Jade is not jade

Yu Nian's mood was very complicated. The conjecture that Yang Jiayue might be Yu Yue did not come after returning to his hometown.

The first time I saw Ah Si, those eyes that were similar to those in my memory, and the familiar affection for that person made Yu Nian look forward to it—if only he was Yu Yue.

He would cry when he heard himself talking about the past. He once said that he wanted to be his elder brother. His parents divorced and lived with his mother, but he lived alone. He liked spicy food and rice cakes. He called himself Xiaonian and asked himself if When I found my brother, what would I want to tell him the most...

I impulsively called Yang Jiayue "brother" more than once, but I have subconsciously regarded him as Yu Yue, right?

But the fact that he fell in love with his cousin was hard for Yu Nian to accept, so he instinctively tended to believe that Yu Yue was someone else, and those similarities were just a coincidence.However, Murphy's Law once again confirms that things tend to go in the direction we avoid.

Yang Jiayue's apology was regarded as acquiescing - it turned out that he not only knew that he liked him, but also always knew that he was his cousin.No wonder he never made any further intimacy with himself, no wonder he was always patient, always smacking, and always reluctant to express his feelings...

At the moment of confirming the truth, a stone in Yu Nian's heart fell.He should be happy, because the wish of many years has come true.

But that mood was covered by a huge depression - he had been kept in the dark for so long, and even now Yang Jiayue was unwilling to open his heart to himself!

He really wanted to ask why aloud, or vent his anger by punching and kicking Yang Jiayue... But his mother was sleeping in the master bedroom separated by a wall, and he couldn't do anything except suffer silently.

Yu Nian was also disappointed by Yang Jiayue's silence, and he fell asleep with his back behind his back.

When he woke up the next day, Yu Nian was not in good spirits, Yang Jiayue also looked haggard, and he didn't sleep much all night.

The atmosphere was awkward, Yang Jiayue asked, "Where is Auntie?"

Yang Jiayue's hoarse voice and sexy eyes were Yu Nian's favorite when he first woke up, but he didn't intend to forgive him easily, so he said coldly, "Go to work."

Mother Yu left early in the morning, cooked eight-treasure porridge for the two children and kept them warm in the pot. After washing their faces, they ate breakfast face to face in silence.

Yang Jiayue asked: "What is Auntie doing now?"

Yu Nian: "In a garment factory."

Yang Jiayue remembered that Yu's mother was a tailor, and there was a sewing machine in the corner of the living room.When I was a child, the buttons of the clothes at home were missing, the corners were torn, or the trousers were long, and they would be taken to Yu Nian's mother for repair.

But Yu's mother can't see things with her eyes now, can she still do those delicate tasks?

"She's in the logistics management." Yu Nian added, solving Yang Jiayue's doubts.

Yang Jiayue asked again: "How about the income, will the family be in trouble?"

Yu Nian said: "Let's make it, I should be able to survive until I graduate."...But it may be a bit difficult to continue to study for a master's degree.

Yang Jiayue thought to himself, no wonder Yu Nian has to work hard to do part-time jobs. It is really rare for such a young child to bear such a huge pressure. I feel bad.

Yang Jiayue sighed, changed the subject and said, "Take me to see Dad later."

Yu Nian: "Yes."

In the afternoon, Yang Jiayue bought a bouquet of flowers, as well as gold foil paper and incense for sweeping the grave, took the bus with Yu Nian to the cemetery, and climbed the hillside for nearly half an hour before arriving at Uncle Yu Nian's burial place.

Familiar names are engraved on the tombstone. "Uncle, brother Yue came to see you." Following Yu Nian's greetings, Yang Jiayue's tears fell in response.

Presenting flowers, offering incense, kowtow, stacking gold ingots, and then burning them in a pile, Yang Jiayue didn't say a word during the whole process, not even calling "Dad".Yu Nian complained that Yang Jiayue was cruel, but the other party's expression was so sad that it made people feel deeply sorry.

What happened to make him feel so bad?

Divorce was a disgraceful thing for a family back then. Yu Nian didn't know the reason for the separation of his uncle and aunt, but he knew it was a huge blow to his cousin, but before he had a chance to comfort his brother, his aunt said Gone with pleasure.

Later, when his uncle and mother remarried, Yu Nian objected from the bottom of his heart, because the neighbors in the neighborhood said that his aunt and uncle divorced because of his mother's intervention. If it wasn't for this reason, why would Yang Jiayue refuse to admit that he was from the Yu family?

On the way back, Yang Jiayue suddenly said, "Xiao Nian, I still won't stay at your house tonight."

Yu Nian was dumbfounded, "It's up to you." This time he didn't try to keep him.

I found a guest house in the center of the town, but the sanitation was really poor. The room was unoccupied all year round and filled with a moldy smell.

In the evening, I went back to Yu Nian's house for dinner. When Yu's mother heard that Yang Jiayue was leaving, she asked nervously, "Did you sleep cold last night? The bed was too small? That's right, you two big boys sleep in a small bed, it must be very crowded." , why don't you sleep with Mom every night, and ask your friend to sleep in your room alone."

Yang Jiayue couldn't bear to look directly at the woman's gentle voice and nervous expression.

"Forget it, Mom, he's already opened a room outside." Yu Nian said coldly.

Yu's mother stopped talking, and lowered her eyebrows in grievance, as if she had made a big mistake.

When Yang Jiayue left, Yu's mother took out a blanket from the room, frowned and said, "Live outside, the quilt is not dry, it is damp, take the cover."

Yang Jiayue thanked her in every possible way, but rejected Yu's mother's kindness.Yu Nian wanted to send him off, but he didn't agree, he just said to call tomorrow and left.

A bad premonition arose in Yu Nian's heart, but he couldn't bear to put a hot face on a cold butt, no one knew what was good, so why should he be so courteous.

It was another sleepless night, and it was dawn in the morning. Yu Nian thought that Yang Jiayue might not have slept well, so he lay down for a while, and took him to the old street in the afternoon.Just lying there, it was ten o'clock in the morning when he woke up, and Yu Nian was woken up by the ringing of text messages from his mobile phone.

His heart tightened, he grabbed his phone and looked at it, he was stunned.

It was from Yang Jiayue, just five words: "I'm back to Beijing."

What's the meaning?Yu Nian's heart throbbed with pain, his eyes turned black...

I said I like him, but he couldn't bear to reject me, and when I was with him, he couldn't bear to hurt me, just because I was his younger brother...

It turns out that from the very beginning, it was all my own wishful thinking. I was just deceiving myself for being jealous or not getting used to it...

hehe.You apologize, you don't explain, you just want to force me to say that sentence.

Yang Jiayue, you forced me to mention the breakup first, you let me dump you, so I feel less guilty, you are really ruthless, so cruel...

Yu Nian replied with shaking fingers: "Let's break up."

Seeing that the text message was sent successfully, Yu Nian turned off the phone, unplugged the SIM card, covered himself in the quilt, and let the salty tears soak the pillow...

It was the first time I experienced the feeling of despair, and the spiritual pillar of more than ten years collapsed in an instant.

This is living, living is simply too painful, why not die...

When Yu's mother came home in the evening, she saw that none of the dishes cooked in the morning had been touched.Called Yu Nian's nickname a few times, but got no response.It wasn't until Yu Nian's door was pushed open that he found his son curled up in a ball and hiding under the quilt.

Feeling the intake of light, Yu Nian moaned loudly under the quilt.

"Niannian, what's the matter?" Mother Yu asked, patting the quilt lightly.

"It's nothing..." Yu Nian's voice was hoarse.

Mother Yu: "Why didn't you eat, where is your friend?"

Yu Nian roared, "Go away...leave me alone..."

Yu's mother seemed to know what happened, she sat blankly beside Yu Nian's bed for a while, gently stroking the arched quilt.

Yu Nian couldn't help crying, not only his heart ached, but his stomach hurt too.

Mother Yu comforted him for a while, and peeled off the quilt little by little. The handsome son's face was flushed from crying, and his eyes were swollen like walnuts.With her cool palms covering her hot forehead, Yu's mother frowned and got up to pour water and medicine for Yu Nian.

Yu Nian was sleepy and refused to eat, but Yu's mother insisted on looking at him with a cup, her eyes full of worry.It was a gentle force that Yu Nian couldn't resist.

He was given antipyretic drugs and forced to eat a few mouthfuls of food before lying down again.

"Mom, I want to take sleeping pills," he said weakly.

Mother Yu: "No."

"Mom, please, I feel so bad, I want to sleep for a while." Yu Nian begged.

After a while, Yu's mother compromised and took half of the medicine for Yu Nian to eat, and then carefully hid the medicine bottle.

Then, she wiped his son's sweat with a warm towel, covered him tightly with the quilt, and sat on the edge of the bed in a daze, holding a Buddhist bead in her hand, while stroking Yu Nian's forehead hair, while silently chanting "Namo Guanshiyin Bodhisattva"... …

Yu Nian seldom took these kinds of pills, and the pain of a sudden heart attack made him drowsy not long after taking the medicine, and with the reassuring Buddha's voice, he soon fell asleep.

Yu Nian woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, wrapped in a blanket and went to the living room to watch TV.

He surrounded himself, refilled the hot water bottle and held it in his arms, but he still felt cold.

Yu Nian's most disdainful soap opera was playing on TV, but he didn't change the channel. He just listened to the people in the drama crying, laughing and making noise...it made him feel alive.

The hero and heroine are always quarreling over trivial matters. At this moment, the heroine is throwing all the pots and pans on the hero, shouting hysterically: "Get out of here! I'm really blind to fall in love with you!" You!" The male protagonist was dressed in a suit covered with seaweed egg shreds, he was in a state of distress, he opened the door silently, leaving a sentence "I will come to see you in a few days" and left.The hostess cried and laughed, went crazy for a while, then rushed to the balcony, shouting at the man in the suit who left: "XXX, I don't love you anymore from today! Don't fucking pretend you didn't hear!"

……

Yu Nian thought: That's great, I've acted in a soap opera again, and finally I'm no longer a cold-blooded animal.

It turns out that love is really like this, it makes people cry and laugh like crazy, it's not because they are hypocritical, but because of my shallow experience...

The tears had dried up, but the sockets of his eyes were still sore. Yu Nian thought of a short article he had read, saying that old tears were a kind of happiness.Because when you are old, even crying is a luxury.

Ha ha, it turned out to be the case.

-

When Yang Jiayue texted Yu Nian, he was already on the train. Because he didn't buy a ticket in advance, there were no sleeper berths, and he only bought soft seats.

After getting in the car, he sent two text messages to Yu Nian, the first one told Yu Nian that he had gone back to Beijing first, and the second one, he typed a very long paragraph to explain: "Xiao Nian, this time I Come back, I have been stimulated too much, I want to go back to be quiet and adjust my mood... Sorry, I dare not make a promise when I am impulsive, and I don’t want to hurt you when I am sad. Maybe compared with you, I am He is really a cowardly person...Xiao Nian, if one day you don't like me anymore, you must tell me, okay?"

The train drove for two hours, Yang Jiayue thought to himself, he must blame me for running away again, took out his mobile phone and called again: "I'm starting to miss you now, what should I do?"

...I really want to hug you, greedily hear you say that you like me, that you will be with me forever...

Is this the poison you gave me, my boy?

Yang Jiayue looked at the screen of the phone and smirked. It wasn't until the phone prompted that the sending failed, that he realized that it wasn't just this one. The second text message just now hadn't been sent successfully either!It was only when I called 10086 that I realized that I was in arrears... In other words, Yu Nian only received the message that he said he was going back to Beijing!

Yang Jiayue secretly cursed the damn Mobile, while anxiously asking the neighbor sitting next to him to contact Yu Nian with his mobile phone.

But when the phone was dialed, what I heard was the prompt tone of "the other party has turned off the phone".Unwillingly, Yang Jiayue tried twice, worried that calling too many times would waste other people's mobile phone battery, so he had no choice but to contact his friend in Beijing and ask the other party to charge some phone bills for him first.

After the mobile phone recovered the signal, Yang Jiayue couldn't wait to dial Yu Nian's number again, anxiously wondering what he replied and whether he called himself.

After such a long time, will Yu Nian think that he doesn't want him anymore?He will be sad, he will cry...

With the sound of "the user you dialed has turned off", Yang Jiayue gradually lost his sanity, and a thought came to his mind-go back to him!

"May I ask, where is the next stop of this car?"

"The next stop? It should be N City, and it will take three hours!"

"Not passing through City U?"

"This is an express train, it only stops at major stations, what's wrong? You're in such a hurry!"

"Hehe, a very important thing fell to my friend's place."

"I remember you got on the bus in city X, right? Even if you go back, you have to wait for the bus in the early morning of tomorrow. Don't worry, it's only afternoon in city N."

"...Well, thank you."

When the train starts, there is still a moment to stop; if you lose your heart, you may not be able to find it again.

Yang Jiayue endured for a minute and a second, returning to his heart like an arrow, but the reality was running counter to his wish.

Maybe only at this time can I recognize my own heart and know what I really want.