Pavlov and the White Moonlight

He was very calm when he said that sentence, so calm that I didn't realize what he actually said.

He said: "Don't make this call again, let's not contact each other."

I stuck my shell full of enthusiasm: "Huh?"

He repeated: "I said no..."

"Are you Tang Shuhe?" I asked.

He said, "It's me."

"No," I smiled quickly, "You, what's the matter with you, if you are kidnapped, just cough."

He said, "No."

"Don't play tricks on me." I said.

I suddenly felt that it was too hot, and the sunlight streaming down from the leaves was particularly dazzling. Sparks fell on me like sparks, scorching people from hole to hole. I always felt that I would not be able to hold the seafood in my hand for a second. The soy sauce bottle was gone, so I slowly leaned against the tree, then squatted down, and put the bottle horizontally on the ground. Tang Shuhe didn't speak, so I said, "Wait a minute, Tang Shuhe, just wait a moment."

I closed my eyes and said, "Are you serious?"

Tang Shuhe sighed softly and said, "Yes."

I said, "Why."

Tang Shuhe was silent for a while, and said, "I've thought a lot since we separated, and I'm tired."

"Are you tired? Are you fucking tired?" I couldn't believe it at all, "Did your parents tell you to say that? Did they force you? Tang Shuhe, tell me what happened in the past few months , What did they do to you, you, tell me first, did you go to school, did you go, have you been locked up at home all the time! Have you been brainwashed! "

"I'm going to class," he said.

I said, "Did they force you to transfer schools, taking advantage of the few days when you were sleeping?"

He didn't deny it: "At first it was, but later... I figured it out."

"Have you figured it out? What kind of ecstasy did they give you to make you say such nonsense, what's wrong with you Tang Shuhe, are you fucking crazy!"

He said, "You don't do this. Just do it. I hang up."

"You can't fucking hang up! Tang Shuhe! Listen to me, if you... If you feel that you can't hold on, we can separate for a while, and then you, you go to college and leave your parents for a while, then we can talk about this matter Is things okay? I think you, you are not right now."

"No need," he said, "I'm tired."

He said: "Maybe it was a struggle at the beginning, and I couldn't move."

"You don't need to struggle! Why are you struggling!" I said, "Aren't you afraid of being beaten, Tang Shuhe, didn't you fucking say you hate submitting, don't you hate submitting, you said it yourself!"

He was silent.

I have been unconsciously digging the seepage bricks on the ground with my hands. I looked at the blurred lines on those seepage bricks: "So you gave in."

"It's nothing to do with them anymore, Lu Huai," he sighed, his tone was like a cup of Kuding tea that had been brewed four or five times, he said, "I'm just very tired."

It's strange, I thought it was hot just now, but now it's cold, probably because I have a fever.I said, "You can't do this to me."

"I'm sorry," he said, and hung up the phone.

I held the phone in a daze for a long time, and then suddenly remembered that between us, it started with Tang Shuhe's sorry and ended with Tang Shuhe's sorry.

It was funny, and I just laughed.Laughing softly, suddenly I found a black beetle crawling out of my collar, I leaned against the tree, and the bug crawled into my clothes at some point.I flicked the bugs off, and then there was a sudden burst of maniacal laughter.

I smiled and walked home, my mother opened the door for me, and complained as she opened the door: "It took so long to buy soy sauce, and I finished my meal-what are you laughing at, picking up money?"

"Mom," I said with a shaky smile, "I got dumped."

My mom reacted quickly—much faster than I did.After being stunned for half a second, she quickly squeezed out a smile and said, "It's okay, it's okay, let's eat first, mom has finished the meal."

I said, "I'll go back and lie down for a while, I can't eat anything."

I originally thought that the combination of cold and heat would definitely lead to a serious illness, but I just slept, sleeping in the dark, my dreams were messy and chaotic, and occasionally mixed with my out of breath laughter that was broken in the summer wind.

When I woke up, it was dark, and I was lying in a dazed state, unable to open my eyes. I heard my dad sneak into my room and said in a low voice, "I'm still awake, should I be sent to the hospital?"

My mom seemed to push him out.I opened my eyes, my throat was very dry, and my voice was very strange.

I said: "It's evening, you and my dad don't wait for me, let's eat first."

My mother's face suddenly twitched. She sat on the head of my bed, touched my forehead, and said with a smile, "Silly boy, it's already the second day."

oh.I slept all day and all night.My mother asked, "Are you hungry?"

I said: "It's okay."

My mother put her arms around my head, put her face on my hair, and patted my stomach gently, one by one, as I did when I was a child. She said softly, "It will be fine when you grow up."

Moonlight like shattered glass.

At the end of that relationship, I was not at all decent.I was confused and puzzled, and couldn't figure out what was going on. In just over three months, he was no longer mine.For a while, I wondered if Tang Shuhe's father beat him again, and he couldn't bear it so he said that, and for a while, I wondered if they were brainwashing Tang Shuhe every day while preventing Tang Shuhe from contacting me, so that Tang Shuhe "figured it out", myself I don't know which one makes me feel sadder.I was dazed and dazed, as if I was suddenly awakened by a slap in the face of a sweet dream, and I always felt a sense of dislocation of "it's obviously not like this".In the days after the college entrance examination, in the days when all beings reveled, drank and sang, and bid farewell to their youth, I was the only one who was full of ugly behaviors and entangled endlessly. I wanted to see him. After all, I just wanted to see him again. he.

But he always refused to see me again.I don't know why he resisted seeing me so much, I suspect he has injuries.Yu Sihai saved a game, and there were still a few people from that party, only Li Rui chose to repeat the college entrance examination because he failed the college entrance examination and did not come.Yu Sihai finally dragged Tang Shuhe out after coaxing and coaxing him, God is so pitiful, Yu Sihai was able to call Tang Shuhe out.They sang in a KTV. Originally, Yu Sihai meant that he called Tang Shuhe out first, and then I went there. Although I felt that doing so was really stalking, I still went.I stood at the door of the box, in the dark corridor, and Yu Sihai kept sending me messages on my mobile phone, urging me to go in quickly, saying that Tang Shuhe was leaving, and I put my hand on the doorknob of the box, saying nothing No strength.I saw a photo sent to me by Yu Sihai. In the dim light of the KTV, Tang Shuhe was sitting in the corner of the sofa with his arms folded, staring down at the beer basket on the ground in a daze. Irritable and cold, not at all like the Tang Shuhe in my memory, I looked at the person in the photo, and suddenly lost all the courage to push the door in.I can't imagine that Tang Shuhe will look at me with that kind of eyes after I go in, and I can't bear it either.I pressed my forehead against the door, and sent a message to Yu Sihai: "Take a look at his body for injuries, old and new are all counted."

Yu Sihai replied quickly: "I looked at it, I looked at it when we hugged, it didn't hurt, come in quickly, I can't hold him back! Why is he like a little wild dog!"

I said, "I'm not going in."

Yu Sihai said: "You are fucking hypocritical!"

I said, "You...can you persuade him to answer the phone?"

It seemed that Yu Sihai was really angry, he even typed out the word "fuck" and sent it to me.

I called Tang Shuhe.The ringer rang for a long time before he picked it up: "Hello."

I leaned against the door panel and slowly slid to the ground.I said, "Tang Shuhe...can you hear me? Is it very noisy over there?"

He sighed, and all of a sudden, the surroundings became quiet, he should have entered the bathroom that comes with the box.

His voice still didn't change, he said softly, "What's wrong?"

When I heard him ask what's the matter softly, I couldn't hold back for a while, and a drop of water suddenly fell on the back of my hand.I wiped it off and said, "I... haven't seen you for a long time, and I want to talk to you."

He was silent.

I curled up and said, "Well... you're going to be, like, on track, back to your normal life, right?"

He paused and said, "Yes. I don't know either."

"It's good. Your parents won't treat you like before. It's good."

Tang Shuhe didn't speak.

I said, "Actually, if you don't want to struggle and get tired, we can, we can not be like before, we can quietly, without letting your parents know..."

"Lu Huai," he said, "don't do this."

Then how the hell can you do this to me.I buried my face in my hands, my throat was so tight that I couldn't speak, and my hands were full of water.

He didn't speak or hang up, just listened silently, after a long while, he said softly: "Lu Huai, I hope you will be well."

"Then," I said, "then we are, broken, broke up?"

He said yes.

After I asked this sentence, I suddenly realized that even if there was only one door away, I was no longer qualified to hug him.

I said, "I see."

I slowly got up and walked out from the corridor of KTV.There were different singing voices coming from various boxes along the way, and I kept praying that I would not hear that song, please don’t let me hear that song, I stumbled and escaped, luckily I didn’t hear the song "Faith".

I was ignorant, and I had a big dream with vigor and vitality, and it was written off.

Later, I was admitted to that university in Beijing. After graduation, I wrote, published books, and wrote scripts. I lived in Building 3, Building A, Unit 205, Boya Family, raised a golden retriever named Lu Bowen, and met Wen Ruixiu, a literary youth. .Li Rui did better than the previous year after repeating the exam for a year, Yu Sihai was in a city far away from me, Liu Hongbo went abroad, and so did Xu Ru.We get together occasionally.As for him... as for him.

Eight years later, he stopped calling my name at Li Rui's wedding.

"Will not go again."

"Give me a contact method."

"Do you believe that love is an instinct."

"I've been thinking, I think you still have a stomachache? Do you still drink coffee? Do you still stay up late? Do you still drink that brand of beer? Do you still play that piano?"

"Brother Huai, have you been happy these eight years?"

"It's either you lower your head for me, or I'm too fucking mean."

"But I really miss you, Shu Xiaohe."

Knowing that the wind and dust are deer and deer, youth is wasted, but he turns back three times every step.

The author has something to say: