Arty Records

"You see words as soon as you see them:

"It's been a long time, fifteen years in a hurry. When I wrote the pen, thousands of words turned into infinite sighs. I still remember how enthusiastically the rhododendrons were in bloom in the forest on the day I sent you back to Beijing, and half of the river was reflected like the sky. Zixia. You said that you must engrave this beautiful scenery in your heart, but because of this, you will never see you again. I know the hatred in your heart, just like the bloody rhododendron. In this life, I am afraid that you and I will never see each other again. up...

"I returned to China at the age of ten, and the first person of my age I met was you. I studied together in the same class, traveled thousands of miles together, and had a relationship with you for 14 years. I used to depend on each other in life and death, and my love is like a blood relative. I am as old as you Years old, helplessly often misunderstood that you are older than me, which corresponds to the word "crazy elder". Since the parting, looking back on the past, I gradually understand how generous and tolerant you were back then, with deep friendship-Junchi, I failed you Every time I think about your pain that day, I can't help but feel pain in my heart, I can't help it...

"Recently, I often think of the past. How many years of youth and absurdity, the past dreams come back, vivid in my eyes, I know that I may die soon in this world. Baishi said: 'There is no sadness after a long separation in the world'. Even if there are ups and downs and ups and downs in the world, everything disappears. Only the remaining The joy of being together between you and me lasts forever and always comforts me...Junchi, I will remember your kindness like this until the end of my life. So please forget my badness! Please forgive me ...

"In the past few days, my energy has been getting weaker and weaker. Occasionally, I can't help thinking wildly. Thinking of you and me in this life, thousands of mountains and snow, will eventually be separated from yin and yang. If you want to blame it, it's all because of the difference in the original thought. But after thinking about it, I had to stay that day, just like You have to leave. What if you go back in time and your fate comes back again? Life is unsatisfactory, and the word is helpless. There are many fetters, all kinds of difficulties, love and destiny but not at the right time, lovesickness but not blind date. With others The sun is so close, so why miss it so much?

"Junchi, I'm leaving now. I have the most reliable messenger in the world to deliver this letter to you for me. He is the child I have raised for 15 years, and his name is He Zhirou. I know you will definitely come again Annoyed me once, hated me. But please don't hate this child. He is a poor child, and besides you, I care deeply about him in this world. He is also a good boy, with good academic comprehension and a more tempered personality. is much better than me...

"You know that I don't really believe in materialism, so I often think about reuniting with Junquan, and see you in the next life. But you believe in materialism, then maybe our fate only ends in this life. I am always so selfish and refuse to do it for you. If you think about it, let me be self-willed for the last time in this life in front of you. Junchi, I beg you to take this child in, treat him as your own, and raise him up. If there is no afterlife, you and I will raise this child together Your child is the continuation of our life. If you can’t accept it, please don’t force it. He will eventually have his destiny. I will bless him just as I bless you.

"The years are endless, and the years are ruthless. Junchi, I just want you to know that I have looked back frequently during the long and short 15 years. It is the greatest luck in my life to meet you. The precious treasure you left me Beautiful memories that will outlast my life.

"May you always be happy, safe and healthy.

"If you have an afterlife, please allow me to treat you as you treat me.

"Zi Jin Wu Yin Year Winter"

"Pa-ta! Pa-ta!" Tears dripped onto the letterhead. The old paper was thin and brittle, and highly absorbent. It was quickly rendered, and a large group of wet stains appeared, which was about to burst.Fang Sishen was startled, and quickly raised his head, letting tears flow down his cheeks and down his neck.After a while, I slowly got up with the letter paper in my hand, and without looking at the soreness in my eyes, I found a plastic-covered booklet and put it on the radiator, and gently laid the letter paper flat on it, and pressed it with a large dictionary.

This is how I dried the pages of a book when I accidentally wet it once when I was a child.It's just that the printed lead is not easy to smudge, but the ink of the pen will become blurred when it is wet.I regretted so much in my heart, and my mind was as confused and confused as those wet tears, and I sat on the ground and waited stupidly.

"Treat him as if it was your own...as if it was your own...as if it was your own..."

This sentence is the only thing left in the whole world, and it keeps rumbling like thunder.When he concentrated his attention and listened carefully, there was nothing, but Yu Mantian was covered in layers of fog and fog, making it impossible to think.This fog was thick and thick, he didn't know when it was dark, and he didn't know if he was hungry.In the twelfth lunar month of winter, the doors and windows were wide open, and the air was blown by the heater until midnight. My body was sweating profusely, but it turned into a cool heart.After sneezing several times in a row, I woke up with a jolt and got up to close the window.

There are lights in the opposite building, and people can be seen moving, full of the warmth and tranquility of home.From time to time, fireworks soared into the sky in the distance, setting off the city under the night sky extraordinarily brightly.This situation is very similar to when I returned home on New Year's Eve three years ago.Fang Sishen watched for a long time, and finally drew the curtains.It suddenly occurred to me that in the eyes of the people on the opposite side, the lights in this window and the curtains are hazy, how could it not be the same warm and peaceful home?

Tears welled up again.He had to admit that no matter how many hidden secrets were hidden behind it, no matter how many conflicts and embarrassments they experienced, only Fang Duzhi made him truly feel the love of a father, the safety and warmth of home.

Sure enough... Treat it as your own.

This realization made his heart throb.

His eyes swept across the pried open cabinet door, the metal lock was drooping, and the screws were scattered on the ground, reminding him to face the reality and clean up the mess.

Remove the dictionary, the letter paper is flat and dry as if it has been ironed.Spread the three sheets of paper side by side, and don't look at the content, just look at the creases and handwriting, but I can't tell where my tears once fell.I was so focused on the content before that I didn't notice that the paper was already full of watermarks here and there, but the handwriting was still legible.The color of the ink varies from thick to light, which shows that the person who wrote it intermittently, dragging back and forth for an unknown amount of time.There is a stamp on the signature at the end, but I didn't pay attention to it at the beginning, and now I am distracted to look at it, but it is the four words "true bamboo horse".

Those who are sincere, be cautious.Bamboo horses, Benedict also.Those who are obedient, the horse is late, it is late for the king.Those who are cautious, Yan encourages sincerity, for Zijin.

Fang Sishen was amazed that he could still make such rich associations of etymology and meaning at this moment, and at the same time pondered these associations as if obsessive-compulsive.

Fang Junchi, He Zijin.

Sincerely bamboo horse.

After following the former for 12 years and the latter for 15 years, Fang Sishen never knew that the two elders still had words.He intuitively felt that this must be some kind of agreement between them only.This agreement is so private and solemn, full of promise, even after the time and space that cannot be crossed, it is still full of affectionate romance, deep-rooted tenderness, and makes people's hearts shake.

He knew it was an undeniable fact: they loved each other.

But the harsher truth is: if they love each other, why is there another pair of mother and child between two people who love each other?

The heart was beating "thumping", the temples were beating "chug", and the body trembled involuntarily.Fang Sishen felt that his whole body was going numb with panic, as if the most terrifying thing was about to appear, and the most precious thing was about to be lost, but he couldn't stop it.This kind of self is really too weak.Knowing that it is nothing more than to endure and stand up, the past is over, life cannot collapse just like this, but I am still daunted by the past and the future.

He sat holding the letter for another half a day, remembering that his room had not been cleaned yet.Habit jumped out to save him at this time, driving him to let go of his worries and start busy again.Change the sheets and covers, wipe the furniture, get into the bathroom and take a shower, and then turn on the washing machine.

The night is passing.The monotonous and rhythmic slight noise of the machine just has the effect of calming emotions, making people realize clearly that the past cannot be escaped and the future needs to continue.

When reading it again, Fang Sishen deliberately substituted the two unfamiliar names of Fang Junchi and He Zijin, and immediately felt a sense of distance.Everything revealed in the letter, including the child mentioned, seems to be looked at from the sidelines, and even while reading, try to combine known facts and speculate.

The letter said: "If life is unsatisfactory, the most important word is helplessness."

Back then, He Zijin should have been able to return to the capital with Fang Junchi.Because the latter said: "Follow me, follow me back." Fang Sishen always thought that he didn't leave, it was a choice after struggling, and he was more or less willing, but it turned out that it was only the word "helpless".

"Heavy fetters, all kinds of difficulties" - what kind of helplessness made him so embarrassed that he couldn't get out?Does that child, in this helplessness, belong to one of the fetters?Why is this helplessness so great that even if the fate goes back in time and the fate is repeated, it cannot be changed, making him lament that "there is no time for love and fate", and make such a desperate prophecy that "we love each other but we can't meet each other"?

He Zijin said to the child: "Actually, I am not your father", but Fang Junchi said: "He is the child I have raised for 15 years. He is my deepest concern in this world besides you." Contradictory, unclear Why, even in his last words, he refused to give a clear explanation?

He said: "Let me be willful for the last time in my life."This last willfulness is to seek the best future for that child.

…………

Fang Sishen did not expect that the result of discovering more inside information would only lead to more doubts.Even though he has already grown up, the feeling of helplessness and loneliness at this moment is stronger than that of the cold winter when he was 15 years old.

So, he missed his mother like never before.

Calmly put the letter back, tighten the screws as before, and sweep up the fine sawdust from the floor.Unless you lie on the cabinet door and look at it, it is impossible to see the difference.

Lying on the bed, calling in my heart with a voice that only I can hear: "Mom..."

When Fang Duzhi woke up early, his left eyelid twitched violently.The little nurse who came to help tidy things up said with a coquettish smile, "The left eye jumps for money! Dean Fang, you are a noble person. I, my left eye jumps when I see you. I will be soft when I receive the red envelopes for the New Year!"

Then Dean Fang's right eyelid also jumped up.

I called my son, but no one answered.Called the landline at home, but no one answered.Call Gao Chengcheng again, this time it worked.

"Honestly, take Xiao Si with you first, and then come to me."

"Now?"

"Now, he's at home."

Gao Chengcheng thought it would be convenient. Ten minutes later, the person appeared at the door of Dean Fang's house.After knocking on the door for a long time, the door was still not opened, guessing that the younger brother might have left by himself early, and the phone was not connected, so he simply drove directly to the hospital.

Fang Duzhi didn't want to start asking, "Where's Xiao Si?"

"Ah? Junior brother isn't here?"

"You didn't see him?"

"No, you said he was at home, but I knocked on the door for a long time but no one answered."

"What is he doing!" Fang Duzhi picked up the phone and made two more calls, this time it turned into "the other party has turned off the phone".

"Don't you have the key? Why don't you go in and have a look."

Gao Cheng said sincerely that you reminded me, and return the key to you immediately.

Fang Duzhi waved: "Go, go back!"

When I entered the door, I saw window grilles with blessing characters everywhere, and my heart was warm.Immediately remembered something was wrong, and shouted loudly: "Xiao Si!" Two steps into the son's bedroom.

The person was lying on the bed, seemingly unconscious.Reaching out to touch it, the skin is hot.

"Xiaosi! Xiaosi!" Fang Duzhi was anxious, and quickly picked up his son.

Gao Chengcheng followed behind and was startled: "What's the matter, junior brother? Professor, let me come, I'll carry junior brother downstairs."

Fang Duzhi was also a little powerless at this time, so he had to leave it to him.Anxious, he went back to the hospital and called the chief physician to see his son in the emergency room.

The next day, the 29th of the twelfth lunar month, Gao Chengcheng booked a flight back home for that day.Although he was utterly loyal and wanted to stay and help, Fang Duzhi did not agree.

On the morning of New Year's Eve, the fever finally subsided.Fang Duzhi felt that his son was a little confused from the fever.When I was not awake, I was "Dad" for a while, and "Mom" for a while, and the pitiful appearance broke my heart.Although he woke up now, his expression was a little dazed.Often a sentence, half a day to wait for a reply.Fortunately, wind-cold emergencies come and go quickly.As soon as the fever subsided, Fang Duzhi refused to give him water, and took proprietary medicine instead.

With the boiled water for the pills hanging in his hand, he babbled and said, "You are such a big man, you don't know how to pay attention to yourself. I think you have to make Dad anxious to death to be happy. You won't let me have a safe birthday. It's a crime in my previous life." I owe you..."

All the people who could walk in the hospital had left. Those red lanterns and couplets with blessing characters made the interior of the building even more empty.

"dad……"

"Ok?"

"The year...has passed?"

"What nonsense, today is the [-]th day of the twelfth lunar month, and New Year's Eve hasn't passed yet!"

"Then... let's go home."

Fang Duzhi looked at his son, and suddenly became happy: "Yes, we should go home! Let's go, let's go home for the New Year!"

The day before, Gao Chengcheng changed hands, but he was the only one behind him, and the symptoms of double height seemed to recur, and he couldn't help shaking slightly when he got out of the elevator.Fang Sishen was no longer confused, and supported him: "Dad, are you okay?"

"It's okay, just go home and catch up on sleep."

At Fang Sishen's insistence, the car was thrown in the hospital parking lot, and the father and son went to the door to hail the taxi.The driver refused to play the meter, and the fixed price was fifty.

"Don't even look at it, what day is it today? After four o'clock, even if you pay a hundred, no one will take it!"

"Cheng Chengcheng, let's go."

Sitting in the car, Fang Sishen said suddenly: "Dad, there is nothing to eat at home. I'm hungry." After waking up, he ate a bland sick meal. Digested.

Hearing this, Fang Duzhi immediately added 50 yuan to the driver and looked for a place to eat first.Unexpectedly, the small restaurants along the way closed their doors early, and the big restaurants only accept guests who have reserved New Year’s Eve dinners. Only the foreign fast food persists very dedicatedly.Reluctantly asked for two edibles, and rushed to the supermarket to purchase.

In the evening, the father and son watched TV while making dumplings.Fang Duzhi wanted to watch the New Year's Eve, but fell asleep on the sofa before ten o'clock.Fang Sishen woke him up, waited for him to wash up, and sent him to his room to sleep.

Sitting on the sofa, Fang Sishen picked up the water glass to take medicine, and waited for the twelve o'clock to strike.I thought to myself: I really can’t be so sloppy in the future. If I get sick, what will my father do?

At twelve o'clock, Hong Xinyao's text message came, and he divided it into several long-winded text messages before finishing it. He asked why he didn't reply when he reported his home safety yesterday, and sent a very aggrieved panda face, which was quite similar to himself.

Fang Sishen smiled and told him that his phone was out of battery yesterday and he only found out today.

From the first day to the third day of junior high school, Fang Duzhi had endless calls, Fang Sishen read books slowly, sorted out materials, and replied to Young Master Hong before going to bed. In addition, father and son cooked and ate together.

Whenever Fang Duzhi stayed in the study, Fang Sishen had the urge to go in and question the showdown.Whenever the two sat opposite each other, that impulse was suppressed by him rationally.Among other things, just having high blood pressure made him not dare to act recklessly.

just in case……

After all, life can no longer be lost.

On the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, when I was busy, I heard a knock on the door. When I looked up, my father was standing at the door of the room.

"Xiao Si," Fang Duzhi coughed lightly, with a shameful expression on his face, "Dad may be away for a few days. The Administration of Education and the Department of Culture jointly organized a recuperation activity, mainly to condolences to some old teachers and old cadres, and gave me a Quota. It's a rare opportunity..." He paused and changed his words, "You specially stayed at home to celebrate the New Year with Dad, but Dad couldn't let go of these mundane things, it's really..."

Fang Sishen was stunned for a moment, and then said: "Dad, it's okay. I'm not idle at home. Besides, that's... your job. I don't know where? How many days?"

"Just stay at Yunwu Hot Spring Villa in Gyeonggi for five or six days. I'll fax you the schedule later."

"it is good."

Fang Duzhi felt very embarrassed, pretended to be concerned about his son's research progress, and went back to his study.After a while, I really sent the schedule. I set out on the morning of the sixth day and returned to Beijing in the evening of the tenth day, for five days.

Fang Sishen asked if he wanted to tidy up, Fang Duzhi waved his hand, "Everything is ready-made in that kind of place, so don't bother."

Hearing the phrase that everything is ready, Fang Sishen said: "You have to bring the medicine, right? Don't heal the scar and forget the pain."

Fang Duzhi felt that his son was ill, and it would be more imposing to take care of himself, so he put the medicine in his briefcase resentfully.

In the evening, Fang Sishen replied to Hong Xinyao's message as usual.

"Second sister asked me to go over there to play, do you think I will go? It's fun over there, but it's too fucking cold..."

A thought popped up suddenly, Fang Sishen stared at the screen for a long time without moving.

My father will leave tomorrow and will not come back until the tenth day of the Lunar New Year.I heard that there was a direct flight between Beijing and Tu'an, five days is enough for a round trip.How about... go back and have a look?

Once this thought took shape, it grew wildly in my heart like weeds.

He turned around in the room, took a long breath, and opened the door.

"dad."

"what's up?"

"A student invited me to see the Forest of Steles in Guihai before, but I declined. If you go out to recuperate, I don't have much fun at home..."

"Guihai Forest of Steles?"

Fang Sishen shook his head: "Yes, the students are locals, which is very convenient."

Fang Duzhi pondered: "I heard that it is a very interesting place. The south is warm, so it's good to go around." He really wanted to ask the student if he was a man or a woman, his name, his conduct, and his family background. Ask the exit.