What happened to Isaac?

It was a night in early autumn, and the hourly bells of the church not far away echoed in the night.When Isaac returned home from work, he put on his old coat, and suddenly there was a sound of fluttering wings behind his head, and several seabirds circled low on the sea.It's going to rain.His bones seemed to be soaked in water, and the fine pain was like needles piercing into the joints.

When Isaac got home, the house was dark.Xavier was not at home, only left a note explaining that he was going out, and he didn't know where he went.He opened a bottle of wine, raised his head and took a sip, sat down to rest for a long time before getting up and taking off his coat, and started to get himself something to eat.

Although Isaac always threatened to starve Xavier to death, he never did.So he still prepared Xavier's dinner today-even though it was cold and no one enjoyed it.

At eight o'clock in the evening, he reheated dinner and began to worry a little.But thinking that Xavier looked poor as hell and had nothing to worry about, he swallowed his heart back.

Isaac fell back on the bed and took another sip of his wine.

**

When it was almost midnight, there was finally the sound of the door opening.

Xavier stepped into the door shortly, took off his coat, his eyes fell on the steaming dishes, and he hesitated for a while before walking into the bedroom.He frowned when he saw Isaac paralyzed on the bed and two empty wine bottles at his feet.

"Look, who is this busy person coming home?" Isaac said eccentrically.He shook the bottle, then suddenly stretched his neck and leaned over, as if he wanted to take a sip from Xavier, he took a deep breath, "Oh, you went to see a woman?"

"No," said Xavier, "it's a banquet."

"Those gentlemen and wives don't think you are poor? ... Where did your clothes come from?"

"The duke who told you last time gave it to you," Xavier reached out to take the bottle from Isaac's hand, "don't drink it."

"What are you doing?" Isaac raised his hand to avoid it, and glared at him with drunken eyes, "is it your turn to take care of me?"

Xavier was silent for a while, then changed the subject: "Why did you wait until now?"

"Wait for you to eat, bastard."

"……I've eaten."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm afraid you won't understand what I wrote."

"You're the only fucking educated!" Isaac got angry without warning, stood up as if he was going to hit Xavier with a wine bottle, and suddenly fell back on the bed with an "ouch".

Xavier was startled, and was about to help him, but was slapped away by Isaac.

"What's wrong with you, low back pain?" Xavier said, "Let me rub it for you, Isaac."

"...No need! I'm going to sleep."

As he spoke, Isaac drank the wine, stuffed the empty bottle into Xavier's arms, and pulled up the quilt to cover his head.

Xavier took great pains to dig Isaac out of the quilt, and said in a word: "Isaac, you need to see a doctor."

"No need! It's as if the family has a lot of money."

"Don't worry about the money." Xavier said, took out a wallet from the inner pocket, and stuffed it into Isaac's hand. Isaac was startled by the heavy weight.

He got up quickly, took the money out of the bag, counted it, and asked tremblingly, "Who did you steal?"

Xavier burst out laughing: "It's serious money. The duke gave it to me."

"Fart! Who would send you so much money for no reason?"

"Not for nothing. I'm going to London."

Isaac's eyes widened and he woke up immediately.

"……what are you going to do?"

"Be his secretary."

"But London! . . . so far away!" said Isaac. "When will you come back?"

"Come back once a year."

Isaac was stunned for a moment, and then asked again: "You usually don't leave the gate, why do you suddenly want to go to such a far place?"

Xavier sighed: "Don't you always expect me to go out and do things?"

"This..." Isaac asked, "When are you leaving?"

"At the end of the month. This year's Christmas, it is very likely that I will not come back."

**

Xavier has not slept with Isaac for a long time. When he was 15 years old, Isaac helped him lead a hammock beside him.But tonight, he groped and lay next to Isaac in the middle of the night, the two of them huddled together, and Isaac didn't say anything.

"Will you miss me?" Xavier asked.

"So what? You have to go anyway."

"I will come back to see you when I have a chance, and send money every month. When I have a stable income and a place to live, I will take you to London."

"Silly boy, maybe one day you will be rich and rich and you will forget about me! Don't give me such expectations. You can live your own life, as for me, it will be like this for the rest of my life."

"How can you say that? How can I be that kind of person?" Xavier argued.However, only a shallow snoring sound responded to him.

Isaac's breath smelled of alcohol, and his lips were wet. For some reason, Xavier suddenly felt very unhappy seeing his defenseless appearance, and wiped his mouth vigorously with the back of his hand——Isaac Woke up by this rough action, opened his misty eyes, picked up Xavier's hand with a smile, touched the back of his hand ambiguously, maybe mistook Xavier for some woman, and suddenly kissed Xavier loudly Yes, it gave Xavier a big jump.

Isaac muttered other people's names vaguely, closed his eyes, and fell asleep again.

Xavier froze for a moment, almost wanting to kick him.But in the end he also rolled up the pillow and quilt and went back to the hammock, where he tossed and turned all night, the hammock creaking with his movements.

After Xavier fell asleep, Isaac raised his eyelids, stared fixedly at the figure on the hammock, and sighed.

**

Before leaving, Isaac helped Xavier carry the luggage onto the boat, and hurried back to do his own business.

Standing on the deck, Xavier saw Isaac carrying a wooden box in the scorching sun from afar, his light-colored trouser waist was stained with sweat; his messy red hair was tied back shortly, exposing the nape of his neck.Even if there is only such a back, and across such a long distance, Xavier seems to be able to hear his humid and heavy breathing.

When the ship whistle roared, Isaac subconsciously followed the sound and saw Xavier leaning on the railing on the deck.He paused and raised his hand to say hello, when he suddenly saw the well-dressed old man behind Xavier—it must be the duke, so Isaac hung his hand in the air, pretending to raise his hand to wipe his sweat, and then turned around silently ,Farther.

"Do you know that boatman?" the old man asked Xavier. "He seems to want to say hello to you."

Xavier was silent for a while and said, "It's too far away to see clearly. Maybe it's a believer who often goes to church."

"Oh, yes, I remember . . . have you ever been a priest? Poor people must be hard to deal with. But it's all right, you won't have to cater to them anymore."

Xavier smiled and nodded, his hands on the railing were clasped together, his knuckles turned white.

He always thought of that day afterwards, of Isaac's rolled-up sleeves, his muscular arms, and the wheat-colored skin typical of dock workers. For some reason, he dared not admit that this was his adoptive father.Maybe knowledge really turned him into a guy with a bit of arrogance and low self-esteem, but can he preserve his sensitive self-esteem by denying his origin?

As a lowly country bumpkin from Liverpool, London was destined to make him feel sad.Although the Duke trusted Xavier more and more - from the beginning he only asked him to help polish the letter to write it entirely by him, Xavier's status has not changed fundamentally. He usually wears the clothes of a servant and lives with the servant Children, and even be squeezed out by these domestic servants from the city.

Every month he sent some money and a short message to Isaac, and sometimes he would receive replies in different handwritings, obviously unable to read or write. Isaac asked other people to do it for him; Isaac once emphasized that he wrote the beginning and signature of the reply letter by himself, and the rough and naive handwriting seems very serious.Every time something goes wrong, Xavier takes out these letters and reads the mediocre questions and other unnutritious trifles, as if he was back at the pier again.

Maybe it's been too long since I saw him. In Xavier's impression, Isaac himself has never been so rambling like his letter.He felt that Isaac missed him very much, although he never mentioned it in the letter.

"Can you listen to me?" Xavier asked a servant who knew him well, and then read the letter to him. The content is as follows:

Xavier:

Are you OK?You are sending more and more money, what's going on?You should keep some on yourself, don't keep thinking about me.Don't really forget me either.How are you doing?Is someone bullying you?Forget it, don't tell me, I'm afraid it will make me sad.No, no, you better tell me.

Yours, Isaac.

His friend smacked his lips after hearing this: "It's normal. If I have to say it, I think you miss her so much. Why, who is this person, your wife in your hometown?"

"nonsense!"

Xavier accepted the letter with a "snap" and left without saying a word.

**

In the blink of an eye, three years later, Xavier has grown into a young man. Because he often associates with high-class people with the Duke, some ladies even secretly admire him, and the worst among them is the Duke's youngest daughter.

She said, "What's on your mind? I really want to smooth your brow."

She is beautiful, Xavier has to admit, but apart from appreciation and friendliness, she seems to be short of something that makes people feel hot, as they say: love.

He knew that if he became the Duke's son-in-law, it would be absolutely harmless—the little love that is missing is not worth mentioning in a long life.Although settling in London means basically never returning to Liverpool, the choice is not difficult.How can a poor adoptive father compare to a future?

As obvious as it is, Xavier is caught in a dilemma.

When he came back to his senses, the small door of the confession room had already been pushed open, and the priest sat behind the curtain, ready to listen to him.

Xavier was silent for a while, then said, "I'm sick."

"I'm sick, Father. I'm afraid no one will cure me, because I've got a strange paranoia... I think about a person very often, and often seem to see his shadow in the crowd. I don't like society The wise man is all because of him, this ignorant, unbelieving, savage man, always lingers in my heart, and I don't know why."

"Is this love?"

Xavier was silent for a moment, and gave the priest a strange look: "No, no. How is it possible?"

"But you want to escape the right marriage and go back to him."

Xavier was silent.

**

"Oh, how can you ask such a question?" An angel approached anxiously, "If you directly ask the British what they like or not, how could he tell you?"

Sure enough, Xavier didn't even wait for the priest to read the scriptures and tell him that he was forgiven, and quickly found a poor excuse to escape.

Stepping out of the church gate, Xavier squinted his eyes due to the bitter cold wind. He put his hands around his mouth and took a deep breath, which sounded like a sigh.