Alien Office

When I walked into the flower shop, I was carrying a bag of soybean milk in my left hand and a bag of milk in my right hand.

"Soymilk or milk?" I asked Qin Que.

Qin Que was reading the gossip newspaper. He once explained to me seriously that he was trying to find out the movements of the aliens from the gossip - I didn't even believe a single punctuation mark.He always uses very serious words to cover up his personal preferences. For example, when he doesn’t want to see me disgusting him with a loli face, he will tell me very seriously that lolicon is only for immature men. Boring fantasy.

I can only roll my eyes at this: When a gay guy doesn't reflect on his sexuality and instead starts pointing fingers at another lolicon's same-sex interests, he's in love with the damn lolicon.

The "ashamed and angry" Qin Que took my head as a target.

A wise man is always so vulnerable to mobs.

In the end he took the milk, and the soy milk was snatched by Crazy Yang, I looked at my boss innocently: "Take care of your man."

Qin Que handed me a can of starch, and I sat on the armrest of Qin Que's sofa and leaned over to read the newspaper, then kept pointing on his newspaper with my starch-stained hand.

"I thought hygiene was a basic rule known to mankind." Qin Que said expressionlessly.

"For humans, probably yes. But do you expect a guy who has no immune system and ignores all germs to get sick due to infection?" I looked at Crazy Yang, he found a hard sesame seed from under the sofa cushion, I chewed it with relish, I'm not sure how long it has been stored, but judging from Liang Rui's expression, its production date is a mystery, and the shelf life is even more suspicious.

The leisure time will never be too long. At ten o'clock, Liang Rui received a request from those nail households for help. The reason was that they participated in the latest dance competition, trying to perform what is called an alien robot dance to the people on earth, and the result was overwhelming. Surprisingly, the audience is very curious about their dazzling and precise dance as programmed and how to maintain rigid movements and machine-like accents. There are already companies ready to sign contracts with them-this group of crazy humans!

Crazy Yang looked at his biscuits with despairing eyes: "Don't tell me that this group of guys who can't walk like humans until now will become stars who often hang around on TV!"

I blew the whistle: "Their managers must be crazy. Because these guys always have an unusual interest in drinking gasoline and honking, walk like zombies, look like dead people, and like to make their own homes A fortress of machines. But what is worth celebrating is that they can fly to their destinations with their agent driving the vehicle transformed from their own body after encountering a traffic jam."

Liang Rui smiled bitterly: "I'll ask the headquarters for an answer."

Qin Que pointed to a piece of news in the newspaper, which was about the recently popular dance talent team—Silicon Stars.It's a name so damn straightforward that it makes you cry.

"It's still good to read gossip newspapers." He plausibly told me.

I was deaf.

&&&

In the afternoon, Qin Que and I went to serve a hydrophobic alien friend.

"I'm afraid of water." He held his face and looked at the half glass of water in the glass in pain, "Every time I drink water, I feel like I'm going to die, but you humans drink water every day, especially Females actually need to drink seven glasses of water a day!"

For a silicon-based creature, water is an instinctive fear.

Because for silicon-based life, the initial evolution is extremely repellent to water, and the silicon chain is extremely easy to break in water, while carbon-based life does not have such troubles, although when silicon-based life forms from the initial group of similar Evolved from liquid rock and fiberglass forms to Transformers - well, that's just one way of evolution, more silicon-based life forms are not as interested in mechanical civilizations as humans - after that they don't So afraid of water, after all, their artificial body is a strong rust-proof alloy, not a silicon chain that is afraid of water.

"Honey, now you have a human body," I say to the terrified silicon-based creature, which has been taken to the hospital for the third time with dehydration.

"I hate your human body, it's too heat intolerant."

I shrugged my shoulders: "The people of Ravenlaus must have something in common with you. It also likes to burn itself."

"My home planet is a magma ocean and a floating warm continent. It is a warm and warm world, not like the earth-I dare not go out every time the weather forecast rains. The water that falls from the sky is simply ours. nightmare!"

I think I can understand it, if I go to a planet, and the living habit of this planet is to sleep by the fire every day to keep warm, and when I go out, I often encounter fire and rain in the sky, and I have to drink seven or eight times hot water every day The magma, I will probably go crazy too.

"So, you haven't showered for a few days?" Qin Que, who had a stinky face since he entered the door, finally couldn't help asking.

The silicon-based creature was stunned for a moment: "If you mean washing your body with water instead of soaking in magma, it started when I came to Earth."

"I think it is necessary for my clients to overcome their weakness of fear of water. Especially when you live on a planet where three-fifths of the area is water." Qin Que said seriously.

As his partner, I think I understand what he means.I get out of my chair, shrug my shoulders, offer a little sympathy for the poor silicon-based creature who knows nothing about its fate, and start filling the brand new bathtub.

"You, what are you going to do?" The silicon-based creature outside the door screamed in horror.

I grimaced and said to it after draining the water, "Do what love does."

"Leave the earth and return to the parent planet?" Silicon-based organisms boldly guessed.

I smiled and shook my head.

"Swim in lava?"

Qin Que sneered.

"Then...then what are you going to do?"

Qin Que put on his gloves, picked up the silicon-based creature covered with human skin, and strode towards the bathroom. The silicon-based creature struggled desperately and screamed for help. I watched it gloatingly until it was thrown into the bathroom. A bathtub filled with cold water.

"Ah, I'm going to die! It's terrible, oh no! I hate the earth, I hate humans, I hate water!" Then there was a series of curses in an unknown planetary language.

"It's a cosmic mistake that it came to Earth," I murmured.

"It should have been billions of years ago when the earth was still rolling magma and countless volcanoes erupted unscrupulously. The earth has passed puberty. It's a pity." Qin Quepi said with a smile.

This is the evolution of a passionate rock and roll youth into a gentle married man--Earth.

Half an hour later, the wailing silicon-based creature finally turned into a sob. It said tremblingly, "Can I come out? The magma here is so cold."

"I think even a three-year-old human child knows the difference between magma and cold water. I suggest you soak for another half an hour to experience the difference." Qin Que said coldly, his eyes were as if you were not served by cold water. posture.

Silicon-based organisms succumbed.

Even if the universe is destroyed, the creatures on this planet will not be able to occupy the earth, because as long as it rains, they will cry to their parents and want to go home. To them, the earth is really a terrible planet.This is the best friend of the earth. It is recommended that people on the earth take a bottle of water with them for self-defense in addition to heat insulation when they travel. Excellent tool.

After leaving the home of silicon-based organisms, Qin Que and I were in a good mood. There was still some time before get off work, and I began to instigate Qin Que to leave early with me: "I think we should go out and eat something together."

When the car ran into a red light, Qin Que stopped the car and took a look at me: "You can decide what you want to eat by yourself."

That's right, I am a mobile food bank, with all kinds of tastes, any foodie who meets me will be ecstatic and ask for support.

The afternoon sun shines in through the one-way glass, facing Qin Que's face with sharp edges and corners, and his eyes always reveal a kind of... loneliness that I can't understand.

He shouldn't be alone, I thought, and then I went up to kiss the corner of the driver's mouth against the driver's wishes.

As long as it is my own appearance, he will hardly refuse my occasional intimacy.He looked at me like he was making some sort of decision.

Then he kissed me back, a very polite kiss, not like a lover between lovers, but more like a courtesy.

"You can be more enthusiastic, you should..." I thought about the words to encourage him, and after racking my brain, I had to say, "The kind of enthusiasm that should make the other party's lips swell."

Qin Que responded to my suggestion with his "enthusiasm"—take me to eat Sichuan cuisine.

It turned out he came back with a swollen tongue and I didn't respond.

August [-]th

Task: Solve the problem of hydrophobia for the Nero Stars

Address: No. 10, Building 419, District [-], Third Ring Road, West District, H City

Subject: Niloids (silicon-based fiberglass organisms)

Completion: 100%

Note: Although our method is so simple and crude, I don't think there is anything wrong with my whip education for stubborn creatures. PS: This is a planet that can be conquered as long as you bring enough water.The way they look at water always makes me feel like a terrorist with an antimatter charge.