Goldberg Variations

A man in his twenties, Gu Kai was not originally a shy person.

But maybe Pei Wen was shy, and Gu Kai became shy after staying with him for a long time.

After finishing speaking, Gu Kai seemed to be afraid of being rejected, and couldn't get up on Pei Wen.

He is a normal adult man who spends day and night with his sweetheart and shares the same bed, so he obviously has normal physiological needs.

But he wasn't sure what Pei Wen was thinking, at least until now, Pei Wen had never brought it up before.

Pei Wen put both hands on Gu Kai's shoulders and pushed, but without pushing, he turned his face to the side, trying to avoid Gu Kai's breath falling on the side of his neck.

"That..." Pei Wen was a little nervous, his mind was in a mess, "It's getting late, we haven't had lunch yet..."

Gu Kai gnawed at his neck and said vaguely, "Let's finish the business first."

"It's already night..." Pei Wen wanted to hide from the itching on his neck, but couldn't.

But what surprised him was that he didn't feel sick at all.

In fact, all along, Pei Wen didn't want to have sex with Gu Kai, but he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to accept it.

Now it seems that I am more accepting and good than I imagined.

That being the case, there is nothing wrong with it.

"It's just right, I ate lunch and dinner together." Gu Kai said.

Pei Wen didn't speak.

Gu Kai rubbed against him: "Huh?"

Pei Wen unconsciously held his breath, turned his head and kissed Gu Kai's cheek, and replied softly:

"Ah."

Sure enough, as Pei Wen expected, it was after three o'clock in the afternoon when they woke up, and by the time the "business" was done, it was already sunset.

When it was time to make dinner, Pei Wen lay wearily on the bed, not wanting to move.

Gu Kai kissed his forehead contentedly: "I'll cook, you sleep for a while, and call you when it's done."

Pei Wen frowned, grabbed Gu Kai's wrist, and said in a low voice, "I'm going to take a bath."

This summer, after all the nonsense, my body is sweaty, sticky, and very uncomfortable.

"Okay, I'll turn on the hot water." Gu Kai was very patient.

Gu Kai went to put the hot water on first, then steamed the rice, and when the hot water was almost ready, he planned to carry Pei Wen to the bathroom to show his thoughtfulness and boyfriend power.

However, Pei Wen didn't want him to hug him.

Gu Kai is quite regretful, he often works out, and it is no problem for the princess to hug a grown man.

What's more, Pei Wen is lighter than most grown men, so it's not too easy to hug him.

Not only are they not allowed to be hugged, but they also don't show him his body, all in a secretive way.

Gu Kai thought he was cute, so he didn't puncture it. He just leaned against the bathroom door and reminded: "Don't soak for too long, and don't fall asleep in the bathtub, be careful of catching a cold."

Although it was summer, but Pei Wen was weak, Gu Kai had to be more careful - after all, this person had been in the ICU twice in a short period of time, and he was afraid.

The bathtub was specially bought after they moved here, and Gu Kai even asked someone to widen the bathroom before putting down the large bathtub for two.

Thick foam floated on the water, blocking his body. Then Pei Wen raised his head, his voice a little hoarse, and said:

"I know, you go and cook, I'm starving to death."

"Yeah." Gu Kai smiled and nodded.

Although Pei Wen was tired, he would not fall asleep in the bathtub.After taking a bath for a while, he put on his clothes and walked out of the bathroom. At this time, Gu Kai was still busy in the kitchen.

Gu Kai's cooking skills are not that bad, just the level of ordinary home cooking.

But now that I have lived with Pei Wen for a long time, I have learned a lot of cooking skills, and the cooking is getting better and better.

When he was chopping vegetables, his knife skills were not as good as Pei Wen's, and he didn't cut carefully like a novice. Instead, he looked at the vegetables on the chopping board with a very focused expression, with a kind of neither fast nor slow Cut at a constant speed, very serious.

No matter what Gu Kai did, he was very serious - when he was painting, when he was working, when he was cooking, when he was planting flowers... This made Pei Wen feel that he was very attractive, and unconsciously he was a little distracted.

"Your boyfriend is so good-looking?"

Gu Kai, who was cooking, suddenly made a noise, interrupting his trance.

Pei Wen came back to his senses. He was a little embarrassed at being caught, but quickly fought back: "Why, why don't you show it?"

He has been teased a lot, and he is no longer allowed to be teased.

"Here." Gu Kai laughed and waved to Pei Wen, "Come here."

Pei Wen leaned over, Gu Kai lifted the lid of the pot, took a spoonful of soup, blew it cool, and fed it to Pei Wen's mouth: "Taste it, is it good?"

There was stewed crucian carp soup in the pot. The white and rich soup was gurgling in the pot, and the tofu was still put aside without going in.

Pei Wen took a sip, frowned slightly, and asked, "Did you put any salt?"

"I let it go," Gu Kai said innocently, "Didn't I want to do it lightly?"

"Is it too weak, then I'll put some more."

One pot is cooking soup, and the other pot is cooking vegetables. After the soup is cooked, two dishes are also fried. One meat, one vegetable and one soup, two people can eat three dishes, just right.

In ordinary life, there is no need to set up a large table of delicacies from mountains and seas.

Maybe it was because of strenuous exercise in the afternoon that Pei Wen ate more dinner than usual.

When clearing away the bowls and chopsticks, Gu Kai saw that he had finished a bowl full of rice, thinking about the possibility of something thoughtfully.

Sure enough, if you want Pei Wen to eat more, you should exercise more, then... Gu Kai looked at the marks on Pei Wen's neck and curled his lips.

In summer, the weather is hot, the clothes are light and thin, and the collar is low. Pei Wen deliberately changed into short sleeves with a higher collar and shorts that are below the knee, but the position of the collar is still not blocked.

He was shy, and couldn't bear the [-]-degree heat to put on the high collar, so he could only force himself to be calm, pretending to be indifferent, so as not to be teased by Gu Kai again.

Gu Kai didn't tease him, lest the little daughter-in-law become angry and won't touch him next time.

What is the use of a few words?

After dinner, twilight has already enveloped.

Pei Wen sent Gu Kai to wash the dishes, moved a recliner downstairs, and sat in the yard in front of the door to enjoy the wind.

Gu Kai threw the bowls and chopsticks into the dishwasher, ran downstairs as well, and sat beside Pei Wen.

There are many mosquitoes in the countryside, but Pei Wen has a physique that does not attract mosquitoes, while Gu Kai is the opposite, attracting mosquitoes terribly.

So every time he accompanied Pei Wen to blow the air in front of the door, Gu Kai had to apply mosquito repellant, otherwise he would not be able to sit still.

"Give it up." Gu Kai squeezed onto the recliner, "Make room for me."

"No." Pei Wen said, "Don't you think it's too hot to be crowded? Go and move another chair yourself."

"Not hot." Gu Kai said.

"I feel hot."

Gu Kai touched his cheeks that were slightly cooled by the evening wind, and smiled with his head down: "You are lying."

"..."

After being in the ICU twice, Pei Wen's body became weaker and he was afraid of the cold, but not the heat.

After all, Gu Kai managed to sit on a chair with his daughter-in-law.

They stood shoulder to shoulder, head to head, watching the night gradually cover the surrounding fields, and watching the moon climb into the night sky step by step.

The heat of the day gradually dissipated, and the coolness of the water at night came with the evening wind, followed by the faint fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus.

They didn't turn on the lights, and the two of them leaned on each other in the moonlit night and the starry sky, experiencing the quiet and silent night.

Bach was playing with all kinds of bugs and mosquitoes in the yard.

After Hugo gave birth, his vitality was severely injured, and he lay lazily at Pei Wen's feet.Newborn puppies lie in the nest and sleep.

A family of five enjoys themselves.

Cicadas were singing, and various insects and small animals whose names were not known were singing.

Some fireflies are flying up and down with small lanterns, and the shining green light is very bright in the night.

Gu Kai got excited, got up and grabbed a firefly, caged it in the palm of his hand, and showed it to Pei Wen.

"Does it look good?" He tilted his head and asked Pei Wen.

However, as soon as the palm was opened, the firefly flew away from Gu Kai's palm.

The moonlight fell on Gu Kai's face, light and dark intertwined.

"Nice." Pei Wen replied, looking at the firefly that flew away, and then at him.

He really thinks it looks good.

Not just fireflies, but all of that.

Such a night, such a starry sky, such a small town, such a courtyard, and the people he loves.

It was so beautiful that he worried about not knowing when he would lose it.

He doesn't seem to deserve it.

"Gu Kai."

Pei Wen tilted his body, leaned his head on Gu Kai's shoulder, and said softly:

"Do you want to know what happened between me and my mother?"

Gu Kai lowered his head slightly, rubbed Pei Wen's hair, and said softly, "If you want to talk, I want to hear it."

Pei Wen raised the corners of his lips and talked about the past in a low voice.

He started from his childhood.

The ten years before elementary school were the happiest time for Pei Wen.

Pei Wen's mother was a rich and beautiful woman who fell in love with his father at first sight when she was still in college.

At that time, she was young and felt that the man playing the erhu was so special and different, so she resolutely married him.

After marriage, they lived happily for several years.

But Pei Wen's mother was too strong, and his father was too loose. After getting along for a long time, various conflicts and frictions arose, such as on the education of their children.

Pei Xiuzhen's income was much higher than that of Pei Wen's father, and she had a strong desire to control. In such a marriage, Pei's father soon became unbearable and cheated.

After finding out that her husband was cheating, Pei Xiuzhen divorced her neatly, and the child was hers.

Soon, Father Pei married the cheating partner and gave birth to another son.

Pei Xiuzhen was afraid that Pei Wen would lose to that child, so he disciplined Pei Wen very strictly. He had to complete different tasks by the minute every day.

Classes, studies, and various interest classes are not allowed to go out to play, and even there are special pick-ups to and from school.

If she fails to meet her requirements, she will be criticized and punished.

Teenage is the time when adolescent values ​​begin to form and self-awareness begins to become independent. Under such discipline, Pei Wen lived a very depressed life.

Therefore, when filling in the volunteers after the college entrance examination, Pei Wen first filled in the Department of Economics according to his mother's request, and then secretly changed it to a drama.

He likes plays.

He doesn't want to compromise any more, longing to rebel against his mother.

Pei Xiuzhen didn't expect that her son, who had always been obedient, would lie to herself about such a big matter, and then lose her temper afterward, but there was no room for change. Therefore, she asked Pei Wen to pursue a double degree and study economics.

In order not to anger his mother when he had no independent financial means, Pei Wen temporarily chose to compromise.

However, after entering college, Pei Wen realized that his sexual orientation was different.

He tested Pei Xiuzhen's attitude around the bush, and found that Pei Xiuzhen was very homophobic.

But Pei Wen couldn't restrain his instinct.

During her sophomore year, Pei Wen fell in love with a junior from the same college.

This ignited the conflict between mother and son.

"...I don't know how she knew it, she didn't say." Pei Wen looked at the night sky and said softly, "Maybe she learned it from my classmates or teachers?"

"This kind of thing was not uncommon in our college at that time."

Those who study art are always more romantic and casual.

"We didn't deliberately cover it up, but I didn't show anything in front of her."

"And then?" Gu Kai remembered that Pei Wen had told him that his experience of coming out was very tragic.

"Then..." Pei Wen seemed to be remembering something, frowned, and paused before continuing, "Then, during the summer vacation of my sophomore year, she sent me for treatment. She thought I was sick."

Except for the original insider, except Yu Shuangshuang, Pei Wen never told anyone else about this matter.

He couldn't say it, just thinking about it made him sick and shuddered.

The painful memory cut his heart like a sharp knife, dripping with blood.

Pei Wen has always refused to think about it, nor is he willing to talk about it with anyone.

He couldn't let go, couldn't forgive those people, couldn't let go of the pain.

He thought he should learn to look away, but he couldn't.

Who made him a shameful gay?He was born sinful.

Although homosexuality has long been demented in our country, it does not prevent a large number of people from still thinking that they are mentally ill and need treatment.

Although this treatment started a long time ago and after countless trials, it has been proved that it is not only ineffective, but also causes great trauma to the treated person, and many people even die because of it, this kind of treatment is still not uncommon.

In fact, except for a few countries and regions that have declared sexual orientation conversion therapy illegal, such institutions still exist legally in many countries around the world.

Gu Kai had only heard about it before, and had never had any personal contact with it.

He wrapped his arms around Pei Wen's shoulders and tightened his hands.

Pei Wen didn't elaborate on what happened in that process, and recalling these is a painful thing.

He was silent for a long time before he calmed down and continued as calmly as possible:

"After I came out from there, I broke up with that senior."

"It's not that I don't like him anymore, but that I can't be with him anymore."

After receiving such cruel psychological intervention, Pei Wen didn't like girls as much as Pei Xiuzhen wished, and even became unable to like boys.

The relationship between mother and child was thus completely shattered.

Pei Wen hated his mother.

"Some of the people I met inside died after they came out." Pei Wen said in a low voice, his voice erratic like the evening wind, "I thought I would be like them."

"What now?" Gu Kai asked.

"Now..." Pei Wen raised his head to look at Gu Kai, "I'm not willing to die."

The author has something to say: I am still thick and long today!

Expected to end tomorrow!