Jean Love

I bought fruit, stood back at the small turntable at the entrance of Hetian Market, and called the proprietress. When she heard that I came to Hetian, she exclaimed with joy, like a little girl: "Wen, wait, wait for me , I will come out to pick you up immediately, you stand there and wait for me for a while."

After a while, she drove her family's black car and honked the horn from a distance. A familiar car, familiar person, familiar voice and appearance came into view. I said, "Auntie, I haven't seen you for two or three years. You are still with me." Same as before, same young, never old."

"Where is it, I'm old, I've gained weight, look, it's the middle of winter, hahaha." She patted her protruding belly without any scruples, opened her mouth, and laughed heartily.

I opened the rear door and got in. The car moved forward slowly. The proprietress kept her eyes on the road and held the steering wheel with both hands. She walked through several alleys and stopped in a gazebo-like pavilion covered with glazed tiles. It is a three and a half storey western-style building with light red tiles on the exterior walls.

A large iron door leads into a small yard, inside is the living room, leather sofa, polished slate table, bright and clean windows, with luxurious curtains hanging on the window edges, the first floor is divided into two halls, a hall and a small hall. A flat-panel LCD home theater, maybe I left in a hurry just now, and the TV dramas in Hong Kong and Taiwan’s ancient costumes are still playing.

I put the fruit on the slate table, looked upstairs and downstairs, left and right, there was no one else in the living room, only the proprietress was wearing sandals, walking back and forth, walked to the vertical refrigerator, opened the door, took out Two oranges: "Come on, Wen, drink this, I don't even make tea."

"Uncle and them?" I asked.

"Your uncle has gone to work, the children are not at home, the two older ones have left society, and the younger one is still in college." The proprietress picked up the remote control, turned off the TV, and sat down on the leather sofa. Sit and chat.

After the rebar shop stopped working, Uncle bought a dump truck and hired a driver. During the day and night, the two of them took turns driving.Later, dump trucks were not easy to make, so he invested in a joint venture with others to open a factory and became the factory director. "The child is old, and he still works so hard? You can take a rest and pay attention to your body." I said.

"You are still young to do things, do you not do things? It is difficult to rely on the children of today, and it is difficult for them to maintain themselves, haha"

"What about you? Do you still play mahjong now? Hehe." I asked.

"Very few. I haven't played mahjong this month. I don't have time. I do housework and watch TV. I'm going to take care of the kids soon, so I won't be free."

"Your personality, are you patient? Just hire a nanny then."

"Haha, it's not like I haven't brought it before. I used to take care of the child while looking at the store. The conditions were so hard at that time. It's the same. My grandson is more at ease. Don't look at me carelessly. I do things. Seriously."

"Hehe, I know, I've seen it before." After chatting, there is no restriction on talking to the proprietress, and we chatted about some family matters.After sitting for about half an hour, I got up and wanted to leave, but the proprietress asked me to stay, and I said I needed to catch a car and go to work tomorrow.

The proprietress showed regret, and she didn't want to keep me anymore. She sent me outside the gate, gave me two hundred yuan, and said, "Wen, you didn't say hello in advance, so I wasn't prepared at all."

My face turned red: "How can it be, I just stopped by, come to visit, and buy some fruits with the mentality of the juniors respecting the elders, I will work myself, how can I ask for your money." I shirked.

"黐xian! Stupid. I didn't give it to you, I gave it to your son. If you tell me in advance, I will go to my sister's relative's garment factory to buy some clothes for you to take home for your children when you have time. Very good." , they made it for export.” The proprietress was still so domineering, and laughed out loud, I had no choice but to accept it, and blushed again.

This is my lady boss. When she heard about the flood in northern Guangdong in [-], she would call me to ask if my home was affected. At the end of the same year, she would call me to ask if the Beijing-Zhuhai Expressway was frozen. Back home smoothly, a carefree and seemingly heartless woman, a caring woman who cares about everything.That was the last time I saw them up close, including Jinmin and Aying, including the proprietress and Uncle. Although it was mainly to deal with other things, even though it was a drop in, I seemed to be running around to tell each other that I I am married and have a child, so I can get a hearty and strong family relationship and feel the kind of human touch between people.

In fact, there has always been a faint wound and a faint pain in my heart. I have another purpose for coming here this time, and that is to come back to find those unforgettable traces and come back to find those lingering tastes.

That kind of injury, that kind of pain, still entangles me like a vine. I thought that after I got married, I tried my best, and they would slowly dissipate. , Let me tasteless all day long, sleepless, some people smoke before going to bed can not fall asleep, I just lie on the bed with a cigarette in hand.

I saw an advertisement of a mental hospital in Guangzhou on TV, and I silently wrote down the phone number. When I had time to rest, I carried my backpack on my back. From Foshan to Jiaokou, from Jiaokou to Guangzhou Railway Station, from Guangzhou Railway Station To Baiyun District, after getting off the bus, we walked for more than ten, twenty, ten minutes. The hospital was on the side of an ordinary asphalt road with flying sand and confetti. The sign of the hospital was not as bright as it was seen on TV. It looks like a specially reinforced building. The building is not high, maybe two or three floors. It is said that it is specially used to treat mental patients and drug addicts.

I kept walking, and entered the cashier window and consultation desk on the first floor of the second building. There were not many people, and the hospital was not big, like a first-class hospital, and it might be much smaller. I want to see a psychiatrist, how can I go? Who can I find?"

"Hello, welcome. Do you have an appointment?" The girl at the information desk was very polite.

"Sorry, no."

"Oh, wait a minute." The girl turned and walked away.After a while, the girl came back and said, "Hello, please come with me." She took me to a clinic, asked me to sit down, poured a glass of distilled water, put it in front of me, and said, "Director Li, come here immediately. Please wait a moment." The girl nodded politely and left.

I was carrying a backpack, with my right hand grasping the shoulder strap of the backpack, and my left hand wiping in my trouser pocket. The outpatient room was similar to other regular outpatient rooms, with a desk, a stretcher bed, and a washbasin.... "Is it you who sees a doctor?" A middle-aged, thin, half-bald, middle-aged male doctor came in from behind, with a blue folder under his right armpit, his back was slightly lumpy, and he walked with his elbows shrugging. He quickly approached the desk, sat down on the swivel chair, and looked at me.

"Hello, this is Director Li. I'm not here to see a doctor, I'm here for consultation." I nodded to him and smiled.

"Sit down." He raised his right hand and motioned for me to sit across from him across the desk. "What's your name, how old are you? What's the problem?" He asked, holding a pen in his hand, serious.

I looked back at the light yellow office door that was open, got up and closed it, reported my name and age, and said softly: "I..., there is a problem that has been bothering me. I often can't sleep at night, insomnia, I... ..., I like men, the kind of mature men with a sense of vicissitudes, I don’t know if this is a disease.” I didn’t say the written terms such as homosexuality and comrades, deliberately making myself look rustic and ignorant know the way.

"That's it, uh, look at this." He handed me a copy of the printed matter. I didn't read it carefully. I heard someone knocking on the door, rattling, rattling, and a female nurse came in with a round face and half the height. Sent something, chatted with Director Li, and went out.

I saw that the information Director Li gave me was all about how to hypnotize and treat insomnia and dreaminess, so I pushed it aside and asked: "Director Li, may I ask you to consult, are there many people in my situation? ? How should I adjust this situation?"

You see first, he picks up the phone, 1 minute, the girl from just now came in again, Director Li chatted with him, the girl went out again, after a while, the girl came back again, Director Li told the girl that next month I was going to Beijing for a meeting, to write a thesis or something, and the girl went out for a while, and then came in again, and I sat there, staring blankly, feeling very uncomfortable. Is this the way to see a doctor?Could it be that they are worried that the patients who come to see the doctor will be unfavorable to the doctor?

I don’t remember whether Director Li talked to me for a total of 1 minute at that time. I only remember that during that period, he and the female nurse whispered to each other no less than five times. He asked me to go to the second floor to fill out a psychological test. I went, filled it out, and showed him the answer sheet. After reading it, he prescribed me medicine and told me to pay the bill.I was puzzled: "Does this need to take medicine? Can taking medicine make it better?"

"Combined with drug therapy, the effect is more ideal. Go ahead and pay at the cashier. Also, I have a document here. I will show it to you when you come back after taking the medicine for this course of treatment. Then you will have further treatment. .” He opened the blue folder, pointed to the so-called one more document, revealed a corner, and quickly closed it, mysterious.

When I came to the cashier counter, the cashier told me that a course of treatment was 340 yuan, and I exclaimed: "Hey, the doctor just said that the cost of the medicine is about [-]. Could it be that he missed the prescription? Please give me the prescription, and I will continue Go ask the doctor." The cashier threw the slip out of the window, I took it, turned around, and went directly to the gate, to the hospital gate, where I tore the prescription into pieces and threw it into the trash can, to receive his treatment, I also It's better to buy some sleeping pills, which is simpler and simpler.I lifted the shoulder strap of my backpack and left, more energetic than when I came. That spirit was not bestowed by the doctor, but in my heart.

In fact, I have paid attention to the relevant editorials of Teacher Li Yinhe, and I have also paid more and more attention to the related materials in the media or literature. In a situation like mine, is it because of excess estrogen in biological genes?Is it genetic?Or the Electra complex caused by the lack of fatherly love in the early years?I'm not sure, and hope to get a detailed analysis from a consultant.But I know, I can't change it, I miss him, I think about him instead of her, I can't change this thought, like the poisonous tendon on a carp, I can't pull it out, I can't pull it out, Unless you die.