Jean Love

As far as my mood at the time was concerned, I was troubled because of friends, and irritable because of rumors.

Selfish, self righteous, pervert, homosexual, rebellious, isolated,...There are more and more similar rumors, and they don't point directly at the face, but they make me panic and feel deeply uneasy, as if I am facing a big enemy.

There is no difference between comrades and ordinary people. If there is, I guess most comrades are more sensitive. I am very sensitive. A word, a string of rhetoric, an action, a smiling face, it is caring, provocative, and maintenance. It's an attack, and it's easy to tell.

It's like holding a demon mirror in your hand, just hiding it but not revealing it, suppressing it, and praying that everything will pass.

It hasn't passed yet, and the irritability has gradually turned into anxiety.

Later, like the needle on the balance, I became more sensitive, so sensitive that I looked like an animal on the eve of a torrent and earthquake, with foresight or nervousness.

There was so much pressure, I was about to explode, just in time for something bad to happen, and I needed to let go, to let go to save.

On September 24, [-], I submitted my resignation letter:

"Please approve it as soon as possible, and arrange personnel to take over. If possible, I would like to stop working from October [-]st. Of course, a one-month contract period is also acceptable."

"Don't persuade, lest you waste your time. You can't persuade. The top chairman of the group may be a little hopeful. This sentence sounds a bit harsh, because it is true (faithful) words."

A small warehouse manager with the title of director of warehouse management stands at such a commanding height. When I wrote these two sentences in the lower left corner of the resignation letter with tears in my eyes, God knows I was defending others. The interests are still protecting their dignity.

I only know that this is called breaking the boat and sinking the boat.

In the following time, the way of saying goodbye to Xinhui was close to that of Lao Zhang leaving, but he pretended to be extremely calm on the surface, like the prickly cactus in the desert.

In fact, how I wish someone could see through the fragility of my heart.

Poor mother, just accepted the fact that her son is divorced, and she has to face the blow of her son's unemployment. Her face is dull, her brows are frowning, and she often tears her face, but she doesn't ask me very much, even tentatively. Two sentences, always add a meaningful sentence at the end: "Hey! I know you are in a bad mood, but you also have to think about the money you need to study."

During this period, I wavered, wanted to make a statement, wanted to be straightforward, sort out all the sources of interference one by one, maybe accept that person’s apology, and give myself a reason to stay, but I didn’t want to take the initiative to do these things, let alone Fear:

I am afraid that my long and smelly stories like foot wraps will make people hold their noses and avoid them like rotten eggs. …

I am afraid that from now on, attention will become contempt, trust will become suspicion, liking will become disgust, support will become defection, I am afraid...,

I am afraid that people have not left, there is no place to stand, I am afraid that what is left is only a body, no flesh and blood, I am afraid...

When a person's fear reaches a certain critical point, any wind and grass may form monstrous waves.I don't remember which book I read such a sentence. For me, it was very appropriate for my state of mind at the time.

It feels like [-] is not the end of the world, but it is my end.

On November [-]st, I stopped going to work and went to the general market with my mother to buy vegetables in the morning. When I came back, she was very unhappy and looked very bad, as if she had suffered a serious illness and was haggard. I could see it.

"Last year, you said that your boss treated you so well, and that as long as the factory does not close down, you will continue to do it. How can you say that if you don't do it now, you won't do it? There is no room for maneuver? Are you really willing? Do you just give up the hard-won achievements that you have spent six or seven years accumulating?" The mother didn't understand.

"Mother, do you think I'm obedient? Do you think I'm filial? Do you think I'm a difficult person? Do you think I'm impulsive and irrational? Do you think...?"

I thought to myself, if my decision will affect the family's meal, I don't agree with it, but it will affect the mother's body, which is obvious.

I didn't want to talk too much at first, so as not to worry her, but depending on the situation, she would be even more worried if I didn't say anything, so I turned on the computer and let her watch a video, so that she could see her son being tortured in the factory most intuitively. What kind of situation, why so decisive.

"Mom, I can forgive other things, but I absolutely cannot tolerate someone poking my forehead with a finger, three or four times in a row, and threatening to tell me to be careful of myself and my family."

Every time I see this video, I can't hold back my tears, if I am not grateful for most of the people, affairs and scenes around me over the years,...

My mother wiped her tears while watching, and she cried again. After a while, no one was there.

It was a colleague who called: "Ah Wen, your mother is arguing with the porter at the door of the dormitory on the second floor, come here quickly."

Before I could go there, my mother came back with a panicked look: "I want to talk about the one who received a thousand knives. Who knows, they are so fierce, especially his brother-in-law, who wants to beat someone."

"They said that you are too powerful, that you are like a boss, that you dictate, as if you own the factory, and that you told him to get out, several times."

"Mother, do you believe it?" I tried my best to suppress the anxiety and resentment in my heart.

"I don't believe it. He said he would call you to confront him."

"I didn't get a call from him, I got a call from a colleague."

"I saw him holding the phone in his hand and threatening to call you."

"I'll go over later."

"Don't go, forget it! Forget it! It's all like this! If you don't do it, you don't do it."

"Mother, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." The mother still looked panicked, and it was heartbreaking to watch.

There was a feeling of desolation in my heart, and there is nothing so despicable about human nature as taking advantage of others' dangers, and nothing like adding insult to injury.

After thinking about it carefully, if I say that my tone and attitude are tougher, that is true, because I have become a hedgehog.However, if he wants to say that I told him to fuck off, that's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's pure nonsense.

Don't say that I don't have this right yet, even if I have such a privilege, like before, like now, I have graphic, text, and video recordings in my hand, and I don't plan to delve into anything.

This guy!This guy who cheats even when playing mahjong for two yuan or four yuan with our coworkers, this contractor who dares to blatantly exploit and extract the hard-earned money of his fellow workers, this guy who has done five things under my supervision I am an old colleague of six years, I know his temperament very well, if he is in a hurry, he can't say anything!

Forget it, time flows, whether it is mud or sand, after washing, washing, and precipitation, it is naturally clear. (However, I also thank him, he gave me countless help during the cooperation, he gave me a good reason to quit, and he also gave me a complete material, If I have time, I will write: about Li, about walking, recording work and interpersonal relationships, the title of the book is tentatively "Goodbye, Seven Years", and may be changed.)

I looked at my mother's terrified face, and felt pity in my heart: "This is a matter of work. Besides, it's not in the country. Your method won't work. Why bother? The reason why I don't want to tell you is because I'm afraid you will worry. Well."

"No wonder you didn't tell your brother, like this, if your brother found out at the time, according to his temper, something big would happen." The mother murmured, wiping her tears, twisting her nose and throwing her snot on the ground.

After stopping for a while, my mother asked in a low voice: "Then your factory manager doesn't care?"

"Enterprises are not welfare institutions, nor are they legal institutions. They have their own standards of value. The leaders in power tried their best to keep me, even the chairman of the group, and I insisted on leaving. You know that, and many colleagues know that Yes." I said.