this turbulent love

Chapter 22

Gu Yan was woken up by the ringing of his mobile phone. When he remembered where this place was, he hurriedly got up and looked at the bed in the health care room. The quilt on the bed was neatly folded.He couldn't help being disappointed for a while, he thought he could at least say a few words to Jian Mo.

He picked up the phone, it was Zhuang Qian and Fang Hui, of course he knew what the question was, but he didn't want to answer, so he had to be vague. Hearing his answer like that, they knew it was not a good answer, so they agreed Hurry up to hang up the phone while playing together during the summer vacation.Gu Yan hung up the phone, then looked at the empty health room, he had to smile wryly, he didn't even want to see his own face when he woke up, so he left regardless of his weak body?

He didn't want to stay in this health room for a moment, so he ran out of here quickly, at least not in this place.He never thought that he was already scared by Jian Mo as a pest, and he didn't even want to stay with him for a few more minutes.He felt that he was really like a fool, he had already hit the wall and he always liked to hit it upwards, thinking that it would be good to knock the wall open, but the fact was that he didn't mean it at all.

Jian Mo over there doesn't know how sad Gu Yan is now, because he is very complicated now, and he doesn't know what he should do.The moment he woke up and saw Gu Yan, his heart speeded up like never before. He couldn't ignore the sore and warm feeling in his heart. He hadn't had a good rest for several days. He called.

Recently, Xiaoqian's mood fluctuated a lot. From time to time, he would ask Jian Mo to accompany him to drink. Every time Jian Mo went, he would watch Yu Wenqian, who was opposite him, drunk, completely shameless, and then he would take him back every time. In Yu Wenqian's dormitory, after settling him down and then going back to work by himself, he actually felt very uncomfortable.

It was like this again last night, but it happened again and again, and Jian Mo knew the reason.He had no choice but to feel sad, because he knew exactly why Chu Xiaoqian lost his composure, and that person kept repeating like this, no, it should mean that person and Xiaoqian tortured each other repeatedly like this, heh, he just He could watch, but he didn't even have the strength to step in, and he didn't allow himself to do so.So he is stuck in this endless cycle year after year, as if to torture himself, he moves forward in joy and disappointment, he doesn't need to see the light, as long as he can move forward.This is his humble, dark feelings, so when Gu Yan appeared so brightly and liked him without any fear at all, he was jealous of Gu Yan, jealous of Gu Yan being able to live his life so carefree. want life.

But Jian Mo really found it difficult to repeatedly overthrow his original cognition like this.He always thought that as long as he could go on, there was still hope.But now if you know that if you go on, you will be doomed?All his self-righteous thoughts, all his good excuses for the other party, under the banner of silently guarding behind, standing behind pitifully and humblely, as if yearning for something all the time.

Oh, everything is bullshit.He became as if there was no bottom line, thinking that as long as he was strong, he could be hurt endlessly. He always thought that he could survive, and then he kept standing behind that person, even if he was regarded as the back, it didn't matter, let the person in front As long as you look back, you can see yourself and see the smile on your face.

But now he is really a little confused, so he stayed outside in one place for a long time that night. How to do it.He didn't get up slowly until the people on the street dispersed and there was no one there.It was already slightly bright, so he wrapped his body in clothes that had completely cooled off, and paced back in disorderly steps.

When he returned to the door of the dormitory, he already felt a little bit wrong. After he braced his body and took out the key to open the door, his vision blurred. He tried his best not to fall so hard, and then he could only watch The ground in front of him lost consciousness heavily.

When he woke up, he found that it wasn't his own room. He was startled when he turned his head to see Gu Yan. He saw Gu Yan's forehead hair soaked in sweat, sitting on a chair in an awkward sleeping position, and then the table There was still steaming food on the table, a lot flashed through his head at that moment, and Gu Yan's sentence contained too many emotions and heavy words.Just like that, while Gu Yan was still fast asleep, he quietly left.

Greeted the health nurse, told others not to enter Gu Yan's room, and went in after Gu Yan woke up and left. The health nurse agreed, and then instructed him to do some things. He nodded absent-mindedly, and then left the health room , he had to figure something out, he thought.

Jian Mo is a stubborn and strong person, from the fact that he has been insisting on what he likes for so long, and from liking an impossible person for so long.He doesn't allow flaws in his relationship, so he has never talked about his relationship with Yu Wenqian for so long. Even when Yu Wenqian was frustrated in his relationship, he just pretended to be a friend and supported him behind Yu Wenqian's back. support him.

The kind of relationship he wants may not need to be so intense or pure, he just hopes that the two people really like each other.His heart is really small, so small that there are only a few friends, and so small that he can only see one person in his feelings. If he wants to start a new life, or accept another person, he can only accept the person who originally lived in his heart. Completely cleared, he felt that this was a respect for feelings.The appearance of Gu Yan made him panic, because he knew that his heart would fluctuate because of Gu Yan. He didn't know when it started. He liked the days when Gu Yan was by his side more and more. Life is very relaxing.

But after knowing that Gu Yan liked him, he really wanted to escape.Because his heart couldn't squeeze another person, and that person, how could he exclude him just to let Gu Yan in?The guilt he felt made him unconsciously want to escape, and he found it very difficult.Then until he heard the name Xiaoqian said, and then he was taken care of by Gu Yan.The inheritance and transformation made it very difficult for him to turn.

He gradually learned not to show his emotions, not to let himself be seen through, he was afraid.But now that he thinks about it clearly, Gu Yan's exhausted figure appears in his mind. It's not that he hasn't thought about starting over, but he deeply feels that he is not the kind of person worthy of liking. He is afraid of taking that step, and then Disappointed, he admitted, probably he would be.

So before Gu Yan appeared, he was always like this, holding his own hidden feelings and not letting anyone touch him.But Gu Yan made him hesitate, and that hesitation really made him feel that he was unforgivable, and made him feel that he had tarnished his dignity, so he stopped evading and said those hurtful things.

Can he really start a new life?His thinking has been fixed, and he is a little unfamiliar with this kind of emotion.He felt that he probably really needed a brand new life instead of living in this world all the time.

But now he has the idea of ​​giving up, maybe Gu Yan really touched him and made him hesitate; maybe it's Xiaoqian's eyes telling him that it's really time for him to stop.After he let himself figure it out like this, many things became different.He never thought that he could just figure it out in such a natural way before, probably he had already made a decision when he sighed.

Now he wants to have a good talk with Gu Yan, although he thinks it would be strange, because they didn't have any interaction for two months after the confession was rejected, but he can't care much now, it seems that many things become blurred and unclear It was very clear that all he could think of was to find Gu Yan and tell him how he felt in his heart. Maybe he wasn't ready yet, but he wanted to give himself and the other party a chance.

By the time he rushed to the health room, Gu Yanren had long since disappeared.The health care teacher said that Gu Yan left soon, looking very depressed when he left.Of course he knows what's going on, although he can't let go of it completely, but it doesn't mean he wants to miss it, give him time, he will do his best.He couldn't help but quicken his pace, wanting to find Gu Yan.

It wasn't until this time that Jian Mo realized that he didn't even know Gu Yan's dormitory, and never even cared about the building of his dormitory.Only now did he realize what a desperate environment he had given Gu Yan, and how long had Gu Yan been walking around with some emotion in such a situation where he couldn't see it.Bit by bit of sadness rose in his heart, he wanted to treat Gu Yan better, but Gu Yan didn't know if he could still accept him.Because even he himself felt that his personality was bad and dull to a certain level, and he was even more unsure what the result would be after such rejection and heartlessness in twos and threes.But at this moment, he wanted to treat Gu Yan well, he wanted Gu Yan to be happy, and he didn't want Gu Yan to be like himself. He only realized after wandering alone for so long that he had never turned around to look at the people behind him.

He searched aimlessly like this for a long time, but it had no effect at all. It was as if Gu Yan had never been here before. He went to the places he thought Gu Yan would go, but those places were not there.There were men and women carrying luggage loosely and relaxedly on the road. Jian Mo saw their luggage and remembered that they had been on vacation one after another recently.He didn't know if Gu Yan was also on vacation, so he was even more confused. He thought, maybe he had done too badly, so even if he looked like an ant on a hot pot now, there was no better way to do it. There is indeed no way.

Jian Mo's phone rang at this moment, he didn't think of it until he saw the phone, he glanced at the call notification on it, hung up the phone decisively, and dialed Gu Yan's number.

The person over there seemed to hesitate for a long time before answering the phone.The moment he got connected, Jian Mo asked Gu Yan to tell him the location of his dormitory, and before Gu Yan could say anything, he hung up the phone and started walking quickly towards Gu Yan's dormitory.

Listening to the wind whistling in his ears, Jian Mo imagined what his expression would be when he saw Gu Yan later.He couldn't imagine that the first time he did something like chasing someone, he was probably like a young boy.

When they reached Gu Yan's dormitory, the aunt downstairs stopped Jian Mo. She had never seen this boy before, because Jian Mo was so conspicuous, so it was almost impossible for him to forget.Jian Mo was not very irritable when his aunt stopped him. He called the teacher, and after asking his aunt to talk to the teacher, he went upstairs like this.

When they got to Gu Yan's floor, the boys who knew him all looked at Jian Mo in surprise.Jian Mo didn't have time to pay attention to them, he only wanted to see that person now.

He thought, he'd make it clear, hopefully, before it was too late.

The author has something to say: Uh... what is waiting for a high-level trial?

I haven't written h yet... hey.