messed up

"Huanhuan, Baiyu," Xu Yuan called out from the door, "Come out and eat."

"Here we come." Yao Huan hurriedly responded, then turned to Xu Baiyu with a smile, and said in a low voice, "Brother, come on."

"It's obviously you who should cheer." Xu Baiyu knocked on Yao Huan's forehead, opened the door and walked out.

After lunch, Xu Baiyu left after helping Yao Huan explain the topic.He sat in the back row of the bus by the window, looking at the winter scenery of Yaocheng through the window, thinking silently in his heart: When did I fall in love with him?

The bus passed through the streets and alleys of the city, and the surrounding scenery flashed one by one, as if the whole winter time had been skipped.Xu Baiyu had never believed in love at first sight before, but the image in his mind was fixed on the morning of the Mid-Autumn Festival.At that time, he looked up and saw a person, that person was clearly standing in the warm morning light, but he looked like a traveler returning at night in a snowstorm, barking a chameleon dog, fishing alone in the cold river.

Xu Baiyu thought, there is no fixed number of warmth and coldness in the world, and when he walked through it alone, he often felt mixed feelings of sorrow and joy.He has been walking forward with the crowd, dragging his exhausted body and soul, as if this is an endless road.But he knew that was not the case.He couldn't help thinking, in the limited life of mortals, how much of the three thousand worlds can he leave for himself?

But at this moment, he suddenly became very sure: no matter how the world's lovers change their hearts, as long as he doesn't drink Mengpo soup, he will never forget the scene of that man standing in the halo of the morning sun.

Xu Baiyu was so engrossed in his thoughts that he sat for a stop, got off the bus and walked for a long time before arriving home.As soon as he entered the door, he took off his coat and lay down on the bed, staring at the plain white ceiling and began to make calculations in his heart.

He felt that Yao Huan was right, and it was likely that Yu Jing was also testing himself.Looking back on the countless episodes of getting along with each other before, if Yu Jing had no intention of this at all, he felt that it was unlikely.But to what extent Yu Jing's intentions are, whether she is willing to pierce the window paper, and face with him this feeling that is still contrary to the world in today's society, he is really not sure.

But before that, Xu Baiyu felt that there were still some things that he had to clarify with Yu Jing.

Xu Baiyu read a book for a while, went out to have dinner, turned on the lamp and continued reading after returning home.At 08:30 in the evening, his alarm clock rang on time.He took the phone and sent Yu Jing a message: Mr. Yu, what are you doing?

Yu Jing replied after 5 minutes: I just got home, what's the matter?

Xu Baiyu got up and turned on the light in the bedroom, took a deep breath, weighed it for a while, and finally wrote in the dialog box: I want to say a few words to you, is it convenient for video?

Before Xu Baiyu could recover from the alternating tension and excitement, Yu Jing sent a video invitation.He hurriedly pressed the connect button, and Yu Jing's smiling face appeared in front of his eyes in the next second.

It was really cold outside, and this person had just arrived home, and his face was still a little red at this time, it was obvious that he was blown by the cold wind.Xu Baiyu looked at the other party's smile, and the corners of his mouth involuntarily began to rise, but his heart was distressed: "Mr. Yu, remember to wrap up tightly when you go out."

"Okay." Yu Jing responded with a smile.

Xu Baiyu admitted that when he was young, like Yao Huan, he only wanted to win, and only wanted to get ahead.All he thinks about is how to go to a better school and what major to study so that he can gain a foothold in society more easily. This is what he should think and do at that age.However, he at that time was probably a little more greedy than Yao Huan now, because he still wanted to get rid of the shadow of his parents, and even wanted to get as much as possible of what he liked.He has been wandering in this world for a long time, it can be said that he has tried his best in everything, and he has given his trust and sincerity, but he has never had a time like this: when he saw a person, he suddenly felt that everything in the world was something outside of him, so much so that he used to think about it. Being strong and competitive has become something that can go with the flow.

What he wants most now is just happiness: he wants someone to wait for him at the fork in the road and take him to a place he can call home, that's all.

After pushing away the heavy snow, fog and wind, he suddenly discovered that in his heart, Yu Jing was that person.

"Xiao Xu," Yu Jing said with a smile, "There is no one else in my family, and I have no other plans tonight, so just say whatever you want."

"Actually, it's nothing important, just..." Xu Baiyu thought for a moment: "Today is Laba, I went to my grandma's house for dinner, and I want to talk to you about my parents."

Yu Jing still smiled: "Okay, I'm listening."

Xu Baiyu pursed his lips, organizing his words in his heart.Yu Jing didn't speak, and looked at him quietly through the screen.

"I was seven years old when my parents divorced." Xu Baiyu said in a low voice: "Actually, I think they left too late because as long as I can remember, there was not a day when those two people did not quarrel. It’s not too much to turn against each other. Children from other families like to build blocks and watch cartoons at home. I didn’t have those hobbies at the time. I just liked to sit on the mat and watch them arguing with each other. When you get bored, just say 'I'm hungry', and then they stop arguing and go cook for me." Xu Baiyu smiled self-deprecatingly: "As for the reason for the quarrel, my grandma told me it was because my mother There was a wild man outside, and when I went to my grandma's house the next day, my grandma told me that my dad got together with a female colleague in the company first. The public said that the public was right, and the wife said that the woman was reasonable. After a long time, I will Just like listening to a book, listen to dinner."

Yu Jing wanted to say a few words of consolation, but Xu Baiyu didn't give him a chance, and continued on her own: "In the end of the lawsuit, my mother voluntarily gave up, didn't want anything, and left the house. She didn't want me at all, and then my grandma kept telling me that she was afraid that having a child would delay her future marriage." Xu Baiyu shook his head: "But it doesn't matter, my grandma scolded my dad for many years, I Just listen to it."

This was the first time Xu Baiyu told others about this, and he had never mentioned it even in front of Pei Yunning before.At this moment, although he was smiling, his eyes were already red.Yu Jing wanted to say a few words, but was still preempted by the other party.

“During the early days of my divorce, my dad was always drinking and getting very drunk. One night he was drunk again, and he wobbled into my room with a bottle of wine and used his other hand to make a big blow. He squeezed my face tightly. He said, you child, why do you look so similar to your mother? If your temper and personality follow her, and you grow up to start a family and start a business, you will only harm others." Xu Baiyu wiped his face. Tears: "Now, I remember every word clearly."

"Xiao Xu," Yu Jing frowned, "If you need anything, I'll come to you right away."

Xu Baiyu didn't answer him, and continued: "One time, many years later, I was doing my homework in the house, and I heard my grandma chatting with people in the living room. Speaking of me, the old lady sighed, They said that my parents made such a mess back then, and if I look for someone in the future, they will probably not want to marry if they inquire." Xu Baiyu looked at Yu Jing: "Mr. Yu, let me ask you, I mean if, if There is a person who is in a similar situation to me and likes you, will you feel ill because of these things in that person's family?"

"No." Without a moment's hesitation, Yu Jing put down his phone, put on his jacket, and picked up his phone again: "Xiao Xu, wait a moment, I'll be there in a while."

"Don't come." Xu Baiyu was a little anxious, he couldn't explain any reason, but instinctively stopped him: "You'd better not come here."

Yu Jing had no choice but to follow him: "Okay, I won't go there for now, but you must take good care of yourself."

Xu Baiyu smiled: "How old am I? Don't worry." He avoided Yu Jing's gaze and said in a low voice: "When I was in high school, there was a classmate in my class. His parents were also divorced and they had a lot of quarrels. Years. He was tougher than me. He once told me through gritted teeth that he had no home in Yaocheng, and that he had to study far away in college in the future. Guangzhou, which is two thousand kilometers away, and then study and work there, get married and start a family, it’s really a dream come true.” He sighed: “I thought I didn’t care anymore, I thought I didn’t care much about them. Love, but not much hate, that's why I can stay in Yaocheng without any grievances. But I didn't find out until later that it didn't seem to be the case."

"Bai Yu," Yu Jing looked at him, "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at comforting people, but you must say what you want to say, I'm always here."

"No, you misunderstood, I didn't come to comfort you today." Xu Baiyu smiled: "I just want to tell you, that's all."

"Okay." Yu Jing also put on a smile: "I'm listening."

Xu Baiyu suddenly felt a little dazed: He recalled the time he had passed through these years, and found that whether it was friends or former lovers, most of the time, he couldn't be completely honest with himself, and he was the same with them, sometimes he still had to suffer. Think about each other's thoughts.There are probably not no people who can make him completely trust and help him relieve his emotions without getting bored, but before today, it seems that only the psychological counseling teachers in the university have done it.

"About ten years ago, when I was an undergraduate student, my parents' marriage was in trouble." Seeing that Xu Baiyu didn't speak any more, Yu Jing said in a low voice: "I was on winter vacation at the time, and the end of the year was approaching. It’s a trivial matter, and their 20-year-old husband and wife relationship almost vanished. My dad has a good temper, and he gave in first when he was impulsive, but my mother insisted that the child is growing up anyway. Now that I have said all the cruel words, it will hurt Xin, must get a divorce. My dad persuaded her, not to mention far away, you can see in Yaocheng, how many middle-aged couples are not living together?" Yu Jing sighed: "Since my mother and my father After the accidents happened, I kept thinking that it would be great if people could really predict the future. If they could know that the good times with each other will not last for a few years, would the result be different?" He smiled helplessly: " It’s far away, I just want to say, in fact, I understand.”