living guilt

49.

Chen Zhiping is the master of the central courtyard. When he came to the affiliated courtyard, Corey thought he was here for an exchange and cleared out a conference room for him. Chen Zhiping didn't like the extravagance of the affiliated courtyard, so he accepted the courtesy grandly. Lock Shu Can in.

"Have you not been home for many days?"

Shu Can smokes, but not often, what's wrong with the new beard hair on his chin, he lies on the chair, rubbing his fingers, smoking one cigarette after another.

"So what. My dad is looking for you? My aunt is looking for you? Or who?"

"Yes..Forget it, go home and have a look."

Shi Chen's condition developed rapidly, and Shu Can had to accept chemotherapy. After entering the first treatment, Shi Chen began to have high and low fever repeatedly, and the lymph nodes all over his body swelled rapidly. Before Shu Can left the ward, he had just fallen asleep because of the pain in the swollen lymph nodes in his lower abdomen. , Shi Chen kept his eyes open all night.To be honest, even if Shu Tingan was standing in front of him now, he didn't have the patience to talk to him.

"Not available at the moment. What's the matter?"

"Go home today."

The indescribably complex lines between Chen Zhiping's eyebrows, Shu Can took a deep breath and narrowed his tired eyes, "What do I have at home, my dad is waiting for me at home?"

He snorted again, "As long as you don't tell me..."

"Shi Yun." Chen Zhiping took a deep breath, "Shi Yun is waiting for you. He can't show up in the hospital, so let me tell you."

Chen Zhiping looked at Shu Can for a moment, he wasn't sure how Shu Can would react.

Shu Can's hands were burned by a cigarette, and she turned her eyes to Chen Zhiping as if she woke up.

"Go away?"

He turned around and walked towards the door, when Chen Zhiping grabbed his shoulders, Chen Zhiping approached his ear, grabbed his collar and growled, "I can't help it! I can't help it either!"

"It's your dad! Your dad saved him! Your dad won't tell you!!"

Shu Can inhaled heavily and breathed heavily, his voice trembled, his eyes blurred into pieces, "You...are you telling the truth, are you telling the truth again?"

"Really! Shu Can, you go home and have a look, you can go back now or after get off work, Shu..."

Shu Can took off his white coat while walking, and started to run as he walked. He didn't know where to throw his clothes, and when he walked out of the hospital gate, he was blown by the cold wind and felt his eyes hurt.

Wiping his eyes, he looked for the car he couldn't remember where it was parked.

50.

The hospital gown was worn on Shi Chen's body, the trousers and sleeves were a bit shorter, but the front and waistband were still too big.

Not long after he entered the first treatment, he couldn't adapt to the large amount of methotrexate, his body's stress response was too great, and he had a fever all day long.Usually no one would come to his ward except Dr. Shu and Wu Min.

When Shi Chen was awake, he would take a look every time the door rang.Wu Min told him that Dr. Shu had something to do, Shi Chen pulled out the wrist he was holding, and turned around, revealing his white head.

After the night passed, so did the day.

Dr. Shu asked for leave, and Wu Min even brought lunch to the door of the ward.

Shi Chen's temperature dropped, and the initial effect of chemotherapy appeared, which allowed him to sit up and play by himself with his eyes open, and he even told Wu Min that he wanted to eat instant noodles.

Wu Min knew that he had no taste in anything he ate, so he wanted to eat something with taste. Of course, he didn't dare to buy instant noodles for him, so he went to the cafeteria and ordered a bowl of noodles. Spit it out.

51.

I don't know who kept a pot of cactus in a plastic box in his ward and kept it on the windowsill.

When he asked Shu Can when she would be discharged from the hospital last time, Shu Can didn't turn her head, and said casually that she should wait for the cactus to bloom.

Shi Chen didn't remember that he had missed his own name.He stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and thought of Shi Yun, he never smiled, probably because he made himself memorize too many things.

He was able to stand in front of the mirror and smile today because he felt that he had a little more to give back to Shi Yun.

At some point in the night, Shi Chen woke up hungry.With water hanging on the back of his hand, he turned his head slightly and found that he was wearing a woolen hat.

Shu Can, who disappeared for two days, was wearing a very light color. Shi Chen couldn't tell what color it was, and now he saw that the color and the shape of things were basically distorted.

Shu Can was wearing a very light colored sweater and lay face down on the side of the bed, not a single hair was exposed, Shi Chen could tell that Shu Can was completely intuitive.

He was glad that he hadn't become too ugly now, although the difference between his face and Shi Yun's was a bit big now.

The pain in his lower abdomen was still the same, but there was a big change.There are many places in the body that are bulging, even behind the ears, and it feels like a bag.

Shi Chen stretched out his hand very, very lightly to touch Shu Can's hair with the palm of his hand. Those hairs looked spiky, but each hair was very stubborn and paranoid, which fit his personality very well. In fact, it was quite good. He I'm not jealous of Shi Yun anymore, it's just a pity that the books he threw at Heqiao, and the pile of things piled up in the room on the first floor of Shu Can's house, if he had a mobile phone, maybe Bai Qingyuan could help him a little bit, But no yet.

At the age of 11, everyone likes little girls, and they have to do some little tricks to attract attention. That is the age when love grows wildly. Every little move of the other party can make a series of happy soap operas in the brain.There was nothing wrong with Shi Chen, but at that time he was still a simple child, he only felt that staying with Brother Shu Can was particularly good, and when Brother Shu Can left, he would close the door of the room so that all the air would be closed. , are all related to Shu Can.

But Shu Can always thinks that he is a scheming ghost, but in fact, it's okay, whoever likes a person doesn't need a little scheming, isn't that mentally handicapped.

Shi Chen raised the corners of his mouth, and seemed to be alive for a moment, with such a playful meaning, he moved his mouth very quietly, in this room where he was 21 years old and Shu Can was 28 years old, and they could finally share a piece of air. Just like when I was a child, I smiled and called "Brother Shu Can" to the person sleeping beside me.

Brother Shu Can, it turns out that I won't look like Shi Yun when he was 28 years old.

52.

Spring rain is as expensive as oil, and cold is as cheap as cold.

Shu Can's cell phone rang countless times, and he looked again and again at the unfamiliar number, each time turning on the mute as if reluctantly.

Brother Shu Can.

He also touched Shi Chen's cold forehead after his fever subsided very lightly, and kissed him.

After Chen Zhiping came that day, he wanted to see Shi Yun like crazy.

Time cloud, time cloud.

What blocked him was the huge crowd of people in the hospital, and he wanted to shout out, heartbreakingly.He tried his best to run to the place where Yun Yun was.

Nothing is going well, not even the car he parked at the hospital wants to be found by him.Had a hard time finding the car and the battery wouldn't ignite just because it hadn't been started for a week.

Nothing can stop him from going to see Shiyun.

But the moment he stood at the door of the house, he stopped.Shi Yun seemed to know that he was coming back, standing on the balcony on the second floor and looking around, he smiled to himself, the white wall that had been damp for a year finally got the sun after a long absence.

Shu Can also laughed, laughed and cried, cried and laughed.

He squatted in front of his house and couldn't stand up, Shi Yun called him "Shu Can."

What about Shi Chen?

What should Shi Chen do?

The damp white wall was exposed to the sun, and the whiteness of the entire wall was like an illusion. The mottled and corrupted parts were like mold magnified by a thousand times or ten thousand times under a microscope, and one more look would poison him to death.

When Shi Yun disappeared on the balcony on the second floor, Shu Can ran away.

He is like the dog named Monkey King in Journey to the West, and he also wants to give Shi Yun a Supreme Treasure, but now he is more like a dog.

He hid in the woods across the road, watching Shi Yun rushing to the yard, standing there for a long time without leaving, Shi Yun stood all night, and Shu Can also stood all night.

When Shi Yun entered the door after dawn, Shu Can saw the light on in their former room on the second floor, and then turned off the light because of the rising sun. He went to the mall to buy a change of clothes, went to the hotel to take a shower and sleep, and returned to the hospital at night. , he saw a girl's fleece hat in the mall, it looked very warm, and he wanted to buy one for Shi Chen.

53.

Shi Chen's treatment can only be said to be effective, but it is not ideal, he can't sleep, and Shu Can's eyes are getting redder and redder after following him.Shi Chen asked Shu Can every day when he would be discharged from the hospital, and Shu Can was annoyed by the question, so she cast her eyes on the cactus on the window sill.

Shi Chen asked him if he could bring him the books at home, Shu Can said no.

Shu Can removed the PICC tube from his arm with her own hands. Shi Chen had almost never stopped the infusion because of his prolonged fever. The floating blood vessels on the back of his hand were almost like a gloomy palette. After rubbing, Shi Chen bent his mouth for the first time.

The second treatment should be separated by at least two weeks. Shichen's swollen legs receded slowly, his range of motion was limited, and the environment he was in contact with was also very fixed. Not only his legs, but his whole body was pale and bloodless.

Shu Can took care of Shi Chen regardless of day and night, and never gave up for a single minute. Shi Chen was willing to smile at him, and Shu Can's heart was soft and sour.For the first time, he hugged Shi Chen when he was not asleep or unconscious.

It's a real hug.He allowed Shi Chen to rest his pointed chin on his shoulders, and he was so thin that Shu Can could completely hide him in his arms.

Shu Can couldn't hold back, he choked up and said to Shi Chen, "I'm sorry."

Shi Chen's slender body is obvious when he pauses, because of his illness, he has been too gentle and soft recently, and it is rare to be obedient.

54.

Shi Chen originally thought that he was going to die, so Shu Can realized that she had to apologize to him because he was kicked in after all.

It wasn't until he woke up in the hospital bed in the afternoon that he realized that he had misunderstood.

In this world, there is only one person who can call him "Chenchen", and only his elder brother.

When Shichen woke up, his heart beat a lot more, and he was in pain. He also knew that it was luck that his eyes could see everything with his brain at this point.

He regards being able to see time aggregates as luck.

Shi Yun hugged him, said with red eyes, "Chen Chen is sorry."

Shi Chen calmed down, he glanced at the cactus on the balcony, a little dazed, but asked Shi Yun seriously, "Are you still alive?"

Shi Yun clasped his hand with a bit of strength, Shi Chen couldn't break free, his brain is not very good, so it is very difficult to keep up with a person's troublesome explanation.

"Chenchen, my father involved too many people. Before my mother left, she threatened... no... it was the trustee... the trustee helped me. I did have a car accident, but I knew there would be a car accident... I. I came back too late, sorry.."

Shi Chen shook Shi Yun's hand, and asked again, "Didn't you go to school to find me?"

"Yes, I entrusted you to Shu Can."

"You just wanted to have a car accident...you didn't come to me...so I can't see your dead body, and nobody can see it..right"

Shi Yun was a little embarrassed by his rhetorical question. He settled down and tried to stabilize Shi Chen, "My brother has his brother's difficulties, and my father is also very difficult. I know you are also very difficult, but..."

"elder brother."

Shi Chen's eyes similar to Shi Yun's were a bit hollow and dazed, he struggled to smile, and seemed a little flattering, "Brother, let's match each other, shall we?"

"What nonsense?" Shi Yun sighed and hugged him tightly, "I still have money, and I can treat your illness. I won't give up on you."

Shi Chen covered his mouth, he hugged his knees and was hugged by Shi Yun, his exposed feet had chilblains, his hands were full of pinholes, there was a big scar on his bald head, and there was even an incision on his chest that didn't recede.Almost every lymph node in his body hurts, but he never cries.

"Will you forgive me?"

"meeting."

"Will you forgive me?"

"I will."

Shi Chen stretched out his hand and hugged Shi Yun tightly, he closed his eyes, tears streaming down in pieces, "You will forgive me, you will forgive me for whatever I do, won't you?"

Shi Yun's eyes were red, his eye sockets were tight, and he said in a hoarse voice, "I will, I will, Chen Chen, I will forgive you for everything."

"I know." Shi Chen raised his head and smiled vaguely at him, "I know, I traded a lot of things."

"It's back."

Shi Chen really wanted to tell Shi Yun that I went to the pier to pick up fish and did a lot of work, and every time I couldn't move it, I would think that I moved it this time, and my brother came back.I eat everything I don't eat, I live a very hard life, I try to live this life, I'm waiting for you to come back, I'm begging your forgiveness, I'm asking you Atonement.

He also wanted to tell Shi Yun that I slept in your boyfriend's bed, although your boyfriend doesn't like me, your boyfriend beats me, your boyfriend insults me with bad language, but I know I deserve it, I'm not unhappy , he punished me for you, I deserve it, I know he is waiting for you, he should wait for you.

Shi Chen didn't have time to say, he wanted to cry a lot, he was afraid it was just a dream.

Shi Yun hugged his almost fleshless shoulders, even his teeth were shaking, Shi Chen only had time to smile at him, and he didn't let go of Shi Yun's hand even when he laughed so vaguely.

He said you don't want to go anymore.

Shi Yun said I would not leave.

Shi Chen sniffed his nose, but couldn't get it in after a few inhalations, blood dripped from Shi Yun's clothes, he thought to himself, why did he still have so much blood left.

55.

When Shi Chen's crying stopped, Shi Yun only heard the sound of "Didi" in the room.But then, all the alarms sounded at the same time in an instant.

Shi Yun was horrified to see his younger brother leaning against him with blood all over his face, motionless. "Shi Chen!!"

Before he could turn around in time, Shu Can was the fastest among the group of doctors to rush over.

The way he stared at himself was a stranger that Shi Yun had never seen before.

His red-eyed look was a mess that Shi Yun had never seen before.

Shi Yun took a few steps back, and was finally pushed out the door by another doctor.

56,

"Didn't Chen Zhiping tell you not to come to the hospital?"

"said."

"then you."

"I didn't come to see you, I came to see Chen Chen, he is so sick, you..."

Shu Can's Adam's apple rolled, he looked away, and let the back of his head hit the wall heavily. "I am unforgivable"

There was blood on Shi Yun's shirt, it was from Shi Chen's nose, when he stood up suddenly, Shu Can needed to look up at him.Shi Yun raised his hand and punched him hard. "Why do you?" He grabbed Shu Can's clothes with red eyes, "Why did you treat him like this?"

"I don't...I don't..."

Shu Can raised her hand to make those colleagues who thought it was a medical trouble and came to help stop, and some people still walked here, "Doctor Shu..."

"Director Shu!!"

"Shu..." Shu Can closed her eyes and yelled unbearably, "Get out of here! Get out!!"

"Doctor Shu." Shi Yun sneered, and he leaned his head against Shu Can's chest, but unfortunately he couldn't bleed, he was in so much pain that he couldn't help Shi Chen at all, "What a Shu Can Doctor, are you a beast?"

"I can't bear it...I can't bear to scold him...you beat him..."

Shu Can shook her hands and loosened them, loosened them again, and dared not touch Shi Yun for a long time.He gritted his teeth and let out a low voice, "You really know everything."

Shi Yun let go of him, and slumped down on the chair step by step. Chen Zhiping told him that Shi Chen was seriously ill and Shu Can couldn't go home, but he didn't know that Shi Chen's illness was so serious.His fingers trembling as he unbuttoned the neckline, he directly pulled off the two buttons vigorously, let go of his breathing, and heavily blocked his eyes with his arms.

He didn't even bother to answer Shu Can's words.

It is impossible for Shi Yun to be a weak person if he can walk this path. He has a more tenacious belief and a stronger heart than anyone else.

He survived this battle by sacrificing his efforts and avoiding the sensitive period. He came back to find his isolated and helpless younger brother, not Chen Chen who was seriously ill and exhausted.

He understands everything Chen Chen said, in his eyes, Chen Chen is just a little follower who can be carried in his hand and run around, a child spoiled by him.

Shu Can is different.When Shu Can developed a hazy liking for Shi Chen at an ignorant age, he was already an adult, he could control his mind and manage his body well.But he didn't.

Like himself, he didn't pay attention to the occasion and ignored the psychology of children, which seriously affected Shi Chen's sexual orientation.

Shi Yun even gave birth to, if Shi Chen doesn't meet someone he likes, let Shu Can take care of his mind.

He loves Shu Can, but also hates Shu Can.He is an older brother, he can tolerate his younger brother infinitely, but he cannot forgive his lover for cheating.Shi Yun also experienced pain and hatred, even when he knew that Shu Can refused to go home for half a month because of Shi Chen, and he was on guard day and night, he also deeply felt betrayed.

But Shichen was crying.In order not to bring him any danger, Shi Yun chose not to contact him. He didn't think that was parting.

He didn't know that Shu Can would anger him, torture him, and hurt him because of this.

When he saw that Shi Chen had no hair and only had a big head when he was thin, Shi Yun's entire heart was breaking.

"Shi Chen said that he wanted to offset me two by two. He used all the pain and suffering he had suffered from me to offset his guilt towards me."

"Shu Can, what do you use to pay?"