Chang'an ancient meaning

That day Li Chengqi and Xue Chongjian were both drowsy and had a fever. In the middle of the night, Xue Chongjian suddenly heard someone calling "Huanu" in his sleep, and he woke up suddenly. In the night, it is like a solitary star, shining with a cold luster, and like a large teardrop shining with light.

At this time, there was a low voice: "Mother".He woke up too quickly, and his mind was empty instead. He couldn't figure out where he was, whether it was the person in the dream or who was speaking, and he felt that the sound aroused infinite sourness in his heart.Twelve curved screens surround the bed into a narrow and spacious little world. There is no one on the left and right, but the monotonous and silent sound of rain can be heard outside.He suddenly became frightened, and just about to turn over, when he turned slightly to his side, a sharp pain like a knife on his buttocks made him ouch.Just at this moment, the voice called again in a low voice: "Huanu."

Princess Taiping, who was sleeping next to Xue Chongjian, was also awakened by him, and hurriedly asked: "Huanu, what's the matter?" Xue Chongjian then realized that his mother was by his side. After taking a deep sniff, he really smelled the unique fragrance of phoenix marrow on his mother's body. Daganan's eyes turned sore and he shouted, "Cousin! My cousin is awake!"

The drowsy night watchman and the imperial physician were awakened by him, and hurriedly opened the screen and came up to check. Xue Chongjian pointed to a bed opposite, and said anxiously: "My cousin is awake, I want to go over!" He moaned intermittently for half the night, and got up several times. Hearing what he said, he hurriedly got out of bed to check for himself. He saw that a servant had just put on a cold water veil, and replaced the veil that was stuck on Li Chengqi's forehead. Li Chengqi was burned. His lips were parched, but his eyes were closed.Comforting his son, he said: "Feng Nu is talking in her sleep, it's okay, just sleep well."

The imperial doctor also said: "Your Majesty is a nightmare with a high fever, and he can't wake up for a while." Seeing that it was the person who gave him medicine during the day, Xue Chongjian was so angry that he wanted to hit him again, and said angrily: "I heard my cousin call Me! You idiot doctor, if you don’t let me go, I’ll let my mother dismiss you from office!” Seeing that he was still so arrogant in his serious illness, the imperial doctor just sighed in his heart. The parents of doctors are meant to be feared by patients. This royal courtyard should be so servile in front of a child.

Taiping was so troubled by him that he had to let a servant carefully carry him to Li Chengqi's bed. The imperial doctor moved a lamp closer, and Li Chengqi's pale face was covered with a thin layer of luster like a golden veil.Xue Chongjian subconsciously wanted to grab Li Chengqi's hand, but saw that the joints of his hand beside the pillow were still bruised and bruised, and felt extremely distressed, so she gently held the back of his hand and called out, "Cousin, I am a flower slave." .”

Taiping sighed, stroked Xue Chongjian's back and said: "Good boy, mother will tell you when Feng Nu wakes up, you go back first..."

Before she finished speaking, she suddenly saw Li Chengqi's eyebrows frowned slightly, as if he was struggling with some kind of force, his lips trembled for a moment, and he called again "Huanu." Xue Chongjian hurriedly called out: "Cousin! I'm here. "He carried Li Chengqi out of the judge's courtyard, teetering on the verge of life and death several times, and finally heard him call out, all the pain and fright in the middle shattered in these two words, and wept with joy: "How are you, cousin? ? You don't want to faint anymore."

Li Chengqi was struggling to open his eyes. Just as he felt a little light in his pupils, he suddenly saw a tear of Xue Chongjian illuminated by the light, like a bright moon hanging in the western sky on a spring night, clean and bright as if carved out of exquisite crystals. It landed lightly on his cheek with a thud.The pain all over his body was instantly awakened by this drop of warm tears, and it was like spring water pouring into the dry and cracked land, injecting life into his blood and starting to flow again. Although the pain was so intense, it made people feel the kindness and mercy of God.

Li Chengqi called out again weakly: "Flower slave." Xue Chongjian carefully squeezed his hands slightly, choked up and said, "I am here." Li Chengqi's eyes moved slowly on Xue Chongjian's face and body, and said in a low voice: "You, you Injury?" His weak voice surprised even himself.

Xue Chongjian wiped away tears with the back of his hand and said, "It's okay, it's just that my butt hurts..." He saw Taiping give him a glare, remembered what the imperial doctor said to reassure Li Chengqi, and hurriedly said: "Grandma forgive me, and I also forgive you , a man named An Jinzang cut himself open with a knife in order to avenge his uncle's grievances. Grandma was moved and knew that his uncle was wronged—that An Jinzang had never died, and the imperial doctor put his intestines back. He also used mulberry bark as thread to sew it up, and he woke up in half a day."

Li Chengqi was in a daze and couldn't figure out how many twists and turns and how tragic Xue Chongjian's words contained. He pursed his chapped lips, and said in a low voice: "Aunt, my mother?" Taiping felt sore, and said softly: "Amitabha, Just wake up, and I will help you to investigate your mother's matter slowly. Now that the anger in the family has calmed down, you and your father are out of danger. Your father is very worried about you, so you need to take care of yourself quickly." Li Chengqi silently Staring at Aunt Xiang and Hua Nu for a moment, she slowly closed her eyes again.It turned out that after all, he and his mother were separated from each other. He lost the opportunity to accompany his mother underground and returned to this world. He didn't know whether he should be happy or disappointed.A line of teardrops slowly slipped from the corners of his eyes, slid across the bridge of his nose, and fell on the shiny porcelain pillow, and quietly slipped in through a incense hole.

Xue Chongjian couldn't see the tear, but felt it flowed into his heart, knowing that he couldn't bear the double pain of losing his mother and not being able to bury her, so he called out: "Cousin." She didn't know what to say to comfort him, so she could only lightly Gently wiped away the tears on his face, paused, and said again: "Cousin."

Taiping took the bowl himself, and fed Li Chengqi two sips of honey water. Seeing that he closed his eyes again and remained still, he whispered to Xue Chongjian: "My cousin is asleep, you go back to sleep." Xue Chongjian shook his head and said, "I will Sleep here with him." Taiping persuaded him: "Feng Nu is hurt." Xue Chongjian said: "I won't touch him, he hurts, if I promise to call me, he can sleep more peacefully." Taiping looked Looking at his son for a moment, he sighed slightly, and said, "If something happens, you have to call someone." He ordered someone to bring Xue Chongjian's pillow quilt to cover him.

Both the mother and the servant backed away, and Xue Chongjian stared at Li Chengqi's face in the shadow. The cold outline and quiet posture made Xue Chongjian feel that the person sleeping next to him was a jade carving.He remembered that when they were eating yokan that morning, Li Chengqi was amused by him. That smile seemed to have been separated for so many days. General warm smile.

His finger wanted to touch it, he lifted it up a little but put it down again, holding the quilt on his body with patience, his heart was like a mess, he couldn't tell what he was looking forward to and what he was afraid of. He grew up with Li Chengqi since childhood , and have slept and bathed together many times, why now that this person is lying next to him, I dare not even touch him.It seems to know that it is the moon in the water, and when it is touched by hand, it will shatter into nothingness.

He felt that his palms were covered with sweat, and the quilt was soaked, so he called out very softly: "Cousin." He listened intently, but Li Chengqi did not answer, and the drizzle outside the window hit the eaves , hitting on dead wood, hitting on the hanging bell of the iron horse in the porch, the sound of ticking and ding dong matched the more leaking sound in the house, like someone gently plucking jerky strings.

Xue Chongjian once asked why people put such noisy things inside and outside the house.Li Chengqi told him that Emperor Yang of the Sui Dynasty once came to the pond to watch the bamboos, and then they withered. Every time Emperor Yang thought of the sound, he couldn't sleep at night.They made dozens of thin jade dragons and hung them outside the eaves with strands of thread. When they were struck by the wind at night, they were no different from bamboo.He gradually understood that the extreme silence made people feel scared. They are all ordinary people, and they can't live in the empty space without self and form. They always want to fill their hearts with something, even if it is sorrow and longing.It's like making some noises in the night, so that people can know that everything is safe, and they can sleep soundly when they turn over.

He recalled in a trance that, long, long ago, he had listened to this breath and the breathing of the person beside him in the quiet night.Looking back at that time, he also felt that life has been silent since then, and there will be no more noise, but after so many years, they still came over, and there are still bright moon and lotus flowers, willows and spring rain will make people happy.Although the body is so painful, as long as they are alive, there will always be expectations, longings, fears and joys.The iron horse ding-dong with the wind, let people know that the wind is blowing, the shadows of the trees are shaking, and time is passing bit by bit.Just like the wind and rain are like darkness, listening to the sound of rain, thinking about every drop of rain, he is one step closer to himself.

Xue Chongjian's heart gradually settled down. He stretched out his hand and stroked Li Chengqi's face carefully, feeling that his skin was as warm and moist as his own.Xue Chongjian moved his body a little closer to Li Chengqi, remembering the hand that patted him lightly many years ago, he raised his hand and hesitated for a while, but he didn't know where Li Chengqi was not injured, in the end, it was only very light on the back of his hand patting.He closed his eyes contentedly.

In the next few days, Li Chengqi still woke up from time to time with a high fever. The imperial doctor said that he was no longer in danger of life, but the trauma was serious, and he needed to recuperate for a month or two.Taiping was a little relieved, and he couldn't have the supervisor accompany him in the academy every day, leaving a few imperial doctors to take care of him, and he took time to go back to the house to take care of some chores.That evening, she had just returned from the mansion, and before she had entered the academy, she saw her personal female officer frowned and greeted her, saying: "The princess is here, go in and have a look, Your Highness has woken up and is going to sleep on the floor, Lang." You can’t persuade me anyway.” Princess Taiping said in amazement, “What is this for?” The female officer shook her head and said, “I don’t know, he just said that he is a sinner and can’t sleep on the bed anymore.” Princess Taiping suddenly remembered something, Feeling sore in my heart, I sighed: "This child, how can you be so stubborn!"

Taiping entered the Nuan Pavilion, and sure enough, he saw Li Chengqi forcefully propped up half of his body, and Xue Chongjian anxiously grabbed his arm and said, "I know why you are! But there is no rush to be filial. At this moment, you heal your injury, even if I I’ve been sleeping with you for three years!" Li Chengqi’s arm supporting the bed couldn’t shake, he shook his head weakly and said, "I am a guilty body, so I should...be punished..." Taiping waved his hand and ordered the surroundings The attendants all went down, Xue Chongjian hurriedly said: "Mother, please persuade him quickly, his body is cold and hard on the ground, how can he sleep!"

Taiping sat down beside Li Chengqi, supported him and said softly: "My good boy, aunt knows all about your filial piety to sister-in-law." Li Chengqi's lips trembled a few times, a line of tears trickled down, and he said in a low voice: "Wang aunt Complete." Taiping looked at him and said, "There are two obstacles here. Firstly, the Supreme Being did not mourn publicly, so you have to obey the filial piety yourself, and you are suspected of slandering and complaining. This time it all depends on An Jinzang sacrificing his life for the Savior. , if you anger the Supreme again, it will be bad for you and the emperor's heir."

Li Chengqi said with tears: "I know, so I didn't dare to wear mourning. I just asked my aunt to replace my middle coat and this quilt with coarse linen, and give me a straw mat[1], so as to express the meaning of mourning." That's all." Princess Taiping said: "This is the second thing, you have many torture wounds on your body, how can you stand up to the rough hemp? The weather is too cold on the ground, your wind chill has not subsided, it will be worse if you go down. " Seeing that Li Chengqi was crying and silent, she persuaded softly: "Because you love your father as much as you love your mother, your parents only worry about their illness. Your father is still here, can you bear to let him worry about you?"

Xue Chongjian also said: "Yes, my aunt loves you the most. She is in the sky. Only those who are looking forward to your recovery will not care about whether they are in good condition or not." Li Chengqi said in a low voice: "The love of parents is like the sun and the moon. But my son can’t give up respect and filial piety just because of this kindness.” He gritted his teeth and forced to get out of bed as soon as he sat up. Beads of sweat come.Xue Chongjian was taken aback, grabbed him and said, "You don't want to die! Rituals also have scriptures and powers, and filial piety is asking you to trample on your body?"

Li Chengqi looked up at Xue Chongjian, and pulled his sleeves inward very slowly. He was very weak, so he couldn't grab it, but he could see that he had used all his strength.He whispered: "This body was also given by my mother. If I can't even do this bit of the way of the Son of Man, I would rather die immediately."

Xue Chongjian saw that piece of white silk, as smooth as running water, slipping helplessly from his hand little by little, just like the hope in someone's arms who tried hard to hold it but couldn't.He didn't want to repay his kindness, he wanted Li Chengqi to be moved and thanked, he just wanted his cousin to be well, to be with him as before, and to listen to what he had to say.But Li Chengqi has always despised his own life the most, and by the way, despised Xue Chongjian's hard work and concern for him.Xue Chongjian felt as if his chest was blocked by sharp gravel, bit by bit his heart was bleeding profusely, and some facts that he didn't want to admit but always had to face were forced out of the pool of blood.

Perhaps it was Li Chengqi's lowered eyelids that made Xue Chongjian unable to see his eyes clearly, and suddenly opened a distance between the two of them.Maybe it was because the grievances of that day were too deep. Although I was suppressed by worry and fear for a few days, when the opportunity came, I would roll up.Xue Chongjian couldn't help it all of a sudden, his chest heaved a few times, he threw down Li Chengqi's sleeve, and blurted out: "If I knew you were going to die, why would I save you!"

Li Chengqi's hands, which were frozen in mid-air, trembled. His buttocks and legs were so painful that he couldn't exert any strength. He relied on one arm to support him. These words seemed to hit him with a hammer, and all his strength was drained immediately.He sat down with his arms limp, quickly turned his face away, hid his distorted face in the shadows, and said in a low voice, "I'm sorry for you." , with another force in his hand, he immediately fell off the bed.

Xue Chongjian was lying on the bed, looking at Li Chengqi's painful and distressed back, but couldn't think of going to help him - he had clearly pushed him away.That kind of foggy frustration and disappointment was exactly the same as that day when he lay on the ground and watched Li Chengqi approaching from the rain with difficulty and without any recollection.

Princess Taiping was angry and impatient, and reprimanded Xue Chongjian: "You didn't even want to die for him that day, and now you are bickering again?" Then she said: "Feng Nu, you are always obedient, what's the matter today?" Li Chengqi fell on the ground, He gasped for a while before he could speak, and he still said: "I beg my aunt to give me thatch and pillow grass for sleeping, otherwise I will have to return to the mansion if I become a complete tool." Said: "I will follow you."

That night, Li Chengqi slept on the ground with only a straw mat spread out under him.Xue Chongjian got angry with him, slept on the bed by herself, and asked the maid to close the screen, and the two of them didn't speak a word throughout the night.There was still a lamp lit outside, and through the bed curtain, there was only a dimness like moonlight left.Xue Chongjian was lying on the bed, looking out for a long time, the gloomy mountain shadow painted on the mica screen was like a stream of water, vaguely depicted by the faint light, but it was as real as a dream.He seemed to hear the gurgling water, and remembered the screen that Li Chengqi made people erect in the bathing pool when he was a child, and separated them with dreamlike light and shadow like this.Now he finally understood the reason why Li Chengqi hid behind the screen that day. Li Chengqi's pain, shyness, and hidden emotions were wrapped in layers of etiquette and poetry.Back then, he was able to climb ashore and get to Li Chengqi's side without hesitation, but now, he didn't even have the strength to kick the screen away.

Li Chengqi didn't fall asleep either, his leg was so badly injured that he could only lie on his stomach.The whip wound on the chest would not come out on the bed covered with a thick quilt, but when it was moved to the cold and hard floor, the wound would immediately hurt unbearably.He tossed and turned, and even the stick wound on his buttocks and legs started to hurt.He gritted his teeth silently, trying to make his breathing lighter and more even, so as not to wake up Hua Nu, but those quick breaths that resembled moaning still leaked out of his nose quietly.He never imagined that the pain of this sleep was beyond his expectation, and it turned out that staring at the closed screen made his heart and body feel so cold.

Xue Chongjian also clenched his teeth in the darkness and endured it. He blocked his ears, and the sound of the iron horse and the rattle fell into nothingness, but the rapid and difficult breathing became more and more clear.That voice was seared into his mind, many, many years ago, long before he realized it, he remembered that person's happiness carefully, and he couldn't ignore that person's pain, and he was always eager to share it for him, even if The man didn't appreciate it.This is his own wish, just like the sunflowers slanting with the wind, the clear light is next to the mountains.He angrily punched the screen and shouted, "Come on!"

The night guard lady hurriedly opened the screen and said, "Your Majesty, do you want water?" Xue Chongjian said, "Bring me a broken mat, too, and put it on the floor." The maid asked in surprise, "What do you want that thing for?" Xue Chongjian cursed "I want to die, it has nothing to do with you! Hurry up and take it!" The maid wondered, "It's midnight, but where are you going to find it?" Xue Chongjian said angrily, "You can't find it, and you don't have to." I'm back!" The palace maid flinched in fright and had to go out in a hurry, but fortunately the servant who was watching the night outside was also sleeping on the mat, she woke him up, and hurriedly pulled out the mat and came back to spread it on the open space beside Li Chengqi.

When Xue Chongjian looked up and saw several servants looking at him in surprise, he cursed: "You are all dead! Let me go down by myself!" Those servants also couldn't figure out what the Shouchun King and Xue Xiaolang had committed one after another. Sick, put on a good warm bed and don't sleep, insist on sleeping on the floor.But Princess Taiping is not in front of them, none of them can afford to offend this little Tai Sui, at least let him go.He had no choice but to step forward to support Xue Chongjian, Xue Chongjian cried out in pain as soon as his legs hit the ground, and cursed: "You can't even support a person, you deserve to spend your whole life in this lowly job!" The two servants looked at each other After one glance, he didn't dare to argue, carefully put him down, and took his quilt to cover him up.

Li Chengqi endured it for a while, and finally called out in a low voice: "Huanu." Xue Chongjian turned his face to the side and waited quietly, but he couldn't hear anything from him, so he simply didn't answer.His buttocks were still hurting, and he didn't want to bear it for a while, he gritted his teeth and moaned while sucking in the cold air.Li Chengqi wanted to touch Xue Chongjian's shoulder, but his movement of raising his hand was depicted by the lamp on the table as a clear shadow, which was projected on Xue Chongjian's side.Xue Chongjian looked at the shadow quietly, and the infinite words fluttered around the corners of his lips like gossamer in the wind.He knew that he couldn't push the screen that Li Chengqi closed, and he could only wait for Li Chengqi to push it away.

The shadow stayed for a long time, and the time passed with the water droplets in the leak, and finally the stretched fingers were like mirabilis in the evening, slowly closing, and falling down gently like a flower dropping an old branch.Xue Chongjian seemed to feel that everything was expected, and he was not particularly disappointed, but there was only an incomparably empty silence in his heart.He clutched the quilt tightly on his body, trying in vain to resist the chill of the winter night.

The author has something to say: [1] Qi Huai is the funeral ritual worn by the son for the mother.Before the Ming Dynasty, the funeral for the mother was inferior to the beheading of the father. If the father was no longer there, the mourning would be for three years.Sleeping thatch and pillow grass is the sleeping straw mat and straw handle, and it is also the etiquette of Juju's parents when they are mourning.

This chapter actually wants to say that the two of them have a very deep relationship, but there are still some things that cannot be compromised in their respective personalities. Feng Nu’s outlook on life is sometimes annoying. Words: "I made myself very painful." Let's make a noise and be happy.