night lights up

This kind of thing happened many times later, and what I said about "not getting angry" and "not being self-willed" can never be changed.I'm not a very capable person, I'm just a glass man who my mother helped to set up an empty shelf with flowers, the time is too short, and it is not enough for me to fully evolve, but he is a person with great ability.He would go out about once a month, either with the teacher, or for his own affairs, or for his parents' affairs.

When he is not with me, I miss him.

It's not an unreasonable thought, but a real thought. Without him, I can't always feel at ease.My renewed life was guided by him, and in his absence all the lights that permeated my world went out.

I restrained myself from disturbing his study and work, but every morning when I missed him to the extreme, I couldn't help but call him, send him text messages, and tell him that I miss him.He often came back to see me no matter where he was like that time, and then flew away a few hours later.

I would reflect and blame myself, but he would just hug me and tell me "it's okay" and "I miss you too".

Once he went to a foreign country with jet lag, and he still couldn't hold on after staying up for a few days. On the third day, I started to go crazy again at night.But because the distance is too far away, it's okay to go crazy.It was daytime there, so he must still be busy. I couldn't sleep until dawn, and I still had to go to class.

It was also that time, more than ten hours later, he came back.

Mom was already in a nursing home, and I was with her.Because he was not in Shanghai, I spent those nights with my mother in the nursing home.

It was early morning when he came back.

He sat outside the door, did not come in, and only planned to wait for dawn.But I seemed to have a tacit understanding, and I didn't sleep well at first, so I woke up immediately.

In the corridor of the nursing home, the lights were always on. I looked through the thin crack under the door and saw a folded shadow.

I sat up, stunned for a moment, quietly opened the door and went out to see, he immediately got up and turned to look at me.

He smiled silently at me.

I opened my mouth slightly, not daring to make a sound.

He reached out to me, and I jumped into his arms again.

But that time, my mother found out.

My mother is no longer the little girl who was deceived more than 20 years ago. In the next 20 years, she did that kind of thing again. The men who accompanied her were indeed all walks of life, regardless of character or ability. industry leader.Traveled to so many places, experienced so many things, these have already shaped a brand new her.

I used to work in such a place, and the reason why I was able to hide it was because she was seriously ill at that time and she was already blurred.

Now, I can't lie to her at all.

She asked why, of course Chu Heng didn't dare to tell the truth, she just said that she had finished her work and came back early.I felt guilty and nodded straight.

My mother got angry and asked me: "Did you cry and clamor for Chu Heng to come back?"

No matter how guilty I am, I dare not speak.Chu Heng smiled and said: "No, auntie, I really came back early because everything was done."

My mother was silent, and looked at me: "Do you really think that last time he took a taxi back from Nanjing overnight, my mother didn't know?"

"..."

"You call him crying next door, I've already heard it!"

I pursed my lips in embarrassment, and my mother overheard saying "I miss you" to my boyfriend... My mother sighed and asked Chu Heng to go out first.Chu Heng smiled and wanted to play haha, but my mother just watched him not talking, Chu Heng respected my mother very much, so she let go of my hand, and went out first step by step.

He closed the door, and my mother was silent for a moment, and said: "It stands to reason that a person like my mother has such a bad life, and she is not qualified to educate you. So since I was a child, I rarely intervene in any education issues. The best teacher. But about this matter, mother must tell you carefully!"

When my mother said this, I nodded sadly.

"Even though mom is such a person, you are also full of expectations from mom, and she grew up with hobbies. You don't need anything, and you are no worse than others in everything! So, mom knows about you and Chu Heng and eliminates it." After the misunderstanding, I give my best wishes. I believe that you can have a happy time together. No matter what the future holds, you will always be able to live up to your youth. These are things that my mother has never had, and I hope you can have them. Chu Heng is indeed a good friend. Children, mothers can rest assured."

"But, yourself, now you look back at what you have done, are you wrong?"

I faltered and couldn't speak.

"He is not a child of an ordinary family. He will definitely make a career in the future. Who is a person who is only confined to a small world? He is about to enter his senior year, and it is the most critical time. He often goes to other places, and It's not for fun, it's all about serious business. How can he run back halfway like this again and again when he is doing business? After a long time, what do his friends think? What does his teacher think? What will his parents think?"

I hesitated and said: "He always comes back in the middle of the night, he said no one knows..."

My mother frowned and looked at me, then sighed: "You didn't understand what mother meant."

"Mom, what do you mean..."

"He is not a child of ordinary people, you know?"

"I know……"

"Do you want to be with him forever?"

I nodded firmly.

"Then you look like this, how can you be with him forever?"

"..." I was surprised and wondered, why not?

"He is not a child of an ordinary family! He will always be of marriageable age, and his parents must know of your existence. He is not a child of an ordinary family, and his parents are not ordinary people. They will always check on you in the future. Do you know?" Mom said, feeling a little uncomfortable, "Mom's experience over the years is not a joke, but a book of jokes, but I have seen through the methods and skills of those people. Mom has no skills, and her life Soon, I won’t be able to help you in the future. Chu Heng is the only one I can entrust, and I hope you can be together forever more than anyone else. But when you face his parents in the future, if they know that your son has repeatedly violated all rules for you What kind of rules would they do?"

I thought about it carefully, and I can fully understand my mother's worries.

My mother was afraid that I would make Chu Heng's parents angry and make Chu Heng's parents unhappy.

But why should I be afraid of Chu Heng's parents?

I'm not living with Chu Heng's parents.I will treat Chu Heng's parents well, what if they don't like me?

I didn't think about this in case.

My mother started this, and I probably thought, what if you really don't like me?Then don't like me.

Anyway, as long as Chu Heng likes me, that's fine.

His parents will never come to beat me...

My mother and I must have different ideas. Mother always worries a lot about her children, and I did not refute what my mother said. Besides, some of what my mother said was indeed correct.I've grown up and can't always be unreasonable.

I nodded seriously: "I know, Mom."

"You have to remember what your mother said. When he goes out in the future, no matter whether he is on a business trip or studying, you can't disturb him. On the one hand, what he just said about his parents is on the one hand, and on the other hand, it is also respect for Chu Heng and yourself, you know? What's more, coming and going in the middle of the night, rushing and rushing, is it safe? I can't sleep well, don't you feel distressed? Mom feels distressed when she looks at it, and she is still growing."

I nodded, my mother was right, but it's 21 and two, so I won't grow physically... But seeing my mother's anxious face, I didn't dare to say it.

My mother took my hand: "Baby, Chu Heng is a good boy. Mom sees his heart for you very clearly, and she also believes it a hundred times, so she should say it at that time. Because of this, you should Become excellent. Mom has always yearned for such a relationship, the two love each other, regardless of each other, getting better and better together. Mom has no hope, and mom gives all wishes to you and Chu Heng."

"Mom." My eyes were reddened by what my mother said, and I hugged my mother, "I will become very good in the future, for sure! I will be worthy of him!"

Later, when I thought about the past, my mother was afraid that I would be disliked and that no one would take care of me in the future. In fact, I didn’t believe in love at all in my heart. She could only urge me to grow up and work hard.After all, what you hold is your own.

Chu Heng is always afraid that I will be tired and unhappy, and hopes that I will become better, but he does not force it.Treating me is almost the exact opposite of what my mother explained.

Before my mother had an accident, my mother never urged me to grow up, she thought she could protect me for the rest of my life.

After the accident, especially after she knew about me and Chu Heng, she only urged me all day long, because she knew that she couldn't protect me for the rest of my life.

But at that time, Chu Heng told me every day, don't be busy, don't be tired, let's do whatever we want.

At that time, I was happy every day, laughing, my mother was in good health, and he was kind to me.When my mother urged me, I answered.When he asked me to take a break, I also answered.

What a blessing.

Even my classmates said that I became more cheerful.

He still often finds time to come back to see me in the middle of the night, and I did listen to what my mother said.Although, every time, Chu Heng did not affect the actual work, and he was also responsible to his companions.But also, how much does it affect sleep and rest?But he hugged me and smiled, saying that when he saw me, his whole body was full of strength and he didn't need to rest.Everyone does this when they are in love, right?

I laughed "hehe", but I didn't dare to tell my mother, secretly obeying the law.

Because of this, I remember my mother's other words even more firmly, and I vowed to get ahead.

I also asked him about his parents and what to do in the future.

He smiled and said that was something he had to worry about.He'd take care of everything and introduce me to his parents and all of his family in the open and square.

For this, he said, he has to work harder.Let parents see his determination, but also his ability.

To be honest, I didn't understand this sentence at the time.Determination is fine, ability?Don't his parents know how powerful he is?

Mom seemed to understand, and he immediately cried.

Chu Heng handed my mother a tissue and said, "Auntie, don't worry, I will treat An Sifeng well for the rest of my life."

I was a little confused by what they said, and I also passed tissues to my mother.

Before my mother died, she didn't leave me a word, but I gradually understood the conversation at that time.

Chu Heng, in fact, has done it before, preparing for me to give up everything.

Even if he left the family, he was still Chu Heng who would not threaten anyone.

What he wants his parents to see is this kind of ability.

It turned out that the two of them completed the handover in front of me before I knew it, when I was ignorant.

My whole life will be protected by Chu Heng.

That was their best idea for my future.

and so--

"What kind of virtue and ability are you?"

Chu Heng's mother was so angry with me back then, she pointed at me and said this sentence, which is the sentence I most agree with in this life.

Yes, what can He De?

I'm just a good-for-nothing idiot.Doomed to be useless for life.

He is so good to me, even now.

So now he asks me "what about this time".

I can't give any answer, or rather, I don't have the ability to give an answer.

I don't have the ability to make promises anymore, and my physical condition has long prevented me from thinking about it at this moment.I really want to be presumptuous, but I haven't been eighteen or nineteen-year-old An Sifeng for a long, long time.The headache is like this, I can't think about many things, but I still remember that he and I cannot be together.

This is my bottom line, and it is also the last bottom line I can abide by as a human being.

He was still holding me, still waiting for my answer.

But I live in the past suddenly, and return to the present in an instant.

I also thought of many, many things about my mother.

I looked up at him blankly, and he always looked at me calmly.

His face coincided with the face in my memory when he looked down and smiled at me again and again. I couldn't help but reach out and hold his face, trying to raise my head to kiss him.

His lips are so cold, he didn't move at all when I kissed him like this, obviously just now, he took the initiative to kiss me.Is he angry, angry that I didn't answer him, and he said so much.

I stuck out my tongue, and licked the corners of his mouth timidly and flatteringly, licking the beads of his lips.

I want to say, don't be angry, okay, just smile at me.

But I only dare to think about it, but I don't have the courage to say it.

He remained motionless and I licked the salty taste.

I was a little surprised, and even asked him: "Are you crying?" Did I cry out of anger.

He paused, and stopped asking for that answer, but said clearly: "It's you who are crying."

"Really?" I subconsciously asked again.

He hugged me and wanted to get back to the car.I held his face tighter and I said "don't get in the car".

He looked down at me for a moment, then suddenly said, "Come back to Shanghai with me."

"I won't answer!!!" I screamed immediately, my voice was too loud, even a little tearing, I opened my eyes to see him frowning, he seemed to be frightened.

It is impossible for me to go back to Shanghai, and I am determined not to go back.

He looked at me and said again: "Come back with me for treatment."

cure? !

I was really dizzy, I had a headache from crying just now, and when I thought about the past, my head was so dizzy and my body was not very comfortable. After such a toss, it was even more difficult for me to distinguish these things.

He knew about my illness?I didn't say anything!There is no revealing!

I panic.

I shook my head and unexpectedly said, "I'm getting better soon." He lowered his head and looked straight at me, I nodded and said pitifully, "Really, I'm getting better soon."

Regardless of my struggle, he turned around and took me into the car, put me in the back seat of the car, and reached out to take the medicine from my pocket.

I turned over, avoided his hand, and lay on my stomach hard to prevent him from touching it.

I couldn't see his movements, I huddled in the corner, thinking anxiously, how did he know that I was sick?

But for a moment, there was a slight noise, and when I came back to my senses, I heard him say: "How do you take those medicines from An Sifeng? Take them all at once?"

I turned around quickly, he was on the phone!He called Brother Jin!

Out of thin air, I rushed forward to call off his phone, and held his hand: "My illness is cured."

He didn't look at the mobile phone on the ground, but instead held my hand and looked at me carefully.

I don't know what my face looks like, but his brows are furrowed even tighter.

He slowly approached me, I didn't like the way he frowned, I flinched and avoided, his brows gradually opened.After ten years, he said to me in the same gentle voice as before: "Don't be afraid, it's okay."

"……"I'm not afraid.

What am I afraid of?I stared at him closely, his voice was so nice, let's say more.

Only then did he carefully reach out to touch my forehead, then use the back of his hand to test the temperature of his forehead, and said to me again: "Cure is not terrible, really."

"I know."

"Let's go back to Shanghai."

"I'm not going back!!!" I shrank back to the corner again, never going back.

He moved closer to me, reaching out to hug me, and I hugged my knees, still close to the window.He had no choice but to put his hands on my shoulders and said to me softly: "Do you still remember my college classmate, my roommate, Zhou Fan?"

I wanted to nod, but my head hurt so much that I didn't.

"After graduating from university, he went to graduate school, and then to a doctorate. He didn't graduate after seven years of doctoral study. He was very depressed at that time. It was also the doctor I took him to see. I know a very good one..."

I looked at him inexplicably, and didn't listen carefully to what I said.

Chu Heng spoke very vaguely, and it took me a long time to hear the meaning.Senior Zhou Fan, is he suffering from depression?

I snapped back to my senses, that's what it meant.

He believed me to be depressed.

He believed my abnormal appearance, which caused me to have a headache, cry, and even be a little neurotic because of my past appearance with him ten years later.

Can't tell whether it's joy or sorrow.

At the most difficult time at that time, I did want to commit suicide at one point, and I did have mild depression.

I must be looking pretty bad right now.

I couldn't help touching the pocket that contained the medicine. If I pretend to be crazy, I can do a lot, which is what I really want to do at this time.

I stared at him for a moment, and when he was about to speak again, I threw myself on him and bit his nose hard.

It should be very painful, but he didn't make a sound, but was taken aback.

I hurried to bite his lip again, expecting him to open his mouth in pain.But he was so calm, no, I had to drill my tongue to pry open his teeth.

want to kiss him.

especially think.

He wanted to push me away, and seemed to want to talk to me, I stretched out my arms and hugged him tightly, tongue rampage.

After ten years, there was no improvement in kissing skills.

I was a little lost, and he never responded to me.I looked up at him in frustration, but couldn't see his face clearly.He stretched out his hand to fix my face, and forcibly pushed me away.

I looked at him sadly, he looked at me for a moment, and kissed me even faster.

The kiss was full of hype, just like the early morning when he rushed back from Xiamen.

He still likes me, and I still like him.

Just thinking about this matter, no amount of loss and pain can cover up the ecstasy in my heart.

After getting married like this, there is gradually a smell of lust in the air.

I think I have to stop.

But I can't bear it, just one more kiss, just one.

Once, twice, three times, many times passed, the more I kissed, the more I didn't want to stop.I opened my eyes again and spotted a bottle of water on the doormat behind him.

I closed my eyes tightly and bit his tongue hard.

Taking the opportunity, I pushed him away and said to him: "I'm a little sober now..."

Since he thinks I'm depressed, it must be depression.

He wanted to talk again, so I jumped into his arms: "My mother's cemetery is nearby, do you want to go and see it?"

When he mentioned my mother, his expression became serious.

Without waiting for his reaction, I asked him again: "Are you afraid?"

He shook his head, and said again: "Finish, come back to Shanghai with me, the entrance of the town is the expressway, let's go directly to the expressway."

"Let's talk." I wanted to leave his arms.

He stretched out his hand and hugged me tightly, and didn't let me go, saying: "The days ahead are still very long, don't worry about the rest, go back and get medical treatment first." There was comfort in his voice, he was afraid that I would be afraid, as before.

What days are still long.

I thought about it and nodded, "Okay."

He looked at me somewhat disbelievingly.

I shrugged: "Believe it or not." Of course he still didn't believe it, so I had no choice but to say again, "I just thought about my mother, and what happened between you and me, and you told me that again. I cried a little sadly, and I fell ill. I'm really sober now. I want to go back and get a good treatment."

He kept looking at me and said, "Go see my aunt first." He turned around to get out of the car, and I called him, "Can you go down and pick up a rock for me? It's the one we wrestled with just now."

His face turned cold again. After the cold, he probably remembered that I was a depression patient, and he became calm again, and asked me patiently: "What do you want that for?"

"It's beautiful, I've been here anyway. Keep it as a souvenir." After I finished speaking, I hurriedly said, "I won't run. There's only one road here. Even if I run, you can catch up with me in a minute."

This is the truth, he nodded, opened the door and got out of the car, and said outside the car: "You wait."

"Yeah." I picked up the water from the door slot and asked him, "Can I drink it?"

He looks at me again.

In the past, I wouldn't ask him like this, his territory, let me mess around.

He held the car door and said, "What's mine is yours."

He slammed the door hard, turned around and walked towards the river.

I knelt behind the car window and watched him walk away to pick up stones for me.

After looking for a long time, he has bent down and started looking for stones.

I sat back, took out the medicine pack from my pocket, opened the paper pack, looked at it, and found one.I unscrewed the bottle of water, took a few sips, put the medicine in the bottle cap, and crushed it with my hands.Then screw on the bottle cap, shake it back and forth for a long time, unscrew it and look, but nothing can be seen.

I packed the medicine and stuffed it back into my pocket.

Resuming a lazy sitting posture, holding a bottle of water, looking at him who was walking towards me holding a few stones.

God, let me be self-willed for a few 10 minutes at the end.

Just a few 10 minutes, or an hour at most.

After I'm done, I will definitely go further, even Brother Jin will cut off contact.

No one will find me.

He was closer to me. He really found a lot of stones and held them in his arms.Wearing a suit and tie, and holding a few stupid rocks, why is he still so stupid?

After ten years, I still haven't learned the lesson, and I still believe my words.