Jean Love

"It's really a crime, what a child bride! It killed people." The elder sister and elder brother are also child brides themselves.

"You should have already seen that Zhao Xin and I are not in love." I lowered my head and looked at my sister's angry face.

"I know, but it's been so many years and I have children, so why can't I just let it go? For the sake of the children."

"Alas! To be honest, we have existed in name only since [-]. During the New Year, she brought that man over and asked me to help her check it out. So, I have met her current boyfriend. Actually, I and Zhao Xin’s other problems are fine, but I’m most afraid of the night, it’s too awkward and too painful...I really can’t do anything about it.” I raised my head, faced my trusted relatives, and began to dare to directly or indirectly say that the maintenance of marriage is very important. Let's talk about the sexual part.

"Does your mother know?"

"From what I know, apart from Lin Zi who helped us with the formalities today, you are the first one."

"Then you are not afraid that your mother will be very sad if she finds out?"

"I'm afraid, so I don't know how to tell her now."

"But she will know sooner or later, and she will definitely suffer for a while after she knows."

"Yeah, think about it, I didn't stay at home for one night after I got married. When I came back early the next morning, my mother stood on the balcony and scolded me bloody. She was also trembling with anger. I feel terrified when I think about it.”

"Is she in good health now?"

"not yet."

"Oh, this is..., sin."

"Now I can't take care of these anymore, Zhao Xin already has a child."

"Really?" My sister opened her mouth again in surprise.

"No wonder, it's at this point, there is no other way, indeed there is no other way." My sister shook her head.

I was at a loss for words and didn't know what to say. I just sat quietly like this, holding a wine glass in my hand, taking a sip occasionally, and speaking from my heart. My mood was still conflicted. I was divorced, but my heart was happy. But in reality, I can't be happy about this, because it always makes me feel selfish, the kind of selfishness that seems to throw others away and ignore them.

"Oh, Liduli, it's useless to say anything, everyone pay attention to your health." My sister lifted the wine bottle to help me fill it up, filled it up by herself, lifted it up, and our siblings touched it, raised our necks, and finished.

"Sister, as long as you know about this matter, don't let him know about it. One more thing is worse than one less thing. My family doesn't know about his wide mouth. I don't even know how to tell them. My grandma You know your temper, if you know it, you will cry and fight, and spread it everywhere."

"Well, don't worry." "What about Zhao Xin? Where is she?"

"At her house."

"This can't be covered. His father will say it sooner or later, and he may soon say it everywhere."

"I know, I'm not afraid of others knowing, I still want to let my mother know first, don't let others call her to ask her about the specific situation before I tell her, it will make her more sad, but I really can't open my mouth."

"That's true, alas...!"

Obviously I want to find someone to talk about to reduce stress, but I have to be doubly exhorted, I can't hide it, but I have to take great pains, the pain and contradictions in this, only I know best.While chatting, the eldest brother opened the door and entered, put the searchlight on the stainless steel table, and invited me to drink.

"It's getting late, I'm going back to rest, and you guys should go to rest early too." I sat for a while, got up and said goodbye.

"When are you going down?" Big Brother asked.

"Maybe tomorrow, the day after tomorrow at the latest."

"If there is mud at that time, I will call you. When do you plan to build the house?"

"The exact time is undecided. The whole family is outside. Let's talk about it when the time comes. Let's fill in the mud first. Please take care of the family affairs. My brother and the others also need your guidance." I explained seriously.

When I walked out of my sister’s house, it was past eleven o’clock in the evening, the sky was full of stars, the moonlight was faint, the ground was gray, the road was surrounded by weeds, there were dense shapes and shadows, plum trees and peach trees, new leaves were dense, crickets kept chirping, and the light of the flashlight Shaking it left and right, it revealed its original shape according to those dark shadows.Passing through a narrow alleyway, the two sides of the alleyway are quiet and peaceful. Most of the old and damaged earth-tile houses have been vacated.

The half-person-high wooden windows have been dim and decayed. The wooden windows and doors are wide open, with rusted iron nails, cracked nose, and far-fetched traction, which seem to be crumbling.Through the window edge, I can see that the inside is in a mess. The formerly clean and tidy, lively and warm home has been moved to another place, and this place has become a kind of black and white memory.

"Maoya, where have you been? Why did you come back so late? Did you go to your sister's place?" The wooden stairs, the wooden attic, and the sound of my footsteps waking up the sleeping grandma downstairs.

"Yes, I went to sit at my sister's house for a while and woke you up? Grandma."

"I woke up." Hearing the sound of grandma getting up, and the sound of running water in the urinal, the night in the countryside seemed extraordinarily peaceful.

The next afternoon, I went to the vegetable field with Murongqian at noon. On the side of a ridge path, a small field was planted with vegetables, chili seedlings, and weeds were born. I squatted there and pulled the weeds. Far away, Xinlan My sister picked up a load of urine and ashes, and held a bundle of bamboo sticks in her hand. She gradually approached and stopped on the field road beside us: "Help me get this here."

"Where are you going? Sister." Murong Qian raised her head.

"Go plant chili seedlings. I'll ask Mao Ya to help me bring up this bundle of bamboo sticks." My sister pointed at me.

I picked up the bamboo sticks on the ground and followed my sister to the field of her house. I sat on the ridge and watched my sister hold the wooden handle of the hoe in both hands, with her head down, facing the loess and her back to the sky, digging. Occasionally, I straightened up and looked at me. We chatted. I knew that my sister wanted to know more about our divorce, but I didn’t know how to say it, because I felt that Zhao Xin and I had nothing to do with right or wrong. In terms of right or wrong, that is also my fault, but it is impossible for me to tell my sister so hastily that I like men. Saying this will probably discourage her, because I guess she still doesn't know what homosexuality is, so she can explain it in a few words. Not sure.Of course, my sister is not a gossip person, so she wouldn't get to the bottom of it, or even take the initiative to ask, if I didn't take the initiative to confide.We chatted from east to west, and only heard my sister say several times: "This Zhao Xin is really, there are other people's children."

"Sister, after all these years, the child has grown up and the house has been built, do you like big brother now?" I changed the subject and asked rashly.

"Haha, I don't like it, I don't like it until now, so what if I don't like it, for the sake of the two children, I have been here for so many years, what can I do..." When I said this, I I caught my sister's smile from the bottom of my heart, that kind of happy smile, maybe it was just for the child as my sister said, now that the child is older and sensible, she feels at ease.

No matter what, this is also a kind of love, the home is still there, and the love is here!This reminds me of one morning, when I went to my sister’s house, I saw my eldest brother holding a blade in his right hand and holding a rice field eel with his left hand. The head of the rice field eel was thrown heavily on the chopping board to knock him unconscious, and then he cut open the rice field eel with the blade. , Take out the intestines and gallbladders inside and throw them away, and put the eels in a wide mouth basin, one by one. "Wow, so rich." I watched the big brother's patient and meticulous movements.

"I don't eat it. It's all for your sister to nourish blood. Ask your sister, she doesn't eat less of these things." The words revealed a man's unpretentious love, and he didn't know how to express it. Behavior, he loves his sister so much for so many years, so true.

Seeing that my sister was about to sweep away the water from the bottom of the pot, she was about to steam or stir-fry, but was stopped by her elder brother: "Hey, you don't know how to eat. The rice field eel needs to be steamed directly in this way to be nutritious."

"I don't like it. It's slippery on the leather surface, like rice soup. I'm afraid to see it."

"What are you afraid of? Just steam it and you'll be fine. It's the original flavor. What you eat when you eat rice field eel is the blood. You don't understand..." The couple stood by the stove, and the elder sister didn't say anything. She looked obedient and happy. .

Such a scene reminds me of A Ying with her hands on Jin Min's shoulders: "Oh! People who look at me say that I will marry my husband twice, so who cares, let's live one day at a time." Jin Min's body gently rubbed his head on his head twice, and he smiled happily. That love has a different kind of warmth.And it is impossible for me and Zhao Xin, because we are fundamentally different!