did he complain that Ji Zhongnian insisted on going his own way on the road of revenge.

He loves Ji Zhongnian and understands that Ji Zhongnian has his own stubbornness towards hatred, even the closest lover can't change him, so he chooses to respect Ji Zhongnian and never criticize anything harshly.

But now, Lin Si felt very sad, and even became angry with Ji Zhongnian.

Because he can predict the ending of himself and Ji Zhongnian, Lin Si hopes that when they are together, they will rely on each other and be able to get through the low tide together.Instead of being like this now, Ji Zhongnian just planned to swallow all his emotions into his stomach.

After a long silence, Ji Zhongnian finally responded to him: "I'm sorry..."

Lin Si gently took off Ji Zhongnian's glasses, and massaged his sore and swollen temples with his warm fingertips, making circular motions, and Ji Zhongnian's fatigue was slowly relieved.

"I don't want you to say sorry, you know, you don't need to think about me at this time," Lin Si said, "I just think you can rely on me."

Ji Zhongnian closed his eyes and leaned forward on Lin Si's waist. He relaxed slowly and sighed. This posture made him feel that someone was comforting him.

"Lin Si, I never regret my decision, but this time..." Ji Zhongnian's voice seemed to be worn out, "I was wrong, I killed two people."

It was he who indirectly killed a woman and her son. When he heard the news, he felt completely astonished and owed. He never wanted the two mother and son to die.

"Listen to me, that incident was an accident," Lin Si stroked Ji Zhongnian's temples, "No one wants an accident to happen, including you. This is out of your control."

"No, you clearly reminded me back then," Ji Zhongnian shook his head in pain, regretting his paranoia, "I didn't listen to you. I am responsible for their death."

Since being with Lin Si, the gentle time has gradually diluted the hatred in Ji Zhongnian's heart. Over the years, he felt that he was no longer so obsessed with the original revenge.

However, the retribution came one after another, and it still came to the door.

He felt guilty, and with it came anxiety, as if he had somehow sensed the punishment of fate, and it seemed that there would be even more terrible retribution waiting for him.He didn't know what it was, but he was also uneasy about it.

Lin Si was also uneasy, but he could only hide his fear and collapse, and comforted Ji Zhongnian: "In any case, something has happened...I will be with you, and you can tell me anything. "

Ji Zhongnian leaned his face against his lover's abdomen, feeling the warmth and softness, "Thank you...you are by my side."

Because he didn't sleep well for a week, this night, under Lin Si's comfort, Ji Zhongnian took a sleeping pill, and finally fell asleep before sunrise.

Only Lin Si could see such a fragile Ji Zhongnian, he couldn't sleep, he just pretended to close his eyes, and lay restlessly beside Ji Zhongnian.

In the dark, he caressed Ji Zhongnian's face, as if he had devoted all his tenderness and love: "Now I... still don't know if doing it all over again means repeating the same mistakes. Could we Reversing fate, or maybe just...well, just being separated again. But the only thing that is certain is that even if I die, I will meet you again in time. Even if our story ends every time I am not afraid of the end. Zhongnian, I will become stronger and braver every time. Even if I die eight hundred times, I will never give up loving you."

A few days later, the afterglow of the setting sun covered the entire courtyard, and the vines of white sparrow flowers were lying on the wooden frame.

Lin Si stood under the sparrow flower stand, looking at the light golden floating clouds in the sky, and the silhouette of the shadow under his feet was not concrete, like broken and scattered smoke.

Ji Zhongnian came to look for him from a distance, and looked behind him. He saw Lin Si wearing an off-white gown, his black soft hair soaked in sunlight, and his back was a bit thin, just like a scene in a movie.

Lin Si raised his hand and pressed his ears. He should be listening to music with the earphones that Ji Zhongnian gave him. He was immersed in it, and he didn't even notice Ji Zhongnian who was slowly approaching.

It wasn't until Ji Zhongnian stretched out his hands and gently embraced him from behind that he took off the earphones to react.

"What are you listening to?" Ji Zhongnian asked him.

Lin Si took off the left earphone and stuffed it into Ji Zhongnian's ear, "Listen."

They shared the same soothing melody. When the music gently entered the ears, time seemed to slow down at this moment, and everything around them also faded away.

Ji Zhongnian wrapped his arms around Lin Si's waist, put his chin on his right shoulder, and said, "Obviously I have only been with you for three years, how does it feel... as if three lifetimes have passed."

Lin Si covered the back of his hand and sighed with emotion in a low voice, "It's three lifetimes."

"Huh?" Ji Zhongnian didn't hear his words clearly.

"It's nothing." Lin Si shook his head, turned around with a smile, put his arms around Ji Zhongnian's neck, "Is the song nice?"

"En." Ji Zhongnian nodded.

"It's my favorite song."

He emphasized this to Ji Zhongnian.

In fact, Lin Si has long found that he is very contradictory. He wants Ji Zhongnian to forget himself after he leaves, but in fact, he always hopes that Ji Zhongnian can remember everything related to him.

This is probably because of reluctance.He knew that he would leave in the end, he didn't know what he would take with him, and he didn't know what he could leave behind, so he was always preparing to leave at any time.

Under the sparrow flower stand, Lin Si and his lover listened to this song together.

The melody of the song is very soft, with a hint of sadness, like a layer of mist covering the sea at dusk, scattered easily by the sea breeze.

In the following years, Ji Zhongnian always listened to this song.

Even though he was the only one, the earphones were no longer separated to one side.

If you pan the camera to that time, you can see that during the days when there was no Lins, Ji Zhongnian often stood alone under the blooming sparrow vine, and the singing in the earphones was accompanied by small electric currents, constantly circulating in his ears, Slowly drilled into the innermost part of his heart.

But every time after listening to it, he always has to spend a lot of effort...to remember the words of this song——

"One hundred years in the world, only to accompany halfway. The love will never return, and the time will be lonely in the future, and the good times will not last forever."

The author says:

The lyrics are made up by myself.Not this song.