hell make me fall in love

"Do you want to stay together?"

——This is what Liu Xu said to Shen Anxing on the night of his birthday eight years ago.

It was already very late at that time, both of them had finished washing, Shen Anxing was embarrassed to sleep with Liu Xu, so Liu Xu found him a quilt and asked him to make a bed on the floor in his room.

Shen Anxing was laying on the floor with a bed at that time.Just halfway through the shop, Liu Xu asked him such a question suddenly.

He was stunned for a moment, then turned around and blinked in surprise.

Liu Xu was squatting on the other side of the quilt to help him make the bed.When Shen Anxing turned his head to look at him, he saw him touching his chin, looking at him seriously while thinking.

Liu Xu said to him very seriously: "Anyway, the third year of high school is also mandatory to live in. It's okay for the two of us to move in half a year in advance, and we can get used to it in advance."

"...No." Shen Anxing said, "Why are you talking about this all of a sudden?"

Liu Xu replied without hesitation: "Because your dad beats you and my dad won't go home. In a sense, everyone doesn't have a dad, so it's quite appropriate to live together."

Shen Anxing: "..."

Liu Xu is good at everything, but sometimes he is too off-line when he speaks, and Shen Anxing doesn't know what to refute him for a while.

"Besides, you have also seen that I am alone at home like this every day. Aunt Wang will leave work every day as soon as I return home from cramming. She will leave at 07:30 if I don't have cramming. I am left alone to fight against the night every day, saying I am really lonely, what can I do if I am autistic, the college entrance examination does not give extra points for autism."

As Liu Xu was talking, he looked at Shen Anxing and said, "Besides, I just transferred here not long ago, looking at the whole class, you are the only one who has a good relationship with me and has no accommodation and hopes to live with me, Brother Xing .”

After hearing this, Shen Anxing lowered his eyes, pursed his lips vigorously, turned his head away, and lowered his head.

Seeing him like this, Liu Xu probably knew his answer: "Why, don't you want to live with me?"

"...No." Shen Anxing said lazily, "The accommodation costs money...my dad never pays for me."

"It's okay." Liu Xu said, "I'll pay you, and you just tell your dad that the school makes dormitories compulsory, and you don't need money, and then you can collude with the head teacher and ask him to make a phone call to cheat you. Old Li is very nice. Okay, if you tell him about the matter, he will definitely help you. And we will stay together early, and you should pay back what you owed me before, so pack up and get ready to wash my clothes. "

Shen Anxing: "..."

Liu Xu said so much, made a lot of preparations, found all the reasons and reasons he could find in himself, and even insisted on using the "debt" owed by Shen Anxing to "blackmail" him. In the final analysis, it was all to protect Shen Anxing's pitiful self-esteem that has been ruined for so many years has long been depleted.

He thought that he had prepared very well and brilliantly, but he didn't know that Shen Anxing had suffered for so many years, and he was already too sensitive.

Shen Anxing understood.

He understood that Liu Xu was pitying him.

Shen Anxing had always been unwilling to be pitied and sympathized with, but even so, he couldn't refuse.

Because at the same time, he also has a paradoxical desire to be noticed and cared for.

But at that moment, he could already feel it very clearly.

Perhaps what he wants from Liu Xu is not just attention and concern for these superficial things.

Shen Anxing was silent for a long time, these resistances and longings, as well as some special thoughts about Liu Xu who did not know when they came up just like that in his heart.

Shen Anxing struggled for a long time, and in the end, he sighed helplessly, nodded, and agreed.

With his consent, Liu Xu was very happy. He grinned and happily said to Shen Anxing: "Then it's a deal. When we return to school after the holiday, we will go to the head teacher—oh, yes. , and one more thing."

As soon as he heard that he still had something to do, Shen Anxing raised his head again: "?"

"You have to promise me. In the future, if you are injured, you must tell me as soon as possible."

Liu Xu said to him: "I will worry about you, so you can't lie to me."

——I will worry about you, you can't lie to me.

Liu Xu was young at that time, and hadn't been tortured by life and death yet. When he said this, his eyes were bright, not smiling, but his eyes were full of concern and blame for not being used to him suffering alone.

Strangely, Shen An Xing did not remember exactly what the surroundings were like at that time.He only remembered that the winter wind outside the window was bitter, and the youth inside the house was full of vigor, the light of his life.

Obviously Liu Xu didn't do anything at that time, but Shen Anxing felt that he was the most energetic at that time, the brightest time in his memory.

The eyes are shining.

So it was only natural that Shen Anxing agreed at that time.

But he was injured too many times.Although I'm sorry to Liu Xu, Shen Anxing didn't tell him every time he was injured.

It's just that after getting closer and closer, Shen Anxing got used to telling him everything.

Even in the third year of high school, Shen Anxing just had his finger scratched by a piece of paper, so he had to go up to Liu Xu pitifully, pinch his finger aggrievedly and act like a baby with him.

If you get hurt, you have to tell Liu Xu.

In the end, this matter had become Shen Anxing's instinct.

So when they met again after seven years, he habitually told Liu Xu about the accident when crossing the bridge.

Shen Anxing originally planned to tell him about the backlash of his abilities - he planned to tell Liu Xu everything after he went back, even including the fact that he dangled on the Naihe Bridge for more than 30 days and was about to jump off the Santu River.

But after he went back, he saw that the people in his memory who were full of vigor and supported him through all the darkness became numb.

He saw him falling into an abyss.

"...It feels like looking in a mirror."

Shen Anxing took a few breaths, and raised his head tremblingly.

He slowly opened his left eye, but only saw a piece of frost.

In the remaining half of his sight, he saw Liu Xu's eyes turned red at some point, and a few lines of tears were winding down.

Shen Anxing was so cold that his whole body ached, and his whole body was numb from the cold.

He retracted his two hands that were trembling from the cold but couldn't hold them, breathed tremblingly, and murmured to Liu Xu: "...Like, look in a mirror."

Although unable to cry, he choked up.

"I really... Sometimes looking at you, it feels like I'm looking in a mirror."

"I can see myself from you..."

Shen Anxing was so choked up that his voice could not be connected intermittently, he said to Liu Xu: "I can't tell what it feels like... I am, I am..."

"I can always... see from you what I looked like seven or eight years ago."

"...I can't tell you what it was like... I didn't have a good time at that time, so I just... just... lived as if I were dead."

"But you... how can you do this?"

"You are not like this...you are not like this. You obviously live so well...you are different from me..."

"I can't tell...I really can't tell."

"You look like this, how can I tell..."

"I have to let you live... Even if I will be killed by it, I have to let you live..."

"You became like this... Isn't it all my fault... You shouldn't be living like this, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, I'm the one who died... You think... If you didn't know me, if I If you just kill yourself quietly, you won't..."

"...You won't live like this..."

Shen Anxing spoke in pain, couldn't help shrinking his body, and exhaled white air from his mouth.

He choked up, unable to speak any more.

After trembling and choking for a while, Shen Anxing said softly again: "You shouldn't..."

- You shouldn't like me.

As soon as Shen Anxing finished speaking, Liu Xu suddenly stretched out his hand, grabbed his collar, and pulled him towards her.

Then, he leaned forward, kissed Shen Anxing, and personally blocked the remaining half of his sentence.

Shen Anxing was still immersed in negative emotions that were as difficult to get out of as mud, but when he was suddenly interrupted like this, he was frightened on the spot.

He looked at Liu Xu stupidly.

Liu Xu was kissing him very earnestly, his eyes were open, and his eyes were full of reason and firmness.

There was a sudden movement in Shen Anxing's heart, and he suddenly felt vaguely that he seemed to have made a mistake all along.

And this wrong thing is being manually pushed back to the right track by Liu Xu.

The kiss lasted for a long time.Liu Xu didn't seem to feel the cold air on his body at all, and kissed him recklessly and recklessly, his eyes were full of fearlessness and calmness.

Just as Shen Anxing was pulled out of the abyss by him, he fell into another abyss.

After a kiss, Liu Xu let go of his lips.

Although letting go is letting go, Liu Xu didn't leave in a hurry.

The two are still very close.

Just after kissing Shen Anxing, Liu Xu also sucked in a lot of cool air, and while he was breathing, white cold air was slowly exhaled from his mouth.

Liu Xu stared at him very closely, and said word by word: "I really didn't expect that I would live such a miserable life in your eyes."

Shen Anxing: "..."

"Listen up, Shen Anxing."

Liu Xu grabbed his collar and said: "How I want to live is my business. I am not happy or not, but this is the path I chose. I just want to fall on you, you It doesn't matter if you're dead—in the same way, it's my business to love whom I like."

"Even if I didn't transfer to the seventh middle school, even if I didn't meet you that year, I would definitely try to meet you after that, and then stalk you until you fell on me. What the hell if I If I can't get you, I can't be named Liu."

"It's not something you can decide. It's your father's business. I said that if I like you, I have to like you. I said that if I want to meet, I have to meet. It doesn't work when the king of heaven comes, so fuck you alive Or die, I just want to like it, I am happy."

"Also, I really didn't expect that you have been dead for seven years, and you have completely forgotten what kind of person I am, have you?"

"Is this the first day you know me, Shen Anxing?"

Shen Anxing was taken aback by what he said.

Then, he heard Liu Xu say to him——

"Am I a waste that you have to sacrifice your life to save?"