Nancheng, nothing old.

The funeral of Lu Yian’s grandfather lasted for six days. Lu Yian and I slept in her cousin’s room. I slept on the bed and she slept on the sofa. No matter what, she refused to be with me. The bedroom in the southern countryside is really cold, with cold walls, no air conditioning or floor heating , Lu Yian just curled up on the sofa, wrapped himself in the old quilt, and gave me the blanket and others.

Lu Yi'an, when I knew her, she was still slightly fat, but now she is also thinner, she said that she loves thin girls, slim girls, it can make her feel bad, but she is also like this now, but she is strong and loves to be brave.After crying for a while that day, she never cried again, her expression was indifferent, she couldn't see how sad she was, and she occasionally smiled when talking to me.At night, when she was not very busy, she always called Chen Qinghan intermittently, the signal was intermittent, and she spoke a few words across borders. This is the couple who have been in love all the time. Not far away, I can always see the sadness on her face. In the dark and under the weak incandescent light, she turns her back to others, releasing her sadness alone.Sometimes she has to watch the vigil with her brothers and sisters at different times, and sometimes at two or three o'clock in the morning, I always look at her by the gate with a yawn, and talk to her, she tells the story of the past and grandpa, or the recent emotional Long and short, sometimes, ask me about my future, at the age of 21, I still don’t know if I want to choose to become a North Drifter.I didn’t love Beijing much at the beginning. I went there for Lu Yi’an, but she’s not there anymore. I haven’t found a new reason to stop here.

As for Lu Yi'an, who really belongs to the Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou family, she said that the indifference of the big cities gave her a lot of opportunities, and that men and women, relying on their own strengths and self-reliance, also gave her a lot of tolerance.She has stayed there long enough. If she returns to this small town at this moment, where people love to visit each other and there is no privacy, she will return to ordinary one day.

She said, Jiang Ming, believe it or not, I don't think I'm an ordinary person.

Huang Biyun said, Zhixing, if one day we are submerged in the vast sea of ​​people and live a mediocre life, it must be because we have not worked hard to live a prosperous life.

Jiang Ming, I have been trying to live a rich life, not only for Qinghan, but for myself, I want to live my own life, in this small town, to be honest, it is very difficult to do, I will only be with so many ordinary people Like ordinary women, getting married and having children, taking care of their husbands and raising their children, taking care of their grandchildren when they get old, and living a peaceful life is someone else's happiness, not mine.

Unwilling, the death of Lu Yian's grandfather once again stimulated her anxiety and unwillingness.I was lucky to be with her at that time.

The day before the burial, my father and mother came to attend the funeral, and the funeral wine was also eaten.They looked ugly when they saw me.I had no choice but to pull my father to a corner and explain to him alone.I also thought that, speaking of myself as righteous and awe-inspiring, Lu Yian has taken good care of me in the past few years, and I should accompany her out of reason.But parents have always put their children's studies first, so I went home before the exam and used my father's money. When I got home, I even told him that there were many excuses in my mind every minute. There are so many reasons to do one thing. , we can always find it, but nothing beats it, I would.I just want to, just want to.

I told my dad the truth and looked directly at him. At that time, I was talking to him as an adult, and I didn't flinch from his eyes looking at me.

"I know that I am responsible for my own choice, and I can be responsible for Lu Yian's return."

Dad finally sighed slightly: "Jiang Ming, after two years away, you have indeed grown up."

After that, I went home with my parents.At that time, Lu Yi'an reluctantly came to thank me and send me off. She felt much better, but she caught a cold in the severe cold. I don't know if it was because she gave up the bed to me.

"Jiang Ming, my good friend, thank you."

Good friend, in the past two years, I have indeed become an adult rapidly. In order to finally understand that everything in the world must be done by myself. If I finally give in, it must be that I am not strong enough.

Not long after returning home, years ago, I met Su Yan once in the city.It's been a long time. I don't know if her ForHer is still in operation. She came to the city to transfer a car back to her hometown, and casually brought me Lu Yian's red envelope.

The money for two plane tickets.

I sent Su Yan to the station. At that time, Su Yan, who was 32 years old, and I, who was 22 years old, entered.Some people and time have not left traces on her face, but during the four years I have known Su Yan, her face is obviously a little old.Over thirty, she is no longer a young woman, with mature big waves, jeans and a thin down jacket, always sexy, carrying a small canvas bag with not much luggage.

Zhang He stayed with his father in his hometown and did not come to see her off.

We were in the fast food restaurant next to the bus station. There were only two buses from the city to Chongqing every day, at [-]:[-] pm, two hours away from her car. We could catch up on the past for an hour, and ordered milk tea and Coke.

She said that after meeting me in the city in 2010, Zhang He was indeed admitted to a good high school, and the two lived together in the city and lived a happy life.Years ago, Zhang He's father suddenly became seriously ill. The stubborn old man was unwilling to leave her hometown for life and death. Without hesitation, Zhang He quit his job in the city and went back.

When Su Yan spoke, she looked distressed and swearing, which really didn't match her image. Thirty years old, but she was once as young as me.

"I'm afraid Ah He and I will have trouble getting through it."

"Can't make it through?"

She chewed the straw and lowered her head, I think she must not want me to see her sadness.

"It's so sad, nine years together and nothing at the end. I have nothing but to say I love her, say I love her every day. However, there is a good chance that she will marry someone who I have known for nine days and nine months In the future, that person will be her husband in name, he enjoys her power, he is her account, they are in the same household registration book, he can serve her father's bedside, and call him daddy. And these are my What I can't have with her for nine years is love, what's the use of loving her, I can only be a friend."

At that time, at the age of 22, I no longer naively asked, "Is love not enough?" Not enough, not enough, only love in life is far from enough.

"Sister Zhang He, haven't you thought about coming out?"

"Maybe I thought about it before. But when I was young, I always thought that I had nothing, no stable career and economy, and no body of my own, so I thought about procrastinating for a few more years. Later, her father was seriously ill and couldn't bear it. There is no blow. Ah He is 28, I am 32, how many years do you think we can wait?"

"So, have you already given up?"

She didn't speak, so it was her default.

"Sometimes I even have some vicious thoughts, such as her father's sudden death, and then I will spend that painful time with her, and live together in the future. But how can I have such despicable thoughts, Ah He Her mother left her when she was a child, and his father never remarried to raise her. At that time, Ah He always told me about her father. She wanted to work hard and honor her father since she was a child. I couldn’t bear this Shameless thought."

"Can't it be delayed? Or physical marriage"

"I thought about putting it off until my uncle died. I would wait, 33, 35, but that is the person Ah He loves the most. Her favorite is her father. When faced with a choice, she will definitely choose her father. As for X-shaped marriage, we have met a few at the beginning, but they are not very suitable, maybe I am prejudiced against men, seeing those few makes me sick, besides, Ah He has already started dating the son of her father’s colleague, I Last time I had a fight with that man, it was my one-sided fight, that man was always polite, so I had a fight with Ah He."

Jiang Ming, Ah He has already given up on me.

We are all silently abandoned or abandoned, and there is no need to try our best to expose it.

Su Yan raised her head and kept pressing her temple with her left hand. She was so sad, I didn't know how to comfort her.

"By the way, Jiang Ming, how is your thesis writing?"

"What thesis?"

"Electric shock therapy? How can you learn Chinese to study this?"

"Well, I gave up writing that."

Scratching her head, saying so, I can't tell her that I almost went.

"Jiang Ming, you don't have to lie to me." She smiled, her red eyes insisted on showing a smile.

"The times will get better and better, Jiang Ming, don't be afraid."

"Ok, I know."

We have a difficult life, which is caused by the environment. Fortunately, my parents did not give me such a difficult time. I have been working hard to become a freer individual.Not for love, not for others, but for individuals who can live freely in this world without being dominated by others.However, it's all based on the fact that I'm lucky that my parents, the friends I've met, people of all kinds, so far, haven't imposed all of them on me.

I am free until I am 21 and will be even more so.