perfect life

He Zihan was washing his hands in the bathroom, remembering that a long time ago, when Fan Geting demonstrated to him in front of his rented house, he also mentioned that black chicken soup.

Originally, it was a very ordinary soup that Chen Qiran often made for He Zihan. It was completely different from those great tonic soups that were stewed for a day and a night with a variety of ingredients that he had never heard of.He Zihan kept telling himself in his heart, don't think too much, it's just a very ordinary dish.

However, Fan Geting's protest words would still echo in his mind.

She said that it was specially made by Chen Qiran for her to make up her body.

Although her sudden arrival made He Zihan very nervous, he still tried his best to stabilize his emotions, so that he walked out of the bathroom in a very normal way, and came to the restaurant to sit down.

After He Zihan took his seat, he kept eating in silence, because he didn't talk much when eating with Chen Qiran before, and Chen Qiran didn't think there was anything wrong.

He knew that there was another problem between them.Regarding Lu Senyang and Fan Geting in front of him, they had to sit down and have a good talk.What happened last time in Paris hurt He Zihan a lot, and Chen Qiran always felt guilty.But if He Zihan really went out to drink coffee with that Lu Senyang just now, what should he do?

The two ate with their own concerns, but Fan Geting's mood suddenly became exceptionally good.

Although He Zihan tried his best to control himself so that he would not look at her, the peripheral vision in the corner of his eyes was still uncontrollable, ignoring that person's movements again and again.

After finishing a bowl of black-bone chicken soup, Fan Geting suddenly asked, "Brother Ran, do you have any spare rooms in this apartment?"

"Yes." Chen Qiran only gave a very short answer.

"Oh... why are you so expressionless? I'm just asking, and I don't really plan to come and live here." Fan Geting acted coquettishly as she spoke.

"My Meiyu has no expression on my face. If I have something to say, I will talk about it after dinner."

"But... alas, there are no grown-ups around now, so there is no need to abide by the rules of not talking when eating or sleeping. He Zihan, are you right?"

The question suddenly fell on He Zihan who was drinking the soup. With a mouthful of soup in his mouth, he couldn't swallow it or spit it out. He Zihan choked all of a sudden.

Seeing that he was choking, Chen Qiran quickly took a napkin to wipe his mouth, and patted his back with the other hand to make him feel better.

After recovering from his breath, He Zihan moved his shoulders, and said to Chen Qiran coldly: "There's no need to shoot, you can eat."

"Hey, you can choke on soup, you are more delicate than me." Fan Geting muttered, and started eating again.

He Zihan really wanted to completely ignore the woman sitting opposite him.However, the picture of Chen Qiran and Fan Geting's intimacy on TV at that time still stayed in his mind. Now, the couple on TV is in front of him, and he has no way to ignore them no matter what, let alone ignore them.

After eating a small bowl of rice, He Zihan left the dining table.

Usually, he and Chen Qiran would clean up the dishes together after eating. Because of Fan Geting's presence, He Zihan took his own dishes to the kitchen and put them in the sink.

No matter whether Chen Qiran wants to wash the dishes by himself or use the dishwasher, he will see it.

Then he went back to his room, locked the door and moved the coffee table over to the door - even if Chen Qiran had a chance, he couldn't easily come in from the outside.

Lying in bed trying to get a good night's sleep, only to find that I don't feel like sleeping at all.

He hated Chen Qiran getting involved with women, no matter who or what kind of person she was, no matter whether Chen Qiran had feelings for her or not, He Zihan didn't want to see her.

He gave Chen Qiran his whole body and mind because that was the person he wanted to spend his life with.

Chen Qiran is his only lover, the only bond he has in this world, He Zihan can't imagine what would happen to him if Chen Qiran really got together with a woman.

Although he knew in his heart that he should think more about Chen Qiran, most of the time he couldn't help himself, and he also had his own difficulties.However, with these difficulties, why can't he be vaccinated first?

Why do you have to let him feel it a little bit by himself?

The incident in Paris back then was a poisonous thorn in He Zihan's heart.

Chen Qiran did give a very detailed explanation. Maybe he and Fan Geting were really fine as he said.However, the injuries at that time had already left permanent scars, making He Zihan feel pain every time he touched similar things.

Half an hour ago, he was still at the school gate telling Lu Senyang not to visit him again.

He thought about Chen Qiran so much, he didn't want Chen Qiran to be unhappy because of his momentary negligence.

That person Chen Qiran always kept things in his heart, he was unwilling to speak out, and always endured everything silently by himself.He Zihan knew that he had already tightened up the use and oppression of the old lady of the Chen family, and he couldn't bear Chen Qiran to be sad because of him anymore.

The sentence that blurted out at that time - "But loving someone is not because he is better than anyone else! I like him only because he is him." Looking back now, He Zihan himself was a little surprised.

The secret buried in his heart was revealed in front of Lu Senyang defenselessly.How many times has he met Lu Senyang?I can't even say I know him well or know him well, I can only say that he is very attractive.If he hadn't held unreasonable thoughts about him, He Zihan knew that he would be willing to make that friend.

But he never thought that when he returned home happily because he finally got rid of Lu Senyang, he would see Fan Geting and Chen Qiran coming out of the kitchen together.

Even though they didn't do anything, even though they were childhood sweethearts, it was quite normal for Fan Geting to watch while Chen Qiran was cooking.

But there was no way to calm down that kind of sad mood.

Until this time, He Zihan remembered that when he was in Paris, he never asked Chen Qiran clearly what his plans were for the future. !

He didn't answer at all whether he would marry Fan Geting or any other woman who would bring him great benefits.

And this is the root of He Zihan's fear all along.

He was afraid that one day they would not be able to bear the strange eyes of the world and the pressure of public opinion; he was afraid that the terrible old lady in Chen Qiran's family would force him to marry someone else before Chen Qiran was powerful enough; Really with another woman for some reason...

Leaving aside, let's take this Fan Geting who is at home now as an example. Her existence made He Zihan feel extremely terrified.There is really no comparison between myself and Fan Geting.

It's not that He Zihan is blindly inferior in his heart, but the reality is like this.Because Fan Geting is a woman, a woman who is beautiful, has a family background, and has known Chen Qiran for more than ten years.

And what about myself?What's the point of being missed by Chen Qiran for eleven or twelve years?

After all, he is just a gay man who can't see the light.

That's it.

No matter how desperately he tries to catch up with Chen Qiran, even if he really becomes a man who can stand at the same height as Chen Qiran in the future, he still cannot compare with Fan Geting.

She's a woman, and that alone is enough to win.

He Zihan stared blankly at the ceiling, never felt that the future was so dark.

He used to think that he and Chen Qiran could really have a future as Xia Mingyuan said.

Now it seems that he was wrong, wrong outrageously.Why do they have a future?Just relying on that meager love that can't take any blows? !Or is it Chen Qiran's persistence, or his own refusal to back down?

But all of this is useless.

The road ahead suddenly became cloudy, and those bright and cheerful thoughts before were also wiped out.

He couldn't see the future, there was such a big gap between him and Chen Qiran.Even if he intends to work hard with him, there may not be good results.

He Zihan knew that he couldn't accept things that had no consequences even after trying his best.

The feeling of giving everything and still having nothing, he didn't want to try, and he didn't want to try at all.

The uneasiness after returning from Paris completely exploded from the moment he entered the door and saw the pair of high heels.

It was as if a huge iron block had been stuffed in my heart, which was so heavy that I couldn't relax; every time my heart beat, I felt pain all over my body.This kind of pain like some kind of disease made He Zihan uncomfortable, he was so sad that he wanted to groan, he wanted to call Chen Qiran and tell him that he was really suffering.

But he can't!

He can't do anything, he can't scream or cry, and he can't be cowardly.He knew that he needed to have a good talk with Chen Qiran, about the future, about marriage, about women...

Every question gave He Zihan a headache. He originally thought that it was a problem that he had to face after graduating from university, but it was brought forward many years, which made him at a loss.

He could only try his best to calm down his mood so that the beating heart in his left chest would not hurt so much.

He Zihan didn't realize that his own eye sockets were moist.Two teardrops slid down his cheeks and fell into his black hair without even him noticing.

It was already April, but He Zihan was lying in bed until 01:30, his hands and feet were still cold.