dedicated to memorial day

The 5th and 20th of each month are the days when Zhou Yu and the psychiatrist have a video, and the specific time is determined by the doctor.

Zhou Yu didn't have any serious mental illness, but he often dreamed about his dead mother, dreamed that she let him leave peacefully, and dreamed that she was lying in the cold morgue with her eyes closed.Speaking of which, I am really not very filial. I have lived with my mother for 21 years, and all I remember are these pictures.

Everyone has more or less abnormal psychological phenomena, and it is not a big problem to have the same dream.As for why he is willing to chat with the doctor, it is probably because the doctor is the only person who knows everything about him, the only person who can prove his existence.Can be regarded as a friend.Friendships need to be maintained.

He is a very normal person, Zhou Yu thinks so.

All psychiatrists should wear gold-rimmed glasses, and Zhou Yu's is no exception.The psychiatrist wearing glasses put the cup in his hand off the screen and asked, "How are you doing?"

"Very good." Zhou Yu said, holding his chin.

"Did you sleep better?" the psychiatrist asked.

Zhou Yu thought that he hadn't had the same dream for a long time, so he nodded.

"Will you often unconsciously force yourself to recall the past?" asked the psychiatrist.

Zhou Yu said, "It's much better."

The psychiatrist lowered his head and flipped through the booklet in his hand, then pushed his glasses again: "So, what interesting things happened recently?"

Cheng Shen's face quickly flashed in Zhou Yu's mind: "Yes."

"Tell me."

"A new neighbor who moved in next door to me had my wisdom teeth pulled out." Zhou Yu objectively described two major events that happened recently.

It seems to be related to Cheng Jingshen.

"that's it?"

"That's it." Zhou Yu lowered his head and said.

The psychiatrist was keenly aware of what had happened. The light on the computer screen flashed across his lenses. There was a sense of cunning when Conan discovered the truth. He asked, "Do you know anyone new?"

After a little thought, Zhou Yu whispered, "Yes."

There was an expression on the psychiatrist's face.

"I seem to have a very familiar feeling with the person I met for the first time." Zhou Yu said.

The psychiatrist adjusted to a more relaxed posture and asked, "Love at first sight?"

Zhou Yu smiled, but did not answer.

"If it's a good person, it's okay to try to get in touch." The psychiatrist said.

Zhou Yu shook his head: "He already has a girlfriend."

The psychiatrist frowned slightly.

Zhou Yu looked very relieved: "It's not good to get too close, after all, I'm gay."

"I know that you are gay, you don't need to emphasize it to me." The psychiatrist's face became more blank, "And you don't need to emphasize it to yourself in the name of saying this to me."

Zhou Yu's eyes were a little dazed.

The psychiatrist sat up again: "Zhou Yu, don't deny everything before it starts, let alone use homosexuality as a shield for your unwillingness to reconnect with the world."

"I'm already starting over." Zhou Yu said in a low voice.

The psychiatrist sighed: "The meaning of starting again is not to go to a place you don't know at all. It's to really establish a reliable connection with the world."

The key to establishing a connection with the world must be a secure relationship, family, love or friendship.First of all, contact with the outside world is necessary to achieve the purpose of regrouping.

"Zhou Yu, haven't you noticed that you haven't established contact with anyone so far?"

Talking about starting again, but never connecting with anyone.

"You'll have to find the connection yourself."

You can't start until you find the connection point, and you can't continue until you start.This is the only way to change step by step.

He knows it all, but it's not that easy.

The premise of starting again is to forget the past, and to forget the past is to forget the mother.That is absolutely not acceptable.If even he had forgotten, no one would really remember her existence.It was he himself who kept cutting off his own survival route.

Seeing that Zhou Yu was silent, the psychiatrist asked, "Are you okay, Zhou Yu?"

Zhou Yu came back to his senses and said easily, "I'm fine, everything is fine."

After hanging up the video, Zhou Yu suddenly wanted to eat cake very much.

He has a particular fondness for sweets lately, and he can't remember when it started. By the time he realized it, the refrigerator had been filled with all kinds of sweetener-filled colored snacks.Zhou Yu tried his best to recall it, but he couldn't remember the specific time. Some fragmentary memories seemed to be cleaned out of the body along with the wisdom tooth that was pulled out, leaving only an empty brain.

In fact, since he pulled his teeth, he has never eaten any sweets, except for the ice cream that Cheng Jingshen gave him.In order to successfully pull out the second wisdom tooth two weeks later, Cheng Jingshen issued a ban such as "no sweets".

"When did it happen?" Zhou Yu stared at the empty sugar jar and said to himself.

Zhou Yu was already 21 years old when he found out that he liked men.

In fact, there are clues to everything. If you search along the source of memory, you can always find clues.

For example, Zhou Yu didn't seem to have any restlessness in his adolescence, he only knew how to bury his head in reading. He naturally attributed these to the heavy schoolwork. This kind of thinking made him the most outstanding child in the eyes of his parents.

For another example, he was in love with his girlfriend when he was in college, but he didn't have any thoughts of having sex. He also naturally attributed these to being a conservative in his thinking, and he was not prepared for premarital sex. It also made him the most principled gentleman boyfriend in his girlfriend's heart.

Everyone is used to judging a person with such words as achievement, EQ, and sense of proportion, but they still dare not talk about the most straightforward standard of "sex".

After realizing his "abnormality", Zhou Yu also tried to modify his life, find a psychiatrist, or fall in love with a man, but what he got in exchange was a failed relationship and the death of his mother.

As long as the start is wrong, it will be useless after that.Life is like building a house. At the beginning, it was to correct a small mistake, but then countless mistakes were made, and he refused to give up all the time, so he built a completely shapeless unfinished building.In the end, only the result of the collapse remained.

Where exactly was the last millimeter that made it all collapse there?

Holding two bags of sugar in his hand, Zhou Yu looked at the coke cans rolling all over the floor at the entrance of the supermarket, and the waiter was bending over to pick them up one by one.Obviously no one was going to knock it down, but I just watched the coke stand that was piled up so high collapsed in an instant.A Coke can rolled to his feet, he bent down to pick it up and handed it to the staff.

I went home with two packs of sugar. If I want to make a cake, I won't have enough sugar.

The elevator stopped on the fourth floor and made a "ding" sound.

Walking out of the elevator, he found that Cheng Jingshen was standing at the door and looking at him, his hand was still about to open the door.Zhou Yu subconsciously hid the sugar behind his back, and he didn't know why he made such a move.

They haven't seen each other since the rainy day.Obviously they are neighbors separated by only one wall, but it is so strange that there is no intersection point anymore.

Cheng Jingshen nodded slightly at him and smiled, Zhou Yu also smiled at him, and walked towards his door.

Zhou Yu noticed that there was a woman standing behind Cheng Jingshen, wearing an off-white trench coat, who was following Cheng Jingshen's eyes to look at him.You should be a little old. Age has nothing to do with how you dress. It comes out from the eyes. This is not a derogatory sense, but a kind of affirmation.

Zhou Yu saw some elegance, calmness and casual tenderness in the woman's eyes, so he deduced that she was over 40.

"Is he the one you mentioned?" The woman looked at Cheng Jingshen with a smile, her tone was a bit inquiring.

Cheng Jingshen nodded.

The woman took two steps closer to Zhou Yu and said with a smile, "The rose bouquet you made is really beautiful."

Zhou Yu didn't realize it for a while, but soon remembered the "girl" Cheng Jingshen mentioned.Zhou Yu couldn't help being ashamed of his own narrowness.

"It was my mother's birthday that day, and she liked the bouquet of roses you made very much." Cheng Jingshen explained to him.

Zhou Yu recovered and found that he hadn't responded to the other party's compliment, so he hurriedly said, "Happy birthday, auntie."

Cheng's mother nodded, and smiled softer. If you look carefully, you will find that Cheng Jingshen's smile is exactly the same as his mother's.Zhou Yu couldn't help thinking that Cheng Jingshen would probably have such a temperament at this age.The years will only leave traces on his face but cannot dilute his charm.

"Jing Shen just moved here, and he lives alone again. There may be many troubles, and I need your help." Cheng's mother said quite sincerely.

"Auntie, you are being polite. Neighbors should help each other." Zhou Yu said this, but he was somewhat guilty. He didn't take much care of Cheng Jingshen, but deliberately alienated him because of his own personality flaws.Even when the other party stopped by to send him back that day, he didn't express any gratitude.But the other party thanked himself so solemnly for a bouquet of roses purchased at the same price.

Thinking of this, Zhou Yu couldn't help feeling dwarfed by comparison.

"Then I'm relieved." Mother Cheng showed a stretched smile.

When I smashed the sugar into the empty can, I suddenly felt that I didn't want to eat sweets again.

But in the end, I still made a cake, the red velvet cake, which was a bit of a failure. Too little red yeast rice powder was put in, and the coloring was not enough, so it was made into brown velvet.

In order to turn the tide, Zhou Yu put six strawberries and stuck them with cream for decoration, which was still ugly no matter how you looked at it.

Zhou Yu hesitated for a long time, then knocked on the door next door, and it was Cheng Jingshen who opened the door.

Zhou Yu held the cake in front of him and said, "I made a cake."

Cheng Jingshen was holding the doorknob, with a serious expression on his face wearing glasses, which seemed to be serious like a doctor. He said, "Didn't you say that you can't eat sweets before tooth extraction?"

Zhou Yu put the cake down resentfully, and said in a low voice, "I didn't eat it, it's for you...and Auntie."

"?" Cheng Jingshen looked at him suspiciously, as if asking why.

Zhou Yu said, "Thank you for sending me back that day."

"Neighbors should help each other." Cheng Jingshen repeated what he said seriously, and it sounded like a polite tone just to pretend to be good in front of the elders.

Just like listening to the WeChat voice that I sent would make me disgusted, Zhou Yu was so ashamed that he buried his face behind the cake at this moment.

Cheng Jingshen stopped teasing the child, took the cake in his hand, and said, "Thank you, it looks great."

"No trouble." Zhou Yu raised his head and said, "I like baking very much."

Why do you want to add this sentence?is it necessary?It's like trying to show off your strengths.

After closing the door, Mother Cheng came out of the room and asked, "Who's here?"

"Zhou Yu." Cheng Jingshen said.

"And a cake? It's so cute." Mother Cheng saw the cake in Cheng Jingshen's hand, and was about to step forward to take it from him.

Cheng Jingshen moved his hand back a little calmly.

"There are some bought in the refrigerator." He said flatly.

Mother Cheng looked at him with a complicated expression, crossed her arms and asked, "Let your mother eat the overnight cake?"

"I just bought it this morning." He said and walked towards the kitchen.

Cheng Jingshen made himself a cup of tea, cut a corner and took a sip, it was so sweet that the roots of his teeth ached, and after swallowing, the root of his tongue began to feel faintly bitter.No wonder your teeth get inflamed from eating something so sweet.

"It's too sweet." Cheng Jingshen said softly.

Then, he took another mouthful silently.

Hi, it smells so good~