troubled times reckless

Wearing wooden clogs and pushing open the wooden door of the courtyard, the young man walked through the courtyard in silence.

Floating clouds covered the moon, but there was no smile on his beautiful face.

The long clothes had already covered his original figure, and he shuttled through the gloomy garden like a ghost.

It is said that the courtyard of the family was once larger than it is now, with more than 100 servants.Later, half of it was burned in the Qinwang War, and it did not fall down.Now there are twisted pine branches and overlapping fallen leaves.

The adult he is going to meet today...is related to him by blood.Although he has never been called father since he was a child, he knows in his heart that the relationship between that adult and him is actually the so-called father-son relationship.

Because it is a blood bond that is too embarrassing to talk about, even the servants at home and outside rarely know of his existence.

The prematurely deceased woman who gave birth to a boy...was from China.This point made that adult very dissatisfied with him.

In the cold night, he was only wearing a bathrobe, and he couldn't help shivering all over his body. The clogs stepped on the dark stones, which seemed to indicate that this night would be difficult.

touch your face

——Why is it so beautiful?

It looks like a doll made of white porcelain.

That adult was usually very cold towards him, and he would only show such admiration when he unbuttoned his clothes.

But even with the gift, he was not happy.

He always felt as if he was lost in a dream world.

Pushing open the door, the adults were already waiting for him there.

Although it was only a side room, it was exaggerated to have the size of ten tatami mats.Only one candle was lit inside, illuminating the aged face of an old warrior.

Haoyuan...you come here.

His resolute face is full of deep marks. This lord was once a samurai of the Choshu domain and participated in the war against the emperor. Although he is now in decline, he married the daughter of the Shinsei chaebol and revived the family. outline.

The strange thing is that tonight, this adult is so kind and gentle, but he doesn't feel happy at all.

Walking into the door, he obediently sat in the arms of the adult.

He knew what was coming because it was his destiny.

Old hands scraping fair face...

you are pretty.

The words rang in his ears, and he was pushed to the ground.

Under the candlelight, he consciously opened his legs.

The twisted and wriggling fingertips climbed to every corner of his body.

He still cried.

The pain will always pass and tomorrow will come.

Get over it... just fine.

The owner of the house is a slightly nervous woman, the eldest daughter of a chaebol family, Mrs. Fukuyama.

He rarely saw this lady, because when she saw him, she would cover the tip of her nose with her sleeve as if she saw something dirty.

The days went on like this, day after day.

Until one day, while he was trapped in the courtyard looking at flowers, he suddenly suffered from abdominal pain and fell straight down.

Falling into darkness, he almost didn't want to wake up again.

dead?

he thinks.

Death is really a simple matter.

Wake up, what's left?

I don't know how long it has passed, maybe a day, maybe a year...

A quarrel brought him back to consciousness.

It's the voice of Mrs.

Do you think I don't know anything about this family?

Opening one eye, the figure of the adult seemed to block his sight, but he didn't speak.

How can such filthy people stay here!

Are you willing to be with such filthy things?

He just got up when he was kicked over by something.

When I woke up again, I was on the ship.

An old man with a white beard who spoke a foreign language appeared beside him.

Later he realized that this was his Chinese teacher, and the place they were going to now was China.

He survived.

as an unrecognized existence.

Whether as a son, or as a...

In the depths of the night...the love words whispered in his ear over and over again...my last lover.

During the one-month ferry ride, he learned simple Chinese conversation, and when he landed, he was arranged to study Confucianism for two years in an unknown private school in the countryside.And he also knew his mother's surname from then on, Song.

Since then he has a new name, Song Haoyuan.

After Chinese New Year, he will be 15 years old.

Apart from being autistic and surprisingly pale and beautiful, he is indistinguishable from other classmates.

Unlike a teenager with a sound mind, he has no energy to care about the daily complexity and happiness, he just does his own thing mechanically.Practice guns every day, learn martial arts, and be in a daze.

In the spring, he received a letter from his long-lost family, praising him for his outstanding performance and living up to his family's expectations. At the same time, he was sent to the special agent training camp set up by the Kwantung Army Staff Headquarters in China.

In training camp, he didn't perform very well.Even many simple camouflage and assassination techniques could not be successfully completed.The trainer's evaluation of him is: don't worry.

He didn't know why he had to work hard.

I don't even know where my heart is.

After graduating from the training class, because of his only excellent Chinese ability, he was directly sent to a lecture hall in the south through a special channel, where he became a lecturer on modern warfare.

The first time I noticed that person was after school in the evening, he was basking in the sun by the lotus pond.

With just one glance, he was deeply attracted.

The colorful and colorful lotus petals in the pond could not wash away the loneliness and hostility of that person.

The man turned his back to him, only showing the desolate back of a young man like him.

It was as if at the end of the setting sun, there was only that person alone.

But he seemed to have found a confidant, and was led over there.

When he walked to the side and saw the face, he recognized that it was the colleague who was called the spear instructor when the principal introduced him to everyone.At that time, a group of people were noisy and chattering, and he didn't pay attention to him. He just remembered that this man was especially handsome, but he had an aura of being bored and no one should enter.

He walked over, and before he could speak, the man saw him.

His eyes met straight up, and the moment his eyes met, he couldn't help being startled...

What kind of eyes are these, revealing the chaos of indifference, indifference and even indiscrimination...

It was just a glance, and the man turned his eyes away, as if he didn't exist, and continued to look at the lotus on his own.

What are you looking at?After a while, seeing that the man was motionless, he asked curiously.

I am practicing my eyesight.The man said lightly, with a thick and pleasant voice.

He was startled: Does this work?

Shoot and aim.

Are you bad at marksmanship?

I'm a good shooter.

Really?

The man didn't answer him.

Then he tried to say something else, and the man just sat listening and not knowing.

He also sat down and watched with the man.

They sat together on the big rock alone like this, and no one spoke.

He felt relieved for no reason...

It's been a long time since I felt this way.

Ever since he crossed the ocean and came to this foreign land, he has brought with him a strange sense of alienation that cannot be integrated.

This sense of alienation makes him feel like walking on clouds every day, misty and hard to find, uncertain and loveless.

But such plainness and even emptiness without love or hatred slipped away quietly while sitting quietly by the pond with this person.

He didn't know why either.

It was as if he was the only alien in the world, and he felt that this world didn't belong to him, and the world didn't want him.

But when I saw this handsome young man, I felt a strange feeling, as if in the void, he had established a connection with this world.

This connection is...it turns out...there are people like him in the world—heterogeneous.

But what's different from him is that this person is so relaxed and relaxed, but he is so at a loss.

He sat with this man, watching him breathe so freely, as if he were one with the earth.

In this kind of lecture hall, in such a war-torn era, every teacher is almost a warrior.

During the Eastern Expedition, that man led the pistol squad, carried the explosive kit of the death squad on his back, and rushed to seize the next hill in blood, and immediately suspended the post of regimental commander in the army.

When he saw him again, the man had returned to the camp in victory.

You are not bad.He was wearing a military uniform, went into the tent, and said to him.

At that time, the man was wearing a bloody suit, cleaning his gun.

A pitch-black gun, from the inside to the outside, from the muzzle, to the gun body, and the magazine, was wiped clean by him.

He removed the bayonet again to wipe off the undried blood on it.

His whole face was covered with black ashes and blood, only a pair of eyes were shining hot.

All for the revolution.

the man murmured.

He flipped the piece of cloth in his hand to the hook on the wall, and it landed on it.

oh.He stared at him blankly.

Suddenly, I felt that the way this man wiped his gun was really beautiful.

Not a face, but a peculiar temperament.

He could even feel the anxiety and heat in this person's heart.

This man is not for the revolution.

This man, like him, just wanted to kill people.

But the strange thing is that this man found an interesting reason for killing himself-revolution.

But in essence, they are the same.

Thinking of this, he felt closer to him, so he sat next to him and asked him, almost with some throbbing: Are you happy today?

The man was taken aback, and licked the dry blood stains on his lips.

nodded.

Very happy.

He laughed and said: Why are you not afraid of death, so you just rush forward?

die?

What is so terrible about death?

The man said calmly.

After hearing this sentence, he found it interesting.

He is the same as him. They are both world-weary and cold-hearted. If they talk about revolution, aren’t they lying to themselves?

But that person was commended at the school's general meeting later.

A person from the political department named Liang Zhiyuan came to present him with an award.

During the whole process, the man pursed his lips tightly and did not speak.

That Liang Zhiyuan still didn't leave after the meeting, he quietly followed.

I only heard the conversation at the corner of the wall: Ah Hao, the revolution depends on you young people.

As he spoke, Liang Zhiyuan patted the man on the shoulder and smiled kindly: You are my pride.

The man bowed his head without saying a word.

As if by default.

He took a breath, and for some reason, he suddenly felt betrayed.

This feeling permeated him, disturbing his mood, and he also made several major mistakes in his work.

Maybe it was because of his ineffectiveness in investigating and prosecuting him, or maybe because the Northern Expedition was about to start, the Kwantung Army Staff Headquarters sent an order to transfer him to the Northeast.

----

After leaving that person and coming to a new environment, he was still so withdrawn and silent, but he was a little surprised to find that he seemed to be less talked about. In such a military camp without women, he was almost influenced by things he could not predict. Tolerance, ridicule and teasing.

A junior officer named Sakuma is always around him, but he doesn't care.

In the feeling of being watched so intensely, he felt both difficult and a little bit proud.

But while he was proud, he was also a little disappointed, and then, he suddenly thought of that person.

in case……

If one day, I want to do something like that...

If one day, I have to experience the pain of being subdued by others again, I think that only that person is qualified to open the body that has been healed for a long time...

For the first time...he knew...it turns out that this feeling is called liking.

It turned out that after he left, he fell in love with someone who stayed where he was.

After discovering his own mind, he was made irritable by the sudden emotional seed.

He sometimes dreamed of that person, the two of them embraced so intimately and loved each other so passionately, as if there were only the two of them left in the world.

I like you.

How many times he said this sentence in his dream, but in reality, he may never have the chance to say it to that person again.Even... He didn't even have the chance to meet that person again.

When his life spanned twenty spring and autumn years, he finally discovered the preciousness of life.

People live in this world to meet the person they like, care about the person they like, and confess to the person they like.

But...he might not have this fate anymore.

So he thought,

It would be great if life could come again and I could like that person again.It would be nice to be able to get closer to that person, and it would be nice to be able to confess to that person.

There are several officers who are eager to pursue themselves... The more popular he is, the more he hates himself; the more he hates himself, the further away he is from his suitors;

It's as if he is a peerless and independent flower.

He is still the same as before, always making mistakes at work, but now it is different, many people will cover up for him, give him a hand, just to change his smile.

He also finally knew that when he was young and ignorant, the things he did with the adult who was related to him by blood were shameless.

Meeting again was so unexpected.

He was captured by that man during the battle!

This is God arranged for them to meet.

he thinks.

So he pounced on... like a moth to seek the only light in his life.

He dropped everything to love.

Then, as if he had fulfilled his lifetime long-cherished wish, he sweetly accepted that person's reserved and domineering tenderness.

When he opened his body to accept that person, he cried again.

This time it was not because of pain, nor because of pain, but because of happiness.

But he didn't know that it was the last day of his happiness.

The next day, that person betrayed him without a second thought!

His heart, which had just been cultivated, was torn to pieces like this.

Although he gained life again, letting this life make him lose his chance to be a human being.

On the surface, he is just weak, but his heart has long been empty.

It was empty, only the man looked at him last, with indifferent eyes.

It was a cannibalistic pain that kept him awake at night while regaining his body.

That person is an anomaly.

He is also an outlier.

They were supposed to be lovers made in heaven.

But that person is a traitor who wants to blend into that world of mortal beings and aliens.

That person... didn't even have the consciousness of being a different kind.

He thought that person understood.

But that person didn't understand anything.

He survived only to see that person again.

see you again

man, or change him, or kill him.

This became the meaning of his survival.

He never made a mistake in his work again.

His excellent work was even admired by his colleagues.

Soon, he got a chance.

Like a drowning man who sees driftwood, he clings desperately to it.

But his boss didn't think so.

His boss is playing a bigger game.

Rather than using the death of an anti-Japanese hero as evidence of martyrdom, it seems better to use a former anti-Japanese hero who threw himself into Japan as propaganda material.

This move started from that person's pro-Japanese father.

Let the father go to Japan to save his son first.

Then let the son have nowhere to go and die.

Finally let the world know that the so-called resistance against Japan is just a joke.

But he has no chance anymore, this is his last chance to take advantage of that person, that person completely falls into his own hands... Chance.

He gave it his all because he only had him.