Drunk into late autumn for you

Mo Zuiqiu has never forgotten the humiliation Yi Shenghan inflicted on him. After returning to Xiaozhu, he even dreamed of that unsightly scene. When he woke up, his hands and feet were cold, his hair and clothes were also dirty Drenched in cold sweat.

If the master hadn't told him the truth, he might have been trapped in Yi Shenghan's nightmare for the rest of his life, and it was difficult to get rid of it. But after learning the truth, those nightmare memories would never break into his dreams again.

As soon as he thinks of that thin body being buried ruthlessly by the overwhelming snow in the Tianshan Mountains, Mo Zuiqiu's original fear and loathing for Yi Shenghan will inconceivably turn into pity, and there will be a tinge of heartache that is so light that he himself is not sure.

After all, it was Yi Shenghan who accompanied him day and night when he was most frustrated, walking from Jishen Peak to Jiangnan.Even though Yi Shenghan followed him all the way because he had other plans, Mo Zuiqiu could never forget the young master's fuzzy little face behind the smoke from the pot of soup.

"I can't use so many medicinal materials for my injury. One can is the blood-tonifying decoction for you. During the few days on the mountain, I almost ate all your medicinal food. Now I will make it up for you, so that you will not criticize me in your stomach in the future." bully you."

He should have thought of it a long time ago, no matter how fierce Yi Shenghan said in his mouth, he was always protecting him in his heart, otherwise, he would not be angry because of him being coldly looked down upon by Xiaozhu's fellow disciples, and would not complain for him; Begging, accompany him to travel thousands of miles to Tianshan to find blood ganoderma; in the end, it is to save him and become a living dead...

In this world, there is actually someone more stupid than him.

There are a few urchins on the side of the road ahead. They are jokingly chasing and playing, and they are rushing to climb the tree to catch the chicks in the nest.Mo Zuiqiu couldn't help recalling that night, Yi Shenghan nestled on his chest, and asked with a smile: "Zuiqiu, do you remember? You said you would take me to catch crickets, release paper kites, and dig out bird eggs, huh... "

At that time, he thought that Yi Shenghan was laughing at him, but now he realized that he was completely wrong.

There was a sudden dull pain in his chest, and Mo Zuiqiu could hardly breathe.He closed his eyes, waited for the dull pain to subside slowly, then smiled shyly, and said to himself: "Xiaohan is not as vicious as you said, he, he is very good."

Suddenly hearing the word "Xiaohan" that he hadn't heard for a long time, Yi Shenghan suddenly suspected that there was something wrong with his ears, and then he was overjoyed. He finally remembered not to show his flaws in front of Mo Zuiqiu. His tone was a little trembling: "Ziqiu, you called him Xiaohan just now?"

Mo Zuiqiu suddenly woke up from his recollection, seeing the strange look on the man's face, realized that he was too out of control before, lowered his eyes and denied: "No, brother Han, you must have heard wrong."

"Uh..." Yi Shenghan wanted to hear Mo Zuiqiu shout a few more times, but after Mo Zuiqiu finished speaking, he closed his mouth and hurried on his way without talking.While he was disappointed, he couldn't help being happy.

Mo Zuiqiu should have a place for him in his heart, but he is so angry that this kid always hides his thoughts and carries them to death by himself, which makes him angry and heartbroken.

I don't know when, Mo Zuiqiu was willing to completely open his heart to him...

Mo Zuiqiu was in a hurry and traveled more than ten miles more than the previous few days, and also missed a village where he could stay.Traveling until it was dark, the two finally saw a small village and found the only inn, but there was only one guest room left.

According to Mo Zuiqiu, he wanted to rush to the next town to spend the night, but Yi Shenghan didn't want him to be tired, so he asked the staff to just lead the way.The two followed the buddy into the room, only to find that there was only one big bed.

Mo Zuiqiu suddenly felt uncomfortable, and when he was about to speak, Yi Shenghan said first: "It's getting late, so don't hurry. Zuiqiu, you come to sleep on the bed, I'll make the floor."

"This..." Mo Zuiqiu did not want to sleep with Han Xiao from the bottom of his heart, and was still hesitating.

The guy is very clever, he is very good at observing words and expressions, and said with a smile: "This master is right, the nearest town to us is still more than twenty miles away! You two can stay here! The little one Just bring hot water for the two of you! Hey, in fact, both of you are men, so it’s not a big deal even if you squeeze into the bed together for a night.” He said, put down the oil lamp, and went out to replace the two of them. get together.

Mo Zuiqiu had no choice but to see the man still looking at him in a blink of an eye, waiting for his answer.He nodded silently—in front of Han Xiao, who was extremely skilled in martial arts, he actually had no room to refuse.

The hot water was delivered quickly, Mo Zuiqiu glanced at the man, asking him to take off his clothes and scrub his body in front of this man, it would be embarrassing, he was thinking about how to ask him to avoid him, but Yi Shenghan had already seen Mo's hand. Zui Qiu was embarrassed, and said: "The moon is bright tonight, I'll go out and have a look."

Seeing Yi Shenghan push the door out, Mo Zuiqiu heaved a sigh of relief. At first, he was worried that Han Xiao insisted on sleeping in the same room with him tonight. He was afraid that he had a conspiracy. Now it seems that Han Xiao is a gentleman. .

In Yi Shenghan's independent courtyard, the sky, the moon, the moon and the stars are scarce, and it is indeed a beautiful view, but he is not in the mood to admire the moon. He listens to all the movements in the room, and what flashes through his mind is Mo Zuiqiu's cluelessness. The slender figure of...

It's really uncomfortable to pretend to be a gentleman!He smiled wryly, but if Mo Zuiqiu could gradually let go of his defenses for him, this little suffering right now would be nothing.

Mo Zuiqiu crawled under the quilt, with his back to Yi Shenghan, as if he had already fallen asleep, and a quilt had already been spread on the floor for Yi Shenghan.

Zuiqiu was still the same as before, knowing how to care for him... Yi Shenghan couldn't help but feel a slight heat in his chest, moved by it.The remaining hot water in the bucket had already turned cold, but it was just right for him. Half a bucket of cold water suppressed the desire.He blows out the lamp and goes to bed.

Mo Zuiqiu closed his eyes and was not asleep. When he heard the man's light and long breath slowly coming from the other side of the floor, he was sure that the man was fast asleep, and the last bit of uneasiness in his heart disappeared.

He seemed to have misunderstood Han Xiao, who had been eyeing him since he knew him, but he couldn't be blamed for being wary of Han Xiao—when this man looked at him, he seemed to see through all his pretended calmness. Into his heart, so that he has nowhere to hide.That look seemed familiar.

Mo Zuiqiu vaguely remembered that the leader of Tianyi Sect always looked at him like this in the last days, seemingly indifferent, but so sharply persistent that he couldn't help it, so he could only turn his head and pretend he didn't know.

Suddenly, Xiaohan's face came to mind, and Mo Zuiqiu couldn't help but hugged himself tightly under the blanket, self-blame and remorse were like the sharp teeth of a poisonous snake, and began to bite him again—if he would believe in Yi Shenghan that day, If I don't pick the Millennium Snow Ganoderma, I won't hurt Yi Shenghan...

The boundless white snow poured down from the sky, deeply burying the young man's thin body...

"...Xiaohan—!" Mo Zuiqiu screamed and opened his sweaty eyes, only to realize that it was a nightmare.

"What's the matter?" Yi Shenghan had already woken up when Mo Zuiqiu turned over uneasy, hurriedly lit the oil lamp, sat on the edge of the bed to help Mo Zuiqiu, wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, and couldn't help asking: "What are you doing?" It’s Xiaohan, what did you dream about?”

Mo Zuiqiu still hadn't recovered from the panic, and didn't realize that he was held in the arms of a man for a moment. After panting for a while, he finally calmed down. Realizing that the two were in an ambiguous position, he felt a little heat on his face and moved a little. Wanting to break free from the man's arm, Yi Shenghan hugged him tightly instead, and said in a low voice, "Don't worry, Zuiqiu, I won't do anything to you."

The man's breath passed over Mo Zuiqiu's ears, but it was the exact opposite of his calm promise, hot and oppressive.

Mo Zuiqiu froze, but he didn't dare to struggle rashly, so as not to arouse the other party's desire even more.After a while, he found that the man still didn't let go of his intentions, so he had to remind him politely: "Brother Han, I'm fine. I woke you up earlier, I'm sorry."

Of course Yi Shenghan understood that Mo Zuiqiu was going round and round to ask him to go to sleep, but finally heard Mo Zuiqiu call Xiaohan, how could he be willing to let it go, he chuckled lightly: "It's okay. By the way, you Did you have a nightmare just now, why did you call Master Yi again?" He didn't wait for Mo Zuiqiu to deny it, and said, "I heard clearly this time, don't say I heard it wrong again."

He frowned on purpose, "Zui Qiu, Master Yi is so scary that he woke you up even in a dream?"

"No..." Listening to Han Xiao's repeated questioning, Mo Zuiqiu didn't want him to misunderstand, so he said sadly, "I made Master Yi's life and death uncertain, and I am ashamed of Master Yi. Brother Han, don't ask any more questions. "

With a sad look on his face, Yi Shenghan saw it all, he hugged Mo Zuiqiu tightly in distress, and on impulse, he wanted to tell Mo Zuiqiu that he was willing to save him, and it was definitely not because he wanted Mo Zuiqiu to feel guilty towards him.

The words came to his throat, thinking that it was not yet a good time, Yi Shenghan finally held back, stretched out his hand to hold Mo Zuiqiu's right hand, and said, "Okay, Zuiqiu, if you don't want to talk, I won't ask."

The fool can also hear the naked flattery in his words, Mo Zuiqiu's heart trembled, and he was speechless, when he felt the man gently caressing his severed finger, he trembled even more, and wanted to hide his right hand in embarrassment .

"Zuiqiu, I didn't dislike your hand, so you don't have to hide from me." Yi Shenghan made up his mind this time not to let Mo Zuiqiu back down any longer, and tightly clasped his severed finger, not allowing Mo Zuiqiu to break free.

"Brother Han, you..." The man's tone and eyes told Mo Zuiqiu that the man was not just trying to comfort him out of sympathy, which made Mo Zuiqiu even more confused.What is there about him that deserves Han Xiao's attention?What was even more frightening was that he believed everything Han Xiao said for no reason.

Heart, suddenly confused.When he was confused, he heard the man ask him softly in the most gentle tone, how did this injury come about.

Rationality reminded Mo Zuiqiu that he shouldn't say anything more to Han Xiao who didn't know him very well, he forced a smile and said, "Brother Han, I don't want to mention the past, I—"

"But I want to know." Yi Shenghan interrupted him, stared at his eyes, and said stubbornly: "Zuiqiu, tell me!"

Facing this person's insistence, Mo Zuiqiu didn't feel unhappy, but could not help laughing - whether it was his illusion, at this moment, Han Xiao's expression was vaguely similar to Xiaohan's, both of them were so curious.

Xiaohan used to always like to ask about everything about him... even the secrets he buried deep in his heart and never revealed to anyone were not spared.

Mo Zuiqiu suddenly realized that the person who knew him the most, understood him the most, and treated him the most sincerely was not the master who watched him grow up, but Yi Shenghan.

Joy, anger, sorrow, emotions, and six desires, that person never concealed them in front of him, but unfortunately he has been ignoring the pair of eyes chasing him, until now, he finally came to his senses.

The sad feeling is like a bit of thick ink falling on the paper, slowly melting away, seeping into every inch of Mo Zuiqiu's body... He raised his eyes and saw that the man was still waiting for his answer, he couldn't help but muttered: " The way you speak is really similar to Master Yi."

Yi Shenghan's eyes suddenly turned dark, it was not good to hear these words before Mo Zuiqiu completely trusted him.In case Mo Zuiqiu couldn't let go of the memories of being humiliated at his hands, so he even felt disgusted with him, it was definitely not his original intention.Now suppressing the excitement in his heart, he pretended to be indifferent and said: "I have known him for many years, and it is not surprising that there are similarities in words and deeds."

Afraid that Mo Zuiqiu would become suspicious again, he was busy talking about him: "Ziqiu, what's the matter with your injury, tell me. I will never laugh at you."

This person is really the same as Xiao Han, he insists on getting to the bottom of it!For a moment, Mo Zuiqiu was overwhelmed by his sadness, and thought that if he didn't tell, this Han Xiao would definitely not give up, so he reluctantly told Han Xiao about the injury.

Originally, he just wanted to say a word, but once the gap in his defense was opened, the depression in his chest seemed to have finally found a channel to confide in, making him unable to maintain the calmness he pretended to be in front of others, not to mention, there was someone beside him who was willing to listen intently .

Apart from Xiaohan, probably only Han Xiao would care about the pain in his heart, and would be willing to listen to him...

"...I did something wrong myself, so I can't blame them..."

That night, Mo Zuiqiu snuggled up to the man in a strange way, talking to himself for most of the night, and when it was almost dawn, he couldn't bear the tiredness, and fell asleep with his pillow on the man's shoulder.The oil lamp had already been extinguished, and a faint ray of morning light slowly climbed up the window paper and cast it on Mo Zuiqiu's face, which was blocked by Yi Shenghan's raised sleeve.

"Have a good night's sleep..." He used his wide black sleeves as a curtain to cover Mo Zuiqiu from the increasingly intense sunlight, looking at the sleeping man with a silent chuckle.

Zui Qiu finally stopped keeping him at arm's length like he did at first, it seems that his patience these days was not in vain.

Mo Zuiqiu didn't wake up until noon, and when he opened his eyes, he found that the man had been leaned on by him as a pillow for a long time. He couldn't help feeling embarrassed, and hurriedly jumped out of bed to apologize. Facing the man with eyes full of smiles, he muttered no Speak up.

He obviously didn't want to get involved with this Han Xiao, why did he just relax on this person last night and fall asleep on this person in a daze?Fortunately, Han Xiao didn't cheat on him while he was asleep.

Yi Shenghan looked at the shy expression on Mo Zuiqiu's face that he hadn't seen for a long time, wanted to laugh, but was afraid that Mo Zuiqiu would be annoyed, so he coughed lightly, got up and said: "It's getting late, eat something, you and I on the road."

Mo Zuiqiu originally thought that the man would take the opportunity to tease him, but he nodded in relief when he heard the words, and vaguely felt in his heart that if he ignored the man's focused and compelling gaze, this Han Xiao could be said to be very considerate to him.

The two packed up and walked out of the room, ordering two bowls of hot noodle soup and a few boiled eggs.

Yi Shenghan knew that it was not easy for Mo Zuiqiu to peel the eggshell with his left hand alone, so he peeled an egg in three or two strokes, cut it into several pieces for easy picking with chopsticks, put it in Mo Zuiqiu's bowl, and said with a smile: "Eat it !"

"Brother Han..." He is also a big man, being served so attentively by the other party, Mo Zuiqiu felt his face getting hot, and looked around stealthily, but fortunately no one noticed, he wanted to decline, but he saw the eagerness in the other party's eyes Looking forward to it, the words came to my lips, but I couldn't say them.

Yi Shenghan discerned his appearance, so he could see that Mo Zuiqiu was hesitating, so he said first, "Don't look, we have to hurry." Then he peeled off another one, and put it into Mo Zuiqiu's bowl .

Seeing that Mo Zuiqiu still didn't move his chopsticks, he said amusedly, "What are you waiting for? Do you want me to stuff it into your mouth and feed you? Oh, don't you want to be—" he said, "Camel" The two words almost blurted out, but luckily they stopped in time.

Mo Zuiqiu wondered, "What are you doing?"

"It's nothing." Yi Shenghan secretly called fluke, afraid he would ask, and said: "The noodles are almost mushy, eat quickly."

Seeing this posture, Mo Zuiqiu definitely couldn't refuse, so he thanked him and began to eat, feeling more and more that this Han Xiao not only spoke like Xiaohan sometimes, but even his domineering style was exactly the same...

"Ah!" He was thoughtful, distracted for a moment, and his lips were burned by the hot noodles.

"What's wrong?" Yi Shenghan, who was sitting opposite him, raised his head nervously. After seeing the situation clearly, he was relieved, and said with a smile, "It's all my fault for urging you, eat slowly, don't worry."

Mo Zuiqiu nodded with a blushing face, and couldn't help feeling a little annoyed at herself.what happened to him?Since last night, my thoughts have always revolved around this Han Xiao.Is it because Han Xiao resembles Xiaohan in some aspects, so that he is attracted to men unconsciously? ...

As soon as this thought came up, Mo Zuiqiu was also stunned, and then his right hand trembled slightly in his sleeve.An infatuated love, in exchange for physical and mental injuries, throughout his life, he did not want to taste the taste of despair.

He shouldn't have allowed himself to get closer to the person in front of him... Mo Zuiqiu lowered his head, smiled wryly, and forced himself to put aside all his distracting thoughts and continue eating noodles.

Huangshan is not among the five mountains, but it stands alone in the world with its majestic and wonderful scenery. It has been regarded as the No. 1 mountain in the world by literati and poets in the past dynasties.In the late spring, it rains heavily, the sun rises and clears again, the peaks and ridges are emerald and beautiful, the ravines are full of smoke, and the sea of ​​clouds and white waves are layered, like a fairyland in heaven.

After Yi Shenghan and Mo Zuiqiu left the small village, they drove for a few days, and finally arrived at Houshan early this morning.The two left their mounts in a mountain family's house, bought some incense candles, bacon, rice, and a jar of self-brewed rice wine from that family, and after asking about the route to Guanri Cliff, they entered the mountain.

There are many steep and dangerous peaks in the back mountain, with pines and green bamboos covering the sky and the sun, and the ground is covered with moss, which is extremely shady. The two of them walked several winding gravel paths along the clear stream at the bottom of the stream, and the terrain gradually rose and became dangerous.

Mo Zuiqiu's right hand couldn't grasp it, and the higher he went, the more difficult he felt.

At first, Yi Shenghan didn't want to hurt Mo Zuiqiu's self-esteem, so he didn't help him, and patiently walked with Mo Zuiqiu for a long time, but finally couldn't see it, and said: "I'll help you go! Otherwise, when the sun goes down, I'll hurry up." Don’t reach Guanri Cliff.” Regardless of whether Mo Zuiqiule liked it or not, he stretched out his right arm and wrapped it around the young man’s slender waist.

"Uh..." Mo Zuiqiu was just about to refuse, but the man had supported him to perform lightness kung fu, and he was running fast as if his feet didn't touch the ground.

Mo Zuiqiu has been traveling all the way for the past few days, Han Xiao has always treated him with courtesy, taking care of him very thoughtfully along the way, Mo Zuiqiu has already completely let go of his guard, although he has warned himself not to approach this person again, but the goodwill is over. The bud sprouted in the heart, and it grew quietly uncontrollably, and gradually got used to the care of the other party, so he no longer refused, and let the man support him straight to the high place.

Yi Shenghan brought Mo Zuiqiu up to Guanri Cliff in less than a meal.

The top of the cliff is as wide as a platform, like an isolated island, ups and downs in the turbulent and flowing sea of ​​clouds. In the clouds and mist, clusters of maple trees on the surrounding peaks are exposed from time to time. When the sun shines, the green leaves and white clouds are all dyed golden.

Yi Shenghan was delighted to see it, and said with a smile: "This is really a good place to watch the scenery. When the maple leaves are all red in late autumn, the scenery will definitely be more beautiful."

Mo Zuiqiu didn't care to appreciate the beautiful scenery, and walked towards the large pine forest with twisted branches in front of him.

Before entering the forest, there is actually a pine hut built by the mountain people. The doors and windows are broken, and it seems that the wind will collapse at any time.

According to what Guan Shanyu said that day, he walked to the south side of the pine forest to look for the grave mound. Not long after, he actually saw two big rocks overlapping among several old pine trees.He was pleasantly surprised and hurried over.When he got close, it was like being punched in the chest by someone, and he couldn't recover for a long time.

The soil under the stones has been ravaged by wind and rain for a long time, and the shape of the tomb can no longer be seen. Several pieces of white bones are broken and exposed, and there are still traces of beasts gnawing on the bones.

Mo Zuiqiu's legs softened, and he knelt down slowly, his white lips trembling, trying to vent his wailing, but his throat was so choked that he couldn't make a sound.

Yi Shenghan has been following behind him, seeing this appearance is also uncomfortable, and he can't think of anything to persuade him, so he can only put the sacrificial objects on the ground, sit beside Mo Zuiqiu, caressing Mo Zuiqiu Shaking shoulders to show comfort.

Mo Zuiqiu's mind was seized by the great grief, he could hardly sit up straight, closed his eyes tightly, and leaned against Yi Shenghan.

At this moment, there is only this person beside him that he can rely on.

After a while, he managed to stop his trembling, got up and broke off a pine branch, and began to clean the grave.

Yi Shenghan naturally wouldn't let Mo Zuiqiu do it alone, so he sorted out the remains for him, raised his eyebrows suddenly, and said, "Zuiqiu, are you sure this is the grave of your parents? Why is there only one remains? ?”

Although the bones were mutilated and incomplete due to the kiss of the beast, after putting them together, it can be seen that the deceased was a slender woman.

Mo Zuiqiu choked with sobs and shook his head, "Master, he won't lie to me, and there are few people here, and it is impossible for the mountain people to transport the remains of their relatives here for burial. She should, should be my mother."

As for the remains of his father, most of them were carried away by wild animals.Mo Zuiqiu suppressed his sadness and gathered his energy to search the surrounding area.However, after more than half an hour, he and Yi Shenghan had searched almost the entire pine forest, but they didn't find any bones.

Mo Zuiqiu was puzzled, and then came up with an idea that even he thought was absurd—could it be that his father just passed out from a serious injury that day, and was buried by the master who mistakenly thought he was exhausted, and then woke up again... Besides He couldn't figure out why there was only his mother's remains in the tomb.

"If you don't see the dead body, maybe your father is still alive." Yi Shenghan also thought of going together, comforting Mo Zuiqiu: "Let the mourning hall be buried in the ground first. As for your father, I will try to find it for you in the future."

Mo Zuiqiu secretly thought that the world is so big, even if his father is still alive, he may not be able to find it.But the other party was kind in the end, he thanked him, and with Yi Shenghan's help, he dug a deep hole and reburied his mother's body properly. He wanted to erect a tombstone for her, but found that he didn't know Who is the name of the mother, I can't help but feel a burst of grief.

He served the sacrificial food, poured three rounds of rice wine, and sat blankly watching the incense candles burn silently and lightly.

Yi Shenghan quietly stood by his side, and when the incense sticks burned out and the white candle turned to ashes, he patted Mo Zuiqiu on the shoulder and said, "It's getting late, let's go down the mountain."

"...I want to spend a little more time with my mother..."

This is his first time and maybe his last time to pay respects to his relatives, how could Mo Zuiqiu be willing to leave in a hurry, looked at Yi Shenghan, and begged: "Brother Han, let me stay here tonight for my mother's soul tonight Okay? Just for one night, tomorrow I will definitely return to Jishen Peak immediately with you.”

Stared at by Mo Zuiqiu's earnest and sad eyes, Yi Shenghan felt distressed and a little bit pleased.Zui Qiu now trusts him more and more, and is more and more able to make demands on him.And he wanted to replace that Guan Shanyu and become the only person Mo Zuiqiu trusted and attached to most.

"Zuiqiu, whatever you want, I will promise you." He smiled.

The blazing light that had not been seen for many days gradually rose again in the man's black eyes, and Mo Zuiqiu suddenly felt palpitations, and his uneasiness also crept up quietly, forcing him to lower his head and frown, avoiding the man's eager gaze as if evading.

He understood what the other party was thinking, but, he really couldn't give it.

The weather in the mountains changes every day.The sun was shining before, but it didn't take long before the dark clouds quickly gathered and it rained. The big raindrops passed through the pine branches and drenched the clothes of the two of them in a short while.

"Let's find a place to shelter from the rain first." Yi Shenghan didn't take the rain to heart, but he didn't want Mo Zuiqiu to be drenched in the rain. He immediately packed up his belongings and forced Mo Zuiqiu to stand up. After thinking for a while, he returned That dilapidated log cabin.

The house is full of dust, covered with cobwebs, the only few pieces of simple furniture are rotten like the doors and windows, and a quilt on the bed is even more moldy.

Yi Shenghan only glanced at it, then waved his sleeves to sweep all the tattered and obtrusive things out of the house, leaving only the solid board.He found a wooden bucket in the corner of the house, and he mentioned that half a bucket of rainwater was collected outside for sweeping and cleaning.It was the first time in my life to do this errand, and I couldn't help being clumsy.

Although Mo Zuiqiu was full of grief, he felt sorry when he saw this, and wanted to step forward to help, but was pushed aside by Yi Shenghan. "It's not convenient for you, I'll take care of it."

The speaker had no intentions, but the listener had intentions, Mo Zuiqiu stood stiffly in embarrassment.In the end, he smiled wryly - without the other party reminding him over and over again, he also knew that in the other party's mind, he was an out-and-out useless person, even if the man said he didn't dislike his severed finger.