gentleman's servant

There are more and more rumors in the manor, such as "the Viscount and Miss Emily had a tryst in the back garden", "the two hugged and read together", "we get along in the study alone", the words are vivid, the excitement seems to be the manor The hostess and little master will be ushered in soon.

My reason has always told me that these are the servants' gossip, and that it will never come true.

But for many days in a row, he always walked in a hurry, and when he passed me, he never even gave me a look.

I hadn't spoken to him in ages, our conversation was limited to him ordering me and me answering 'yes, my lord'.

An emotion called jealousy and loss took hold of me, and I couldn't help imagining Oscar and Miss Emily together, and imagining how they would look like after they got married.

It's like there are two people living in my mind, one said, he won't get married, he just said that he loves you; the other said, the viscount will always get married, not to mention that you don't want to promise love, this blame Did someone else?

I often stand in the corner, looking at the nobles I serve, Oscar is surrounded by them, like stars surrounding the moon, and the beautiful and noble Miss Emily also looks at him with admiration.

He is such a high-ranking person, why should I get him like this?Wouldn't it be ridiculous to talk about the word love between us?

It's like there is an iron claw scratching my heart all the time, and I even have some terrible thoughts suddenly.

Why did she snatch the Oscar?She doesn't love him at all, and I'm going to throw her out, even if I use some mean means.It is not too difficult to frame an unmarried woman in the manor and make her lose her reputation.

Occasionally, these horrible thoughts would seize my brain for a split second, and the shackles of reason would crumble to pieces...

Especially when Oscar and Emily were sitting together with a smile on their faces, this feeling was particularly strong. I felt that this kind of myself was very ugly, so ugly that even I could hardly face it.

But I couldn't tell anyone, not even Oscar, he was too busy to talk to me.

On this day, Mrs. Alice urged them to play the piano together again. When Oscar and Emily walked into the small living room, Mrs. Alice whispered to her friends.

"I think good things are coming soon. Recently, Oscar has frequently met with Earl Harlock's lawyers. I heard them talk about the land and his wife's dowry. He should propose to Emily soon. This is really a happy event... ..."

"Maybe at this time next year, the little heir will be ushered in." Someone flattered: "It's all thanks to your matchmaking."

Mrs. Alice shook her fan lightly and said, "Mothers are like this. Even if my son doesn't miss me, I always miss him. Oh, the actors we invited from the capital have arrived, everyone go downstairs..."

Everyone left the living room under the greeting of Mrs. Alice.

From the moment I heard about my wife's dowry, my mind suddenly went blank, as if my soul had left my body. Without any extra thoughts, I went straight to Oscar's side.

"My lord, the tax officer is here and I would like to see you," I said.

"Oh, what a disappointment, let him wait," said Lady Alice.

Miss Emily, who was holding the Viscount's arm, was understanding. She let go of her hand and said, "Master Oscar, please go to work. We will wait for you downstairs."

After everyone left, it was just me and him in the living room.

He turned to look at me, dark brown eyes.

"Is the tax collector here?" he asked.

I tensed my legs, lowered my head and said, "No, the tax officer is not here, I just wanted to say a few words to you."

The viscount was silent, and I didn't dare to look up at his expression, I was afraid to see an expression of impatience or helplessness on his face.

"Don't you have something to tell me? Tell me." He said lightly.

I felt my heartbeat suddenly become very fast, thumping and beating my chest, so that it was difficult to breathe. I spoke quickly, but my voice was hoarse and stumbled. I suppressed my shame and invited him.

"My lord, will you come to see me tonight?"

"...No." He thought for a while, and then rejected me without hesitation.

The word 'no' was like a cold drumstick, hitting my heart hard. For a moment, I felt that the blood in my whole body was cold.

I didn't look up at him, just replied subconsciously.

"Then, I'm leaving." I said in a daze.

"Owen..."

At this moment, the door of the room opened suddenly, and Mrs. Alice walked in hurriedly: "Oscar, come down quickly, the show is about to start, don't worry about the tax collector anymore, you can't neglect the guests."

I left the room while Mrs. Alice was speaking, I don't know how I left, I was just like a person who lost his soul, embarrassment and shame are nothing, I was sucked out in an instant With all his strength, he fled here quickly by instinct.

I didn't have any place to hide, but I didn't want to leave the manor, so I just wandered aimlessly in the huge castle, and finally fell down on an air vent on the roof of the castle in embarrassment.

In the cold wind, I hugged my head tightly, trying to wake myself up.

At that moment, I don't know why, I suddenly felt very pitiful, when did I fall to such a point, could it be that if I fell in love with someone, I would become humble and pitiful?

Does he no longer want to be with me?

Because I keep rejecting his advances?Yeah, I pushed him away and wasn't nice enough to him, so who's to blame.

I sat here for a long, long time until the sun went down.

The cold of winter penetrates into every pore of people like the deepest needle prick.

But strangely, the body didn't feel much cold.

When it was dark, I stood up unsteadily, and then walked to Oscar's bedroom.

I can't just give up, I'm going to tell him I love him and let him stay with me.

Walking through long corridors, the corridors never seemed to me so long, deep and narrow and blurred.

When I came to the door of his bedroom, I pushed it open and walked in without knocking.

He was drinking alone by the fireplace, and when he saw me coming in, he frowned and walked over.

"Where did you go? If I didn't know that you hadn't left the castle, I would have almost mobilized everyone to look for you again. The castle is full of guests, we have to be careful."

I walked over, hugged him, and kissed him regardless.

I kissed him like crazy.

But he pushed me away, touched my face and said, "What's wrong? Why is your face so hot?"

I felt the heat too, and Oscar looked shaky, blurred like the firelight around him.

I reached out to untie my bow tie, threw it on the ground, then took off my clothes one by one, walked forward again, hugged him, kissed him, and seduced him.

But he pushed me away again and said loudly, "What's wrong with you? Something is wrong with you."

His voice was buzzing, but I just felt sad.

This has to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, I'm begging this man to hug me, I'm humbly physically seducing him, but he keeps pushing me away.

I looked at him in despair, and then said to him the words that have been pressing on my heart, the words that I have long wanted to shout to him: "Yes, I love you, I love you! I have fallen in love with you a long time ago I surrender to you, you have everything I have, you can do anything to me, my whole being and heart belong to you. For you, I am willing to do anything, as long as you have a word, I can go from the castle Jump off the roof of the building. I love you, Oscar, do you hear that..."

After yelling these words, I felt that all the strength in my body disappeared, and my head was dizzy. I bent my legs and fell to my knees in front of him.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Please forgive me, I didn't mean to... I didn't know it would be like that..."

"Oh my god, you have a fever, what's going on." I heard his panicked voice next to my ear, but the voice was chaotic.

He covered me with his clothes, then knelt beside me and hugged me.

"Quick, put on your clothes, and I'll take you to the doctor."

"Albert, tell me, are you going to marry Miss Emily?"

"Stop talking nonsense, who said I'm going to marry her!"

"Then why are you so close to her? Why don't you talk to me anymore?

"I... I am for her father's land...so..."

"I know you are different from me, you have your responsibilities, you have to be responsible for your identity and status, I know you will get married one day... I am just your servant, I am not qualified to ask you not to marry for me and heirs, but I don't want to become a hateful person one day... Please tell me, what should I do? You already have everything I have, and I have nothing, I give everything to you, so No matter what you decide, I will obey you..."

Oscar stared at me blankly for a long time, then suddenly hugged me tightly, and I could feel his body trembling violently.

"My God, what have I done... I'm sorry, Owen, I'm sorry, if you don't want to say it, forget it, I will never ask you again... I'm sorry, I'm a jerk..."

His voice became smaller and smaller, more and more indistinct, and then I couldn't hear anything...

For a long time, I seemed to have been dreaming, and in the dream I returned to my previous life.

In order to survive, I scrambled to survive in the slits, living a life as shameful as a mouse, and regretting my mistakes all the time.

No one in this world is as good to me as Oscar, but I killed him, I can't let it go, maybe because I have felt this kind of love a long time ago, and fell in love with him long ago in my subconscious denial .

I woke up briefly. In the blurry world, Oscar's face looked very far away. He was calling something nervously, but I couldn't hear him at all.

I even blurred the past life and this life, I stretched out my hand to grab him, and apologized to him personally, but I had no strength left, so I fell into a deep sleep again.

Until a cold hose was inserted into my mouth, I choked and opened my eyes.

"Thank God, you finally woke up." An old voice said: "You have a high fever and have been in a coma until now, so you can only be safe and sound if you are healthy..."

Dr. Jacques was standing beside me, and he showed a relieved smile: "If you don't wake up, your master will probably cut my neck off."

"Owen, Owen, are you okay? How do you feel? Are you awake?" Oscar patted my face anxiously.

He looked very haggard, pale and bloodshot.

"Lord Oscar..." I tried to call him, but my throat couldn't make a sound.

"Oh, my God, oh..." He knelt down beside the bed, grabbed my hand and started crying...