sunk into the earth

The room that Zhang Chen lives in the most is the same as his own. It looks ornamental from the outside and practical from the inside. Although he prefers to pour a glass of red wine and listen to records on weekends, soft decoration is indispensable, but the living room and bedroom are only furnished with the most commonly used furniture. The water is deep blue and dark green, there are not even a few clothes in the closet, only the study room is better, there are two rows of Yamaha keyboards next to the computer, and an esp electric guitar next to the desk, they often make some sounds that the owner deliberately suppressed in the dead of night, ding ding Bang bang, and then it was recorded into the computer, which added a lot of smoke to the room.

When Cheng Sheng came, the room changed completely.Cheng Sheng witnessed that Zhang Chen drove all the daily necessities and clothes back from his recording studio. The empty living room and bedroom became cramped within a day. In the furniture city, he went back and forth to choose a lot of furniture that he didn't usually use.

They wandered around the furniture city all afternoon, like a couple about to decorate a new home, Cheng Sheng felt a little flustered in this atmosphere, touching the furniture all the way, carefully planning their home in their minds—the living room carpet needs to be replaced with a warm one. Tones, hang some paintings on the wall that can make people feel comfortable, and set up a tatami mat on the balcony. At night, he and Zhang Chen can lean on the balcony to drink and play the piano.

This newlywed mood followed Cheng Sheng for a whole day, walking like walking on clouds.The next day, Cheng Sheng went back to the one-bedroom cottage he rented, stuffed the few clothes and daily necessities into several large suitcases, and when he dragged them out one by one, he happened to meet the sleepy-eyed Frank at the opposite door.

Frank was wearing pajamas, wearing the leather shoes he usually wears at work, and only holding a wallet in his hand. Seeing the corridor crowded with luggage, his squinted eyes suddenly widened, and he looked up at Cheng Sheng in disbelief. "What are you going to do?"

Cheng Sheng was carrying the last piece of luggage out, with his waist bent and his head still not raised, "I'm going to move, and I planned to tell you after moving."

There was an "ah" on the other side, followed by the sound of shoes being tapped. Frank came to his side, propped one leg up and down to look at Cheng Sheng, and asked after a while, "Where are you moving?"

"I'm married, and I won't live alone in the future."

Frank on the opposite side froze in place, as if he didn't react. He muttered for a long time before uttering a sentence: "When did you get married? Why didn't you tell me?"

The last suitcase was also dragged out, and they were lined up in the corridor in order. Cheng Sheng straightened his waist, fanned his hands in front of his face, and said relaxedly: "I just got married a few days ago, and I haven't recovered myself these days." , originally planned to tell you after a while."

Frank no longer had the sleepy look on his face, his deep eyes widened, and he asked, "Who did you date? How come I don't know which girl you're getting close to?" He felt that something was wrong, He asked again: "No, don't you have a big banquet when you get married here? Just get married like that?"

Just after asking the question, the elevator door opened wide, and an old acquaintance came out. Zhang Chen held two bottles of Coke, handed one to Cheng Sheng who was sweating on his forehead, and unscrewed the other by himself.

He noticed Frank standing next to the wall, and greeted him naturally, then glanced at the suitcases in the corridor, and quickly turned around to ask Cheng Sheng: "That's all?"

Frank on the side was still staring at Zhang Chen who was drinking Coke for a long time before he responded to the greeting just now without embarrassment. He looked at Cheng Sheng again, with surprise or bewilderment in his eyes. eyes, but raised his chin in the direction of Zhang Chen, and mouthed to Frank: "That's him."

The two were really calm, but they made Frank look like an outsider. He cast his eyes on Cheng Sheng to express his doubts, but Cheng Sheng nodded firmly at him, and then mouthed to him: "I'm gay."

Frank opened his mouth, the muscles around his mouth tightened, his expression was stiff, his face was full of disbelief, but he didn't say anything in the end, he rubbed his feet to put on his half-stepped leather shoes, and stood there in a daze, Then he saw Cheng Sheng make an apologetic gesture, and whispered to him, "I'll tell you later."

On the way back, Cheng Sheng leaned against the car window to blow the wind, but the car stopped for a long time and there was a traffic jam in front of it. After half a day, Zhang Chen turned off the fire, leaned on the car window, and casually asked Cheng Sheng next to him: " What did you tell him? He looked at me as if he was frightened."

Cheng Sheng turned his head after hearing this, and saw Zhang Chen leaning against the car window, leaving only a side face to himself, thinking that this person is really good as a friend, dating and living together, but he couldn't lose his temper, so he answered honestly: " I said I am married to you. Isn't it? We two are no different from being married except that we have no place to get a certificate. "

Zhang Chen glanced at him sideways and asked, "Aren't you afraid that the whole company will know next week?"

"Frank won't tell others, I understand him." After a pause, Cheng Sheng asked again: "You won't blame me if I say that?"

Zhang Chen said: "It doesn't matter. We will be found out sooner or later if we go on like this without any scruples. It doesn't matter if it's sooner or later." Nose tip, "You look like a runaway noble princess now."

This infrequent joke made Cheng Sheng react a lot. He stretched out his hand and slapped Zhang Chen's leg. It didn't take much effort, but it was like flirting. After the beating, he muttered something, But quickly admitted: "The princess is the princess, so what are you? The knight who pried the princess away?"

The hand that Cheng Sheng put on Zhang Chen's lap was covered and turned over as soon as he finished speaking. Zhang Chen was paying attention to the road ahead, but the hand underneath was wrapped around Cheng Sheng's hand, and his fingers kept scratching his palm, asking him what he just said Sentence: "Are you prying me or am I prying you?"

Cheng Sheng felt his palms itch and felt that this action was very suggestive, so he immediately surrendered: "I'll pry you, but you're really hard to pry! It took me ten years to pry, and I only pried a little bit, but you kept prying I hooked my hands and ran away with you like a ghost." Having said that, he leaned on Zhang Chen's shoulder, changed his tone of words, and counted with his fingers one by one: "The courtyard in the second ring road I don’t want to live anymore, I’ve never driven my dad’s car except the first day we met, I’ll sit in your car every day, if I don’t go home to be with you on New Year’s Eve, my dad will definitely call me a white-eyed wolf!”

But after he finished speaking, he felt that something was wrong, and he closed his spread fingers again, and the expression that was still beaming just now suddenly fell, and he muffled out a sentence: "Those things that are not mine in the first place, what am I talking about, it's embarrassing." .”

As he said that, the person next to him touched his head casually, messed up his hair, and said, "I have never seen anyone who likes to fight against me more than you."

The car in front finally tended to move forward, Zhang Chen fired again, Cheng Sheng also took his head off Zhang Chen's shoulder, and sat obediently.

When the humming engine sounded, Cheng Sheng also thought of something, and asked the person next to him: "Did you not have time to make music after you moved in with me?"

The person next to him drove seriously, and said casually: "The basics can be done at home, and the recording and mixing can be done in the recording studio on weekends."

Cheng Sheng exhaled, and collapsed on the passenger seat. He turned his head to look at the night scene outside the car window, hesitated for a long time and asked again: "I want to know about your past, and how you got here in the past ten years."

Zhang Chen was turning around, looking at the front with serious eyes. He didn't reject Cheng Sheng's words, but he didn't like to talk about the difficult days in the past. He only said, "It's nothing, I'm very lucky."

The word "lucky" made Cheng Sheng look at him suddenly. Cheng Sheng couldn't believe that he used this word to describe himself. He looked straight at Zhang Chen's side face while driving, trying to find some clues of complaint or resentment from it, but Zhang Chen didn't. It was very calm, the car turned to another avenue, Zhang Chen even repeated the word "lucky", Cheng Sheng could only come to the conclusion that he really thought so.

Zhang Chen noticed that the person next to him was silent, so he got a general idea of ​​his psychology and explained to himself: "Our band was formed when I was in college. At that time, there were two things I looked forward to most every day. One One is to attend lectures at the conservatory next door, and the other is for band rehearsals. If there is one thing that I can put myself in, it doesn’t matter to me whether life itself is good or not. I am lucky to meet this kind of thing, and many people don’t arrive."

Cheng Sheng withdrew his unrestrained gaze just now, leaned against the car window and listened quietly, without speaking again.

Zhang Chen said that the thing that makes him careless about what kind of life is called music, which made Cheng Sheng suddenly think of many nights, when he woke up from a dream, his arms fumbled back and forth chaotically, but the place next to him was empty. Barefooted on the ground, he wandered aimlessly into the living room. There was a flattened beam of light in the center of the living room, which seemed to squeeze in through the crack of the door. Cheng Sheng followed the dim beam of light to the door of the study and peeked in. .In the study, Zhang Chen was leaning on a chair with earphones on. He was wearing familiar pajamas, holding a mouse with one hand, and playing a few chords on the keyboard with the other hand from time to time. He was rushing to write songs.He has seen the few rehearsals of Zhang Chen and the rest of the band. When he touched the music, Zhang Chen's expression was completely different from that when he was working in the company. Zhang Shen always frowned and nodded with most of his colleagues. Hand in hand, love to go to the rooftop during lunch and dinner time, do nothing, just lean on the rooftop to blow the wind, no one knows what he is thinking when he blows the wind.Zhang Chen, immersed in the music, relaxes freely, as if a screw that couldn't find its place just got stuck in the right place.Cheng Sheng lay on the door frame and stared for a long time, his eyes fixed on the back figure soaked in the light, he felt a throbbing pain somewhere in his heart as he looked at it, he seemed to see in Zhang Chen the The purest yearning for rock and roll.In the end, Cheng Sheng let his body leave the door slowly, and went to the balcony to smoke half a pack of cigarettes by himself.

Cheng Sheng was in a daze along the way, the car had already been turned off, and he was still leaning against the window in a daze.The original few strands of unclear thoughts swelled infinitely every time he faced a conflict. In his mind, Zhang Chen squeezed time to make music all night, and guilt overflowed in his heart. He felt that he had once again selfishly stuck Zhang Chen in his One-third of an acre of land.

Zhang Chen got down from the driver's seat, and when the door was closed, there was no sound from Cheng Sheng on the passenger seat. He went to the passenger seat and knocked on the glass window, and asked the person inside: "Aren't you coming down?"

He finally came back to his senses when he heard the sound of the movement, and got out of the car with his bag.

The house is furnished warmly. The large space behind the sofa was filled with the picture frames they just bought the day before. On the tea table, there are two conspicuous porcelain cups in the glass of clear water, one orange and one dark green. The ceiling lamp is also warm in color. It seems that the afterglow of the sunset that they enjoyed together while lying in the field playing the piano and singing that night came into the house.

Cheng Sheng changed into his slippers, hugged his notebook and nestled on the sofa, while Zhang Chen was in the kitchen dealing with the ingredients bought in the supermarket in the morning.

There was a faint light on the computer screen, Cheng Sheng was in a daze under the light, and his mind was looping back to the conversation he had with Zhang Chen in the car just now, but suddenly those discussions about life and music turned into Zhang Licheng's conversation when he returned to Yuncheng a while ago. Unpretentious statements about Zhang Chen and accusations against himself over the years.

Zhang Licheng in the sunshine is so peaceful, when he tells his son being humiliated without dignity, it is like telling a story about someone else who has nothing to do with him, the hatred occasionally shown on his face is so real, as if he wished his son would die.Then a completely different face popped up in Cheng Sheng's mind, it was Old Cheng.This face is now wrinkled, and the skin is like withered bark. Dad is getting old slowly, but the wishful expectations for him are still too strong to be overwhelmed. Dad has done so many shameful things. I am sorry for my mother and for countless people. , but only did not feel sorry for him.Cheng Sheng hated himself for getting things for no reason that others could not even touch with their lives, and even more hated himself for hurting others with an innocent face. He leaned on the soft sofa cushions and looked at the house that had changed drastically the day before. There are warm colors everywhere, but the warmer he is, the more he feels guilty. He realizes in Zhang Licheng's words that he broke into Zhang Chen's life before. , This idea was like an electric fan turned on the third gear and pierced straight into his brain, and his reason was instantly muddled by the humming fan blades.Cheng Sheng was like a patient on oxygen who urgently needed to get rid of this thought, so he couldn't control his hand reaching for the drawer of the coffee table. There were a few pens and a knife in it. He picked up the knife, and the other He wiped off his pajama pants, exposing a section of his calf below the kneecap.

He pressed the tip of the knife against his calf, looking at the scars that gradually faded, his forehead was dripping with sweat, and after a few seconds, he still failed to penetrate, but the tip of the knife kept touching his leg, and his mind was still circulating Playing Zhang Licheng's words and making music with Zhang Chen all night, Cheng Sheng threw the knife tremblingly, picked up his orange porcelain cup on the table in a panic, and rushed to the entrance.

The kitchen door was closed tightly, and the range hood was rumbling. Cheng Sheng used the noise to cover up and took out a bottle of medicine that was different from the previous one from the porch bag, and swallowed it with warm water.He picked up the pack and counted. There was not much medicine left that he had brought back from abroad, and he would finish it in about two months.

Back on the sofa, Shi Chengsheng closed all work pages, checked the doctor's visit date on the Internet non-stop, and then asked himself half a day off on Friday in the company's employee system.

After a while, Zhang Chen in the kitchen brought out the dishes one by one, Cheng Sheng's legs were still shaking, pretending to be normal, he straightened up to look at the dishes on the plate, a plate of oily fried pork and a plate of green fried seasonal vegetables.

Zhang Chen put two plates of steaming dishes on the coffee table, turned around and went to the refrigerator to bring back two bottles of Coke. When he handed it to Cheng Sheng, he keenly noticed that something was wrong with this person, and asked him when he sat down, "Are you feeling unwell?"

Cheng Sheng, who still had residual sweat on his forehead, shook his head. He was a little afraid to look at Zhang Chen's face, lowered his head and asked in a low voice, "Do you want to resign? I don't know why you agreed to me in the first place, but I know you don't." I like my current job, and I don’t have time to make music when I live with me.”

When he said these words, he muttered. On the TV, the football commentator of Central Five was as loud as if he had put a trumpet in his mouth. Zhang Chen could only vaguely hear the words "work" and "music", and he was inexplicably surprised. Looking sideways at Cheng Sheng, "What did you just say?"

Cheng Sheng stroked the sweaty bangs on his forehead, took a deep breath, and said, "Music or work, which one do you prefer?"

Zhang Chen kept staring at him, knowing that something was obviously wrong with him, but he didn't look like he was sick. He looked at Cheng Sheng numbly, but didn't answer him. Instead, Cheng Sheng became anxious at last, and grabbed the remote control in his hand to put it on the screen. Turning down the volume of the TV, I asked again: "Music or work, which one do you prefer?"

"Music, of course." Zhang Chen was still staring at Cheng Sheng's face. There were obvious sweat marks on his forehead, and his breathing rate was much faster than usual. When he spoke, he didn't look at him, and his eyelashes blinked.Zhang Chen looked at his trembling eyelashes, and suddenly said, "Cheng Sheng, if you have any problems that you can't solve, you should tell me."

After Cheng Sheng finished speaking, his head was still lowered, Zhang Chen still looked at his face, and continued to ask: "Are you looking for something that you don't even know?"

This time Cheng Sheng showed a very confused expression, but Zhang Chen then said: "Then it will be difficult for me to help you. Generally speaking, only you can find such things." After a pause for a few seconds, he spoke again: "But it's not necessarily true. Two people are better than one person."