Chang'an ancient meaning

Since Wu Linglan came down from the Guanque Tower that day, she was too weak to get up.Xue Chongjian invited a doctor to have a look, and told him that Wu Linglan was showing signs of exhaustion.Xue Chongjian was startled and angry, and only said that the doctor was alarmist, and shouted: "My wife is only in her twenties, how dare you use such ominous words!" It should have been about a year since Wu Linglan's redness persisted, but she hadn't been cured, and she was in a bad mood, which led to the loss of both Qi and blood. Don't worry, you can ask another doctor to come and feel the pulse again.After the doctor finished speaking, he asked Xue Chongjian in disbelief: "Don't you know this lady's illness?"

Xue Chongjian remorsefully just wanted to punch herself unconscious, and when she woke up, she could see Wu Linglan sitting beside him with a hint of concern.He was selfish, he had been cared for by her, but he never thought that she would be tired or sick; he watched over the mourning of his mother, and slept on thatch of grass for a year, but never thought about how Wu Linglan spent the long night. passed.He pushed his wife away with his own hands, and this time it was finally his turn to taste the taste of retribution.

Xue Chongjian paid a lot of money to invite many famous doctors in Puzhou City, and they said that the same as the first doctor, all the prescriptions were for nourishing blood and nourishing qi, but there was no cure, the doctors all said that they did their best.Wu Linglan fell ill this time, and finally exhausted all her efforts. The previously silent weakness suddenly turned into a monster with teeth and claws to fight back, and she didn't even have the strength to pretend.In the past two years, she has eaten countless things such as ginseng, deer fetus, donkey-hide gelatin, and Shouwu. She sometimes wonders whether the blood in her body has been drained, and she lives only on the potion. Even I feel scared.

A pair of those precious medicinal materials cost gold, and fortunately they brought some furniture when they came to Puzhou, and they filled all the medicine jars in the past two years.Sometimes Xue Chongjian rode a horse into the forest to shoot deer, and used the deer blood as medicine for Wu Linglan.It seems that wild deer blood in the mountains is better. After taking the medicine, Wu Linglan will feel better for a while, and she is willing to let Xue Chongjian carry her to the courtyard to see their little garden.

At this time, Xue Chongjian would have a strong hope in his heart, hoping that she would get well soon. He tenderly embraced the woman who was as light as a flying flower in his arms, and silently prayed to the Nine Heavens God and Buddha in his heart. As long as she can survive, he is willing. In exchange for my own life, I am willing to love her well.At this moment, he was unable to distinguish what love was, and what was the difference between his love for Wu Linglan and his longing for Li Chengqi.Now he is a burden to Li Chengqi, and to Wu Linglan, he doesn't know who is supporting who between the two of them.

Wu Linglan could understand the desire to pray in his eyes, every time she came to this time, she would smile slightly and say: "I feel better today." But she felt extremely guilty in her heart, just because she knew that she was lying to him, and she didn't know how to treat lies On the day when everything is exposed, what should she do?

That day Xue Chongjian was feeding Wu Linglan medicine, suddenly Shi Chun staggered in and said in a trembling voice: "Lang Jun, the Supreme Emperor has passed away!"

Xue Chongjian was stunned for a moment, and felt that everything in front of him was a little blurry, especially Wu Linglan's pale face, which seemed to melt into the misty mist.Shi Chun called him again: "Your Majesty!" Xue Chongjian just woke up with a shiver, and said in a daze, "What?" Shi Chun said: "The governor's office has sent an official document, asking all officials in Puzhou to wear plain clothes and go to the governor's office. Cry and pray together." Although he has no feelings for Li Dan, he is still very sad, knowing that the death of the Supreme Emperor will make Xue Chongjian's hope of returning to Chang'an even more slim.

Xue Chongjian gritted his teeth several times, exerted all his strength and said calmly: "I told you, there is no need to open official documents." He handed over the medicine spoon and said, "Drink." But for some reason, his arms trembled violently, and the medicine juice dripped down. When it landed on Wu Linglan, he hated himself in his heart, and went to scoop up another spoonful, but it still couldn't reach Wu Linglan's mouth.Wu Linglan sighed softly, slowly raised her arm, held Xue Chongjian's wrist and said, "Leave it to Yingluo, you don't want to stay here, you can go out for a walk, just as the deer fetus is used up."

Xue Chongjian nodded, handed the medicine bowl to Yingluo who was holding Wu Linglan, changed into plain clothes, carried a bow, arrow and short spear, stepped on his mount and galloped out of the city.He has come to this mountain forest many times in the past, and the road is very familiar, but today it is as if he has entered a dream.It was the time of the scorching heat, and there was no coolness in the mountains and forests. The glaring sunlight shone through the forests coldly, like thousands of needles pricking the skin.He felt oppressed by the pain in his chest, and he couldn't tell the way, so he could only walk up the long mountain road, hoping to get out of this desperate situation.Along the way, he saw many birds and beasts galloping to and fro, no matter how bloody the world was, they still laughed at him with their thriving joy.That little tiger head jumping up and down, will grow into a fierce and strong beast, dominating a mountain forest; that smiling girl in red skirt, I don't know how long he can be with him.

Xue Chongjian also met a running deer, but he never lifted his bow and arrow.He was tortured by too many deaths, numb and exhausted. He only felt that he was just a weak mayfly under the sky, life and death were fiddled with by God, and he was powerless to use his own hands to control life and death.He finally rode his horse to the highest point of this mountain range, got off his horse, and from a distance, the Fen River was like a jade-colored narrow belt, winding towards the mountains. After the mountains, look at the shade of willows in Furong Garden and the cornices of Taiji Palace.I don't know if the city of Chang'an at this moment is like a mighty snowstorm, and the whole body is completely untouched. I don't know if the person at this moment has rushed back to Chang'an. His frail body may be able to withstand the grief of losing his father.

But what he can see is only the beautiful rivers and mountains like glazed jade, like a high wall, trapping him and him inside and outside the wall, their longing and mourning are blocked to death.

He knelt down slowly and kowtowed nine times toward the east.Qing Yucong heard the suppressed sobbing of the master beside him, took a few steps uneasily, and suddenly raised his head to the sky and let out a mournful neigh.A few white cranes perched in the forest flew up with a whoosh. They floated in the blue sky, like some white flaws in jasper, and then disappeared in the depths of the evening clouds.

After Xue Chongjian left, Yingluo still needed to feed the medicine, but Wu Linglan shook her head and said, "I won't drink it anymore, you take it out and pour it quietly, don't tell the gentleman." Yingluo said: "The doctor said, the lady's medicine will last for one day. It can't be stopped, what can I do if I don't drink it. If my wife is afraid of hardship, I will add some sugar." Wu Linglan smiled shyly, the suffering of life, what else is she afraid of?She said softly: "I added sugar, the medicine is still medicine, why lie to myself. Sister, please help me once, I really don't want to drink anymore." After she finished speaking, she closed her eyes and remained silent, as if she was asleep Normally, even though Yingluo was in a hurry, she had to let her do it once.

Unexpectedly, since that day, Wu Linglan has been resolutely refusing to take another sip of medicine, and she only said that she was sick and had no appetite, and that she didn't eat any grains of rice.No matter how much Xue Chongjian begged, she always smiled lightly, saying that she had taken all the medicines she should have taken in the past two years, and it didn't seem to be of any benefit. It would be better to let her feel comfortable for a few days, so as to avoid the trouble of suffering twice a day.As soon as she stopped taking the medicine, her condition took a turn for the worse, and she fell into a coma for half of the day. Xue Chongjian stood by her couch, looking at her glaring white face, and seemed to be able to see the soul flowing away from her body bit by bit.He didn't know any other way to save her. In the past, he always felt that he had infinite courage, and the imperial power and destiny could be reversed by his own strength.But facing the woman in front of him, apart from a pair of empty fists and two lines of tears, he didn't know what else he had left.

That day when Wu Linglan woke up, her mind seemed to be clearer, but she was rarely seen without Xue Chongjian. Seeing her wake up, Yingluo took the medicine cup with a glimmer of hope, and begged with sobs: "Miss, take a sip. These few days The weather is hot every day, and the deer blood taken three days ago is no longer good, and the man went to shoot the deer for his wife again. My lady, why do you make him sad when the man treats you like this, just take a sip."

Wu Linglan shook her head lightly, and said with a faint smile: "Sister, drink this, but hang your life for a few more days, and I will suffer. I don't have much time, so I might as well tell you the truth. Mr. Lang has a person who haunts his dreams, and at this time I am attending a funeral in Chang'an. If I die at this time, he will send my coffin back to Chang'an for burial, and I can still see that person, so I am happy in my heart. I want you to serve me..."

Yingluo cried: "The man whose soul haunts your dreams is my wife, please stop thinking about it." Wu Linglan smiled faintly again, she felt that she had some strength in her body, and she seemed to see a light in front of her eyes, then she calmed down and said softly: "Good sister, I haven't bathed for a few days, and I feel really uncomfortable. Can you fetch water to wipe me off?" Yingluo was taken aback, looking at Wu Linglan in a daze, Wu Linglan nodded slightly, Yingluo suddenly came to her senses, and cried bitterly.

Wu Linglan sighed and said: "Come on, my husband will be back soon, I don't want him to see me like this, I used to be not like this..." Yingluo got up while crying, and boiled hot water for Wu Linglan. Wash your body and hair.Ying Luo was pulling her bun, Xue Chongjian had already opened the door and came in, looking at the scene in a daze, Wu Linglan smiled lightly and said: "Oh, you are not allowed to see it now." Although her face was as white as snow, she seemed to reply when she smiled. After losing her former charm and beauty, Xue Chongjian felt a resounding sound in his heart, rushed forward to hold her hand, and said in a trembling voice, "Alan!"

Wu Linglan saw her hand lying in his palm, which was also skinny and dry, she sighed softly in her heart, and said with a smile: "You are back, so help me out and bring me my dowry." Xue Chongjian didn't know whether it was pain or joy, At this moment, she felt that the person in front of her was as fragile as a thin piece of colored glaze, so she didn't dare to disobey her, so she lifted her dressing table case and put it on the couch.She hadn't dressed since she fell ill, and there was already a thick layer of dust on the dowry, so Xue Chongjian had to wipe it clean first, Wu Linglan thought to herself, the dust on the jade mirror table is like people's wishful thinking, and it doesn't reach the moment when the jade fragments sink. No matter how you wipe it, it must not be clean.

Wu Linglan couldn't sit up, so she said with a smile, "I'll trouble you for a while." When they first got married, Xue Chongjian sometimes made her angry, and when he wanted to coax her, he would hold the mirror and kneel on her makeup bed to fill the mirror.Hearing these words again here and now, he felt that his heart had been ripped out completely, and he silently held the mirror and knelt beside her.Wu Linglan didn't look in the mirror for many days, only to see that the person in the mirror was already in shape, with two cheekbones protruding, but the scar on the forehead became more and more obvious.

Yingluo put on powder and makeup for Wu Linglan, painted her eyebrows light yellow, Wu Linglan was a little dazed, and asked Xue Chongjian in a low voice: "Yue Huang can imitate the moon, cut gold and make stars... Who wrote this? I don't remember anything. At this time, Xue Chongjian's heart was also in a state of pain. After sorting it out for a long time, Fang slowly said: "It's Xiao Gang's article on beauties. The beauties are full of affection, and the most famous is the romantic. About Huang Neng Xiaoyue, tailoring gold to make stars. Fen Guangsheng Jade is beautiful, the shirt is thin like a cicada. The dense state follows the shameful face, and the delicate song follows the soft voice. Zhu Yan is half drunk, and the smile hides the fragrant screen." Wu Ling smiled slightly, and she evened her rouge at this moment, and this smile was like clouds The flying noodles are infinitely beautiful, as if looking at her through the firelight that day.She asked in a low voice: "Is this what I look like now?" Xue Chongjian was so choked up that he couldn't speak, and could only nod his head heavily.

Wu Linglan said in a low voice: "The last layer is Huazi." Yingluo pulled out the last drawer according to her words, and saw a small gold basket with treasured mother-of-pearl and pearls in a gilt letter, the size of a walnut, but the surface was covered with golden millet, precious stones and pearls. Surround the petals.She opened it and saw that inside was a stack of flower tines made of emerald green feathers and gold foil, as thin as cicada's wings.Wu Linglan said in a low voice: "Many years ago, I don't know if fish gelatin can still be used." Xue Chongjian put down the mirror stand, took the gold box, took out a piece, brought it to his mouth, and used the tip of his tongue to moisten the back of the flower tin As soon as he loosened his clenched teeth, he felt tears streaming into his mouth, his mouth full of saltiness, he used these hot tears to melt the isinglass, and gently stuck it on Wu Linglan's cheeks and the scar on her forehead.

Wu Linglan's arm moved, trying to help him wipe away the tears, but in the end she was powerless, she just smiled and said, "In the next life, if you meet a woman with a scar on her forehead, you must avoid it." Xue Chongjian hugged Wu Linglan into her arms, Choked up and said: "I beg you, don't go, I only have you left!" Wu Linglan said with a light smile: "Let me be selfish for a while, of the two of us, one of us will eventually send the other away, I don't have the energy to look at you Let's go, I will leave this hard work to you. You said that I am your wife. After I die, you must send me back to Chang'an and bury me in your Xue family's ancestral grave. Don't cry, don't cry, You are not handsome when you cry. I saw you, smiling at me on the wall, with colorful faces, so beautiful..." Her voice gradually sank, and the golden light on her cheeks shone like a beauty. Still smiling.

The wife of Biejia Xue Chongjian in Puzhou died of illness. Because she was not buried in Puzhou, the coffin was placed in Pujiu Temple for storage. Waiting for the emperor's approval, the spirit can be sent to Beijing.Xue Chongjian also lived in the temple to guard the spirit. Every time he came here, he mourned for his relatives. He only felt that the name was very teasing, and how many people were saved.

That night, the old servant Shi Chun walked in hunched over. Only one candle was still burning in the hall, and the wax tears wrapped the bronze wax pestle layer by layer. Xue Chongjian sat on a bamboo mat, his eyes in the shadows were like is closed.Shi Chun felt a sharp pain in his heart, knelt down and called out in a low voice: "Mr. Lang!"

Xue Chongjian, who was in meditation, just opened his eyes, but did not answer. Shi Chun lowered his head and put down a food box, fiddled with some dishes of soup cakes, and muttered: "Their vegetarian meals here don't have straw mushrooms or green onions, and the clear soup is sparse. For water, the old slave went down the mountain to buy it once, and those monks are not allowed to use green onions—I have been entangled for a while, is the gentleman hungry?"

Xue Chongjian hasn't felt hungry in the past few days, but he just took a few bites when the food was delivered, and he couldn't remember it when no one delivered it.He looked at Shi Chun carefully, and after arriving in Puzhou, the old man became thinner and thinner. He worked hard all day long, making him look even more decrepit.The skin on his face was loose and wrinkled, and the deep black wrinkles were carved like a knife. The collarbone was exposed on the collar, and the sharp joints seemed to be in danger of piercing the skin.When he lowered his head, he revealed an ugly scar on the back of his neck, which burrowed into the green clothes like an earthworm.Xue Chongjian suddenly had a thought, recalled the past, and stretched out his hand to stroke it.

Shi Chun flickered back in surprise, Wen Shan looked at his master Lang in bewilderment, and said in surprise: "Mr. Lang!"

Xue Chongjian said: "I got this scar with a horsewhip, right? It hasn't healed for many years? Haven't you ever applied medicine to treat it?" Shi Chun grinned in embarrassment, touched the back of his neck and said with a smile: "This old slave How can you be so precious." Xue Chongjian said apologetically, "I was in a bad mood that time, so I should pay you for it. Hua Nu has been naughty since childhood, so please bear with me." Shi Chun hurriedly waved his hands and said: " What the lord said, the old slave, the old slave knows..." He glanced at Xue Chongjian carefully, probably because he was not used to talking so close to the master, and lowered his head again.That whipping was the same as when Xue Chongjian lost his temper that year because of Cui Shi and Li Chengqi's awkwardness.

Xue Chongjian said: "Everyone else has gone, why don't you go?" Shi Chun said in a low voice: "Your Majesty can't be left alone to serve, not to mention, after a while, the god who will help the lady go back, even though the slave is too old to be able to use it. , but it’s better than those people in the government office.” Xue Chongjian thought of the edict that forbade him to return to Beijing, smiled bitterly in his heart, and said, “No need, where is your family, do you have children?”

Shi Chun grinned, showing a comfortable expression for the first time and said: "Mr. Lang forgot that the granddaughter of the old slave was the same age as Mr. Lang. That year, he led Wanquan county master to play, and the county master knocked on the garden. On the stone railing of my son, there is a scar on my forehead!" Xue Chongjian said: "I don't remember..." Suddenly there seemed to be a little golden light flashing in front of his eyes, and he couldn't continue.

Shi Chundao: "The son-in-law saw the old slave's daughter-in-law beating her granddaughter, and not only pardoned the little girl, but also rewarded her with a piece of brocade to make new clothes, except for her slave status. Now she is married to Luoyang Shangshanfang A cake seller, the old man's son and daughter-in-law have lived with her." Xue Chongjian nodded and said: "It's hard for you to give up your family and live with me in this place for three years. You go back, I will ask Biejiafu to give you a car , and send two more servants to see you off, and let them walk more slowly on the road."

Shi Chun opened his eyes wide and said: "Young Lord is still here, how can this old slave go back! Sir, do you want to go back to Luoyang too? You are no longer an official?"

Xue Chongjian didn't answer him, but her heart felt sore and irritable, and she didn't want people to make noise in front of her, so she said: "I'll talk about it after I go down the mountain in a few days, you go and rest first."

Shi Chun didn't dare to disturb him, so he kowtowed silently and got up, not at ease in the end, and said: "Mr. Lang should use some food anyway. The old slave watched them clean up, and they are all clean." Xue Chongjian had already closed his eyes, so Shi Chun had no choice but to Sighing and going to open the door, Xue Chongjian suddenly called out: "Ah Weng!"

Shi Chun trembled all over, holding the door tremblingly, Xue Chongjian stood up, walked in front of him, took out the small gold letter from the belt around his waist, Xue Chongjian opened it, and the gold leaf flower tines inside shone under the light The flickering flickering, a sense of desolation and despair welled up in his heart again, he closed the box, stuffed it into Shi Chun's hand and said: "This is left by our wife, you can take it back to your granddaughter."

Shi Chun didn't dare to ask for it, he pushed and said: "This is too precious, the old slave can't take it, besides, it is the lady's belongings, the gentleman should keep it for thought." Xue Chongjian smiled lightly, and held Shi Shi tightly. With a rough hand, he said: "Everything has its destination. This flower tin must be pasted to the cheek by a young woman, so that it is worthwhile for the craftsman to carve a job, and leave it here to waste everything. I never treated her well in life. After death Why bother showing it to others, if you want to read it or not, it’s not in this box, you can take it.”

Shi Chun looked at him for a long time, and finally plucked up the courage to say in a trembling voice: "Your Majesty, when you return to Chang'an, you can go to King Song..." He suddenly remembered that Li Chengqi's title had been changed, and changed his words: "...His Royal Highness King Ning, he After all, he treats you well, in fact, he came to look for you two years ago, the day you went to Guanque Tower."

Xue Chongjian's heart was as cold as water, but he couldn't help but raise his head in surprise when he heard this. He vaguely remembered that when he came back that day, he seemed to see a group of people in the distance. Was that him?His lips still trembled uncontrollably, and then he smiled indifferently: "Now that the Supreme Emperor has passed away, he must have a hard time under Li Longji's eyes, so why should I push him to burden him?" Shi Chun called the emperor like this, just He was so frightened that he gasped, and was about to persuade him, Xue Chongjian had turned around and returned to the mat, picked up his white silk shirt that was missing his hips, sat down and closed his eyes in silence.

Shi Chun stood quietly at the door for a moment, the words just now made him feel anxious out of nowhere, staring blankly at Xue Chongjian's cold jade-like face in the flickering candlelight.Those ink-stained eyebrows, the corners of the mouth slightly pursed, still can't get rid of the astonishingly handsome and compelling aura of youth.It seemed that as soon as he opened his eyes, a slightly frivolous smile would emerge from the corner of his mouth, and the brilliance in his eyes could illuminate the darkness in front of him.He waited for a while, but Xue Chongjian remained motionless like an old monk in meditation. He suddenly remembered that during the year or two when Xue Shaolin's accident happened, he often carried this kind of quiet old spirit on his body, and felt a pain in his heart again. With wet eyes, he gently closed the door.

Xue Chongjian sat all night, and then even the candle was put out, and his eyes sank into a blank darkness.He heard the rustling of the grass and trees outside the window swayed by the wind, as if someone was whispering to himself in the dark night.He heard the patter of water from the clear spring behind the temple, not in a hurry, but bit by bit, it made me sad.He heard the high and low singing in the house, and he heard the night bell coming from a mountain forest temple somewhere, just like the bell in Chang'an Taiji Palace, it seemed to be lingering around him around mountains and rivers, as if it had been a lifetime ago.

He heard many voices and thought many things.The wife who couldn’t enter the soil, the younger sister who was forced to become a monk in Luoyang, the father, mother, uncle, elder brother, and younger brothers who are no longer alive, and of course, Li Chengqi in Chang’an City.The boundary between the living and the dead was blurred by the darkness, accompanied by endless night bells, flashing before his eyes.I don't know how long it took before he heard a cock crowing, and after a while, cock crowing and birds chirping and chirping sounded from near and far. For the entire Tang Dynasty, it will begin to spend a calm and complicated day in the sun.It's just that when the first ray of morning light shone through the window, he suddenly felt a silent emptiness inside his chest. He couldn't remember what he heard or thought that night, and the past night disappeared like morning dew in the morning light.