Goldberg Variations

Although they were tired, they talked and laughed happily.

From Pei Wen's expression, Gu Kai couldn't see anything.

The breakup of the two did not seem to have any effect on him.

He still works as usual, chatting and laughing with his colleagues as usual.

Pei Wen didn't wear that bracelet.

He didn't notice Gu Kai's car in the parking lot.

He didn't even notice Gu Kai.

They lived in a nearby hotel and walked there.

It wasn't until Pei Wen disappeared from Gu Kai's sight that he slumped on the steering wheel.

I saw it, then what?

Everything seemed normal to Pei Wen, maybe, he really didn't like him as much as he imagined.

What are you still chasing him for?

Gu Kai thought for two seconds, and immediately refunded Pei Wen's next tour ticket.

Forget it, if you don't watch the tour, just treat it as pure travel and relaxation.

……

After saying goodbye to my colleagues, I pushed open the door, inserted the room card, and the bright lights in the room quickly turned on.

Pei Wen stood at the door, like a robot with low battery, in and out of the door, people in front of and behind, he was completely in two states.

He doesn't have to laugh anymore.

Exhaustion poured into his body, Pei Wen wanted to lie on the bed, but didn't bother to move, feeling that the distance from the door to the bed was so far away.

And he had to wash and undress.

Every ordinary little thing in life seems so difficult.

Pei Wen stood at the door for a full 2 ​​minutes before he dawdled into the room, changed his shoes, undressed, and took a shower.

Execute every task mechanically with the last of your strength.

After finishing everything, Pei Wen lay down on the bed.

He can't sleep.

Pei Wen knew he needed sleeping pills.

The sleeping pills were within reach, but he didn't want to reach out.

In other words, he couldn't move his hand, and he didn't have the strength to lift it up.

The body is extremely exhausted, but the brain is highly stressed.

He took out the rose gold bracelet, stared at the two letters PW engraved inside the bracelet, and recalled the scene of that day like masochistic.

After the breakup, he dreamed of that day, that piano room, that piano, and that piano piece countless times.

After that day, Pei Wen never dared to listen to that piece of music again, and even dared not recall Gu Kai's name.

But in the dream, everything will become very clear.

At that time, he didn't look carefully at Gu Kai's eyes, but in his dream, he could clearly see the hurt, puzzlement and resentment in Gu Kai's eyes.

Gu Kai must hate him, Pei Wen thought.

The pain in the heart throbbing, as if being tightly clenched by one hand, pinching and kneading, the pain was so painful that it was hard to breathe.

He clutched his chest and gasped for breath, feeling uncomfortable with the illusion of wanting to vomit.

Tears fell silently.

Weeping and crying day after day seems to have caused his eyesight to decline.

I am sorry.

sorry……

Pei Wen kept apologizing from the bottom of his heart.

But for Gu Kai, breaking up with him is the best choice.

If they continue to communicate, Gu Kai will be exhausted by him sooner or later.

Obviously knowing that he would be hated, he obviously wanted to hide those negative emotions from being seen by Gu Kai.

But he couldn't help himself.

Perhaps it was Gu Kai's tenderness and tolerance that gave him some kind of hope that he shouldn't have, so he longed for comfort from Gu Kai again and again.

He hoped that Gu Kai could accompany him indefinitely, but that was impossible.

He could see Gu Kai's helplessness and boredom.

Pei Wen suddenly remembered that he hadn't taken any medicine today.

His memory has become worse and worse since when, and he can't remember many things.

Otherwise, he wouldn't be jealous that day because of the smell of perfume on Gu Kai's body. He completely forgot that Gu Kai said he had made an appointment with Dr. Liang.

As a result, Gu Kai was so angry.

...I have to rehearse tomorrow, so I can't think about these anymore.

Pei Wen struggled to get up, took sleeping pills from the bedside table and took them.

The whole person quickly became dizzy.

Soon fell asleep.

No, I fainted.

The next day, Pei Wen got up as usual, and flew to another city with his colleagues.There were people coming and going in the airport, and there was always someone who would touch him inadvertently, and every look that fell on Pei Wen was like a knife scraping, making people panic.

This put Pei Wen's spirit in high tension the whole time.

It wasn't until he boarded the plane that he finally relaxed a little.

After getting off the plane, we arrived at the new hotel, took a short break, and then we trained, ate, rested, and chatted together.

He tried his best to maintain a normal expression to live, and worked step by step in a dull manner.

Every day's life is repeated and exactly the same, which makes people feel no sense of expectation.

Just want to end.

end it all.

He is so tired.

Being sick created more and more problems for his body.

He lost weight due to lack of food, and once passed out during a rehearsal due to hypoglycemia.

He couldn't remember the lines, and couldn't even understand the meaning of each line, even though he knew every word, even though he had read it thousands of times.

During rehearsals, his brain would suddenly go blank without warning, forgetting what he was doing and what he was going to say.

Colleagues said that he was too tired and needed a good rest.

Well, he is very tired.

But he has to finish this tour.

Unfortunately, in the last few stops of the tour, Pei Wen still had problems on stage.

"How old were you then?"

"Seven years old." Pei Wen hid under the table and replied with his head in his arms.

"what happened?"

"I can't remember."

"Of course you know."

"I can't remember."

"You remember!" Roscoe yelled.

Pei Wen was shocked, and certain images suddenly appeared in his mind.

In the enclosed space, the man had a shiny bald head and a greasy round face. They tied him to a chair, gave him drugs, beat him, insulted him, and shocked him with electric shocks. No matter what, they couldn’t escape.

unable to escape...

He can never escape his nightmare, unable to escape that woman, just like Can can't escape the memory of the winter when he was seven years old, just like Rothko can't escape depression and despair and chooses to commit suicide...

Pei Wen suddenly saw a black shadow in a corner of the stage.

She has a fair face that is almost transparent.

Her eyes stared straight at him, resentful, full of hatred and loathing.

After his partner's lines were finished, it was time for Pei Wen.

But Pei Wen completely forgot what he wanted to say.

Panic gripped his heart.

That person, that woman...she's been staring at him!

She is spying on him!

She is everywhere.

Pei Wen knew... She was always by his side, looking at him like a shadow, whether he was eating, sleeping or performing.

Seeing Pei Wen in a daze, his partner quickly improvised and added a line: "You remember, the white snow outside the house..."

Pei Wen came back to his senses, and continued his lines:

"I woke up...the first thing I saw was the white snow outside the window."

"I'm very happy because it was a Saturday and Mom and Dad would take me and my sister to go skiing..."

Pei Wen got out from under the table, his clothes and hands were covered with red oil paint, bright red and glaring like blood.

Rothko sat on an old armchair, smoking a cigarette.

After successfully performing the third act, the piano sounded on the stage.

The light dimmed, and the two left.

As soon as he stepped off the stage, he heard Fan Lei's caring voice:

"Pei Wen, what's wrong with you? Are you feeling unwell?"

He actually forgot the words just now.

For a mature drama actor, forgetting words is a very low-level mistake.

Their lines are not memorized sentence by sentence, but they are naturally memorized in the process of in-depth understanding of the characters and the script.

On stage, no one thinks about what the next line is going to say, they are the characters themselves, and they say it so naturally.

"I'm sorry, Teacher Xu." Pei Wen forced a smile and apologized to his partner.

If Mr. Xu hadn't had enough stage experience to help him save the stage, the performance just now would have been ruined by him.

Pei Wen felt very guilty about this.

"It's okay." Compared with Hou Xuesong, although this teacher Xu is not as famous as him, he has been dedicated to the drama for ten years. "You will continue to play soon, so hurry up and adjust your state."

"Ah."

Pei Wen calmed down, took a deep breath, changed into clean clothes that were not stained with red oil paint and went on stage.

Pei Wen breathed a sigh of relief after the performance was finished without any risk.Fortunately, there were no more problems, otherwise he would never be able to forgive himself.

While removing makeup backstage, the troupe leader came to discuss with Pei Wen and said that Angle B would be allowed to play next.

Due to the long time and hard work of a tour, in order to ensure that the performance can still go on normally in case of emergencies, important roles will have B corners.

Mr. Xu patted Pei Wen's shoulder with a smile, and said, "This is for the sake of your body. After all, everyone has seen it. You have worked too hard recently, and your body can't bear it."

"I just forgot my words today, what if you faint on stage next time?"

"The second is that you may be okay, but we have to be responsible to the audience, right?"

Mr. Xu's attitude is very gentle, but Pei Wen always feels that he is blaming himself, because he made a mistake, and even the eyes of other people looking at him seem to be full of hostility.

Pei Wen clutched the corner of his clothes, bowed his head and said, "I'm sorry, I understand, I obey the arrangement."

"That's good," Mr. Xu said with a smile, "You go back and take a good rest. There will be many opportunities to perform in the future. First, take good care of your body before you have other possibilities."

Since Pei Wen joined the troupe, his performance has been very good.

His expressive acting style and his excellent appearance made Pei Wen the most popular among the young actors in the troupe.

Although there was a little conflict because of Hou Xuesong's matter before, it was harmless, and Mr. Xu still regarded Pei Wen as the future of legend.

"Ah."

"By the way, Pei Wen," Fan Lei said suddenly, "your bracelet."

Because of performance needs, before going on stage, Pei Wen asked Fan Lei to help him take off the bracelet for safekeeping.

Fan Lei skillfully put on the bracelet for Pei Wen, and Fan Lei couldn't help complaining: "What kind of bracelet are you? You can't wear it by yourself. It's so inconvenient that two people have to wear it."

Pei Wen smiled and touched the bracelet: "Thank you."

"It's okay, you go back today and have a good rest, look at your face, it's frighteningly white."

"Just like your line said, bones...skeletons," Fan Lei said, "Raise your spirits, let's perform together again."

"Yes." Pei Wen agreed with a smile.

However, as soon as he walked out of the theater, Pei Wen saw a person.

A familiar yet unfamiliar person.

They used to get along day and night, eat and live together, and were the closest people in the world.

They also cut off all contact, and there was no news.

Mother Pei stood far away on the only way Pei Wen had to leave the theater, carrying a small black leather bag in her hand, looking pale and tired, quietly looking at Pei Wen.

Just like what Pei Wen saw in the hallucination.

The author has something to say: The "Red" I watched was played by Mr. Chen Minghao and Mr. Liu Duanduan. If you are interested, you can go to Kang~