ashes of time

I travel alone, not only without you, but also without other shadows in the dark.

Only I was sunk in darkness, and the world was all my own.

—— "Shadow's Farewell"

Sarah didn't say so.Mikhail thought about it briefly on the way back, and he came to a logical inference: the slave trade, colonial plunder, and World War I and World War II were all driven by male ideas that expanded out of control.Defeat enemies, defeat more enemies; earn wealth, earn more wealth.The powerful men will sacrifice their entire lives in exchange for admission tickets to climb the ladder of achievement. Under the smooth and transparent surface of the ladder, pus and blood flow, and the bones lie horizontally, brewing intoxicating wet poison.Robbers, gentlemen, and upstarts were all locked on stage.But they couldn't come down—reluctantly, and couldn't do it.

He suddenly understood why he was so overwhelmed when he said goodbye to Peter in July 1941.Peter, the pearl of Northeast Europe, he chose to stand at the top, at the end of the spiral staircase.He looked down on the swarms of living beings, their ugliness in the mire, and the steps of their deeds.Fascism, separation of powers, Bolsheviks... He moved his lips silently, mocking the world order that forged civilization and destroyed it, mocking all the names and tools it used.bring it on!He seemed to hear him shouting, come here as much as you want, I look down on you!Although I can't dig out your evil lair, I will swear to fight you to the end!

Then he dropped his contemptuous gaze.He turned back into an ordinary person, looked at him, looked at his relatives, and said Turgenev's famous saying: "We can only love with pain, only in suffering! We can't love in other ways." Love, I don’t know any other kind of love…”

He thought of Peter like this, and the warmth was like a cluster of small orange fires, revived in the ash-filled fireplace.

And then, he thought again, that won't help.He did fight it, and to some extent won.But the world is still this world, the more you want to pull your feet up in the mud, the more you will be dragged down.

Empress Anna, Catherine the Great.They play a beautiful game of power, regardless of their gender.They may have women's tricks, but in the final analysis, they are first integrated into the strict system constructed by male power.And then resorted to the same set, to exploit, to kill, to get rid of the weak.

Even Sarah is exactly the same.

They have won worldwide attention.They lost their armor and armor.

And the other Anna died early under the clanging wheels of the train, on the cold sleepers of the railroad tracks.He took the train back to Moscow, in this part of Europe, the harsh winter has not gone, and the wind is cold.Mikhail looked at the criss-crossing of the railway tracks, and always suspected that some rivets were still stained with old blood.It is the cruelest tenderness, the most realistic fiction...

When he got out of the car, snowflakes fell, and the small orange fire he was holding in his hand was also extinguished.

Wu Huating looked at his small Shikumen building in the rain.

The sky was dark and the clouds were low, low.The house emits warm light from its internal organs, pulls its own silhouette out of the darkness, parting the fine rain to greet the owner from a distance, and then sinks back into the depths of darkness.From the entrance of the courtyard to the door of the house, there is not much road, and a puddle of water has accumulated.The water puddle was reflected by the house, shining brightly, and a little bit of light was reflected.He stood in front of the courtyard gate, suddenly reluctant to move forward.His house stretches out its hand and beckons its master back with all its heart.But he was drowning in the cold rain, unwilling to turn to the warmth and light that was far away.

After he wiped his feet in the hallway with his whole body wet, he suddenly realized how stupid and childish his impulse was.No matter when and where, they all live in darkness.Generations of people have stepped on the meager savings of their predecessors and carefully created the illusion that this world is suitable for survival. Cities, villages, and lights that light up at night are the most powerful support for maintaining the illusion.But darkness eventually reigns over the universe.Diffuse in the eight wastelands, covered in the four fields.Across the ages, nothing beats it.

What's the difference between inside and outside the room?

Zhao's mother, who wanted to work in his house, said that there was a big difference.She only came a week ago, and the situation was turbulent, and even one or two servants in Wu Huating's family changed frequently.Mother Zhao put away the towel, wiped the floor, and repeatedly urged him to go upstairs to take a shower. There was a boy who didn't know how to be careful, and his trouser leg was scratched somewhere. .After taking a shower obediently, he sat in the dining chair and was a little lost in thought—he has been in a trance recently.Zhao's mother was sitting across the table, sewing trouser legs, and chattering about her parents.He listened to her talking, and occasionally echoed, very calm.

He knew in his heart that he had led the People's Liberation Army to deploy millions of soldiers on the north bank of the Yangtze River, and soon they would sail south and sweep across East China.Wu Huating only went to a conference site during the day to nostalgia, ocher red bricks, white stone walls, the young man who used to hide in his territory and held endless conferences, unexpectedly wore today's glory.Every wind and frost helps him grow and thrive, and every difficulty makes him more popular.He is just like a model of a person who has a great responsibility from heaven.

Taking the lead in reconciling with the Communist Party, Min's stupid move is enough to ruin himself.His historical mission seems to be coming to an end.How to judge after death, Zhishu's merits must be thanked for his compassion, and the frame and smear all depend on his defeat and deserved it.Wu Huating's thoughts stopped here.Maybe the person in the west has more worries. They talked on the phone nearly two months ago, and they heard the other party say:

"As soon as the Anti-Japanese War is over, he should step down... This man is frighteningly shrewd, and also painfully confused. Well, I have nothing to say."

Every word and sentence is full of dissatisfaction and unrest.That's all for the call.Since then, there has been no contact.

"The young lady of that family..."

Zhao's mother changed the subject and talked about her affair with the deputy director's house who she served last year and fled to Guangzhou early.The young grandmother was 21 years old, and she married from Hong Kong before finishing her girls' school. After a short time, she got mixed up with a greasy-faced banker in her husband's social circle.which bank?HSBC.After hanging out for two years, until the whole family moved away, the deputy director was kept in the dark.

It's dark and the road is slippery, and the world is dangerous.As people get older, it is easier to imagine ghosts everywhere.He asked casually: "It doesn't seem obvious. How do you know he must be wearing a cuckold?"

Zhao's mother was in high spirits.She said that one day Xiaokai and three or two friends invited the young lady to watch a movie, and drove back in the evening.Young Mistress got out of the car and forgot to take a wind cloak, and it was only a few steps away from the door of the house. Xiao Kai insisted on showing courtesy to the lady, so she took it and put it on for her.She happened to be putting away the quilt in the courtyard and saw that scene.

"Let me tell you, if a man touches someone's body and touches it again, even if he puts on clothes, the look in his eyes will be completely different." She read out a vulgar sentence in a tone of reciting wise words.

He was as silent as a heart in this boundless night, disturbed by these words.Feelings that don't matter about the struggle between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party are filled with stagnant emotions.He wanted to laugh for a while, and cry for a while.

Although there is no connection between what he has already guessed and the consequences.

When the war had just come to an end, the temples, rivers and lakes were filled with joy.A group of people in charge of the capitals and first-tier cities of various countries are also very busy, flying between the allies to congratulate, on the surface, to thank the friendship of fighting the enemy together in the past few years, and in private to exchange some official state affairs Accessible but also nuanced enough to speak for itself.Meisu was very considerate and returned visits within a month after congratulating them, but they still staggered by a few days.

Washington had no objections, but Mikhail's reception turned out to be a hot potato. There were many people who cared, but none stood up.In short, it is difficult for those who are willing to go, and those who can be released are not suitable for the specifications.Wang Jinyuan (Tianjin) couldn't stand it anymore, so he took the initiative to invite Ying, even though he has been gradually guarded against recently, and the matter has come to this point, he has to give him face and let him go.

Mikhail arrived in Tianjin in the afternoon, and was then taken to the dusty dining table where he had a good meal.The Russians sat with Jinyuan on their right hand and Yanran on their left. The conversations at the table were mostly in English, with a few Russian and Chinese phrases interspersed here and there. They were all casual and polite words that fell away after passing the ear.Yan Ran maintained a dignified air from beginning to end, posing as a seamless uncle.After drinking for three rounds and planning to go back to their respective rooms, he helped Mikhail show the way and gave him a hand.

He only touched his elbow, but Wu Huating noticed the subtle unnaturalness of the guest's response.

After the backs of the people disappeared behind the screen one after another, he sat back at a table of leftovers and chatted with Jin Yuan about the progress of the recovery of port trade.He has often been complacent about his excellent observation skills, and he has helped him a lot in terms of money and life.Although he was surprised this time, he didn't take it very seriously.As the embodiment of the city, they have been entangled in many shackles for a long time, and they have to compensate for a little freedom of choice in their private space.As long as the relationship between the two countries does not become too tense in the foreseeable future, it is no problem for two people with mature minds.

He was talking, and slowly the spirit of alcohol and sleepiness came to him, so he got up and said goodbye to Jin Yuan.On the corridor, he met Yan Ran standing alone under the lamp, arms folded, facing the thick night outside.Hearing footsteps, he turned his head, slightly surprised: "Huating?"

"It's so late, I still don't sleep."

"Neither are you."

After a long silence, Huating heard him say: "I have read a few novels written by you during the Occupied Occupation."

"Oh, which ones?"

"...Too bad." The Beijinger held his brows together and smiled, "Once you get old, your memory deteriorates. I still remembered it just now, but there is only one book left in my mouth. Red and white roses..."

He knew that Yanran had a wide range of interests, and it was normal to read two idle books that were outside the current situation.But when he said it in the middle of the night, the brows of his brows were quietly dyed with a layer of sadness.The light from the corridor lamp fell on him, but it couldn't seep in. It only illuminated the figure for a while, and then it flowed down the ground quickly.They stood two steps apart, all alone, each with their own darkness, each unable to get into the hearts of others.

He had a lot to say.There are too many, and it is not until I reach my mouth that none of the sentences are suitable.

"The author's writing about human relationships is too trivial, and it's easy to despair after reading it." Wu Huating said, "Thinking about it, human life is only so old, and I always want to own the whole world, wishing it could revolve around me. But he did No, is it possible to do it? He can only spin around in a mediocre life. When he gets tired of spinning around, he will marry a wife and have children, and weave a dream with the so-called love. The dream he made is hung on the wall. It's beautiful, looking at it, I can't help his expectation, it's broken again..."

As he spoke, the evening wind blew by, bringing a faint trembling at the end of his voice.Great sorrow suddenly poured over him.Unprepared, he almost turned back to the boy who was at a loss in the wind of the river in 1840, and almost cried out under Yanran's eyes.So many years, so many years.He couldn't imagine, how could more than 100 years have passed like this?

So many 100 years.How many winds and clouds gather and disperse, how many things are impermanent.The dead return to dust forever, and the living must live.Old guys who have gone through thousands of years, how can they bear it and pass it calmly?

Yan Ran held his hand.His palms are cool, moist with night dew, making people feel safe, as if he has always been his real elder brother.

"Didn't it have a happy ending. 'When I got up the next day, Zhenbao changed his ways and became a good person again'." Yan Ran held his hand, and said in a low voice, pleadingly, "...don't be sad OK, okay?"