uncut

It's a pity that spring ended earlier than Ji Jian thought.

He sat in a daze, the soft touch that just passed quickly in his mind was still there.It is said that rough people can't do fine work, so he just stumbled for a while, and then magnified and figured out the little details just now in his heart over and over again.

Before he could recall it enough, he heard someone calling him from behind: "Ji Jian."

The person who spoke was Zhu Xiaohong, she was leaning against the door frame, her face had a strange plateau blush from drinking.Playing crazy, the high-tied ponytail also let out several bunches, messy on the cheeks.Her appearance can't be described as cute, the corners of her eyes are raised slightly at an angle, so when she's not smiling, she doesn't seem so approachable, as if she's provoking something.

But when she faced the world, her face was full of youthful pride.Ji Jian often made comparisons secretly in his heart. He wrote an overly old-fashioned metaphor in his diary - he was obviously the same age as Zhu Xiaohong, but he seemed to be tortured to death by his own thoughts.Just like a tree, it looks good, but its roots begin to rot quietly in places where the sun doesn't shine.

"Let's take a look at Zhenzhen, she is asleep too." Zhu Xiaohong paused before continuing, her words made Ji Jian feel relieved.

"Okay." He got up quickly as if he wanted to clear something up.

In the living room of the Shao family, Shao Zhenzhen was sleeping soundly on the sofa alone, her sleeping position was similar to that of her brother, one curled up into a bulging crescent, and the other collapsed into a full moon.Ji Jian picked up a coat of Shao Youguang that was hanging on the back of the sofa next to him, and wanted to cover her body.

"What are you doing?" Zhu Xiaohong asked him.

Ji Jian didn't bother to answer her, but Zhu Xiaohong didn't care either.Then he added: "I said just now."

Ji Jian paused for a few seconds while maintaining the slightly bent posture of covering his clothes.Then he straightened up, turned around and looked at Zhu Xiaohong.

After all, he was still much taller than her, and when he looked down at her from above, he became that "Ji Jian" again.

He almost forgot what he was like, showing his thorns indifferently and isolated.Those thorns that Shao Youguang thought he had removed were actually not, they were just put away for him.

But Zhu Xiaohong is also worthy of being Zhu Xiaohong. She once represented the school and won multiple championships in the Zhiyin Cup Speech Contest in one fell swoop.The theme is how to maintain the original aspiration of Marxism.

She pointed out the question sharply: "Why do you kiss him? Do you like him too?"

"I..." Ji Jian messed up.

He was a little confused for a moment, why should I not.If everything in the world is really fair and just, then what is the difference between men and women.Just like why women are always left behind, why can't men love men?

This is the biggest question in Ji Jian's mind.

Zhu Xiaohong asked him why, and he also asked why.

"You guys won't have a future. If Shao Youguang knew that his best friend regarded him as that, he would be so disgusting. You can't even be friends." The girl suppressed her voice, but couldn't hold back her raised tone. .As soon as she became emotional, her cheeks and cheekbones turned red, and her clear and bright eyes opened wider.

It's a standoff.

Ji Jian could only explain helplessly: "I just like him, just like you like him."

"So," Zhu Xiaohong sat down on the armrest of the sofa, "you don't dare to tell him, otherwise why would you kiss him secretly."

Ji Jian looked at her and subconsciously denied it.

"I dare to tell Shao Youguang that I like him tomorrow, can you?"

"Look, you feel like you can't see the light." Zhu Xiaohong laughed.

The one who was doomed to lose this game was Ji Jian. When Zhu Xiaohong spit out the light "disgusting" from his mouth, Ji Jian didn't know what to say.So who did he lose to? Is it his meager courage or the incompatibility of the world that stood in opposition to him?

Ji Jian was strangely not flustered, this was the first time his secret was exposed to others, and there was a ridiculous contest of strength between them.

Life and death are not decided by others, but now they have become a thread held in Zhu Xiaohong's hands.

"Don't worry, I won't tell others, and I won't tell Shao Youguang." But Zhu Xiaohong is still a girl, and she thought it was revenge and let him go, "Your secret should rot in your stomach." , then you will never have a chance."

"I'm not afraid of you telling him." This is Ji Jian's courage. He thinks of Zhao Ziyun who has ridden thousands of miles on the battlefield alone. It is obviously a matter of self-willedness, but he can't fulfill loyalty and righteousness. His courage is neither loyal nor righteous. of.

"No, I don't want to tell him." The redness on the girl's cheeks receded, and when she smiled, she looked innocent again with the corners of her eyes bent. She shrugged and continued.

"So, in exchange for secrets, you can help me chase him. Anyway, it's impossible for you."

Zhu Xiaohong smiled slyly.

That night, Ji Jian returned home on time as Song Manzhi wished.A large bowl full of beef bone soup was brought out in front of him.Ji Jian couldn't take a few sips.

Song Manzhi didn't scold the child for being ignorant like other mothers, she nodded, forget about eating, put the bowl in the kitchen, I'll clean it up later.

"I come……"

"No, you can read a book." Song Manzhi probably smiled.Her short hair is like an umbrella under the dim light, supporting this small family.

Spring is coming to an end, and the night is already quite hot and sweaty.Ji Jian didn't notice it, but he felt it from the old men and women who began to appear downstairs carrying stools to enjoy the shade.

As soon as the hot wind blows, it brings in a lot of noise from the cracks in the windows.Ji Jian stood by the window and listened for a while. From this angle, he could see that the lights of Shao Youguang's house were on. It was probably because the siblings had woken up. The two shadows, one big and one small, were shrouded in dim yellow, shaking like a shadow play. .Then Ji Jian remembered that he forgot to cover him with a piece of clothing before he left.But in this kind of weather, you can't catch a cold.

He felt as if he heard Shao Youguang complaining, why did everyone leave after falling asleep?Immediately afterwards, some other voices leaked out. It was the father-in-law of Aunt Xiaoqin from the third-floor family who came to live. Recently, as soon as the sky turned dark, she would always sit in the courtyard of the textile factory and listen to a play with the radio in her arms.

Ji Jian was fascinated, he couldn't help listening to a few more sentences.In the blink of an eye, Song Manzhi was still sitting at the dining table, staring blankly with his chin propped, as if he was living in another world.Ji Jian still asked her: "Mom, if there is one thing that you think is right, but other people in the world think you are wrong, what should you do?"

Song Manzhi came back to her senses, and she asked puzzledly: "Why do you do this kind of thing? Since the crowd agrees that it is right, then there are only a few who are wrong." Then she suddenly smiled, and a little girlish smile appeared in the corner of her eyes. With such innocence, a cluster of light flashed brightly.

"Listen," she tilted her ears, "this one is singing "Changban Po". When I was young, my mother took me to Siping Road to listen to the opera. How well the characters sang at that time Ah, I still remember that there was a famous person who pretended to be Zhao Zilong, and his stage name was Mingyuelou..."

But Ji Jian didn't have the patience to listen to her, and walked further and further into the room.

Shao Youguang woke up that day, the house was quiet, only Shao Zhenzhen was still sound asleep.For this day, he asked Ji Jian and Zhu Xiaohong why they were so dishonest, and they left as soon as they said they wanted to, without saying a word.

"What happened next?" he asked more than once.

Zhu Xiaohong just laughed and said that you, the master, passed out after just two drinks, so why should we keep it.

Shao Youguang's face turned dark, can you stop mentioning this all the time.

Ji Jian didn't know what Zhu Xiaohong meant by helping her chase him, but all he could do was stay away from them at this time.He also didn't want to see such a happy moment when they laughed.

The day Zhao Fengqiu came back was already a week later.Shao Zhenzhen has not been away from her mother for such a long time since she was born. She still can't understand why her mother disappeared. The way she misses someone is very direct. She only opens the window to look out when she comes back from school, or cries in the dead of night. Shao Youguang coaxed for a long time.

So Shao Youguang became secretly angry, why did his grandfather fall ill, and how could Zhao Fengqiu be such an irresponsible mother, leaving his little sister as a monk and just walking away.

She finally came back, and when she turned the corner of the row of houses in front with a dusty suitcase, Shao Zhenzhen really waited for her.Zhao Fengqiu was far away when she saw a small figure lying on the window and waving her hands, so she quickened her pace and walked home, she suddenly realized that she had been away from home for a long time, this feeling made her want to cry , because before returning to her natal home, she thought her real home was another.The wind passed through her short hair, which was not so neatly cut. It didn't feel good, and she hadn't gotten used to it yet.

But this is not that important anymore, the small door with half torn Spring Festival couplets on it opened with a light push, and Shao Zhenzhen had already opened the door and waited behind it.

She smiled and squatted down to touch her daughter's head: "Why are you lying on the window?"

Shao Zhenzhen blushed, and said embarrassedly: "My brother went to buy me bread buns, I am looking forward to the buns."

Zhao Fengqiu couldn't help laughing out loud, her voice filled the corridor.Song Manzhi just opened the door at this time, and glanced at her when passing by.

"Back?" She smiled instead.

"You didn't do anything bad, did you, these two children?" Zhao Fengqiu said familiarly.

"How could it be?" Song Manzhi smiled decently, and she left after exchanging a few words of greeting.

Only then did the mother and daughter close the door and whisper.

Did your brother bully you?

So Shao Zhenzhen reported a lot of evil things to Shao Youguang.Zhao Fengqiu also listened.Shao Zhenzhen walked around her while talking, watching her open the suitcase and pack her things, and suddenly asked: "Mom, where is the gift you said you wanted to bring me?"

"You said you would bring me a present when you went out this time."

What she looked at Zhao Fengqiu was such an innocent face, with flickering eyes, her face was really like a peach that had just been on the market in early summer, even the tiny fluff full of milk fragrance.

Zhao Fengqiu hadn't looked in the mirror for a long time. When she looked up, she saw her own face reflected in the mirror on the big drawer, and she suddenly felt a little strange.

When did you grow up like this?

The sun outside should be good on this day.So that the sun is a bit harsh.The sensitivity of the lacrimal glands was magnified ten times, and she suddenly felt that her face and soul were torn apart, and the eyes that were the only windows to her soul were swollen to death.

Zhao Fengqiu hugged Shao Zhenzhen and cried bitterly in such a fine weather.

She has seldom cried since giving birth.Now she seemed to cry out all the grievances she had suffered for decades. She could have felt that the most grievance was why her husband died so early, why in a blink of an eye she was already a middle-aged woman with seniors and juniors, Why is life so barren and cramped.

But it wasn't until this moment that she realized that what she felt wronged the most were the trivial things——

She cried for the long hair she had cut off, and also for the few dollars that the female worker next to her on the assembly line had borrowed from her, and for the crabapple flowers that had fallen all over the yard.She hated every one of her relatives, she cried for her father's complaint when she was sick, she cried for the gold necklace she exchanged for money to help her elder son go to school, and she also cried for the little girl's childish interrogative sentence, she had no chance to go to school. This promise has been promised, and sometimes there is not much difference between a promise and a lie.

But she can't blame these things, and no one has the right to admit mistakes for other people's lives.So she can only cry sadly for herself.

She felt that her life was broken, but she still had to piece it together to live.Just because she's the one who put the feathers back on the chicken.

Shao Zhenzhen was frightened, she froze in Zhao Fengqiu's arms with her eyes open, and finally burst into tears.

The suitcase was spread out alone on the ground, and several clothes fell out.It's really like a certain "human" situation.

Shao Youguang came back from buying buns, and watched everything at the door.But Zhao Fengqiu cried so seriously that he didn't notice him.So Shao Youguang quietly left again.

He squatted on the concrete steps at the door of the unit, the moss that climbed up from the corner of the wall in the sunlight turned yellow and scorched.It turns out that this kind of plant is really going to live and die.

Shao Youguang lowered his head, and he heard Shao Zhenzhen's loud sobs occasionally mixed with a few suppressed sobs—that belonged to Zhao Fengqiu.

Zhao Fengqiu was always laughing and cursing at the same time, looking heartless, as if there was nothing difficult in life between laughing and cursing.She still has a beautiful face and a figure that is not out of shape.Shao Youguang noticed that Xiao Huang, the son of the head of the textile factory, was always courteous from time to time.It's okay, if she wants, she always has the right to pursue her own love.But the image of such a woman, and the one sitting on the ground in the room with her shoulder blades raised high and trembling, how could it be the same person?Who is she, Shao Youguang can't see clearly, it turns out that the short hair is not beautiful, she no longer looks like a real person, but like a butterfly that has been broken, or never grew wings.

It was only then that Shao Youguang remembered that Zhao Fengqiu had never brought the gold necklace she used as a dowry when she got married again.Bingdilian is forged on it, which means a beautiful and happy life.

When did it start, he wondered a little confused.Those golden lights finally merged with the cold light refracted by the copper buttons on the new skirt bought by the principal's wife of the middle school he was studying.

He didn't know why Zhao Fengqiu was crying, but it seemed reasonable.He also suddenly realized that life is not what one wants.The world is so big, it is sad to pick it up anywhere.What overlapped with Zhao Fengqiu's trembling figure was actually Ji Jian's face.Shao Youguang really looked up the meaning of the word "Jian" in the red dictionary. He understood it as newborn feathers, so does this mean that they are soft and fragile, or, he thought subjectively, the word It is so similar to Yi that he misread it at first.And shadows and light are accompanied by each other.

But no soil can nourish light and shadow at the same time.

For the first time, Shao Youguang understood that if he loves someone presumptuously, he will have to pay a huge price.

If many years later, he will feel that he realized it too early, and he hasn't had time to express his love yet.But in that year, Shao Youguang felt that it was too late, too late.

That evening, when he walked into the house again, Zhao Fengqiu was already cooking in the kitchen.Hearing the sound of the door opening, he complained loudly: "I'm going to die, I've been shopping for something for so long, where are you fooling around again?"

As soon as the chili was put into the pot, there was a sizzling sound.The choking smoke gripped the entire room invisibly, making people's throats itch, and Shao Youguang felt that his eyes were also sore from the smoke.

He walked into the kitchen and stood behind his mother as the spatula turned.Zhao Fengqiu turned around and stared at him in surprise: "Why don't you want to go to the kitchen today? Hurry up and get out of the way."

"I'm sorry." The upper and lower lips touched.

"What did you say?" Zhao Fengqiu didn't hear clearly, she held the handle of the pot with one hand and turned the vegetables out, and at the same time, with a little bit of energy, she turned off the gas switch.

"I said, I'm sorry." Shao Youguang's throat was dry, and his eyes were dry too.He guessed that his eyes were red, so that his hands clenched into fists unconsciously.

"I did it on purpose."

"what?"

"I didn't pass the exam on purpose, Mom, I'm a bastard, I'm sorry... I just want to stay for another year, I..."

He looked at Zhao Fengqiu, and there was a trace of bewilderment in her slightly swollen eyes.

"You hit me," he couldn't help roaring out in a low voice, "you hit me, I just want to stay with him for another year, I..."

I actually like him, but it's hard for him to say anything.But he knew from Zhao Fengqiu's reddened eyes that she knew.

She knows the child she gave birth to better than anyone else, and she can easily spy out who this "he" is.

"Snapped."

Slap down.But Zhao Fengqiu's hand was really light, and it was not enough to match Shao Youguang's huge guilt at this moment.He hoped that she would yell at him in a rage, that she would drive him out of the house, or make him kneel down and repent.

Shao Youguang stood here with his head tilted, still looking at Zhao Fengqiu.The numb pain floating on the left cheek is the nail that nailed him here.

What is nailed together are his carefree youth, his carefree and cynical days, and his throbbing, self-moving young love that he thought was beautiful.

He didn't regret the year he stayed for Ji Jian at all.The trajectory of his life that he changed was refusing to enter a third-rate school or vocational school with third-rate grades and continue to dawdle.

He only felt that his appearance was hideous, but there seemed to be no solution to all this.

Zhao Fengqiu let out a long breath from the bottom of his throat, as if trying to suppress something.

He still decided to say it: "Mom, the person I like is Ji..."

"Stop it," Zhao Fengqiu interrupted him, with tears in her eyes, shaking her head desperately, "Come talk to me about this when you are capable."

She stopped looking at him, turned around, and suddenly sneered: "Do you know what love is? You come to tell me love, sorry for me? How can you make your love stand?"

"A year spent in vain? With your self-righteous courage?"

"Why do you tell me that you love someone? I don't care about morality. You don't need to come and confess to me. If one day, you really have the ability to... love him, that's your awesomeness. I can't control you .”

"I…"

"I hit you because you lied to me." Zhao Fengqiu swiped the spatula twice, making harsh noises. She pointed to the plate of stir-fried shredded carrots with peppers next to her. "Okay, take it out and eat."

Seeing Shao Youguang still not moving, she raised her voice: "Hurry up, Shao Zhenzhen has long said that he is hungry."

"Okay." Shao Youguang finally found his voice.He answered her not only this sentence, but everything she had just told him.

He was lying in bed that night, and he suddenly wanted to get out of here very much.He wanted to take Zhao Fengqiu out of this small city, he wanted to give her and Zhenzhen a better life, at least, he didn't want her to cry so sad anymore.

He knew, he knew, he was the only man in the family, not a boy.If possible, he would like to buy a necklace for Zhao Fengqiu, preferably a style she likes. She can also grow her hair long, no matter how old she is.

She is a woman, she is a working woman, she is a widow, she is a maiden, and she will always retain her right to be a little girl.And "mother" is her responsibility and cannot be her label.

At the same time, he also secretly made up his mind that he would become someone capable of loving Ji Jian.

He couldn't measure when this love started, but he wanted it to extend indefinitely.

This piece of sky can no longer accommodate him. "Get out, get out of here".

There was such a voice that began to shout in his mind, getting louder and louder.

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