Died Before the Wedding

We are in this together.

People have been alone for too long, and when they meet another person, they will yearn for a different temperature from him.

I don't think it's any different than usual.

Except for the first few weeks.

Sometimes he had few classes, so he would wake up early the next day, bring soy milk and fried dough sticks to my dormitory, give me a good morning kiss when I stayed up late, and say some romantic words to me.

Sometimes the two of them were walking, and inadvertently came across a scene of the setting sun rendering the sky, and they held hands on a whim as if there was no one else around.

Sometimes he would bow his head and kiss me at night, under the cover of the darkness that the street lights couldn't reach, in the star river filled with cyclists.

Or go out to open a house on weekends and do it over and over again.

The youthful and impulsiveness of the two young and fearless people tried the pleasure and excitement that they had never had before.

He said that he wanted to hear me yelling, and he liked to hear it, but the sound insulation in the dormitory was not good.

I said, why aren't you below.

He said, you can come, senior, do you know how to do it.

I was silent for a while and said, I don't know.

As a physiological method for reproduction, it stands to reason that this should be what humans should be born with.

My brain may have been assimilated by the computer.

He really gave me a chance at the top later.

It's just that people are on top.

He is still in me.

I have no idea of ​​how far this attempt can go, or I would never have agreed to him.

At that time, I could only hold back my breath and call him an asshole.

……

Later, when the novelty at first wears off, these absurd romances fall flat.

Because there are too many classes and activities, the day I really don’t have time to come to see me, I was teased by my roommate, have you passed your estrus period, Brother Min?

……

He said that he still loves me, and tried his best to describe to me the love he wanted to give me with poor vocabulary. He said that it was different from the vigorousness at the beginning, and he wanted the kind of love that could be with each other in the wind and rain for the rest of his life.

We get along as usual, and sometimes the chatting of the powerful and unconstrained style will fall to the ground a little bit.

I said, do you know how difficult this road is.

He said, I know, as long as you are not afraid.

I said, I am afraid of you.

Xie Chenmin is so kind, precisely because he is so kind, I have never met him before.So I was terribly afraid of losing.

Xie Chenmin is like a wolf cub standing upright in a cave, he has to see the truly boundless and unknown world.

I'm like a straw he found in a cave to keep warm. When he sees the outside world, he finds that this straw can't protect him from discrimination, indifference and prejudice, and he will probably throw it away.

But what I am most afraid of is not that he loses me, but that he cannot run away irresponsibly because of some kind of oath he made when he was young and frivolous. He can only gradually become disgusted and tired.

He said, I won't.

I said, life is very long, and you can never be sure how long your failure will last.

He looked at me and said, Chu, you believe me, as long as you believe me, I will keep it.

I said, good.

The most stupid thing is that I added another sentence, if you ever get tired of me, tell me anytime, and I won't be entangled.

It took me three days to regret that I shouldn't have said that.

For the first time since we were together, we had a conflict. He had a cold war with me for three days.

……

Ordinarily, there is no such thing as a heart in air, let alone heartache.

But seeing that Xie Chenmin went to find a new love on the first day after my funeral, my heart, which I don't know what to call it, seemed to be delayed by someone.

Bit by bit.

I had been separated from him for over a month before the car accident.

Before that, I always felt that some deep and hidden barriers gradually formed between us, each of us didn't know each other, and we didn't let each other know.

It is necessary to let these rusts gradually become hidden dangers with the accumulation of years.

We've been together for eight more years.

He told me in the early years that he must marry me within ten years.

The deadline was almost up, and he finally had a good talk with me.

In the past many months, we always quarreled while talking, thinking that we were right, did not apologize, and got along neither coldly nor coldly.

That day, the city where we were located had a heavy snowfall that hadn't been seen in many years.

He has been away on a business trip for three days. I checked the weather forecast on my phone, and it said that the city he was in had already been blocked by heavy snow.

The record of my WeChat message with him was three days ago. I sent him a message and said.

Is it cold over there? Put on more clothes.

Do not turn on the warm air of the air conditioner too much, it is easy to get cold when you go out.

Prepare some medicine, and don't wait until you have a headache and fever and wailing around looking for medicine.

It was snowing heavily that day, covering the roadside lights for a while, and the shadows in the room were falling stars.

He didn't call me back.

I waited for a while, then turned off the phone screen and fell asleep.

The next day the world was completely wrapped, the first thing I did when I woke up was to open WeChat, and he replied to me.

Said, at the beginning, can we get married?

The sending time is one o'clock in the morning.

I sat up from the bed, stared at the seven characters in a daze, and suddenly felt my eye sockets burn.

My fingers stayed on the keyboard for a long time, and my thoughts traveled to the ends of the earth, until the alarm clock on my mobile phone at seven o'clock rang, it was the song "Headabovewater" that I once looked at him through the melody.

I just turned my attention back to my phone and I said, okay.

He came back and said that he had completed the visa application and would take me to Norway to apply for a marriage certificate by the end of the week.

When he came back, he was panting for the hot air, snow fell on his suit, and when he entered the room, he was blown by the heating, and it turned into water stains on the fabric.

Just like that idiot who ran from East Campus to my dorm in tracksuit.

He said that he missed the last subway, and the road was blocked due to snow, so he ran back halfway.

I blamed, why are you in a hurry, it will take only a few minutes to wait for the next shift.

He said he didn't want to wait any longer, and was confused.

He took out a small box from the inner pocket of his jacket, and seeing the packaging, my heart stopped for a moment.

He got down on one knee.

He said, At first, I didn't know what you liked, so I bought the most expensive one with all my wealth.

It will probably eat dirt next month.

I said, I don't know how to distinguish the good and the bad of these things. If you go to the canteen and buy a pair of children's toys for [-] cents, they are all the same to me.

He said, can you be more romantic.

I said, did you know me on the first day?

He said, too.

He put the ring on me with his own hands, and said, My mother and I... No, it was our mother who said it. She said she couldn't stop me, and I could do whatever I wanted.But I will take you to meet her another day.

I said, well.

Added again, sorry.

He said, nothing.

My family opposed me for eight years and regarded Xie Chenmin as a snake and scorpion.

My mother is a very gentle and almost temperless person, unlike my father who is eager to see her son become a dragon. When I changed departments in a fit of anger, she didn't say anything against it.

I still remember that day, she didn't tell me, she dragged her rheumatic legs all the way to our school, before I had time to call out "Mom" in surprise, she wrapped Xie Chenmin's wrist and almost gave him He knelt down and begged tremblingly.

"Please, let Xiao Chu go, this is my only son... I beg you."

I saw that the expression on Xie Chenmin's face was a mixture of surprise and bewilderment, so that the hand that wanted to help her was stuck in the air.

And my father never looked him in the eye.

I think he is such a self-respecting person, he will have to endure bad words from all sides when I go back with me.

It's been a long time since I owed him an apology.

……

We went to make suits together, and he found an old craftsman who was stubbornly unwilling to adapt to the era of rapid progress. We went to that shop and felt that time slowed down.

He asked us in Norwegian, are we mates.

He said, well, we have been together for almost ten years.

The old man smiled and said, I wish you happiness.

This is what he told me later, when I raised my head and asked him what the old man was talking about, he leaned down and said to me, he praised me that your wife is really beautiful. .

I kicked him in a suit shop in the old days in a foreign country.

……

Xie Chenmin said to the girl very seriously, you are very beautiful.

The girl put her arms around his neck, and rubbed against his arm with the swell of exposed half of her chest.

Said seductively, thank you handsome guy for your compliment.

He smiled and said inexplicably, but he was not as pretty as my wife.

I saw the girl's face darkened, and the corners of her mouth twitched.

I think, if I had a face, it would probably be black.

The girl said, what do you mean.

Xie Chenmin didn't speak, leaned forward and said to the driver, stop in front.

The luxury car stopped at a place where there were few people and lights on the side of the road. Xie Chenmin got out of the car under the girl's shocked eyes, walked to the front and told the driver of the car his address.

It's the girl's house.

He said, send her back, and send me a location confirmation when she arrives.

The girl must have thought he was a trafficker just now, so she recovered from her fear.Xie Chenmin gave her a business card and said, my contact information, please call me when it is safe.

Also, love yourself a little bit.

Then he walked along the side of the road by himself.

The girl took the business card and was stunned for a long time until the driver said politely, Miss, if there is nothing else, I will drive.

The girl regained her composure, and while sitting in the car cursing the insanity, she tore the business card to pieces.

……

I feel a sense of desolation.

I really want to say sorry, but I hate myself for not being able to open my mouth.

Xie Chenmin put on his earphones, walked along the side of the road, and walked back by himself.

Opening the door, he squatted down and hugged Zhaocai wagging his tail tightly, then ran to the bathroom to vomit in the dark.

He is very poor at drinking, and he has not practiced for a long time.

He probably vomited out his entire stomach, the nausea is still there, and he is retching.

I saw that he had a splitting headache, turned on the cold water bath to the maximum, stood up tremblingly, and rested his hands on the sink.

I wanted to go up and scold him and kick him.

Does this bastard take his body seriously?

I thought if I had a body, my tears might not work, but they can't flow now, but the air and his body are bathed in freezing cold water, as if I were crying.

Zhaocai probably heard his distressed voice, groaning and yanking at the bathroom door, staring at the black silhouette without blinking.

He comes out.

Except for looking a little weak, wiping his wet hair, his expression was still the same, he said hoarsely, what's your name, I'll give you something to eat in a while.

I couldn't see his eyes clearly under his thick, dripping bangs.

Nobody wears a wedding ring to a bar for fun.

And no one goes to the bar to show off their wedding rings.

He knows that the soul of the diamond is empty, and he may need some more stimulation to let him know that he is sticking to it, so the illusion that the soul is still there.

What was I doing just now?doubt him?

I am sorry.

Xie Chenmin.

It was I who lost you and left you alone, yet I am still blaming you.

I really miss you, Xie Chenmin.

I want to come back.

sorry Sorry……

When he knelt down to pour dog food for Wangcai, I saw Wangcai go up to him and lick the corners of his eyes hidden under his bangs.

is flushed.

I tried my best to use my broken soul to cross Wangcai, the roughness of half my life and the numbness in his eyes, and hug him hard and hard.

……

How can I forget it.

Xie Chenmin put a ring on me that day.

In the bedroom where the two of us hadn't smelled for a long time, he had a lot of ups and downs with me. He resentfully and carefully, as if venting a kind of obsessive grievance.

When I was exhausted, I seemed to vaguely hear him talking in my ear.

I thought you were tired of me.

I'm scared to death, I don't dare to talk to you anymore, every word that annoys you will be regretted for a long time.

I think, if you don't want to, forget it, I don't want you to be unhappy with me.

But I... I can't.

I don't know why, but I can't do without you.

He said.

I went to the bar on the last night of my business trip, and there was a guy at the bar who was very similar to you.

There is a mole in the middle and lower part of the eye. She has a cold temperament and likes to purse her lips when she smiles.

I was a little drunk.

He helped me to the suite and asked if I wanted to try it out with him.

I almost did something wrong.

But my cell phone rang.

There was a lot of snow here that day, you said, let me wear more clothes, pay attention to my body, and don't catch cold.

I went to the bathroom at the bar to wake myself up and slapped myself a lot.

I think I'm really an asshole.

Why did I forget that it's snowing over there, I forgot to tell you to pay attention to your body and add more clothes, I didn't even say a word to you.

I am sorry.

I don't know you're still thinking of me, I'm so happy.

I still love you very much.

Even if you bother me in the future, let me stay by your side, okay?

At that time, I was on the verge of deep sleep, thinking that these were dreams, so I just gave a vague answer.

It turned out to be true.

The hidden dangers we have accumulated for many years are just because we each think that each other will be tired, and we are afraid that the other person will abandon us.

We probably need a wedding.

Only when the fetters and entanglement of two people are engraved in black and white is the real peace of mind.