sunk into the earth

The scale of the music festival at the end of April was huge, and the organizers generously invited many foreign bands, each of which had a strange name. From a long distance, only a head of colorful long hair and colorful fluorescent T-shirts could be seen.

Lao Liu looked at a group of foreigners with colorful flowers who were tuning on the stage, then looked down at his restrained floral shirt, and said with emotion: "They are still amazing!"

However, he glanced at Zhang Chen in the backstage, wearing a blue shirt and jeans, without even a single letter on his clothes, smacking his lips and shaking his head vigorously, "Zhang Chen, I have been with you for so many years, and I found that your biggest characteristic is that you are out of fashion."

Zhang Chen leaned against a graffiti-covered wall and was looking at the audience area in the distance.Standing in the crowd, Cheng Sheng was driven by the fanatical atmosphere around him to shout slogans together.Zhang Chen has almost never seen such an excited Cheng Sheng in the later days, and he watched it for a long time with satisfaction.

Hearing Lao Liu's words, he was finally willing to look away, turned around, took out a bottle from a box of mineral water brought by the organizer on the table, twisted the cap and asked, "What's out of date?"

"Look at those colorful grandsons, they might be regarded as crazy in reality, but they are perfect in our circle. The more beautiful they are, the more they are praised. This is called the rules of which circle you enter and learn from." , people call it timely." Lao Liu also followed Zhang Chen to pick up a bottle of water, and talked about the two of them following the topic just now: "Look at us again, the most unlike two people playing rock and roll in the whole venue is The two of us, especially you today, actually wear a blue shirt and play the piano? Do you think you are going to work? It’s so boring.”

Zhang Chen said: "This shirt is comfortable and suitable for loose occasions."

Lao Liu deeply felt that he could not communicate with him in this regard, Gululu took a sip of water, leaned against the wall to look at the audience below the arena.

This music festival happened to be close to the Olympic Games, and there was a huge crowd of college students with national flags printed on their faces. slogan.Wherever there is a little wind and grass, they gather together, roaring and rolling up the wind and waves like the waves of a storm.

Lao Liu looked at a group of young people who were waving flags and shouting "Long live rock and roll" under the stage. After only 5 minutes, he couldn't help ignoring Zhang Chen's heart. He let out an uncomfortable "ah" and poked him on the shoulder. He pointed to the audience: "All the angry youths in Beijing are here."

Zhang Chen took a sip from the mineral water bottle and said, "Haha."

"I won't play with you anymore, let's go tune up." After speaking, Lao Liu threw Zhang Chen down angrily, and went to the equipment by himself.

When it was their turn to go on stage, the performance had already progressed to the second half. The energetic young people in the audience were so angry that they still had the energy to cheer after a few hours. On the stage, no matter whether they recognize each other or not, they are treated equally and let out bursts of shouts of anticipation.

Cheng Sheng, who was caught in the audience, was especially excited. Today, he specially printed the logo and name of Zhang Shen's band on his face. When he saw them appearing on the stage, he acted like a qualified fan and shouted Zhang Chen's name to the stage with all his strength. .

Some spectators at the front of the stage who didn't recognize them, lacked interest, took the initiative to lean back.Cheng Sheng squeezed forward, raised a hand in a rock gesture, and tried to wave it towards the stage.

Zhang Chen on the stage saw Cheng Sheng below at a glance. Halfway through the performance, he suddenly squatted down next to the stage in that area, and raised his chin at him with a smile.

The people below didn't know who Zhang Chen was greeting, and they all thought that the target was themselves, and a few people who had a mediocre reaction also raised their hands, waving their arms in accordance with the rhythm to save face.

Only Cheng Sheng knew that Zhang Chen was looking at him. He tried to move forward, wanting to watch Zhang Chen's performance carefully, not missing any detail.But in the process of moving, he suddenly found a familiar woman with long curly hair standing in the crowd obliquely in front of him. She was not as excited as other young people, and she didn't wave her arms or shout, but looked up at the stage peacefully. superior.

Cheng Sheng looked at her side face, read the same emotion from this face as before, the world suddenly became quiet with such an expression, Cheng Sheng didn't rush over, and just admired it for a while in the noisy environment Such feelings quickly returned to the excited crowd, shaking their bodies back and forth following the surging crowd around them.

Rock and roll is still a beautiful thing. Cheng Sheng touched his trembling chest, thinking that in his next life, he must not look at this matter with any prejudice and mythology, and play a musical instrument sincerely.

Zhang Chen on the stage knew that this was his last performance, so he unreservedly chose the two songs he liked the most and the audience disliked the most. He ran to the edge of the stage with the guitar in his arms, looking as if he was about to dive into the water, but ran back to the center of the stage within a few seconds, contentedly admiring the expressions of the audience in that area who were being teased by him.

The performance of the last song was over, and a small group of their fans in the audience clamored for another song.Zhang Chen waved to them, turned around and went to the center of the stage, bowed solemnly to the audience, picked up a microphone from the side, and said: "This is our last performance, the new album is finished, and the rest of the work will be handed over to Lao Liu." Deal with it, after this album we decided to disband completely."

Immediately there was a burst of bangs below, and the voices of all the people were stacked together, and no one could hear what the people below were saying.

Keep the band?Zhang Chen didn't know, he withdrew his relaxed and casual expression during the performance, put the microphone back on the spot, bent down to unplug the equipment cable, and stepped off the stage alone with his electric guitar on his back.

At the end of the music festival, several people found a hotel for supper together as a celebration banquet.

Old Liu's wife sneaked into the backstage before their opening, wearing a music festival commemorative shirt sold by the organizer, with colorful stamps printed on her face, and when she saw Lao Liu who was backstage with the equipment on his back, she jumped up excitedly. With a kiss on the face, he raised his head and waved the camera in his hand to Zhang Chen, showing off: "I took a lot of photos of you two! I also booked a restaurant, we have a good meal tonight!"

After she finished speaking, she noticed that Zhang Chen was followed by an unfamiliar man. He looked gentle, but had a row of earrings on his ears, which were exactly the same as the row of earrings on Zhang Chen's ears.She was a little curious, put the camera in her bag back, stretched out one hand to this man, and said hello to him warmly: "Hello, I am Lao Liu and his wife, are you Zhang Chen's friend?"

Cheng Sheng almost blurted out the relationship between himself and Zhang Chen, but he thought that Zhang Chen would lead his own life alone in the future, maybe he would live a brighter life if he got rid of the label of homosexuality, so the words turned a corner before he spoke, He shook her hand and said, "I'm his friend."

The word "friend" made Zhang Chen glance at him, and he understood what was going on in his mind almost instantly. He shrugged and said to Old Liu's wife, "It's friends, but we're half-children. I'll play in the band." Thanks to an acoustic guitar and a music book he gave me."

Old Liu's wife gave an exaggerated "Yo He", posed a drinking gesture towards Cheng Sheng, and encouraged him, "That's the nobleman of the band, come with us tonight?"

Cheng Sheng said, "Okay, of course, if you don't get drunk, you won't go home."

The celebration banquet was scheduled to be held in a hotel near the two families. Four people ordered a table of food and served a case of wine. Old Liu Bai drank a few bottles of mixed beer, and soon he looked like he was about to stop eating.On the contrary, Zhang Chen and Cheng Sheng on the opposite side somewhat tacitly understood that neither of them drank too much.

After tonight, the band that Zhang Chen had formed for seven years finally fell apart completely. Lao Liu pulled him and poured wine down his throat. Talking about their past: "Do you remember our first performance? In the bar in the school alley, we both pressed the first note, and then continued to play cheekily."

Halfway through the talk, he laughed loudly, and took another sip from his glass, but he didn't know whether he was too excited or too uncomfortable. Before he could swallow the drink, Lao Liu suddenly coughed violently, and his face was flushed with choking.

Old Liu's wife anxiously persuaded him: "Drink less, I won't be able to go home in a while!" She wanted to go to help her husband, but she couldn't help her, and looked at Zhang Chen who was on the side in embarrassment, "Zhang Shen, there is a pharmacy on the opposite street, can you buy a box of hangover medicine for my sister-in-law, otherwise Lao Liu won't be able to go home for a while."

Of course Zhang Chen had no objection, he glanced at Cheng Sheng, "Let's go, let's go buy hangover medicine."

But Cheng Sheng waved his hand and let him go alone: ​​"Sister-in-law can't manage Lao Liu by herself, I'm here to help her."

Old Mrs. Liu looked at Cheng Sheng gratefully. Although she kept waving her hands, she hoped that he would stay and help her take care of this difficult man. .”

Cheng Sheng said: "It's okay, Zhang Chen's friend is also my friend, it should be."

Zhang Chen came out from the gate of the restaurant and walked along the bleak path in the middle of the night to the entrance of the pharmacy. He somewhat enjoyed the sense of security that there was no one there. It was only after a delay that I returned to the restaurant.

The moment he pushed open the door of the box, Zhang Chen had a bad premonition, as if there was a turbid air in his chest, and it became difficult to breathe in and out.He pushed open the door and found that only Lao Liu and his wife were in the box. Lao Liu was lying on the table talking drunk. His wife leaned on the chair and pressed her phone as if she couldn't help it.

"Where's Cheng Sheng?" Zhang Chen ran over suddenly, his tone a little anxious, and when Old Liu's wife put down her phone in surprise, she turned to him with a face flushed from drinking, patted her on the shoulder again, and asked again : "Where's Cheng Sheng?"

"Ah? Cheng Sheng..." She slapped her hot face twice, squinted her eyes and thought for a long time, then suddenly slapped her forehead, pointed at Zhang Chen and said, "As soon as you left, he said that he was not feeling well, Go to the bathroom, just go home and sleep by yourself later, and specifically tell us not to worry!"

As soon as she finished speaking, Zhang Chen picked up the bag on the chair without saying goodbye, and pushed open the door like a gust of wind and rushed downstairs.

Old Liu's wife in the private room was confused, watching his back as he left, and muttered in a low voice: "Why did you leave our family behind?"

Zhang Chen kept running along the road, and called Cheng Sheng several times on the way, all of them were turned off.As he ran, he laughed inwardly, thinking that Cheng Sheng is really impatient, and he would not even delay a midnight snack for something he had decided on.

Zhang Chen was drunk and couldn't drive, but he didn't even see a taxi on the road, so he could only run non-stop, and almost halfway through he met an old taxi that passed by.

The taxi driver glanced at this strange man outside the window, stepped on the brakes suddenly, opened the glass window and asked him, "Will you go?"

****

At four o'clock in the morning, Cheng Sheng packed up his things, and put the suicide note and the contract signed by a lawyer these days on the most conspicuous place on the coffee table.He went around the small house where he and Zhang Chen lived for less than a year, and carefully scanned the details of the decoration and the small items they purchased together, feeling a sense of relief and satisfaction in his heart.

He watched it for almost 10 minutes, knowing in his heart that he couldn't continue watching, so he looked back in time, lowered his head and walked towards the door.

Just when he walked up the stairs to the door of the man who jumped off the building a few days ago, there was a sudden sound of hurried footsteps in the stairwell behind him.Cheng Sheng knew who it was, but he ignored it. He quickly withdrew his eyes from looking at the door on the fifth floor, deliberately made a noise, and planned to continue walking to the top floor.

But just as he took the next step, his wrist was suddenly grabbed by the people behind him. Before he could realize what Zhang Chen wanted to do behind him, he was suddenly dragged downstairs in the chaos.

Cheng Sheng had never felt such strength before. He waved his arms to resist, but was stopped first.The man seemed to have expected him to make such an action, and the other hand easily pushed his hands behind his back, and dragged him home without saying a word.

Cheng Sheng didn't move at all this time, letting him drag him along, staggering behind without saying a word.

The door of the house was open, but it was pitch black inside.Cheng Sheng was pushed into the house two or three times, and then he heard a loud bang from the door.Zhang Chen slammed the door, turned around and walked in front of Cheng Sheng, grabbed his collar, lifted it up, and asked, "What are you doing up there?"

Cheng Sheng was so strangled that he couldn't breathe, gasping for breath, unable to say anything.

But Zhang Chen didn't let him go because of his weak appearance. Cheng Sheng realized this from his breathing rate and the strength of his hands, and put his hands on the back of Zhang Chen's protruding veins, calmly He stroked back and forth a few times, hoping that he would let him go and let himself be perfect.

He sneaked a glance at the dimly lit coffee table, and the neat stack of papers on it had been turned a little messily, and there were traces of turning over.

Cheng Sheng knew that he didn't need to say anything more.

But Zhang Chen didn't think so, he insisted on telling Cheng Sheng himself, and repeated again: "What are you doing up there?"

Cheng Sheng raised his head this time, just in time to see Zhang Chen's messy hair when he was running wildly on the road and the complicated eyes he could never describe in words. : "Go jump off the building."

He originally thought that the fight between the two did not happen, but Zhang Chen on the opposite side gradually calmed down when he heard his answer, and when Cheng Sheng couldn't help but continue to explain, he finally said the next sentence: "I I already knew."

"I know you know everything." Cheng Sheng said, "The day you told me you sold the house."

Zhang Chen started to laugh, but suddenly stopped laughing. He straightened Cheng Sheng's messy hair and said, "You're going to kill yourself. Don't forget to test me."

Cheng Sheng turned his face and didn't look at him.

He didn't know what he should say, what could he say, did he tell Zhang Chen everything about himself that he suddenly realized that night?Or hold your head up and tell him firmly that you are such a selfish person and that you only have this last way to go?In short, it is by no means asking for his forgiveness.

Before Cheng Sheng could think of what to say, his body suddenly lightened, and then he was pressed against the balcony railing, and his entire upper body was floating in the air.

Cheng Sheng felt that he was flying in the cool night breeze, the surroundings were clean, and all the disturbing troubles were far away from him.

Is this what it feels like to be in the wind?

It didn't take long for him to suddenly feel a soreness in the back of his neck, and the cool wind that had just passed through him disappeared in an instant, and he returned to the familiar room.

Zhang Chen looked at Cheng Sheng who was leaning against the fence panting, patted his face, and asked, "Do you feel relieved?"

"Yes, freed."

Cheng Sheng pressed one hand on his chest and stroked his breath.He squeezed out a few words from his chest intermittently, "Do you think I don't want to live a good life? I have tried countless other methods before, taking medicine, praying to Buddha, using knives and pens to scratch myself, but these things only treat the symptoms but not the root cause. Going in circles, going around and back to where I came from. Now that I know that the solution to everything is to kill myself at the root, you just let me go."

Such a long series of words made Cheng Sheng feel strenuous. As soon as he finished speaking, he leaned on the railing and gasped for breath, but his face had a firm expression.

Zhang Chen on the opposite side listened carefully, and when he finished speaking, he was not angry at all, but smiled relievedly.

The hand holding Cheng Sheng's collar suddenly lost its strength, Zhang Chen slowly smoothed out the creases he had made, and lowered his eyes and said, "We are the same."

Cheng Sheng looked up at him, wanting to ask something but didn't know where to start.

"I won't stop you at all." Zhang Chen lowered his head to help Cheng Sheng arrange his clothes, leaving him with an unreal face.The fire he just ran out on the road disappeared, and even the tone of his speech eased a lot, "People can only fulfill themselves, and family members and lovers have no right to ask others to leave or stay. No one is better than me. Understand, leave when you are tired, I will not force others."

Zhang Chen said: "But I also want to leave, why don't you ask me?"

Cheng Sheng lowered his head and said after a long silence, "I thought you wanted to live a good life."

"I want to leave." Zhang Chen repeated it again, facing the man who didn't know whether to say it timidly or righteously: "I'll tell you why."

"I have two scars on my legs, and I can't see them clearly now, but I always remember them. One is from the winter when I was ten years old, and the other is from the summer after the college entrance examination. They came out. Then they gradually disappeared from my skin and healed. Until now, there is no trace of them at all, as if they never existed. You sleep with me every day and you can't see them, can you? But I can see them , They didn't disappear at all, but penetrated into my body from the outer skin, and completely grew together with me."

"Is your life the same as mine in the past few years? It's about a thing that can never be changed, and you can't get out after a long time."

"Are you staring at me like this because you want to know what I've been doing all these years? Didn't you see it? Work, stocks, buy a house, buy musical instruments, make money and spend all the money you earn on the world's most vain and most Where it doesn't work, make money making music that other people hate, that's out of the mainstream. That's what I've always done. Do you think it's funny? I don't think it's funny at all, it's the first thing I see on my body The road I was destined to walk when I was scarred. Now I want to end it too."

Suddenly Zhang Chen climbed onto the balcony railing and stood upright on it, overlooking the dark night scene downstairs.The community at five o'clock in the morning was still in the dark night. He saw the bushes hidden in the darkness clearly, turned around, looked down at Cheng Sheng, stretched out a hand towards him, and said lightly: "Let's go together." Bar."

Cheng Sheng looked up at him, trying to see something clearly from his eyes, but the balcony was too dark, everything was blurry, Zhang Chen standing on the balcony fence was like the wind that would leave at any time, tempting him, guiding him he.Cheng Sheng felt that it was time for him to leave. They should go to the most primitive place. They should step back from the city to nature step by step. The computer in their hands should gradually degenerate into a green leaf, and their car kept moving backward until it degenerated in front of them. For the herd of wild horses galloping towards the grassland.They returned to their original positions.

Cheng Sheng slowly took Zhang Chen's hand, and with his help climbed up the not-so-high fence.

This time Cheng Sheng saw Zhang Chen's expression clearly, his eyes were brighter than the distant lights, and his face was relaxed like never before.He leaned over and kissed himself, and then pressed his entire upper body against the junction of the fence and the wall, his forehead against his own, and the tip of his nose against his own.

Cheng Sheng raised his hand to touch his cheek and said, "I love you."

Zhang Chen said: "I love you."

After speaking, he hugged Cheng Sheng's waist, pressed his forehead and asked, "Do you believe me?"

Cheng Sheng nodded slightly, put his arms around his neck, closed his eyes, leaned in front of him by feeling, and kissed his forehead lightly.

Then Cheng Sheng felt himself floating, and there was only the whistling wind around him.

People must be heavy, and it only takes a few seconds to fall to the ground, but how could he feel that the time is so long?How can everything feel so light?He obviously closed his eyes tightly, but he could see the invisible wind, the lights in the distance, the eyes full of sadness, despair, longing, greed, and jokes in his life slowly closing in the dark night, and he saw a thread in his body. An unforgivable crime pierced through the skin and spread out, and finally dissipated in the evening wind, drifting towards the center of the sky along with some unknown force, until it completely disappeared there.

Their embracing bodies passed through the branches and leaves of the trees, and the branches and green leaves swished against them.It seemed to be raining from the sky, very small, falling silently on the face.Then they tumbled down the wet leaves to the ground with a bang.

The moment he touched the ground, Cheng Sheng felt that his internal organs were all shaken open. He saw hundreds of millions of cells in his body gradually shriveling up, and he saw blackened blood flow out of his body, flooding countless places on his body. under the scar.Problems that he could never solve flowed out along with the blood, slowly turning the ground black.He couldn't tell whether he was dead or alive, but the bones in his body cracked and his limbs ached.The outer skin was broken, and the membrane that he couldn't peel off was finally broken the moment he touched the ground.The unscrupulous "I" inside rushed out, and the "I" he hated outside greeted its arrival.

And then they finally came together.

Is he dead?Not yet, he was still conscious, and felt a pair of big hands touching his eyelids, the tip of his nose, his cheeks, and finally covering his eyes tightly.He wanted to yell, yell, and say love, but no words could come out of his throat.

But it doesn't matter now, his organs are gradually deflated like a leaky balloon, and those questions that can never be answered are gradually squeezed out of his body by his shriveled organs.Leave the heavy thinking to others, he has been completely clean, and is about to turn into a wisp of wind and float away.

In the end, Cheng Sheng just wanted to tell the truth. He wanted to say that he still didn't understand, he didn't understand anything, and he was just the most ignorant person.

But suddenly, Cheng Sheng heard Zhang Chen's voice in his body, and he seemed to be able to see what he was thinking, and replied, "That's right, didn't you always hope to become a blank sheet of paper? Now we all It's blank paper."

Where did Zhang Chen's voice come from?It was only then that Cheng Sheng realized that the hand pressing on his eyelid was always there, it was cold, with the smell of wet rain and blood.The warm blood in his palm was slowly seeping into his eyeballs, merging with the two selves that had just merged into one inside him, so Cheng Sheng heard his voice.

Cheng Sheng opened his eyes with difficulty, and saw through Zhang Chen's fingers that he was also staring at him.His face was drenched by the rain, and there were drops of water on his eyelashes. His expression was relaxed, as if, like himself, he was about to blow away in the wind.

Cheng Sheng finally understood the difference between their difficult sex last night. How could the connection between body and body become one person?They chose the same ending tacitly. They piled up together, and at this moment they finally became completely one person.

A few screams suddenly sounded around, followed by a few rushing sounds.Cheng Sheng ignored it, and stared at Zhang Chen obsessively through the narrow fingers.

After an unknown amount of time, the whistle of an ambulance was calling in the distance, and a large number of people rushed around.Cheng Sheng felt that his body was being dragged upward by these people, but he didn't want to go, so he hugged Zhang Chen's neck tightly.

Someone nearby shouted anxiously: "Don't push too hard!"

"Both eyes are open, conscious." The other person came close to Cheng Sheng's ear and asked loudly, "Can you hear me? Nod if you can, and let go of your hands. We are saving you." .”

Cheng Sheng didn't move. He couldn't hear any sound from the outside world at the moment, couldn't open his mouth, couldn't speak, and just kept looking at Zhang Chen who was opposite him.

The two of them talked with their eyes.

Zhang Chen also stared at him, and asked with his eyes: "What do you want to do in your next life? Do you want to be an academic or play drums? Where do you want to perform? Open a coffee shop or a restaurant?"

Cheng Sheng answered with his eyes: "Both, but you have to go to a place with few people."

Zhang Chen continued with his eyes: "We now have a unique advantage."

Cheng Sheng looked at him: "What?"

"In the next life, you are born to know what you like to do."

Cheng Sheng laughed.

Zhang Chen winked at him: "Let go, see you next time."

After a while, the two were carried into the ambulance respectively.Before getting on the car, Cheng Sheng saw that the gray sky outside was illuminated by the rising sun on the horizon. When the first ray of dawn pierced him, Cheng Sheng felt that his empty body seemed to be filled with something new.He closed his eyes and let the ray of dawn caress his eyelids.

At the last second when his consciousness disappeared, Cheng Sheng thanked Zhang Chen in his heart. His love was no longer just love, but admiration was mixed in today.Zhang Chen is an excellent problem solver, always able to find a way out in dead situations.