Doomed

This chapter does not exist originally, but it can be read separately from the main text.

Shen Yang is almost a festival.Mother's Day, Teacher's Day, New Year's Day, and even Spring Festival, he can't beat them all.Pang Hui has been with him for eight years, and only saw him return home three times in rare cases.

Pang Hui didn't follow.

However, the only festival that Shen Yang, who is hardly a festival, celebrates is Arbor Day.Every year, Shen Hang plants a small tree in a place that can be planted near his residence, and draws a shallow trace on the trunk.That was the only time when Pang Hui felt that he was particularly useful.Because the height represented by that trace is Shen Yang's height.Shen Rang would choose a sapling that was much taller than him to plant, and then asked Pang Hui to carve a height line for him on the trunk.He hasn't grown taller for many years, but he has always insisted on letting Pang Hui do so.

Pang Hui helped him measure very accurately.In the following year, Shen Hang would often pass by this tree, put his head on the trunk, and compare his height with that line.

Pang Hui felt that his behavior was very childish.Shen Yang's unique, indifferent childishness.

Shen Yang's almost meaningless childhood did not teach him any childlike innocence and mischief, only taught him silence and resistance.Silent protest.

Pang Hui once tried to let Shen Yang spend a few festivals and enjoy the universal happiness, but it was difficult to succeed.Shen Yang showed boredom and dislike to many festivals to varying degrees, because those traditional festivals have more or less something to do with relatives.He doesn't like Mother's Day, never calls home, and he doesn't like Mid-Autumn Festival.Unless necessary, he may choose to forget all his contact information about his family and parents at all.

In his early years, Pang Hui tried to force him to go back to his hometown once.

"One of my evaluations of you will evaluate your social closeness. If you don't even visit your family, it will be difficult for me to pass you on this." Pang Hui said that it was useless to talk about it. Finally said sternly.

Shen Lang, who had just left the prison, had blue-black shadows under his eyes, looked at Pang Hui for a long time with his bloodless face, and saw that Pang Hui could hardly bear the gaze of those black eyes on the bridge of his nose , he turned around silently.

Pang Hui thought that Shen Yang had ignored his request again, but at noon that day, he found that Shen Yang had disappeared.

Pang Hui sat at home and waited anxiously for an hour, and finally started frantically calling Shen Hang's phone.Shen Yang never answered the phone, I don't know if it was his anger or he didn't hear it.Pang Hui tried to figure out where he had gone, so he went to his room to check.At that time they rented a very small house, and Shen Yang's room was also very small.Pang Hui is strictly prohibited from entering his room, but Pang Hui has all the spare keys of the whole house.He found Shen Yang's record of buying tickets in Shen Yang's computer records.The end of the train is his registered hometown.

Looking at the location on the record, Pang Hui suddenly had a reflection on whether he had done something wrong.He originally thought that Shen Yang was just social alienation, but Shen Yang had long since shown his avoidance of the past and his aversion to the family.Pang Hui imagined that he didn't carry any luggage, only carrying a necessary wallet, with his hands in his pockets and sitting alone on the window seat in the car.

Could he have started to loathe himself?When Pang Hui thought that way, he suddenly realized that he could no longer regard Shen Yang as a simple task person.

He participated in Shen Yang's case with a sense of cause and resonance.When he participated in the case, he regarded Shen Yang as another self, but after he rescued Shen Yang, he felt that he had to start fulfilling his duties and obligations as a special police officer.Is this too cold and cruel?Did he regard Shen Yang as a spice to satisfy his spiritual needs and realize his spiritual desires?

Shen Yang did not bring anything with him when he left.Does he intend to come back that day?

Pang Hui looked around at his small, untidy room filled with nothing but books.Then he saw the mobile phone that was left behind the bedside book.

The phone was set to silent, and there were more than a dozen missed calls from Pang Hui.

Pang Hui didn't know that his mood could be so complicated all of a sudden.

Shen Yang got into the car home alone.Pang Hui didn't hear from him until the evening.He picked up the phone countless times, and pressed his family's phone number on the button countless times, but in the end he failed to dial.In what capacity did he make the call?

Watcher?friend?Cohabitant?

Pang Hui realized that the relationship between himself and Shen Yang was different, not what he thought: he had always been Shen Yang's benefactor.

Whether Shen Yang regarded him as a benefactor is hard to say.His allowing Pang Hui's surveillance may have become a condition to offset that kind of kindness.And Pang Hui also realized that he had nothing to use his benefactor's bargaining chip.To be precise, he was found and "used" by Shen Lang as one of the means to get him out of prison.For Shen Yang, he is more like a tool.He made Shen Rang leave the prison, and Shen Rang also returned a certain reward—in a way that he couldn't detect.

Pang Hui didn't wait for Shen Yang to come back late at night.He tossed and turned in bed all night, and at noon the next day, he heard the sound of a key being inserted into the lock.He slammed the door open, and saw Shen Lang with a tired face outside the door.

"You... are you back?" Pang Hui suddenly lost his voice.

Shen Hang slipped in through the gap between him and the door, then walked into his room, and fell on the bed.

Pang Hui hurried to the door of his room and asked, "Have you eaten yet?"

No reply.Shen Yang had already fallen asleep.

After that, Pang Hui knew that Shen Yang didn't spend the night at his parents' house.He missed the time to buy his ticket, missed several trains, and ended up curled up in the waiting room for a night of sleep.

After that, Pang Hui never forced him to celebrate any holidays.No matter how busy Pang Hui is throughout the year, he will go home during the Spring Festival, but he thinks of Shen Yang staying alone on the cheap rented sofa, disturbed by firecrackers and unable to read the book, his slender fingers are constantly switching mechanically Pingdao finds that they are all the same happy image, and Pang Hui feels that he cannot stay at home any longer.

After the third year when Pang Hui and Shen Yang lived together, Pang Hui never went home during the Spring Festival to spend a whole year and stay with his family to watch the new year.He is usually in a strange house, with the TV turned off and the heating and air conditioner turned on, silently washing the bowls for the evening dinner, which is nothing special.

And Shen Yang is working in his room.Only when Pang Hui was not around would he turn on the TV and flip through the TV channels boredly and blankly.However, he didn't know why there was such a big difference between Pang Hui's presence and absence, and he didn't realize it.

Pang Hui always pays attention to which festivals Shen Yang doesn't have such a dislike for.It is almost impossible to expect him to be interested in a festival.

Then Pang Hui gradually realized helplessly that Shen Rang only had no great resistance to such insignificant festivals as Qixi Festival and Arbor Day.

When Pang Hui said "Today is Qixi Festival", Shen Lang didn't respond at all.Then Pang Hui felt a little interesting.He said: "You don't have a girlfriend, and I don't have a girlfriend, why don't we go to Lele today?"

Shen gave him a blank look.

That was their fifth year of living together.

Pang Hui said: "A lot of places are on sale today, don't be bored at home, let's go, go shopping." In fact, Pang Hui didn't know where there was a discount, he just said this, trying to arouse Shen Yang's interest.However, he also knew that Shen Yang probably wouldn't be able to arouse any interest.

Under Pang Hui's continuous thoughts, Shen Lang finally got up, followed Pang Hui and left the house without saying a word.

At that time, Qixi Festival was not as popular as it is now.Young people are not as enthusiastic about Qixi Festival as they are about Valentine's Day.But couples will regard any festival as Valentine's Day at any time, and there seem to be more couples on Qixi Festival than usual.

Pang Hui looked at those couples, couples holding hands, and said with emotion: "I'm already at this age, and I haven't got a girlfriend yet. I don't know when I will get married."

Shen Yang gave a cold snort in disbelief.

"Unlike you, you are still in your prime. You are in the prime of your life."

Shen Yang snorted again.Pang Hui touched his nose in embarrassment, and glanced at Shen Hang.Shen Hang was wearing his gray T-shirt that never changed for thousands of years, with his hands in his pockets, and his hair, which he would not cut if he didn't say anything, hung half-length over his eyes.His pair of jeans hadn't been replaced for a long time.Shen Lang is the kind of person who wears his clothes until he dies. If it is not necessary, he will never change his clothes.There are only three T-shirts in his closet that are commonly used in summer, and the frequency of replacement depends on the frequency of Pang Hui's laundry.Pants are hardly changed since he hardly ever goes out.

Today's outfit was put on by Shen Yang yesterday.Because Pang Hui threw his clothes and pants from the day before yesterday into the washing machine.The advantage of two big men living together is that there will not be too many clothes to wash and dry at home.No matter how messy the room is, it’s just some books and takeaway packages.

Pang Hui looked at Shen Yang several times, feeling somewhat distressed.Shen Yang was only 22 years old that year, but he seemed to be a 27-year-old patient with deep social difficulties, exuding a dead air all over his body.However, it was better than when he just got out of prison.

During the period when Shen Yang just left the prison, he had very little sleep time.He lay in bed, but couldn't fall asleep.Pang Hui had experienced the terrifying scene when he looked at himself with his eyes wide open in the middle of the night.After that, he firmly asked Shen Yang to go back to his room to sleep, and never sleep in the living room or study outside.

However, Shen Yang's situation at that time was much better than it was five years ago, so Pang Hui said, "Why don't you just buy you a new one?"

Shen Yang refused without even thinking about it: "No need."

Pang Hui said, "I don't need your money. Although my salary is low, it's enough to buy some clothes."

"No." Shen Yang was more straightforward this time.

But Pang Hui ignored his objection and went straight to the shopping mall.Shen Yang and Pang Hui have been together for five years, but they have developed the habit of standing with Pang Hui when they are outside.It seemed that the prison experience that was extremely impressive to him made him lose his self-confidence and all sense of security.

Shen Yang knew that his goal was big. In the first few years, people often regarded him as the target of killing him. Pang Hui saved him many times without asking for anything in return.This is one of the reasons why Shen Yang tolerated Pang Hui and gradually relied on Pang Hui.

Before Pang Hui lived with Shen Yang, he was also an old man who didn't know any housework. However, when two lazy people live together, one of them must become more diligent, and that person is Pang Hui.Pang Hui contracted the cooking and laundry work, while Shen Yang sometimes took on the cleaning work depending on his mood.In the end, Pang Hui took care of all the cleaning.

Pang Hui walked to the mall, Shen Yang paused for a while and followed.The two walked back and forth, which seemed a little strange.

Pang Hui himself hadn't visited this kind of clothing store a few times, but he still had some experience, so he went straight to the men's clothing section.Shen hangs behind, hunched over, like a tramp.

Pang Hui stopped to wait for him, patted him on the back and said, "Stand up straight, don't be cowardly."

The strength of Pang Hui's palm was a bit strong, and Shen Yang's face was distorted.Pang Hui thought to himself, Oh, it’s not good, it’s overdone, and said quickly: “Let’s go, let’s go ahead and have a look.”

Shen Yang was taken two steps forward by his palm, and pulled forward again, the dissatisfaction and resentment in his heart became more serious.The waiter felt strange looking at these two people in the morning, and it was even more strange when they walked in.Pang Hui was upright, tall and burly, and he was bright and reliable when he smiled, while Shen Rang was covered half of his face by his hair, hunched over, pale and not a serious person.

Pang Hui glanced at the clothes casually, took off a few pieces, checked the size, showed it to Shen Yang and said, "How is it?"

Shen Lang said with a gloomy face, "No white ones."

"Hey, you have fair skin, and you look good in white... a female colleague of mine said so."

Shen Yang turned his head and left.

Pang Hui put down his clothes and said, "Hey, slow down."

Pang Hui and Shen Yang walked quickly through the entire floor, but they didn't buy anything for Shen Yang.Pang Hui scratched his head and said, "Hey, why are you so picky?"

Shen Yang glared at him angrily.Pang Hui looked at him, and his gaze immediately followed a black shirt behind him.Pang Hui laughed immediately: "You don't like white, dark-colored head office. You're going to see that translation editor the day after tomorrow. Can someone see you dressed like this?"

Shen Hang was driven by Pang Hui to try on clothes.At first, neither of them intended to try the shirt, but the waitress was very enthusiastic and tried to persuade them that the shirt would fit if they didn't try it on.So Shen Yang was driven into that small compartment.When Pang Hui closed the door for him, he was still staring at him, and he shivered because of that look.

Shen Yang seemed to be a different person when he walked out.The crumpled T-shirt looked like a layer of snake skin shed in his hands.Pang Hui thought to himself that clothes really depend on people.As soon as Shen Hang's sloppy clothes were replaced with flat shirts, he became much more energetic.

Pang Hui finally bought two shirts and a pair of trousers for Shen Lang, and all the reasons he used were that editor.He really thanked that editor many times in his heart.

Shen Yang objected in every possible way when Pang Hui bought it, but he didn't seem to dislike it so much after buying it.When I went to meet the editor that day, Pang Hui watched him put on the suit he bought for Shen Yang, and suddenly felt a little bit of joy in his heart.Before that, Shen Yang had nothing to do with Pang Hui, not even the house had anything to do with Pang Hui, but when Shen Yang put on that dress, Pang Hui suddenly felt that he had a close relationship with him Get up - Shen Yang accepted his kindness.This person who doesn't like oil and salt finally accepted his purposeless kindness after five years.

Those few clothes were seldom worn after hanging out, but Pang Hui seemed to have got a stepping stone.Whenever Shen Yang doesn't like holidays, Pang Hui will pull him out.After Shen hangs it, he can no longer refuse the clothes that Pang Hui bought for him - after his wardrobe has been completely changed.Sometimes Pang Hui feels like Shen Yang's mother - not a father, but a mother! ——Thinking hard to give Shen Yang all kinds of kindness but always being rejected.The only difference between Pang Hui and Shen Yang's mother is that Shen Yang is so old but does not have a girlfriend, which is not within Pang Hui's consideration.

On the Qixi Festival of the sixth year when Shen Lang and Pang Hui lived together, Pang Hui looked at Shen Lang wearing a white sweetheart collar shirt and suddenly felt that he looked good.He couldn't imagine what Shen Yang's girlfriend would look like in the future, nor did he think about what he would do after leaving Shen Yang's task.He found that he hadn't checked Shen Yang's danger level for a long time, and he hadn't actually written a report on Shen Yang's current situation for a long time.Looking at the couples of men and women on the street now, he silently imagined Shen Yang's younger sister in his heart.She is the only family member Shen Yang mentioned, does she look like him?Is it also so indifferent?Does it look good in white clothes?But she is 9 years younger than Shen Yang, which is too much...

Pang Hui stared at Shen Lang in a daze, like a big lion lying lazily on a rock and meditating imagining his spouse.