Jean Love

After returning home, I spent most of my time in the countryside. My mother brought Chen Quan and Xiao Jing’s family in the town. Chen Wu often called me to go out and said, “Why are you always hiding at home? Do you want to come out? pick you up."

"Don't go today, let's do it tomorrow, come back to pick me up tomorrow when you are free."

That day was February 26, [-]. Chen Wu was free in the afternoon. He came back and took me to the town. I went to Lin Zi’s house and uploaded the eighteen chapters of “Let? Love” on her computer.Dinner in the town at night, the meal cooked by my mother and Xiaojing, our three brothers, Lin Zi's husband is also there.

A square table with four corners, on the table there are beer duck, sour bamboo shoot fish, radish oil tofu, a plate of peanuts, and some green vegetables. We sit around the table together, two beers, Chen Xiong and I do not drink, they share Lose.Everyone chatted while eating, and then talked about the house, what kind of house do you want to build?Where to build a house?When discussing these issues, each has his own opinion.

"I think you should not build a house, and use the money to start a business," Chen Wu said.

"What business?" I asked.

"I don't know what kind of business to do, but I always feel that you should use this money to start a business, make money, and give it a go."

"Give it a go, turning a bicycle into a motorcycle, right? Hehe, I'm not thinking about it at all right now."

"Then where is your mind? You see that you have been unemployed for three or four months, and you should think about your own way out. You can't stay at home all the time. What's the use? You can't learn from others. They have at least one A lawyer’s wife can make money and help support the family.” Chen Wu pointed to Lin Zi’s husband, the friend who introduced me to work in Foshan, and the colleague from my hometown who I confessed my personal orientation to after seeing a psychiatrist in [-]. His surname was changed to Murong, so we just called him Murong Murong. We have worked together for many years, and he and Chen Wu are also very good friends. We have frequent contacts at home, and we know our family quite well.He resigned himself in the second half of the year before last, and stayed at home since then, not knowing what to do, but he lived a life of ease, like a fairy.

"Hehe, we are not of the same personality type at all. I just happened to use a resignation method that is closer to his." It seems that Chen Wu is really anxious. He has been asking me to come out these days, and invite him tonight. Murong probably wanted to invite him to be a lobbyist when he was eating, to see if he could convince me.

"I think what Chen Wu said is also reasonable. I am different from you. You have to look at your real situation. The house needs to be built, but in your current state, it might be better to take it out to do some business. It's not like you don't have a place to live. , Renting a house is the same." After Murong finished speaking, he took a sip of wine and put a piece of sour bamboo shoot fish into his mouth.

"That's right, you said that you want to use it to build a house. For everyone, I think you are redundant. Don't always think that you are great. I don't need it. I have the ability to build or buy a house by myself. If I don't have the ability, I rent a house. Now I am running a business, I can make money myself, you take care of yourself first..." Chen Wuyue said more and more vigorously, and said: "You still want to marry a wife?"

"It's impossible to take it again. I can tell you this firmly. It's impossible to take it again. If I want to take it again, why should I let go? Zhao Xin is not good. I've said it all, I like men, I'm gay, pure I can no longer deceive others or myself.” I said it very loudly, as if I was open and honest, without concealing it, except in front of Chen Xiong, this is not the first time I have said such words , They have all heard it and know it, but because they are outside the bureau and know nothing about this field, Chen Wu can't understand it. He always wants to correct me, but he also knows that I have my own. position.

They are still analyzing for me, my brother doesn't talk much, Xiao Jing sits aside, my mother is silent, only she knows my specific thoughts, I told her before, tonight, I think I should tell Chen Wu and the others, Don't let them worry about it, as he said, the most important thing to live well is that everyone should know what they are doing and why they are doing it.

I moistened my throat and strengthened my will. I said loudly, as if I was a little embarrassed, but I had to say: "My plan for this year is: first, build a house, and second, stay at home with the elderly and children for a year. Third, write an autobiography of about 20 words, almost [-] words already written, in it, I will write the dirtiest things about myself, the things that I can’t talk about..."

"This boy is writing a book, isn't he? Amazing!" Murong cast a strange look, a little bit of praise, a little bit of surprise, Chen Wu didn't speak anymore, no longer comforted, everyone seemed quiet.

"Hehe, that's what I said. Don't make fun of things that haven't been done. I'm afraid I don't have the ability. The more I write, the more I feel that I don't know how to write. Oh, in a word, I want to do a thorough cleaning this year. Zero, first use up the one hundred thousand yuan, the reason is, first, they have depreciated and have little value, second, they have become more and more a kind of pressure for me, third, it is time, The three brothers, the oldest one is nearly forty, the youngest one is thirty, it is time to take it out and do some decent so-called careers for others to see. Secondly, I want to see the actual situation of my family. Great, why do others always get better and better, but we always stay where we are, why other people's families are always harmonious, but our family is always noisy, never ending. Besides, yes, it is me Talking about clearing up is like cutting off a tumor on your body, and see if you can start over with a little ease..." I looked at the expressions and expressions of the people sitting here, and I spoke in a long and orderly manner, which made everyone else fall silent , to speak with self-satisfaction.

"I don't understand writing a book. I support you if you do what you choose, but do you need to stop and do nothing? Have you considered the consequences?" Chen Wu still couldn't accept it after all.

"I have prepared for the worst. The worst is like being ill for a year. During this year, even if I get nothing, I can still afford to lose. In fact, you don't know, but I feel it. The current situation is a bit like: the arrow is on the string, I have to shoot, I am in the saddle, I have to run, I am standing on a cliff, I have no way out, so I can only focus on completing one thing first, and then think about other things.”

Seeing what I said, everyone no longer suggested anything, Murong lowered his voice: "Everyone has a family and a room, and has his own responsibilities, as long as he understands what he is doing, the boss should work harder, and the second child has his own responsibility." Respect him for plans and plans, the third child is serious about running business, each of them should do their own work well first, help the family as much as they can, and don't need to rely too much on others, let alone for so-and-so, even brothers." He seemed to be summing up, and he pinched the bridge of his high nose after he finished speaking.

This family, plus Murong, after a meal, I feel a lot easier, because I have expressed my truest thoughts, and I have seen the eyes of understanding and support, but at the same time, I feel heavy, because every sentence Powerful words are a promise that needs to be fulfilled with hard work and must not be let down!

On April [-], [-], the three brothers and Chen Xiong's wife were also in the living room in the countryside. The eldest brother came to play and asked with great concern: "How much rice do you plan to plant this year? How many peanuts do you plan to plant? How many Zhitian peppers? Where are they planted? You need to plan ahead, when and what to do, and do it, don’t be like last year, thinking about it at night, not doing it during the day, just talking about it, what’s the use?” When In front of all of us, he was talking to Chen Xiong.

Hearing what he said, I also echoed it: "Yes, you need to have a basic plan for everything you do. Don't take it for granted. You have been alone at home for a whole year apart from having sex before. You should have a certain routine. , anyway, doing farm work like this is not a heavy burden, beyond the reach, and it is not a high-end project, inferior to others. It is impossible to learn if you can’t, and it’s unreasonable to say that you can’t do it. People grow weeds lazily, and people work diligently Shengbao, just do you have the mind to do it, and whether your mind is on it. Although I told other people around me to plant a field at home for a year, to be honest, my mind is not on this this year, so what do you want to plant and how do you plan? , Don’t worry about me, of course, I can be a follower, where I need it, I can go out and follow the work, as for the plan, how few species are planted, where to plant, I will not participate, the grains planted this year, I will not harvest after autumn Participate in the distribution, except for the part that I eat at home, I don’t need other grains, and I will hide in the room for more time, like it is written in martial arts novels, you just think that I am coming back to retreat this year, okay? "After speaking, I looked at Murong Qian sincerely.

"Do you want to become a fairy? Or do you want to become a spirit?" Hearing what I said, the eldest brother grinned his big mouth, silly.

"I want Chengren." I raised my head, looked at him, and laughed.

This guy Chen Wu, no matter how clearly he said, he would forget all the things, rashly, at this time he said again: "You will have a family sooner or later, is it like this for the rest of your life? Maybe you will meet someone tomorrow. What about the good girl, the girl who can make you fall in love? These things are indescribable, don't keep saying that you will definitely not take it again in this life, and say it so absolutely."

"Yes, if you are young and want to start a family, even if it's nothing else, it's better for the child, and it's better for the child to start a family and start a business in the future." The elder brother put away his smile and responded seriously.

I simply shook my head, not knowing how to explain it clearly, so I just continued to laugh, I have already said it, in the town, and said it so clearly and firmly, I don’t want to repeat it again, especially in front of my big brother .What's more, I really don't know that after this year, without the source of income for survival, all words and writing will become powerless.

Two days ago, during the summer vacation, my mother came back from the town, took Xiao Jing and a few children, talked about my father's situation, Chen Xiong's situation, and Chen Wu's current work situation, and finally sighed: " If this continues, this big family will really have nothing to eat."

"Don't be too pessimistic. Your family can even afford commercial housing and decoration. If you tell people now that you will have no food, will they believe you? It's no wonder that others don't make fun of you. Really! It's okay, I'm very happy Go to work soon, you'll be fine."

"Where do you go to work? Is it where the boss in Foshan asked you a few years ago?" My mother became interested.

"No, I turned him down at the time, and now there are no vacancies, and we have contacted during the Dragon Boat Festival."

"Oh." The mother looked melancholy again.

"It's okay. I'm willing to give up this old face. It's okay to find a job. It's okay. I'll go out when I finish what I have. I won't run out of food. It's okay!" I reached out and patted my mother's thin shoulder, stroking her Caressing her thin back, hahaha deliberately and passionately, and laughed again.