night fades

Not only did he not answer the call, he didn't answer the call all night, and there was no one there.

Lin Ye called every few minutes, and couldn't find anyone until he got home, so he couldn't help feeling a little anxious.It was just confirmed that he likes this person, what is going on?

Throwing the phone on the coffee table, Lin Ye went into the bathroom and took a shower. After coming out, he looked at the phone. It was already two o'clock, and there was no call back, not even a text message. He was a little anxious, but he didn't want to continue calling , wiped his hair, lay down on the bed with a cigarette in his mouth.

In the past, I didn't think there was anything wrong with wandering around every day. Zhou Ning'an came to him every day and he was annoyed. Now that there is no one in the deserted family, no matter how I stay, I feel deserted.

Lin Ye turned the volume of his phone to the maximum and started playing games. In order to take care of Zhou Ning'an's shallow sleep, his ringtone was used to vibrating, so he didn't turn on the background music when playing games, for fear of disturbing Zhou Ning'an's sleep.

It's good to have a quiet night by myself, Lin Ye thought, and raised his foot to put his leg aside, but found that there was no one around him tonight.

The bed wasn't too big. He slept on one pillow by himself and stepped on the other, sometimes afraid of falling off. Later, with Zhou Ning'an added, the two of them filled the whole bed, but Lin Ye didn't feel too uncomfortable. Now that there were so many free beds, Lin Ye felt very uncomfortable for a while.

He picked up his phone and wanted to continue playing the game. Maybe tonight he could clear the level by playing for a while, but he couldn't help thinking that when Zhou Ning'an was around, he always pretended that he was sleeping soundly, and then quietly listened to him playing games. No movement, when it was too late and he didn't plan to go to sleep, he would stick to his arm and rub against his arm, whispering to persuade him to go to bed early.

Lin Ye looked at the vacant seat beside him, thinking about Zhou Ning'an's usual persistent and cautious approach, a silly and sweet smile appeared on the corner of his mouth inadvertently.

Lin Ye put the phone aside, thinking that he probably won't reply tonight, maybe where did he go?He couldn't wait and went home to sleep first, but why didn't he come back here?

Lin Ye had always vaguely felt that Zhou Ning'an seemed to like his place more. Every time he said "going home", he meant this place instead of the place that Lin Ye had never been to but was sure that it was a hundred times more luxurious than his place. mansion.That mansion is what Zhou Ning'an called "going back to do something".

Lin Ye suddenly thought that they had been together for almost half a year, and he didn't know if he really knew Zhou Ning'an.He is familiar with many small things about Zhou Ning'an, such as when he sees himself cooking his favorite dish, he will secretly giggle at the plate, when he wakes up and stares at the window in a daze for a short time, he is used to reading speeches one time and then backwards It's a habit all over again. When he doesn't want to go to work, he always has a momentary depression when he mentions the word mother... But he doesn't know anything about the real Zhou Ning'an, any useful, practical information that can be used for business.

He didn't know if Zhou Ning'an was hiding it on purpose or he didn't intend to understand it, but Lin Ye suddenly realized something tonight. Zhou Ning'an in the eyes of others seemed to be a very different character from the one he saw.

The one that others saw should have sex in a different place every night, but the one he saw was pure and outrageous.The one seen by others can cover the sky with one hand, but the one in his eyes is always compromised.What others saw was wealth like a golden hall and jade horse, but what he saw Zhou Ning'an was always so lonely and desolate.

If in the eyes of others, it is a joke for him to fall in love with such a person, and if the Zhou Ning'an he knows hears this, what kind of reaction should he have?

His enthusiasm to share this feeling with joy retreated, Lin Ye hesitated, he lay on the bed and asked himself quietly, what can you give him?

For Zhou Ning'an, would it be meaningful for him to be such a person?

In the dark, the phone vibrated, and there was a noise that could not be ignored in such a quiet night. Lin Ye picked up the phone and looked at it. It was a text message from Zhou Ning'an, which said: "I don't want to continue with this kind of relationship. .”

Lin Ye's pupils shrank suddenly, and he almost picked up his cell phone and was about to make a call. He wanted to ask why he said such things after not seeing each other all night, but he thought about these thoughts tonight, thinking of them Negotiations were unclear at the beginning. Thinking of Zhou Ning'an's regular transfer of money and the card that he could always bring up when he went to the hospital, Lin Ye stopped, and silently replied: "What is our relationship?"

The screen of the phone dimmed, gradually went black, and then it never sounded again throughout the night.

Lin Ye lay on the bed and waited all night with his mobile phone in his hand. When dawn came, he didn't wait for the text message, but he figured out a reason.Zhou Ning'an didn't need a reason to end their relationship, and he didn't need to explain it to him.

Zhou Ningan sent this text message with all his strength, then quickly turned off the phone, threw the phone away, and retracted himself under the quilt to the corner of the bed, trying to make himself as small as possible, closing his eyes and working hard. take a deep breath.

This was a habit he had developed since he didn't know when. He didn't want to escape. He started doing this at first because he wanted to fake the illusion that his mother just couldn't find him, not that he didn't want to see him.It would have been nice if he had actually disappeared, instead of being forgotten.

Zhou Ning'an felt that he was starting to suffocate. Sometimes when he felt too uncomfortable, he would subconsciously hold his breath. Xu Pingchuan said that this was a physiological stress response caused by psychological problems, which was very dangerous.According to Xu Pingchuan, he subconsciously thought that his death would solve the problem. Although Zhou Ning'an didn't feel that he had such serious suicidal tendencies, he vaguely liked the feeling of darkness in front of his eyes when he was suffocated.

He likes black, perhaps because of perennial insomnia, he longs for this color that can relax himself, he doesn't want to escape, he just feels too tired, he wants to rest for a while, just for a while.

When Zhou Ningan woke up again, he found that he was holding his throat with both hands, shaking it like a fish out of water, his trachea constricted, trying to inhale more oxygen, and because of the sudden inhalation of excess oxygen, he couldn't hold back anymore. trembling.

His body wasn't ready to give up, so it started forcing him to breathe after too long without oxygen.This way of breathing was uncomfortable, but Zhou Ning'an didn't call out to anyone, he quietly waited for the end of this hyperventilation, which was somewhat similar to asthma.Suffocating or breathing in too much oxygen is actually a terrifying feeling, but he doesn't feel afraid, what he fears is his numbness at this moment.

The most intense convulsion passed. His hands trembled to grab the phone. He almost couldn't turn on the screen several times. Finally, he entered the correct password. He looked at the words that lit up on the screen, unconsciously, A tear fell on his face, and it was hot.

He reached out and touched the tear, almost sure it was his own.Then he turned over and curled up, hugging the phone to his chest, feeling that the oxygen was gradually reaching all parts of his body, and he was alive again.

Not just his body, he looked at the text message and felt that all kinds of emotions were gradually awakening and colliding in his brain. He muttered to himself, "Lin Ye, what are we? What am I?"

His fingers were still trembling, and he didn't know how to respond. He wanted to see Lin Ye so much that his internal organs ached from thinking about it, but he didn't hate this kind of pain. At least it made him feel that he was still alive.

Zhou Ningan hesitated for a long time, watching the phone screen light up again and again and then go dark again and again without instructions, he stared at this process for a long time like a neurotic, but still didn't write any words.In the end, he locked his phone and put it aside, and suddenly remembered that he was probably crazy.He is very rational, but in Xu Pingchuan's eyes, this kind of rationality may be a disease.

He spread himself out into a big character on the bed, staring at the familiar ceiling, unable to fall asleep.He is so familiar with the ceiling here, probably because he spends far more time staring at it than others, night after night, taking medicine, or waiting for the dawn.

Zhou Ning'an touched his face, and he had unknowingly burst into tears.