I heard you still love her

——Xiaoyan, you’re home.

For some reason, when she heard Xiao Ruoyan say these words, Yan Zhilan's nose felt sore for no reason. She clenched the hand intertwined with Ah Yan's ten fingers, and followed her into the house.

She once hugged Xiaoyan and said: "I want to have a home that belongs to us."

It doesn't need to be big.

But it's their own home.

There, they don't have to hide, they can hug and kiss wantonly, and do things that ordinary couples can do, but they are extremely envious of them.

In those dark and dim years without seeing the light.

Xiao Ruoyan was in their home, waiting day by day, she yearned for and missed Xiaoyan again and again.

She even made a wish to the gods that one day she could bring her girl back, that she could give it all.

Now, Xiaoyan is here, and her dream has come true.

Xiao Ruoyan's eyes were blurred, and she said she would not cry, but she just couldn't help it.

When Yan Zhilan walked in, she was beyond shocked.

The home is not big, but there is her breath everywhere.

Once, her photos, everything that belonged to them, were deprived by their parents.

They didn't even have a photo together.

And in the room, large and small paintings are all of them embracing and happy together.

Yan Zhilan's eyes were red, she bit her lip, holding back her tears.

In the living room, the biggest one hanging is the creation that Xiao Ruoyan put a lot of effort into.

Under the piano, Yan Zhilan was wearing her favorite white dress, and she was playing with a smile. Under her stage, there were many green and tender faces, and in the middle of the crowd was an oversized man with eyes full of admiration. Teacher Yan's student - Xiao Ruoyan.

——Ayan, I want to be a teacher in the future, and I want to have many lovely students and teach them to play the piano, okay?

The one on the coffee table next to the living room shows Yan Zhilan sitting by a green path. She is lying comfortably in the middle of the grass, with a grass in her mouth, looking at the sky with her hands on her pillow. Xiao Ruoyan beside her He looked at her funny, leaned close to her, and whispered something in her ear.

——Ayan, I like purity, if possible, we can often go to the countryside to see the forest, okay?

Further to the side, it was a rainy day, Yan Zhilan lowered her head, but she squatted on the ground with a smile, stroking the head of a puppy with one hand, and feeding it, Xiao Ruoyan looked at her helplessly with an umbrella beside her, Blocking the rain, his shoulders were wet.

——Ayan, let’s feed the stray dogs at the door, it’s raining, they are so pitiful.

Further to the side, Yan Zhilan was holding Xiao Ruoyan's school uniform with a pitiful look. Xiao Ruoyan frowned, but the corners of her lips could not help but rise.

——A Yan, don't be angry with me, okay?

Walking through the living room, through the long corridor, in the middle of the long corridor, hung Xiao Ruoyan bent over, looking at her shoelaces with pouted lips and raised eyebrows, while Yan Zhilan smiled dotingly, complaining helplessly " Kid, can't even tie your shoelaces?"

——A Yan, you say you little villain, do you want me to tie your shoelaces for the rest of your life?

In the kitchen, Xiao Ruoyan was peeling potatoes, Yan Zhilan was smiling and hugging her coquettishly, Xiao Ruoyan flicked water on her head with one playful hand, the two of them laughed like children.

——Ayan, you look so handsome when you cook, I can't help but want to hug you.

Go through the kitchen and go inside is the bathroom.

In the painting, the two are brushing their teeth with a pink toothbrush and a blue toothbrush, smiling happily in the mirror like two fools.

——A Yan, don’t you think the two of you brushing your teeth together after getting up early feel very warm and happy?

Yan Zhilan's tears were already streaming down uncontrollably, she didn't know how her Ah Yan survived these years, in the days without her, even in the days when she heard that she had a fiancé.

In the dining room, it was Xiao Ruoyan who raised her eyebrows, looking at the painting of Yan Zhilan dissatisfied with her picky eaters. In the painting, Yan Zhilan secretly stuck out her tongue, naughty like a child, and tried to secretly hide the dishes she didn't eat.

——Ayan, don’t people want to eat vegetables? Don’t let me eat them, okay?

Xiao Ruoyan wiped away the tears from Yan Zhilan's eyes, and led her all the way to the bedroom.

In the middle of the bedroom is a photo of Yan Zhilan alone, a very simple oil painting, Yan Zhilan is standing among a field of flowers, her bangs are messed up, her smile is more beautiful than the spring breeze, her lips are slightly pursed, as if crying "Ayan".

——A Yan, I want you to coax me to sleep every day and let you cover my feet, I'm so cold, okay?I'll show you a smile, you like it the most.

Xiao Ruoyan looked at Yan Zhilan who was crying silently while looking at the painting. She choked up and restrained her emotions: "I...I am very tired when I come back every day. I miss you so much...I have no choice..."

There is no way to forget.

There is no way not to love.

There is no way to stop missing.

She didn't even dare to bring people to her home.

Even Gao Yu can only be in the living room, the bedroom belongs to her and Xiaoyan.

She was afraid that others would be frightened when they saw her "morbidity".

But what about that?

In the days without Yan Zhilan, she is already terminally ill, there is no cure, so she can only deceive herself like this.

Yan Zhilan turned around, walked to Xiao Ruoyan's side, stretched out her arms and hugged her tightly.

She was very hard, exhausting all her strength, as if she wanted to embed herself in her arms.

she knows.

Her Ah Yan has worked hard all these years.

Leaving her hometown, going back and forth with her dearest parents, wandering from place to place alone, those are what she thought of.

She didn't expect it.

In a corner where no one was around, Xiao Ruoyan secretly missed her alone.

ten years.

Yan Zhilan fought against her father at the price of blood, and had to use the illusion to "drink poison to quench her thirst", telling herself again and again that it was not true, but she couldn't help being addicted, because she knew that only there could she see Xiao Ruoyan.

Where is Ah Yan?

She drew "they" one after another.

Every time I paint, my heart is roasted on the sword, and my heart is dripping with blood.

Xiao Ruoyan drew many, many small faces, that was her obsession.

On Xiaoyan's 26th birthday, she indulged herself and got drunk. When Gao Yu sent her back, Xiao Ruoyan vomited bile by the flower bed.

Maybe I miss it too much.

She actually smelled Xiaoyan's body.

The smell made her tremble all over, made Xiao Ruoyan collapse, and made her squat there alone, hugging herself and crying loudly.

Xiaoyan, Xiaoyan, Xiaoyan...

We agreed, we will spend every birthday with each other, but where are you?

After going home.

Xiao Ruoyan took a shower with cold water, she dried her clothes hastily, and came to the studio alone like a walking dead.

A night light, a cigarette, and a paintbrush are her warmth.

One stroke, one stroke, all look like Xiaoyan.

With warm candlelight and a lovely cake, Yan Zhilan in the painting is wearing a birthday hat, clasping her hands together, and making a devout wish with her eyes closed.

And what about Xiao Ruoyan himself?

She was playfully behind her, padded her feet, and kissed her secretly.

so beautiful...

At the end of the painting, the entire drawing paper was wet. Xiao Ruoyan couldn't help herself in grief. She stroked the rice paper with trembling fingertips and murmured: "I miss you so much."

……

One tormented night,

When Xiao Ruoyan felt unable to hold on, she came to paint Xiaoyan.

Sometimes while painting, the characters in the painting seemed to come out and enter her dream.

Xiao Ruoyan was also like Xiaoyan, greedy like a child, not wanting to wake up.

But the two people in the dream are so sweet and warm, but the one person after waking up is so desolate and painful.

On the way, Xu Nian and Xiao He came to look for her. Seeing the paintings in this room, the two old people were shocked.

"you you……"

Xiao Ruoyan's face was pale, she smiled wryly: "Yes, I'm crazy."

Xu Nian and Xiao He looked at her, at the tears on her face, at her almost collapsed expression, they couldn't say a word.

From childhood to adulthood, from childhood to adulthood.

Xiao Ruoyan is their pride.

When Ruoyan was young, she was not as naughty as other children. She was very precocious and knew that it was not easy for her parents to make money.

Originally, after the two separated in the third year of high school, the waiting in the senior year of senior year, and Yan Zhilan's missed appointment, exhausted all the hope and dignity of Xiao Ruoyan. forget about her.

They have even started to arrange blind dates for Xiao Ruoyan step by step. Those boys are young and promising. The most important thing is that they can let her have the love that is blessed in the sun. Caring and pampering, but when Xiao Ruoyan saw it, he just curled the corners of his lips in a mocking way, or he didn't see it, and if he did, he must show the other party directly and tell them: she is gay, she has a girl she likes, she waiting for her.

Xiao He turned pale with anger, he slapped Xiao Ruoyan so hard that her face was swollen.

Xiao Ruoyan's face was slapped, she didn't respond, but murmured: "So she hurts so much."

She remembered that when their affair was discovered and her parents were called to school, the slap Yan Feng gave Xiaoyan in front of all of them was also very heavy, and her face was crooked.

That was Xiao Ruoyan's knot in her heart. When her girl was crying with tears streaming down her face, she had no way to hold her in her arms and take care of her.

This sentence would make Xiao He and Xu Nian mad.

Later, Xiao Ruoyan reacted quickly, she packed her luggage and left the city quietly, leaving only a note for the elder.

—Mom and Dad, I love you.

I know you guys are very disappointed in me.

But if it is possible, why would I want to do this?

She was so sick that she was going crazy.

For the next year, Xu Nian didn't hear from her daughter, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep at night, Xiao He was no better.

In the first half of the year, the old couple were still able to hold on to their anger. In the past year, a lot of fear grew in their hearts. They were afraid that something might happen to Xiao Ruoyan.

Missing her daughter so much, Xu Nian begged others to find her daughter's address, but she didn't tell her husband, and went to see her by herself on the bus.

But Xiao Ruoyan almost never lived in the rented house during the day. She participated in many performances, joined many record companies, and sold many of her original songs.

That was before, what Xu Nian didn't dare to think about, how proud her daughter was, when she wrote a song "Taste", the record company wanted to spend a lot of money to buy her song, but she refused to sell it, even because Xu Nian persuaded her to get angry, but now, she really wants nothing for that girl.

When Xu Nian walked to the crowded and dirty alley, he looked at the people running around. In broad daylight, there were very young men walking around shirtless. It hadn't been cleaned for a few days, and the flies were around and made a stench.

Xu Nian repeatedly looked at the address recorded on the paper to make sure it was correct, and then she mustered up the courage to move on.

Finally, at the end of the tube building, she found a place where her daughter was renting.

She didn't have a key, so she just waited there.

such a place...

Although their family is not a wealthy family, since childhood, the two of them have never lacked for their daughter.

They all felt that Xiao Ruoyan wouldn't be able to survive, and would wander outside for ten days and a half months at most, and they would come back if they couldn't stand the hardship.

But she has been stubborn for so long.

It was very late when Xiao Ruoyan came back, and she was still holding pancakes bought from a small stall in her hand. It was a bit cold at night, so she walked home tremblingly, stomping her feet. The moment she saw Xu Nian, she was stunned. Living.

Haven't seen each other for over a year.

Xu Nian watched as her daughter burst into tears.

Xiao Ruoyan has lost weight, a lot. She was already tall, but now she looks like a clothes rack.

Seeing her mother, Xiao Ruoyan's eyes were also red. She walked over and choked up: "Why are you here?"

Xu Nian didn't speak, she looked at her daughter's pale face and the thick dark circles under her eyes, and bit her lip firmly.

Opened the door.

Not much warmer, about the same as the temperature outside.

Xu Nian went in and took a look, the room was so small that it could only fit a bed, not even a decent piece of furniture.

Xiao Ruoyan took out the electric blanket and wrapped it around Xu Nian, and she poured her another cup of hot water, "Don't catch a cold."

Xu Nian took it and looked at her daughter, and the many complaining words finally turned into one sentence: "Mom asks you, it's so hard, what are you trying to do?"

Xiao Ruoyan lowered her head halfway. She was wearing a beige windbreaker. After a year of running around, she lost the arrogance of her youth. She was very tired, and her body was exhausted from working overtime every day.

"Mom heard that the conditions of your company are not bad. Why do you rent a house here? Do you know who lives next to you? Are you not afraid of any accidents?"

Xu Nian couldn't help complaining, Xiao Ruoyan said lightly, "I'm not afraid."

She needs money.

Only when she has money and meets Xiaoyan, can she have her own home with her.

Accident?

Not just once, Xiao Ruoyan felt that the world was so pale and cold.

Life without Xiaoyan is just living.

She is like a rootless weed, floating around, if there is any accident, it may be a relief for her.

Live without love.

She is no longer the original her.

Xu Nian couldn't cry, she looked at her daughter, and took out the passbook tremblingly from her pocket, "This is—"

"unnecessary."

Before she finished speaking, Xiao Ruoyan interrupted her. She looked at Xu Nian with no warmth in her eyes, "Take it back, and I can make money myself."

Xu Nian was so angry that tears flowed even more fiercely, "You're going to be enemies with your parents for the rest of your life, aren't you?"

Xiao Ruoyan heard the dull pain, and her stomach seemed to convulse. She held her stomach with her hands, and the sweat on her painful forehead remained, and she leaned against the wall to ease it.

Xu Nian was taken aback, and hurried to help Xiao Ruoyan, but Xiao Ruoyan looked at her with a pale face: "Mom...do you think I want this? What did I do wrong, tell me? I just love The last girl, I...do I have to be accused by thousands of people and scolded by thousands of people?"

She doesn't understand.

She really didn't understand why exactly.

……

Later, Xu Nian stayed for a day and then left.

She stayed with Xiao Ruoyan for one night and squeezed in that small bed for a whole day.

In the evening, she listened to the songs written by Xiao Ruoyan. When she was a child, her daughter could compose. At that time, the lyrics and style of music were joyful and happy.

Today, in the dark night, in the simple hut, Xiao Ruoyan's voice is so desolate and lonely.

——I wandered to a city without you.

Facing the cold wind and walking through the streets without you.

I learned to grow up and to endure.

I no longer lose my temper and know how to smile.

But without you by my side...

I sold my ideals, my dignity, and the love song that will hum in your ears every time.

I use all I want to exchange for a home that belongs to you and me.

But I don't have you by my side anymore.

……

Xu Nian didn't sleep all night, and even for a moment, her heart was moved, thinking that it would be like this, don't criticize her anymore, let her go home, if she wants to wait, let her wait.

When leaving, Xu Nian secretly left the passbook. After Xiao Ruoyan found out, he wiped away his tears silently and mailed it back to her.

Since then, the family has never forced her to do anything.

Xu Nian told Xiao He what was in his heart, but he did not agree to comfort Xu Nian and said to wait a little longer, the society is dangerous, and he believed that his daughter would not last long.

and after?

She persisted for six years.

Six years of time.

She has matured and grown.

On her 28th birthday, when Xu Nian secretly visited her, Xiao Ruoyan no longer lived in the basement. Her company allocated a dormitory for her. She had friends and was no longer alone.

She was even sitting in the middle of the crowd, dressed brightly, and everyone was celebrating her birthday, shouting: "Director Xiao."

She was surrounded by so many people. For so many years, Xiao Ruoyan's hard work and her sweat had paid off.

She should be happy, but she looks so unhappy.

Her face was smiling, but her heart was silently crying.

Many people toasted to her, and Xiao Ruoyan drank one cup after another. When everyone was holding the birthday cake, she also wore a birthday hat, clasped her hands together and made a wish.

—May my girl be happy.

Xiaoyan, are you okay?

Every year, it never changes.

Until the end of the banquet, Xu Nian waited for her and followed her secretly.

She watched Xiao Ruoyan drank a little staggeringly, she watched her walk to the door of the house alone, sitting on the cold flower bed, shaking her feet and crying: "Xiaoyan, I'm 28, you owe me money again!" Say happy birthday to me."

……

Paintings one by one, memories one by one, throbbing pain again and again.

Yan Zhilan was trembling from crying at the end, she squatted on the ground and couldn't help herself in grief and pain, Xiao Ruoyan walked over and hugged her quietly, "Don't cry, don't cry."

This time, it was her turn to comfort her.

Xiao Ruoyan kissed her tears little by little. She took Xiaoyan's hand, helped her stand up, and walked to the center of the bedroom. There was a huge painting covered with canvas beside the bed.

Xiao Ruoyan gently kissed Yan Zhilan's hand, brushing her ring with her lips, she looked at Xiaoyan and murmured: "Open it."

She had waited for this moment for a long time.

The author has something to say: Ye Zi who wrote it, hey, wipe away tears.