it's dark, coax me

Not long after Gu Xiu finished these, Zhou Xing knocked on the door.

Zhou Xing didn't enter the door, he just stood at the door and said with a smile: "Lunch is ready, come and eat."

Gu Xiu nodded and followed Zhou Xing to sit at the dining table.

During this period of time, Zhou Xing had figured out Gu Xiu's eating habits. The food on the table was made according to Gu Xiu's taste and what he liked to eat.

It's a pity that Gu Xiu didn't have much interest in these things at the moment. He really didn't have any appetite, but he didn't want Zhou Xing to see anything, so he ate some.

Fortunately, Gu Xiu usually doesn't eat much, so he can't see anything for a while.

After the meal, Zhou Xing didn't use Gu Xiu again, and went to clean up by himself.

Gu Xiu went back to his room, lying on the bed, still depressed.

He lay there like this for an unknown amount of time, and the phone rang several notification tones one after another.

It took him a while before he picked up his phone to check the message on it. He thought it was Qian Jing and the others who had said something in the group, but it turned out that it was not, the person who sent the message was Ding Le.

Ding Le is also a writer, and he is one of Gu Xiu's rare friends in the industry.

Unlike Gu Xiu, Ding Le lives up to his name, optimistic and cheerful, and has many friends in the circle.

People who are accustomed to writing are also accustomed to text chatting when chatting with others. Some authors have studied this before when they were bored, and found that authors prefer to use text when chatting, and the text they send out is still habitually with commas and periods of.

While most people post a message, there may be a comma, but few people put a period at the end of the sentence.

What's more, send short sentences directly, so that you don't even need to send commas, and even use spaces instead of commas and periods.

Therefore, it can be said that Gu Xiu is used to Ding Le sending several text messages in succession.

Gu Xiu didn't tell anyone about his situation, so he just sent a voice message at the moment, asking him not to type.

Ding Le directly made a voice call.

When Gu Xiu picked up the phone, Ding Le's voice came from the other end of the phone in an instant, "My new book is also on sale, what do you think is a coincidence?"

Gu Xiu couldn't lift his spirits, but he still smiled and said, "Coincidentally, congratulations."

Ding Le chattered about the future autograph signing, and wanted to drag Gu Xiu with him.

Gu Xiu is not used to showing up in front of people, he does few book signings, and with his current state, it is obviously not suitable for signing sales, so he is not prepared for the release of the new book at all.

Hearing what he said, Ding Le didn't insist. Instead, he asked about his recent situation. Hearing that he was on vacation, he was very envious for a while.

The two chatted for a while, then Ding Le started asking him what he planned to write next book.

The next book... Where is the next book...

After Gu Xiu hung up the phone, he continued to be lost in thought.

The last time he was unable to read and write was in his sophomore year, which was his fourth year of depression.

At that time, the state of being unable to read and write lasted for several months. Until the final exam, the situation was so serious that he could not read the text on the test paper at all. Because there was no way to take the exam, he originally wanted to take a break from school for a while, but then... …

He eventually chose to drop out.

After that, this state continued for another two full years, and the situation did not improve until two years later.

This time, he couldn't read and write since three months ago, and he doesn't know how long it will take to recover.

The current world is undergoing rapid changes every year, and almost no one can predict what the world will look like in five or ten years.

If that time really comes, will any readers remember that he has appeared before?

Besides, it's not certain whether it can be recovered this time, maybe it will be like this in the future.

He sat at the table, but subconsciously remembered what Ding Le said just now, the next book...

Before he got sick, he actually had a lot of ideas for the next book, and those ideas are still stored in his computer, but although there are many ideas, they have not been finalized.

Now thinking of the next book, he subconsciously thought of Zhou Xing, and thought of the experience during this period.

Countless pictures suddenly came one after another like snowflakes, enveloping his whole body in them.

He suddenly had a strong desire to record the bits and pieces between him and Zhou Xing.

He dug out the notebook from the suitcase, put the notebook on the table, and turned on the computer.

The screen was completely white, and after he stared at the screen for a moment, he quickly tapped his fingers on the keyboard.

However, after the first line of text was displayed on the screen, he felt dizzy again. At this moment, he even felt a dull pain in his temple.

The words on the computer screen in front of him seemed to be sucked into a vortex, and his vision became blurred and full of dizziness.

He seemed to be trying to make things difficult for himself. Under such circumstances, he typed the second and third lines on the computer.

However, his eyes had already become blurred, and the text on the computer seemed to him to be a pool of black filth, losing the unique carrying meaning of the text.

It's like a pile of ink that was randomly splashed on the pages of a book, meaningless and polluting the clean paper.

After all, he pressed the delete key, and the few lines of words disappeared in an instant, as if they had never appeared before, and the page returned to white again.

He stared at the computer in front of him, his nails unconsciously dug into his flesh.

At this moment, he hated these hands, hated these eyes, hated the disease, and hated himself who was sick.

Why on earth does he want to live in this world?What is the meaning of his life?What did he bring to this world?What can he bring to the people around him?

The cold touch fell on the skin, and Gu Xiu realized that he was crying uncontrollably again.

Got sick again.

He has been in a relatively peaceful state during this period of time, but now, all this seems to have been silently broken again.

Negative emotions are like surging waves, sweeping his whole body into it in just an instant, dragging him to sink deep.

He didn't want to get sick again, and he didn't want Zhou Xing to see him like this again.

Gu Xiu grabbed the medicine on the table and swallowed it.

The side effects of the increased dose of medicine soon appeared. He felt a faint pain in his head, and his spirit began to become tired.

He lay on the bed, only feeling unprecedentedly exhausted.

Gu Xiu's consciousness gradually became drowsy, and he fell asleep under the influence of the medicine not long after.

These days, Zhou Xing has gotten used to Gu Xiu appearing in front of him frequently. Seeing that two hours had passed and Gu Xiu hadn't left the room, he walked to the door of Gu Xiu's room and knocked lightly on the door.

There is no response inside.

The door was not locked, so he opened it and took a look inside, only to find that Gu Xiuxiu was asleep, so he closed the door softly.

When Gu Xiu woke up again, it was already dark.

The room was dark, with only faint moonlight shining in through the windows.

He half-raised his eyes and looked out at the starry sky along the window.

He just felt that the scenery in his eyes seemed to have lost its original color, and the bright starry sky outside fell in his eyes at this moment, as if the sky was covered with white dust, without any sense of beauty.

He originally thought that after taking more drugs, his mood would be relieved, but the current situation is obviously not as he expected.

There are not many drugs left.

Several days have passed, and I don't know why the sent medicine hasn't arrived yet, and I don't know how long it will take to arrive.

He immediately called Qin Cheng.

After answering the phone, Qin Cheng explained the situation.

Psychiatric drugs are under supervision, and a series of procedures need to be completed to send the drugs, so even if Qin Cheng didn't delay the time, the overall delivery time was still delayed, and it might take a few days to arrive.

Gu Xiu replied that there was nothing to do. After learning about the specific situation, Gu Xiu didn't say anything.

He thought that it took him a long time to get the tea he bought before, but the teapot he ordered later has not arrived yet. It seems that because of the remoteness, the express delivery itself is extra slow.

After Gu Xiu finished asking about the situation, he wanted to hang up the phone, but Qin Cheng felt a little different from his tone, and immediately asked, "Are you sick now? How are you doing recently?"

Gu Xiu remained silent and did not speak, Qin Cheng was too sensitive.

It's almost by default.

Qin Cheng said: "I still suggest that you come to the hospital for treatment as soon as possible, if the condition worsens..."

Gu Xiu's thoughts drifted away unconsciously, and he didn't hear the second half of Qin Cheng's words.

He responded a few times in a trance, and then hung up Qin Cheng's phone.

Gu Xiu looked at himself in the mirror, and tried his best to show a smiling face, but his eyes in the mirror were empty, and his smile seemed awkward no matter how you looked at it.

"What's the matter? Why did it suddenly happen? Didn't everything go well before?"

Gu Xiu asked himself in the mirror, but the person in the mirror did not give him an answer.

Zhou Xing only thought that Gu Xiu was tired and didn't want to disturb his rest, so he didn't call him all the time, he just kept the dinner warm and waited for him to get up to eat.

Sitting at the dining table, Gu Xiu pretended to be relaxed and said with a smile, "Are you hungry? Why didn't you call me? I accidentally fell asleep."

Zhou Xing said with a smile: "It's okay, I'm not hungry yet, I'm sleepy in spring and autumn, if I'm tired, I'll sleep more, and there's nothing wrong with me."

After the meal, Gu Xiu helped Zhou Xing wash the dishes and then went back to his room, not wanting Zhou Xing to see his abnormality.

Looking at Gu Xiu's back, Zhou Xing frowned slightly.

During this period of time, Gu Xiu has never shut himself up in the room like this again, he is obviously not normal now.

Zhou Xing felt a little worried, he tidied up the kitchen, cut a plate of fruit, and knocked on the door of Gu Xiu's room.

When Zhou Xing came in with fruit, he saw Gu Xiu sitting on a chair looking out the window.

After seeing Zhou Xing, Gu Xiu said: "I don't know what happened today, I can't wake up, but now I'm sleepy again."

"Is it because you didn't rest last night? It's normal for your body to feel tired and sleepy occasionally. If you feel tired, go to bed early."

Gu Xiu responded and went to bed early, but he didn't fall asleep until after four o'clock at night, and woke up again after seven o'clock the next morning.

He was depressed and mentally exhausted, but he just couldn't sleep anymore.

After breakfast, his condition still hasn't been relieved.

It was another cloudy day, the sky was gloomy, and it looked like it was going to rain.

Autumn has a lot of rain. As the saying goes, one autumn rain and one cool, if it rains a few more times, it will be winter.

At around ten o'clock in the morning, Zhou Xing asked Gu Xiu to exercise together.

This is almost a habit formed by the two of them before, until Zhou Xing fell ill later, there was an interruption, but now that Zhou Xing's body has almost recovered, it will continue naturally.

Gu Xiu really couldn't lift his spirits up. When he was sick, it was difficult to lift his spirits up for anything, but even so, in order to make himself look 'normal', he still tried his best as he did a few days ago.

It's a pity that less than halfway through, he showed extreme fatigue, and finally Zhou Xing took the initiative to ask him to stop.

Zhou Xing looked at the sluggish Gu Xiu, and asked, "Are you sick?"

In autumn, the temperature difference between day and night is large, and catching a cold is also possible.

Gu Xiu shook his head, "No, I'm just a little tired these two days."

Zhou Xing touched Gu Xiu's head with his hand to make sure he didn't have a fever.

He thought of Gu Xiu's illness.

Gu Xiu's symptoms were not obvious at noon yesterday, and he went to bed after eating, so Zhou Xing only thought he was tired.

Last night, Zhou Xing already felt that something was wrong with Gu Xiu, but now, he has almost confirmed his inner thoughts.

Gu Xiu knew that Zhou Xing was worried about him, so he forced a smile and said, "I'm fine, don't worry."

His mood was obviously depressed, and even when he laughed, he looked a little stiff, which was different from when he laughed in the past.

Zhou Xing withdrew his hand, stared at him and said, "You don't have to smile when you don't want to. There's no need to force yourself."

The smile on Gu Xiu's face finally collapsed as if he couldn't hold it anymore, and he murmured, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

He clearly did nothing wrong.

Gu Xiu lowered his head and said nothing.

Zhou Xing asked, "Have you looked at the flowers on your balcony? I walked outside yesterday and saw one of them sprouting."

Gu Xiu didn't notice, he forced himself up and asked, "Really? I'll go back and have a look later."

Seeing him like this, Zhou Xing felt a little unreasonable in his heart. He didn't know how to comfort Gu Xiu, how to make him feel better. Now, talking to him seemed to be making things difficult for him.

Let him barely extract energy from his sad emotions to deal with his words.

Zhou Xing didn't speak any more, and the atmosphere between the two fell silent again.

After a long time, Gu Xiu came back to his senses and found that he seemed to have brought a gloomy mood to Zhou Xing, and the atmosphere in the room seemed dull for no reason.

He really shouldn't appear in front of Zhou Xing like this.

Passing happy emotions to others will still bring happiness, while passing negative emotions to others will only pull people under the cloud.

He shouldn't have brought such emotions to him.

Gu Xiu stood up, "I'll go back to my room to rest for a while."

Zhou Xing didn't know if it was time to let Gu Xiu be alone at this time, and he didn't know if being alone would make him feel better.

Zhou Xing just watched in silence as Gu Xiu went back to his room.

He smoked a cigarette slowly, then picked up his mobile phone and called Xie Jie.

During this period of time, Gu Xiu seemed to be having a good time, and his reply to Xie Jie was always a few words.

At the beginning, Xie Jie felt that Gu Xiu's condition was not right, and he was a little worried that he was falling ill. He didn't feel relieved until he called Zhou Xing to confirm that not only did he not fall ill during this period of time, but was actually doing well. Come down, he didn't even bother Gu Xiu for the past two days.

He was a little surprised when he received a call from Zhou Xing at this time.

Zhou Xing asked, "Do you have the phone number of Gu Xiu's attending physician?"

Xie Jie felt a 'thump' in his heart, and asked, "What's wrong? Gu Xiu is sick? Is it serious?"

Zhou Xing was silent, he didn't know if Gu Xiu's current situation was considered serious, he only knew that Gu Xiu was in a bad mood and very depressed.

Xie Jie sighed, and said after a while: "I don't have the phone number of his attending physician. I learned about his situation through other means. I consulted a psychiatrist I knew before, not Gu Xiu's attending physician."

Zhou Xing frowned slightly. He originally wanted to learn more about Gu Xiu's condition through Xie Jie, but now it seems that he can't.

Xie Jie continued: "I was always worried about Gu Xiu's situation before, but now that something happened as expected, I really shouldn't let him leave. I'm sorry to cause you trouble, but I can only think about it. A way to bring him back by force."

"Xie Jie, you have no right to force him to do anything."

"I just care about him..."

Zhou Xing interrupted Xie Jie again, "He is a person, not an object, and should not be arranged. You can't do anything to him in the name of caring for him without his consent."

Xie Jie didn't expect Zhou Xing to say such words to him, he was stunned for a moment before he said: "No, Zhou Xing, I'm afraid you don't understand Gu Xiu's current situation, what Gu Xiu suffers from is not any other disease, but depression disease……"

"Do you know about depression? It's a mental illness. Sometimes he can't control himself. You have to know that even on the legal level, things that mental patients do when they are sick are not sanctioned... ..."

"Don't talk about him like that." Zhou Xing couldn't help but said.

He always felt that the relationship between the two was very good, and he couldn't understand why Gu Xiu hid his illness from Xie Jie.

And now, he finally understood.

He could hardly stand Xie Jie talking like this, let alone Gu Xiu.

"Gu Xiu is just in a bad mood, he is sober, he is not mentally ill, and he is not unable to control his words and deeds, we can't force him to do something in the name of his good."

"Depression is a mental illness, Zhou Xing, this is a fact."

Zhou Xing clenched his hands, he subconsciously wanted to refute Xie Jie again, he didn't agree with such words in his heart, but he couldn't utter a rebuttal for a while.

He remembered what Gu Xiu had told him before, that he had been diagnosed with depression since high school, and then went all the way to college, and finally in his sophomore year, he was forced to drop out of school because of the worsening of his illness.

If even Xie Jie looked at him like this, what about the others?

Now more and more people stand up to destigmatize depression, but what about the past?

Ten years ago, he had a reputation for depression, how did he live?

How much has he suffered in these years?How did he bear the strange gaze and come to the present step by step?

How much has he endured along the way?

Thinking of this, Zhou Xing only felt more and more uncomfortable in his heart, and felt more and more distressed about Gu Xiu.

After a long silence, Zhou Xing continued: "Gu Xiu didn't do anything, there's no need to take him away, he just doesn't look happy. I just want to know how to make him happy."

Xie Jie was stunned for a moment, he didn't expect Zhou Xing to say that.

During this period of time, he almost always contacted Zhou Xing because of Gu Xiu's depression. Zhou Xing almost never called him because of this matter.

This time when Zhou Xing called to ask about this matter, he only thought that Gu Xiu's situation was serious to a certain extent, but he didn't expect that he would refuse to let Gu Xiu leave, let alone that he would say such a thing.

Zhou Xing continued: "Ask your friend for me, what should I do, or if there is any book recommendation in this area, I want to know more about this area."

Xie Jie asked hesitantly, "Gu Xiu's condition is really not serious?"

Hearing what Xie Jie said, Zhou Xing felt that what he just said was a bit too absolute.

He is not a doctor, and cannot make any decisions on behalf of the doctor. Whether Gu Xiu's condition is good or not, whether it is serious or not, these are not up to him, it should be diagnosed by the doctor.

He just felt that Gu Xiu was not what Xie Jie said, he was fine, but he was a little depressed...

In the end, Zhou Xing described Gu Xiu's symptoms to Xie Jie, and asked Xie Jie to consult on his behalf.

After hanging up the phone, Zhou Xing looked at Gu Xiu's closed door.

If Gu Xiu wants to leave, he won't stop him, but at least it should be because he wants to leave, rather than being taken away forcibly for some reason.

And... At least he should wait until his legs are healed before leaving...

The plaster cast on his leg has not been removed yet, who will take care of him after he returns?

Before he thought of Gu Xiu, he asked him: "I look like a hypocritical poor guy who has no one to take care of me, don't I?"

Zhou Xing's heart sank a little.

Gu Xiu is not a hypocritical poor guy who has no one to take care of him, he is willing to take care of him, and wants to take care of him all the time, as long as Gu Xiu is willing...

Zhou Xing waited for Xie Jie's reply. After waiting for half an hour, several cigarette butts had been stubbed out unconsciously in the ashtray in front of him.

He stared at the ashtray, and suddenly thought of what he said about Gu Xiu earlier, it can be seen that it is easy for people to talk to others, but difficult for them to do it themselves.

He told Gu Xiu not to smoke one cigarette after another, and now, isn't he the same way?

He snuffed out the cigarette in his hand, he shouldn't have done this, he should have taken the lead.

Thinking of this, he took a candy and put it in his mouth, and stopped smoking.

After a while, Xie Jie finally sent some messages.

The good news is that based on what Zhou Xing said, the doctor deduced that Gu Xiu's current condition is not serious.

As long as people with depression do not show self-harm or suicidal tendencies, the situation is not too bad.

As for Gu Xiu's low mood, according to the doctor's opinion, there are generally two types of episodes in depression patients, one is induced by external factors, and the other is periodic episodes of depression.

The latter often has no reason, even if the medicine is taken stably, without any external incentives, it will suddenly appear.

This is not controlled by the patient himself and external factors, just like the ebb and flow of the tide, it comes for no reason, and after a period of time, it will get better on its own.

Under such circumstances, as long as you care more about the patient, don't irritate the patient, urge the patient to take the medicine on time and in the right amount, and be careful not to let the patient do dangerous behavior, then basically there will be no major problems. Generally, it will take a day or two, at most a few days later The situation will improve significantly.

It has to be said that Xie Jie's words made Zhou Xing relax a bit.

And Zhou Xing asked him to inquire about related books on his behalf, he didn't forget, and quickly sent a series of book lists.

Zhou Xing took the phone, bought the corresponding e-books on Amazon, took the Kindle, opened a book with many reviews and high ratings, and began to read it.

He didn't know if it was useful for him to do so, but maybe it would allow him to understand more about the pain that Gu Xiu endured, and he could find a way to help him and make him feel better...

Time passed bit by bit, and the pages of the book were turned over. When Zhou Xing saw that "you can encourage the patient to build his self-confidence, praise him, and give positive feedback to his behavior, so as to encourage him." , When helping him gradually get out of depression', he suddenly stopped.

He thought that Gu Xiu was obviously depressed that day, sitting in the lobby and smoking a lot. At that time, Gu Xiu looked at him and asked, "Can you praise me again?"

……

Near noon, Zhou Xing knocked on the door of Gu Xiu's room.

Gu Xiu seemed to have lost his soul, looking at him dully with empty eyes.

Zhou Xing asked, "What do you want for lunch?"

"whatever."

"Can you help me make it together? And the apple juice you made last time, it's delicious, can you make it again?"

Gu Xiu looked at Zhou Xing, responded after a long time, and followed him to the kitchen.

Zhou Xing watched Gu Xiu carefully wash the apples, squeeze the juice, and cut the apple slices into butterfly shapes, busy in an orderly manner.

When it was done, Gu Xiu held the apple juice with both hands and put it in front of him.

Zhou Xing took the juice from Gu Xiu's hand and said with a smile, "Your hands are beautiful."

Gu Xiu looked down at his hand, as if he was looking for a reason why Zhou Xing praised it.

Zhou Xing continued: "Your hands are exquisite, and this butterfly is also beautifully made, as if it can really fly."

As Zhou Xing said, he drank a glass of juice in a few sips.

Although he intentionally lured Gu Xiu to do things to praise him, he didn't do it on purpose to show Gu Xiu that he drank all his drinks in one breath. Tasting the sweet and sour taste, I couldn't help but do it directly.

Not only did he do it, but he also casually asked, "Another cup?"

In Gu Xiu's eyes, his behavior undoubtedly confirmed what he just said.

Zhou Xing seems to really like this...

Gu Xiu squeezed a glass of juice for Zhou Xing again, and then began to help Zhou Xing wash vegetables and cook.

Gu Xiu is very meticulous in his work. Washing vegetables is obviously a trivial matter, but he washes vegetables just like washing fruits. He pays attention to every detail and takes things very seriously.

Zhou Xing likes to watch Gu Xiu do things, he has a meticulous and methodical feeling, which can make people calm down.

He watched for a while before starting to cook.

After the meal, Zhou Xing took a look at the various ways of complimenting people on Baidu. He swiped his finger across the phone screen and suddenly saw a sentence:

'I think loving someone is the greatest affirmation for him, proving that he is very attractive, proving that he has many advantages, proving that he is attractive enough to you, and making you recognize him in the vast crowd. '