Pavlov and the White Moonlight

It was a nice, tender New Year's Eve thanks to my parents.Maybe I should also thank Tang Shuhe's mother, she only called Tang Shuhe once in the whole year, Tang Shuhe didn't answer, and she didn't bother him after that.When making dumplings, Tang Shuhe and I played with firecrackers downstairs. I didn’t know that my parents secretly put coins in the dumplings. When eating dumplings in the middle of the night, Tang Shuhe and I ate a coin. I suddenly realized, I said my mother Why did I have to keep making dumplings for the two of us just now? I spat out the coins into my hand, and I heard my dad laughing and said: "Okay, you will pay for the dumplings. This year, you two will be lucky. This... …May all your wishes come true!"

I wanted to laugh a bit, my heart was soft, I lowered my head to stir the soy sauce in the bowl with chopsticks, and said with a low laugh, "Why do you two keep treating us like children?"

"Aren't you two just kids?" my mother said.

My heart seemed to be pulled by something, and I turned my head to look at Tang Shuhe. He was resting his chin on one hand, playing with the two coins we stacked together. He found me looking at him. Boom to me.

I laughed, a little bit like crying.

When it was time to go to bed at night, Tang Shuhe sat on the sofa wearing home clothes after washing. I lay beside him and played with my mobile phone. He even sent me a WeChat message face to face: "Where do I sleep at night?"

I looked up and looked at him inexplicably: "Sleep with me, why not?"

An unspeakable expression appeared on his face, and he whispered, "Is this okay?"

My mother just came out of the bathroom after washing up, and saw the two of us whispering to each other on the sofa, slapping skin care products on our faces and saying, "What's wrong, aren't you sleeping yet?"

I was happy, and pulled him up: "The tea is served and the door is over, why are you so shy-go, go into the room and sleep."

"Xiao Tang, I'm sorry," my mother said behind me, "Then it's fine if you don't let your uncle sleep in the same room with you."

Tang Shuhe's eyes widened in fright, and he suddenly quickened his pace and slipped into my bedroom.

I couldn't help but close the door, and sat on the bed side by side with him, Tang Shuhe looked around my bedroom, I lay back and put my hands behind my head as a pillow: "Well, I've lived in this house for 18 years. "

Tang Shuhe looked very quiet, he shook my hand and stood up.Turning around in this small room, he touched my desk.

It is on this desk that I write the homework he assigns to me.

He sat on the chair in front of the table and touched the alarm clock and desk lamp on my table. I walked over and put my arms around his neck from behind, with my chin resting on the hollow of his shoulder.

"Thank you." I said.

How could I not have noticed? After so many years, he has become such a person. At first, he would subconsciously dodge even my touch, and then he resisted to come closer. Later, he was able to freely accept my body. Contact, how could I not have noticed that every time my parents unconsciously approached him and patted him on the back affectionately, he resisted the stiffness.

He laughed and turned his head to kiss me.

He said, "Well...it's good. Very good."

Lying on the bed in the old house with him, the feeling is very subtle, I can’t say it, but I had a night of fragmented dreams, and for a while I dreamed that when I was 17 years old, I was holding a guitar and singing to him, and I was squeezed by him The collar was pressed against the wall and the kiss was so close that both of us took off from the plane, so we had to open the window to let the cold wind blow in and blow down the evil fire; for a while, I dreamed of that white afternoon, when the hot air from my nose sprayed on his face On board, he held his breath, and there was still ghostly fear in his eyes, but he just looked at me without blinking, I put my hands behind his head, and when the boat entered the port, he straightened up and grabbed Hold me like a life-saving mast.

I woke up briefly.Tang Shuhe was already fast asleep, with his back facing me, showing a thin back, I hugged him from behind, and called his name in a daze, the man answered me half asleep and half awake.

We woke up very early the next day.New Year's Day is often the most boring day. I have finished sending New Year's greetings messages, finished firecrackers, and posted Spring Festival couplets. When I wake up in the morning, I eat leftovers. After eating the leftover New Year's Eve dinner, my mother even ordered a new bowl of noodles for Tang Shuhe , I can only eat leftover dumplings with my dad next to me.After eating, there was nothing to do, so Tang Shuhe and I just nestled on the sofa and watched the replay of the Spring Festival Gala.My mother guessed that we were bored, so she took out my photo album and showed it to Tang Shuhe. Tang Shuhe was still sleepy, but now he regained his energy.

I can't stop my mother, and I can't stop Tang Shuhe, so Tang Shuhe looked at my hundred-day open-crotch photos, one-year-old photos, one-year-old photos, two-year-old photos, three-year-old photos, and the first time I went to kindergarten at the age of four. The railing cried and let me go out to take pictures. When I was seven years old and my parents went to the seaside, my fingers were caught by a small crab and I shook my hands in horror. When I was ten years old, I let go of a squib and my face was covered in black and gray photos. Damn, my mother’s heart is true. It's so big, I still have the mood to take pictures at this time.

My mother laughed out of breath: "I was taken aback at the time, but you didn't hurt anywhere, I just think you look so cute."

My dad interjected in the study: "The eyebrows are burnt!"

Tang Shuhe: "Hahahaha."

I was so embarrassed that I was so embarrassed, Tang Shuhe laughed while holding the photo album, took a look at me, took the time to pat my thigh, and comforted me: "It's so cute."

I sighed and couldn't help laughing too.

In short, those photos were slowly turned over one by one, and my underwear was slowly peeled off one by one. From the embarrassment at the beginning to the insensitivity, when I finally turned to high school, those photos were no longer It was taken by my mother. During my adolescence, I was very reluctant to take pictures. Those photos were taken by the school club.Tang Shuhe looked down at the photos for a while, and said, "The official photos are quite clear, and the angle is good. I want to develop a few and take them back."

"Okay—hey," I sat up straight, "What do you mean, you still have unofficial photos?"

He just laughed, and I shook his shoulder: "God, you secretly photographed me, did you secretly photograph me?"

My mother was so sour by the two of us that she got up and went to the kitchen to drink water.

"Mom! Mom!" I yelled at the top of my voice, "There is an illegitimate fan who secretly took pictures of your son!"

Tang Shuhe was staggered by me, his ears were red, and my mother said, "What kind of raw rice? Didn't you eat dumplings in the morning?"

"...Really," I turned to him and asked, "Where are the photos? Do you still have them?"

He smiled and said, "I accidentally lost it."

"You," I clicked my tongue, "why did you lose it, you..."

A cool breeze blew on the back of my neck, and I suddenly realized——

He, he keeps all my things, just put them in the study, I have seen them all, he still remembers my phone number, how could my photos be lost.

I remembered the words of the female psychiatrist with high cheekbones.

"...Let him remember this painful feeling. Some of those things are movies that can arouse his desire, and some are...your photos."

But apart from that poster, he doesn't have any other photos of me.

"...it's okay, it's okay!" I kissed him, held his face and said, "I'm here now, let's go and take some more photos."

He said, "Huh?"

I put my left leg on Tang Shuhe's right leg, swayed and said, "How about it, do you want to go back to No. [-] Middle School?"

He thought about it and said yes.I slapped my hands, put my arms around his neck and said, "Let's go to the playground to see, there is also the third floor, the two big poplar trees at the door were cut down and you didn't look at them, I don't know if new saplings have been planted, and there is also a basketball court." , Theater Lecture Hall... I haven't been back for many years, I don't know what it looks like, so I took a few photos and sent them to Li Rui, Yu Sihai, Liu Hongbo and the others. Do you want to go and see Teacher Gu... No, New Year's Eve On the first day of the new year, people are also on vacation."

I did what I said, and I stood up: "Hurry up, change your clothes, the weather is fine today, and there is snow, it must be beautiful to take pictures."

He sat there without moving, just looked at me and smiled, a little hesitant.My smile also faded, I looked at him and held out my hand to him.

"Baby," I said, "Those things can't always remain in the background of your memory and mine, we have to add some new things on top of it."

He holds my hand.

"I know," he whispered, "my legs are numb from sitting on you."

……mom!My cotton trousers!

Fortunately, my parents don’t have the habit of throwing away old things on a regular basis. There are still two pieces of my high school uniform at the bottom of the box at home. Last time I came back, I happened to see the students of No. [-] Middle School coming home from school. The style of the school uniform on them is different from that of eight years ago It's not big, you can't tell the difference unless you look closely.Tang Shuhe and I can only put on school uniforms bulging out of down jackets. No matter how thin or tall a person is, they look like two big Libas. Everyone wore it like this in high school, and it looks really ugly now.Wearing old clothes and walking on the old road to school, that part of the road is really in a trance, like walking in old photos.The feeling of being in a dream disappeared when I walked to the school gate.

What about you, Sanzhong, I didn't expect you to be so rich.

Several new buildings were newly built in the No. [-] Middle School. It seems that the old buildings have also been redecorated. The automatic retractable gate has also installed a face recognition system. With these broken systems, the recognition of Tang Shuhe shows "recognition failure", and when it recognizes me, it shows "Illegal biological invasion."

Me: "...fuck?"

What illegal creature, Nian Beast?

The security guard at the security booth wore a big leather hat, stuck out his head, looked at the two of us, and said, "Which class is it?"

I waved my hand: "Uncle, I'm from Grade [-] Literature ([-]) class, I just transferred from No. [-] Middle School, and I haven't entered the face yet."

The security guard said: "Why do you come to school for the New Year's Eve?"

"Come and play basketball if you have nothing to do." I said.

He waved his hand and let us both in.We both went in for a while, and he came out again: "Come play basketball, the basketball court has just snowed and it's slippery, I'll clean it for you."

"No need," I was startled, "no need, uncle, really no need, we two are going to play in the snow, you hurry back, ah, it's very cold."

The security guard and I pushed back for a long time, but I finally pushed him back.

"Oh my God," I said to Tang Shuhe, "this uncle is too enthusiastic. I will go out and admit my mistakes to him later. We both graduated eight... hey, nine years."

Tang Shuhe shook his head and smiled, stepping on the snow quietly. It snowed all night at Thirty-Eight, and no one cleaned it on the first day of the new year. The playground was white, very quiet and empty, only the sound of our breathing and footsteps.The basketball court has been expanded, with a new plastic court and a new basket. I stepped on the snow and jumped up to reach the basket. Then I turned around and asked Tang Shuhe, "Have you ever photographed here?"

He shook his head.I waved my hand to signal him to step back: "Here, against the light, take a picture of my shadow."

I jumped up and made a dunk motion.

He nodded to me with his mobile phone, and I ran over: "Let me see how the filming is going..."

... and I can say that it has nothing to do with imagination.How can I describe what he shoots.

That is, an afterimage.

A lanky ghost with its back to the sun.

"What is this!" I said, "I believe even if you say that this shadow is Lu Bowen!"

He couldn't laugh or cry, snatched back the phone and looked at it again: "No, is it that bad?"

I shook my head and went to hold his hand: "Come on, let's go to the lecture hall of the theater."

The auditorium of the theater is locked, and he and I lie at the door to watch.The door of the lecture hall has not been wiped for a long time, and it rubbed the dust on the sleeves of the school uniforms of the two of us. The drama festival was held here back then, and now the shotgun has been changed here. It turns out that when we were in school, there was only a small stage. A large overhead light, a row of small colorful lights and a follow spot light that can only change between yellow and white. Now you can see that the things in the main control room have become high-end and complicated from a distance.

"Shooting?" I said.

He nodded, stuck his phone against the window glass, and took a picture of the inside.

"What about me?" I asked.

He didn't answer for a while, looking at the stage through the screen of his mobile phone, as if it was still vaguely the same.

"You are here," he said.

I froze for a moment and laughed.

He put away his mobile phone, leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth, patted the ashes on both of us, and said softly: "Let's go, go and have a look elsewhere."

No new saplings were planted at the entrance of the third floor, and it was replaced with a piece of permeable bricks. The canteen has not changed, it is still there, but the door is not open, after all, it is the first day of the new year.The gate on the third floor was also locked. We stood in front of the rain-proof platform at the entrance of the building and looked inside for a while. The memories that appeared in my mind were not coherent. Most of the time, I just held his hand and stood there. There, looking at the locked door, I always feel that maybe for a moment, in the ringing of the bell, a group of young people from that year will come out from there, and two of them ran past our shoulders without looking back.

We left there.

The uneven bars next to the playground are still the same. I put my hands on the horizontal bar, flipped it up with all my strength, clapped my hands, and said, "It's okay, your brother Huai is not old."

Tang Shuhe stood below, smiled, and said, "Can you still... turn it down like you did back then?"

"Hanging the golden hook upside down," I said, "Shu Xiaohe, please be sober, I'm almost thirty."

He rubbed his nose and smiled.

I held out my hand to him: "Come up."

He shook his head, meaning that I don't need to pull him. He lifted his long legs and sat up.

He swayed his legs slightly, looked at the empty white snow in the distance, and said, "I don't know what happened to Lu Bowen and Xiao Ke."

"Didn't I just watch the video yesterday... I also miss them a little bit." I said.

He nodded, took out his phone, and took a picture of the playground in the distance.

For a while, neither he nor I spoke, and the white breath he exhaled disappeared into the wind. For a moment, I knew that he and I thought of the same thing.

"Do you... still play that guitar?" he asked.

"No. I haven't played it anymore," I said. "I haven't sung it to anyone else. Do you want me to sing it again?"

He was silent for a while, shaking his head and smiling.

I was also happy and said: "Okay."

There is no need to sing any more, to say something, it seems that there is no need to say any more.All the past is here, and I just watched it with him.

Everything was quiet, only the sound of our breathing and the sound of a person stepping on the snow became more and more clear, and a person ran towards us.

It's the man in the security room.

He ran faster and faster, and said as he ran, "Hey, you two, you two!"

"Don't worry! Run slowly, uncle!" I said.

The old man ran up to us and said out of breath, "I just realized it, hey, we reformed the college entrance examination two or three years ago, so there is no liberal arts class, where did you two come from?"

Tang Shuhe and I looked at each other, pursed our lips, and jumped off the horizontal bar.

"Uncle, I'm sorry," I said, "We are both students of No. [-] Middle School. It's been almost ten years since we graduated. We finally came back to visit our alma mater."

"Ah?" Uncle Security looked at the school uniforms of both of us, and stamped his feet in a bit of embarrassment, "You... you can let you in if you change the usual, it's not a big deal, and there are always people coming in, just now the dean came. Well, I'm prone to trouble, why don't you hurry up and leave, I'm sorry."

"Which dean?" Tang Shuhe suddenly asked, "Is it still the dean?"

"Which king...Wang Hongwei, right?" said the uncle, "He's already promoted to vice principal!...You two should hurry up and go out from the small door, that one doesn't have face recognition."

"Can't the two of us climb over the wall?" I said.

The uncle was amused: "Climb over the wall, my brother, you still think it's you, and it's all under surveillance!"

"...Okay Uncle." I patted Tang Shuhe's arm, "Let's go?"

He nodded and said, "Let's go."

He and I turned around, and heard the old man say behind us: "I'm leaving, brother, I'm sorry!"

Who cares who is called brother? Uncle!I pulled Tang Shuhe up and ran away: "Run, the dean is here!"

The two of us ran in the direction of the small side gate, where there were few people and only our two footprints were left. Tang Shuhe was pulled by me, and the two of us stumbled in the snow. I heard him laughing out of breath behind me. Out of breath, our palms are hot, the wind messes up our hair, and the snow is kicked up by us, flying in the sun like diamonds, floating for a while in those reckless, bright old days, and slowly Fall slowly, gently back to the ground.

Finish.

The author has something to say:

"Look, look, all the past is here." - "Yu Zhen" Fu Lu Shou

This book is quite special, and it will probably be more complete after the extra episode is finished, so I won’t beg for long comments from everyone, hahaha, I’ll wait until the full text is finished.

Thank you all for being patient and telling me this story.See you later.